remus lupin is finally at peace. (moonstricken) wrote in blurred_lines, @ 2009-05-08 22:16:00 |
|
|||
The silence in the room was nearly deafening. There were so many things that Marlene wanted to say, things that she wasn't going to get another chance to, but nothing was coming out. She didn't have the energy any more. She was in pain, and bloody, and exhausted, and it was only going to get worse. Marlene could tell by the way that the shadows were falling and how dark it was outside that the sun had nearly set. Maybe the window was facing the opposite direction, and the sun was setting to her back. That's why it was getting dark so soon. The thought was reassuring for a split second, until she realised that only meant that the moon would be rising right in front of her. It probably didn't have an effect on the actual transformation anyway, but the logistics of it all did nothing to help ease Marlene's nerves. Maybe it would be too dark to see once it actually happened. He'd change, and he'd come at her through the darkness, all teeth and claws and fur, and it would hurt for those last few moments until it was over, and that would be that. Marlene didn't want it to be over. As much as she'd tried to prepare herself for the inevitable, as much as a person could convince themselves that they were going to die and that was it, as many people as she'd lost and no matter how tired she was of fighting, she didn't want to die. She was scared that it would hurt, scared of everything she didn't know, scared for the people she was leaving behind, and scared that there wasn't anything after this. Maybe people just stopped. Maybe there wasn't an afterlife, maybe there wasn't some "other side" where everyone she'd lost would be waiting for her. Maybe this was it forever. She was so cold; her body was shivering, and she wasn't sure if it was from injury or fear. God, she wasn't even twenty yet. She hadn't even made it an entire two decades. Who was going to take care of her dogs, or water the plants? Who was going to remember all the things about her family that only she knew, or remember all the ridiculous dates to everything? Suddenly a short laugh cut out of the silence. "You know," Marlene noted slowly, her voice wavering slightly as she blinked away the tears that were beginning to fill up her eyes once again. "It's the anniversary of our first date tomorrow." He had given up. There was no more fight in him left. All Remus could do was breathe, slowly -- in and out, in and out -- and concentrate solely on that. He didn't want to think about anything else. His head was hanging down and his eyes were closed, unable to bring himself to look at Marlene again. He hadn't even looked at her for the past few hours. If he did... he was afraid of what he would see. Tears? Fear? Whatever he saw would be because of him, and he would rather not know. He would rather remember her smiling than looking at him with terror in her eyes, even if he was going to die shortly after he killed her... God. Why did it have to end like this? He was trying to make his mind numb, blank to everything but the pain of the silver still pressed against his skin; it only felt like a dull throb, now, angry thin stripes of seared skin left everywhere the silver wire touched him. He was tired, dehydrated, and hungry... which he knew would only agitate the wolf more. The sound of Marlene's laughed surprised him, and he jumped in his seat, hissing when the ropes rubbed against his skin from the movement. He looked at her, having been dragged out of his thoughts -- which was for the best, as he was thinking about the very things he didn't want to think about. "Oh." Their anniversary of their first date. He hadn't even remembered what day it had been. They hadn't even been married for a year... Remus closed his eyes again. "I'm sorry." "No, don't be. It was fun. We had candy floss." She glanced up at him, her hair getting in the way, matted to her forehead and cheeks with tears and and dried blood. He couldn't even look at her anymore. She didn't blame him. Marlene was sure it wasn't a pleasant sight. "And then we stole that damn peacock. I don't regret it for a second." She paused and swallowed hard, shifting in her chair, trying to relieve some of the pressure that was on her arms. "Remus, can -- I just need you to keep talking to me, okay? About anything; it doesn't matter;" she said, her voice finally cracking. She cleared her throat and took a few more deep breaths, not wanting to start sobbing again. It wasn't worth it. "It's gonna be okay." How could she stay so calm? She was strong. So much stronger than he was. Remus didn't understand how she did it, and he wished that he could be that strong, too -- but he was already breaking. He knew he was. Every word she spoke only sparked memories of their time together over the past year, and he couldn't understand how it had all led up to this. Nothing was going to be okay. He didn't know what to talk about, but how could he deny her anything, considering what he would be doing to her when the full moon rose? But when he opened his mouth to speak, Remus found all he could do was keep apologising. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I don't want to kill you." His voice cracked as he spoke, tears spilling down his face. "I knew I was dangerous... I tried so hard to be safe, I tried to keep it separate... I'm so, so sorry." That... wasn't exactly what Marlene had meant when she'd told him to pick a topic. Her heart was breaking more and more with each of his sobs, and she wanted more than anything to be able to at least hold him or be SOME sort of comfort for those last few minutes. She would die no matter where she was in the room; she would never actually touch him again. Not him. "I know. I know; it's not your fault, it's not, I promise. You didn't... it's not your fault." It wasn't. It was Marius and Tabitha's fault, and Fenrir Greyback's fault for biting him in the first place, and her own fault for being stupid enough to believe that it would be okay for her to go into Diagon alone after everything that had just happened in the last week. "You did everything you could," she promised, still trying to keep her tone even despite the tears that were falling. "Maybe I'll... maybe you'll know it's me, and you'll be able to control it and if you just bite me and if I don't," die before the sun comes up tomorrow, "then you won't have to be alone on the full any more and it'll be okay, it's okay, it's not your fault." She was crying intensely now, barely able to catch her breath between sobs. Marlene knew it wouldn't happen. She didn't want it to happen; she didn't want to be a werewolf either, but it was a better thought than knowing seconds were ticking by until her death, that she hardly had any time left to live, even if it was like that. They'd both be killed in the morning anyway even if she managed to live through the night. Remus felt pathetic. He wasn't the one about to be savaged by a werewolf, yet he'd been the first one to break down, and Marlene was the one trying to comfort him when it should be the other way around. He had tried so hard to be strong for her, but he just couldn't do it anymore. It was too much, and the events from the nightmare he had that night kept replaying in his head over and over again. The sickest part was that he knew the wolf would enjoy doing it, and it made him feel ill. Turning her into a werewolf... Remus didn't know if he could live with himself if he did that to her. He leaned his head back, trying to take several slow, deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself down. The movement only reminded him of the silver binding him, and then... with a look of realisation, he knew there was another way out of this. If the silver entered his bloodstream, he could end it before the full moon rose. "... I'm not going to turn you into a werewolf. I can't do that to you." What other choice did they have? "Yes you can," Marlene replied simply, as if the concept was so matter of fact and easy that it wouldn't have absolutely detrimental effects on them both. That's all there was left; they didn't have any other options. Oh god, she was going to be sick; she was on the verge of fucking pleading with him to at least try to make her into a werewolf instead of flat out killing her. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to think of anything else that might even possibly work, but couldn't think of a thing. Her head was aching and she was hungry and needed to go to the bathroom and she just wanted Remus to lie to her and tell her it was going to be okay even though she knew it was impossible. When she opened her eyes again it seemed darker in the basement; she could barely see across the room to where Remus was tied up, let alone as to if there was anything she could use to get loose. Oh god, she was really going to die. This was really happening. They hadn't even lived in their house for a month. She was never going to get to have kids. She had known all along that Remus didn't want to, but now even the chance wouldn't be there. "Remember... remember after we got married, and we just went around collecting cake samples, and then Sirius threw some at Pete and then there was cake everywhere? I thought that woman at the bakery was going to blow smoke out her ears. That was a good day." She didn't want to think about what was happening anymore. She wanted to remember the stuff that was worth it. She wanted to make sure that Remus knew that Marlene thought that all of it was worth it. He smiled sadly at the memory -- and Remus was glad he actually even had the memory of getting married to remember. "Yeah. It was a good day. I wish we could do it again..." he murmured softly, looking at her from across the room. "We have a lot of good memories. I'm really glad I got to share them with you." He was scared. He was terrified, but any alternative was preferable to this. "Marlene... we're running out of time. I think I can make this easier for you. If I can get the silver into my blood... then I can end it right now. I don't know what Marius and Pryce will do to you. I can't control myself as a werewolf, I won't be able to hold myself back to just... to just bite you." His heart was racing, beating rapidly in his chest with every word he spoke. He didn't want to die... but he didn't want to kill someone he loved. "No. No fucking way," Marlene glared at him, her eyes wide and terrified, the expression on her face likely masked by darkness of the room. She wasn't going to just sit here and let him kill himself, whether he was a few minutes from turning into a werewolf or not; whether or not he was only a few minutes from killing her. "Remus, no. Don't, they... they'll kill me anyway, they'll make it so fucking painful and they might not even do that; they'll take me and'll give me to Fenrir or something and-" And that was something that her brain couldn't process. They both knew what he'd do. She was sobbing in deep, heaving gasps, her struggling against the ropes somehow reenergized even though she still hurt everywhere. "You can't, you can't do that, they won't... they'll do it anyway, they'll just fuck with me for a month if they don't kill me and they'll do it anyway and... it's alright, it's alright, it's fine, I'm not..." She wanted to say "not scared," but she couldn't lie about that. She was scared; she was petrified, but the thought of what would happen if they came back the next morning with Remus dead and her still alive terrified her behind comprehension. "You know they'll do that; they said it before, they said..." she sobbed, crying hard enough to make her words barely intelligible in her hysterics. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Remus was apologising immediately, regretting even suggesting the idea. Of course it was a bad idea. He'd be abandoning her, and leave her all alone to face them in the morning... what was he thinking? "It's alright. It's going to be alright -- I won't let them hurt you. I won't let them give you to Greyback. I'll stay with you." He just had to accept it. He had to accept the responsibility of killing his wife so that she wouldn't suffer even more at the hands of their captors in the morning. Tears were rolling down his cheeks again, but he kept speaking -- it was his turn to comfort her now, to calm her down... maybe he could even make her laugh one last time, and he hated thinking about things in such a finite way, but that's the way things were. "I'm so sorry. ... I love you. Do you remember our trip to Amsterdam? I think I spent most of the trip being nervous. All I could think about was how to propose to you the entire time." Marlene was still sobbing as Remus spoke, nearly hyperventilating herself into a complete panic, tugging so hard at the ropes that she nearly flipped the chair forward onto her face. She couldn't do this. There wasn't a point in trying to be strong any more, and she couldn't pretend that she was merely for show. This was it. "Yeah. And the... and we bought those waffles from the cart and we... when we got back the door to our room was still open when you proposed and it didn't matter because I was so, so excited and... god, our server at the bar was high." Another short laugh followed by a steady stream of tears. It was impossible to keep focused. She wondered what part of her he'd go for first once he turned. Pryce always went for her shoulders. "My uh... my stuff is all in the third drawer in the closet, and um..." Marlene was talking to the listening device now more than Remus, hoping that someone would hear this, and would turn it off once Remus changed. She could barely make him out from across the room now. Could he still see her? Did they have better night vision or something? Marlene sniffed back her tears, not even bothering to try to calm her breathing down any more. At least she was still able to breathe. "There's a... a list of what all the plants are in the back yard so some... Frank probably will be able to know what's useful and what's not and make sure that someone takes care of Sammie... and..." She didn't know what else to say. "I love you, Remus." Remus sat in silence as he listened to Marlene sob and struggle in her chair, and he knew it was all because of him, and he hated himself, hated all werewolves. What good have they ever done anyone? The only thing a werewolf knew was how to destroy, to ruin, to kill. Even with all the opportunities he had been given -- an education, friends, a life, a home... even with all these things, he was still going to become a murderer, in the end. And it wasn't even a Death Eater he was going to kill. He didn't want to hear her give instructions to someone listening on the other end of the device of what to do after he killed her. They had all been right. A werewolf couldn't escape its true nature, no matter how hard they tried. He couldn't think of anything else to say -- what more could he? He would never be able to apologise enough to Marlene for this. Nothing he could say would make the situation better. Remus shuttered involuntarily in his chair, closing his eyes. It wouldn't be long, now -- and then it would all be over. Marlene tried to stifle her sobs with a few deep gasps, feeling horrible about letting Remus hear how afraid she was, but long past being able to get herself back under control. He wouldn't be able to tell her cries apart from any other sounds in a few minutes. It didn't matter. "Remus, keep talking to me please, I don't want to..." It didn't matter what she wanted and what she didn't want, not really. Remus transforming into a werewolf and her own screams were going to be the last things she'd ever hear. Her thoughts were interrupted for a moment when a sharp thud cracked against the basement window, shrieking as her head jerked up toward the space on the wall, eyes wide with terror. "What the fuck, are they out there too?" she asked shrilly, unable to comprehend why they would be. It's not like they could escape; they'd made that completely impossible. "Oh my god. Okay. Okay okay. Remus, do you... do you remember when we..." she trailed off, her breathing short and terrified. She couldn't think of anything that had happened in the past; her thoughts were entirely consumed by the future that was moments from falling into their present. "I love you Remus. It's okay. It's going to be okay. I'm going to... I'll be waiting for you, alright? We'll be okay." James had the listening device up to his ear and his foot hurt from how many fucking basement windows he'd kicked, but right after he'd kicked Marlene had said something. He kicked again. Shit, he didn't want to scare them and who knows if what she'd heard was him or if it was Marius coming back. He kicked in a rhythm this time, an old Gryffindor Quidditch chant that ought to tip them off of this was the right one. He'd already had a few close calls when Marlene or Remus would gasp at just the right moment and he didn't want to waste the time of breaking into yet another house on a false alarm. Sirius was racing around another neighbourhood without even the benefit of the listening device just hoping his keen hearing would be enough. Kick--Kick--Kickkick--kick--kick-----kic "Oh godddd I think I am hearing shit now," Marlene groaned pathetically, resting her head back and looking up at the ceiling. There were things in the walls playing Quidditch songs. Not only was she going to die, she was going to die after being reminded that she'd never made the Quidditch team. "Remember that Quidditch game at the beginning of sixth year when we were really ahead in quaffle goals but the Hufflepuff team was almost at the snitch, and it was like the first time that Joey Jenkins ever caught the snitch in his life but it didn't matter because James and Harlan both managed to get two goals right at the last second and so even though they caught the snitch we won because we were 10 points ahead on goals, and I jumped up and cheered and accidentally spilled all my soda on your head? I'm sorry about that now, I don't think I ever apologised about that, I think I just laughed and said whoops or something, I'm sorry." She was talking extremely fast, wanting to have enough time to remember everything and knowing that there just wasn't time anymore. Her entire body was trembling, wishing they knew what time it was so that they knew how much longer they'd have, but also somewhat relieved that she wasn't spending her last few minutes alive staring at a clock, wishing for more time. Quidditch. She had heard, even if she didn't know what she was hearing. James took out his wand and cast a spell checking charm on the window. It would be a fucking tight fit... Shit. It was getting so late, there wasn't time to mess around with wards, and there were several guarding the house. He raced around to the front door and checked it. It was locked and warded but James had had plenty of experience with this type of spell and Marius hadn't bothered putting much up since he hadn't thought anyone could find them. As soon as he managed to get the door open he grabbed his journal and scribbled a messy message to Sirius about his location before running into the house and opening door after door until he found a door that wouldn't open and had to lead to the basement. "Marly! Remus! Just hold on-- We're coming for you!" More wards, more fucking wasted time-- but finally he was through and racing down the stairs. Remus could hardly believe what he was hearing was real. Had James actually found them? He didn't want to get his hopes up. Maybe his mind was starting to play tricks on him. Maybe he was hearing things. But when James managed to get the door open -- there was no mistaking it. They had been found. He was still human and Marlene was still alive and James had found them. "Oh, thank Merlin, thank Merlin -- James, hurry, please, get Marlene out, it's almost time, please just get her out of here!" He was nearly sobbing with relief; he couldn't believe it. She was going to be safe. He didn't know what was going to happen to him, but at least she was going to escape and he wouldn't be forced to kill her. Marlene had been terrified when she'd first heard the footsteps above them: Had the people who lived in the house come back? Was Tabitha back to transform as well so that they would be sure she was extra dead in the morning? As soon as she heard James yelling from upstairs, though, she nearly began sobbing out of happiness. They were going to get out of there. "Oh my god James I love you so much right now, hurry hurry hurry hurry," Marlene practically squealed at him. "It worked, the listening device worked, oh my god I am SO fucking glad that it worked." It killed James not to go straight for Remus since protecting Remus came so easily to him after all the practise but he understood all too well that right now it was get Marly out of this fucking house time. He had no idea what time it was, only that it was fucking late and that if he could just get Marlene upstairs he could come back down and deal with Remus however. It didn't take him long to cut through Marlene's bindings with magic and he scooped her into his arms immediately. "Sorry Mars," he whispered as he held her tightly despite her injuries. He had heard everything and he had no doubt that he'd be having nightmares about this for the next year, but there wasn't time to dwell on it just now. He could be afraid later. He heard a shuffling upstairs and Sirius's voice echoed down. "I'll be right back Moony," James insisted. "Right back for you." Marlene nearly collapsed to the ground as soon as the binds tying her to the chair were cut, not able to support her own weight after two days of being held up and sustaining the torture Marius and Tabitha had put her through. She was clinging to James has tightly as she could, refusing to let go until they were out of there. "It's alright," she promised James, torn between being wide awake from the adrenalin pumping through her system and passing out from pure exhaustion. "Don't leave him here. They're coming back in the morning." With that, she broke down again, sobbing into James's shoulder. Sirius was waiting upstairs and James handed Marlene over to him, kissing the back of her head before leaning around so she could see him. "I won't let anything happen to him Mars. I swear." He looked at Sirius. "Take her back to our place, Pads. Hestia and Bethie are up to their ears with the wounded and Lily can take care of her. I'm fine with Moony. I'll sit on him if I have to." He knew Sirius wasn't going to be happy about it but he took off back down the stairs before his friend could object. There was no time... There was no where to go. The shack-- Godric's hollow-- Remus's house-- James wasn't sure of the wards-- He slammed the door to the basement behind him and started casting ward after ward after ward. If Remus got loose in a muggle neighbourhood and killed someone it was going to be James's fault. One more ward. "It should hold," he said, as he managed to get down the stairs in in only three strides. "Holy shit--" He'd heard them mention silver but James had been so set on finding Marlene and Remus that he hadn't allowed himself to focus on their torture but now that he could see what the rope had done to Remus he felt himself gag. It had burnt-- James looked down, away from Remus, as he started casting spells to get the ropes off of him. It was the most he could hope to do before his friend transformed. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," Remus says saying, over and over again, even as James began to try and get the ropes off of him. It felt as if the silver was sticking to his skin as they peeled away, leaving behind several dark red welts on his skin behind. God, it hurt -- but once they were off Remus felt like he could breathe again, and he tried to stand but ended up just collapsing onto the floor ungracefully, lying on his back. The cool concrete of the floor felt good, and all he wanted to do was lay there until it was all over. Unfortunately, that wasn't up to him. He was too tired to give a damn if James watched him transform. "It's almost time. You should--" he tried to warn James to transform into his stag form, but he was cut short with a moan of pain; it was already starting. The pain of it only seemed to flare up the rest of his injures, making the whole transformation feel ten times worse than usual. He was glad, at least, that he didn't have to experience it with the silver still around him. Even so, when the transformation was over -- it had seemed like it would never end, excruciating pain enveloping him everywhere -- many of his injuries were bleeding again, and the wolf lay on the floor for a few moments, panting. James wasn't a fan of watching Remus transform and it was even worse when his friend was already in pain. Still, he knew better than to stay in James form around a werewolf (even a hurt werewolf) and he transformed himself into Prongs as soon as Remus showed the first signs of the change. He waited until it was over, his animal nose stinging from the smell of blood in the air, and walked over to where the silver rope lay on the floor, nudging it under the stairs so Moony wouldn't hurt himself. Then he hesitantly walked over to Moony and prodded the wolf's foot with his nose. Are you okay? The wolf's paw jerked away from Prongs' nudge, startled, and he quickly struggled to his feet. There was pain, pain everywhere, and the smell of blood and some of it was his and some of it belonged to humans and he was so, so hungry. He was favouring his front right paw, whining softly when he put pressure on it. He bent his head down and licked his paw, whining again from hunger at the taste of the blood. He was aware of another creature in the room, barely recognising the stag as one of his own -- his stomach growled, and then he growled, teeth bared and licking his lips. He ignored the pain in his paw and lunged for the stag, jaws open wide. Prongs had been watching Moony warily but he was not expecting the attack to be so sudden. It threw him backward and he kicked hard, falling in his haste to get away and leaving his side open for the wolf's jaws. His antlers were long enough to reach Moony though and Prongs shook his head roughly from side to side. They met resistance so James knew that he was scratching him. It was awful because his friend was hurt and the last thing James wanted to do was injure him more but he wasn't about to let himself become a chew toy for an angry werewolf. That would be stupid. He struggled to his feet despite Moony's hold on him and he lowered his antlers and shook them violently in warning. I will stab you. Moony backed away, crouched low to the ground, snarling when James threatened him with his antlers. His ears were pressed back flat against his head, disappointed at missing the opportunity he'd been given to sink his claws into the stag's belly. Maybe if he could knock him over again -- he began to walk around James, circling him, trying to find an open spot that he could try for which wouldn't end with antlers jabbing into him. Hungry hungry hungry was the only thing Moony could think, and then he tried to leap at Prongs again, going in low to lunge up at his throat. James lowered his head and let his antler intercept Moony, cringing as he heard a sharp snap. Well shit. It was the fucking antler that Moony had broken off a year ago, damn it. And with only one antler it was going to be a fucklot harder to defend himself. Irritably he gored at the wolf, fully intending to jab the fucker hard enough to drive him back. Instincts were stronger in Prongs than they'd ever be in James and when the stag wanted someone to back off they better back the fuck off. He reared up slightly and kicked out with one of his pointed hooves. Back off. The wolf scrambled to avoid Prongs' hooves, stumbling over the fallen antler. There wasn't enough room down here to attack him properly, and he wished he was outside... but right now, food was more important. And he could take on just one deer. With only one antler left, Prongs was more vulnerable -- and Moony darted off to the side and jumped at Prongs again, slamming into his side. He latched on with his claws, jaws snapping, trying to grab hold of the first bit of flesh he could; unfortunately, he only caught James' ear, but he clamped his teeth down on the soft skin there and shook his head violently, tearing away a part of the ear. Prongs knew another attack was coming but Moony managed to get around to his left and onto his back before he could stop him. His antlers were always his first line of defense and without them he didn't have much left except his weight. He hesitated for a moment but then Moony ripped off a chunk of his ear and between the pain and irritation Prongs rolled hard. He landed on Moony and he let his full stag weight pin him to the ground. With his deer teeth he stretched forward and bit down hard on Moony's thigh. That would show him. Suddenly, Moony found himself on his back, crushed under Prongs' weight, and he yelped loudly, squirming and clawing at everything he could reach, trying to free himself. He began to yowl and whine, snapping his jaws wildly at Prongs and biting into his own paws. He needed to get out! He had to get outside, he could hunt other prey, there would be more animals out there, or the humans that had left some of their sweet blood behind in this room, anything. James didn't know what to do. He didn't want to hurt Moony but he didn't want Moony ripping him to shreds either. He rolled off of him and retreated to under the stairs. He turned so his antler side was pointing out threateningly. It was the best he could do. If Moony started turning on himself then James would figure something else out but until then he was hoping to keep his other ear in tact. As soon as James got up, Moony was back on his feet again, darting for the stairs -- he was halfway up before the spell James had cast earlier kicked in, and the steps flattened beneath his paws. He slipped back down, tumbling when he reached the floor. Body aching, he slowly stood back up and tried again -- but the stairs remained flat, and he couldn't find any place to get good footing so he could climb up. And he was exhausting himself trying to get out, and he knew he couldn't hold his own in a fight with the stag now. He whined and circled the room, limping and favouring his right paw again, tail tucked between his legs. There was no way out and he was tired and hungry and so he collapsed down onto the floor, laying on his side so he could lazily lick the blood on the floor where Marlene had once been. At least it was enough to dull the edge. By the time the sun began to rise, Moony was snoring, tongue hanging out the side of his mouth as he slept when the transformation back into a human began. Again, the process was more painful than usual -- he clawed and bit at himself during, and once Remus was human again, he was barely awake. He tried to sit up, but his muscles refused to move, and this time he whimpered a much more human sound before his eyes rolled back into his head and he slipped blissfully into unconsciousness. James had fallen asleep as well but at the first sign of Moony turning back into Remus his ears perked up. He didn't dare chance transforming until Remus was completely himself, but as soon as he was, he didn't bother covering him or anything, he had a hold of him and he practically raced up the stairs so he'd be in a better position for Apparating. The disappeared with a light pop and reappeared on the back porch of James's cottage. Carefully he laid Remus down on the padded wicker sofa and covered him with a blanket that was laying there. He didn't want to move him any more than he had to before he was healed up. "Lils, Marly, Sirius, we're back," he called into the house. He dropped to his knees next to his friend and took out his wand. It was going to be a long fucking morning. |