Severus Snape is tired of the lies. (fortiscadere) wrote in blurred_lines, @ 2009-02-24 21:17:00 |
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Agatha paced back and forth across her study, pausing on every second lap to look at the flowers Severus had sent. She knew what they meant - hyacinths for forgiveness - but she wasn't entirely sure she was quite ready to forgive yet. It had been an innocent enough question after all and not a particularly urgent one... well, not really. If he was busy, why had he just waited until he was done to answer? And how did he expect her to react when there was suddenly blood smeared all over her journal? Especially after what had happened to Mr Lestrange's library. She paused in front of the flowers again and touched one of them gently with one finger. Still... they were awfully lovely flowers and he had sort of apologised in the note. No. He had been horribly rude and nasty and she wasn't going to let him off the hook that easily. Sarah had once said after Eddie had done something wrong that you have to make men grovel a little before forgiving them or they'll think they can get away with it all the time. She hadn't really understood what Sarah had meant at the time but she sure did now. She continued pacing across her room, occasionally glancing at the clock. He should be arriving soon to take her out. She had no idea where they were going which had made deciding what to wear difficult and she'd eventually decided on nice but not overly fancy. If he was taking her somewhere fancy, she'd just have to change. She had also decided to make him wait just a little. He could deal with Father for a while. A tiny wicked smile appeared on her face for a moment. That'd teach him. Severus had finished work, Nott's ceremony, and left the reception early to check on Parkin. He had an anxious nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach about the entire evening. This hadn't been how tonight was supposed to be. He'd found a restaurant in the West End that was open in the evenings, specialised in Italian and specifically cannoli, and this had been supposed to be the first date they'd actually hopefully be able to talk more comfortably. Now he felt as if although he had planned the entire thing over the weekend, that it would come across as nothing more than trying to apologise for the idiot he'd made of himself the night before. And, he pursed his lips together tightly as he left the warehouses, probably there was some validity to that. He Apparated to the Chubb's home and made his way up to the front door. He hoped the flowers would at least mean that she wouldn't slam the door in his face. It would be embarrassing and potentially difficult to explain to Mr Chubb, and to be honest, Severus already felt terrible. He'd read over the exchange last night and cursed his ineptitude. The best thing would have been to simply ignore the question - which was not remotely urgent - until he had finished things with Parkin and Demetrius. He could have then gone home, washed up, and answered her that evening and possibly facilitated communication rather than shutting it down entirely. Perhaps worse, in Severus' view, was the sarcasm he'd used. Reading through it again had been a smack in the face, because his thought on the entire exchange whether it was warranted or not (and indeed Severus thought it was warranted) was that he could hear his father's voice and Severus had never wanted to be his father in any way. He took a deep breath, wondering if he would need to apologise straight away, and hoping she wouldn't make him do it in front of her father, whom Severus still did not particularly like. He had no idea how the evening would go, but he supposed there was no way to find out other than to begin it and so he raised his hand and knocked. Charles Chubb was aware that something was going on with Agatha. The thumping and banging the previous night as well as the rather set angle of her chin this morning at breakfast had told him that much at least. He might be largely oblivious to what his daughter was and did but a man did learn to detect the early warning signs of trouble when he lived with women, be they sisters, wives or daughters. Agatha was most definitely miffed about something but since the narrowed eyes and occasional mutters weren't being directed his way, he felt fairly safe in assuming it wasn't anything he'd done. However it wasn't until the flowers had arrived and he heard Agatha's somewhat haughty sniff as she accepted them that the idea of a lover's quarrel occurred to him. The thought amused more than concerned him and he'd wandered off to his study without another qualm given that he knew Agatha was going out with young Severus tonight and she'd said nothing about cancelling. Still, when the knock came on the front door and no Agatha appeared, Charles felt the first stirrings of worry. "Agatha dear, I believe Severus is here," he called up the stairs. "I'm not ready yet," came the reply and Charles sighed, possibly in relief but certainly with the age-old weariness of a man with a daughter. The thought that Agatha didn't usually act like this did float briefly through his mind but it floated out again just as quickly. Agatha was a girl and did such things. It was natural. He walked over to the door and opened it, beaming at the young man who was soon to be his son-in-law. "Severus, my boy," he said, stepping aside to allow Severus to enter. "Come in, come in. Agatha's still getting ready. Come into the library and have a drink with me while you wait." When Mr Chubb answered the door it was all Severus could do to not sigh outright. Agatha's father was ten times more difficult to get along with than Agatha was, and considering last night he supposed that could be saying something - but no, last night had been his fault and not Agatha's. She hadn't demanded anything after all and certainly her question had not been unreasonable. That all aside, he was still faced with dealing with Mr Chubb and hoping that Agatha did not take too long. He gave the older man a polite nod, although the small turning up of his lips could hardly be called a smile. "Good evening, Mr Chubb." He stepped in and glanced up the stairs almost subconsciously. Was she going to ignore him completely? Make him make small talk with her father until he was ready to strangle the social climber? It didn't particularly occur to Severus that he deserved that treatment - and he certainly did. More at the front of his mind was actually talking to her; he needed to determine how much damage he'd done and what he could possibly do to make it up to her. But at least part of her not being ready was not a problem: A drink would certainly calm his nerves. "Thank you, sir," he said as appreciatively as he could muster. "A drink sounds very nice." Agatha stood in front of her mirror and stared at herself. She had decided to wear the black dress she'd been planning on wearing to Veronica and Aquila's engagement party. She'd bought it after all and she didn't think it was too dressy for this evening. At least she hoped it wasn't. She had decided not to wear the necklace she'd originally planned on, choosing an amber necklace instead. It was more casual. She frowned as she deliberately delayed. She still thought she had a 'barding on a mule' look but it couldn't be helped. She had to keep up appearances now even if she did think it was silly. Still, there was a girlish part of her that quite enjoyed spending her father's money on nice clothes though she did make a mental note to try and find someone to speak to, perhaps in the Foundation, about getting some better quality clothes. There must be a good dressmaker she could use while she was still spending Father's money. She glanced over at the clock and decided that Severus had waited long enough. She picked up her coat and headed downstairs. She heard voices coming from the library and walked into the room, drawing her father's attention. "Agatha," he said with a rather fatuous smile. "You do look lovely. Don't you agree, Severus?" Thank goodness, there was only so much of Mr Chubb he could take before he went absolutely mental. Severus turned his eyes to her with some relief taking in her appearance. The first time he had met her, he hadn't really given her looks much of a second thought. She was no stunning beauty like Astra, and she did not have Lily's brilliant red hair, but tonight she did look lovely, that was one thing he could absolutely agree with Mr Chubb on. The dress fit her perfectly and he could not help but notice that her legs were quite nicely shaped, and he was definitely happy to have her on his arm. "Indeed," he said, giving her a genuine smile and hoping that she wouldn't hold the evening before against him. He took a step towards her, truly wanting to just get out of the watchful eye of her father before she said or did anything that would give away his actions from the previous night. "You look amazing," he said sincerely. He stood for a moment, wondering if he should reach for her hand, but feeling awkward doing so in the presence of her father. "Are you ready then?" he asked, holding his arm out to help her get into his coat. It was perhaps a little cruel of her to inflict her father on Severus but, well, he deserved a little discomfort and frankly he was going to have to get used to dealing with Charles Chubb sooner or later. She did smile at both of them when they declared her lovely though she didn't entirely believe them but she did think she looked good enough. "Thank you," she said with a slightly cooler smile, handing him her coat and turning so that he could help her put it on. "Yes, I am." Once she had her coat on, she walked over to her father and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll be home later, Father." Charles smiled indulgently at his daughter and shooed her away towards Severus. "Off you go. Have fun." He wasn't concerned about anything untoward happening. His daughter was a good girl and Severus was trusted by Rodolphus Lestrange. Agatha returned to Severus' side and cocked her head slightly before nodding towards the door. "Shall we?" Severus nodded and offered her his arm. He said his good-bye's to Mr Chubb, and promised him that he would bring Agatha home before it was too late. As they reached the front step and the door closed behind them he turned to her. He didn't think that Mr Chubb would mind them going to a Muggle restaurant together - at least he hoped not. "You do look beautiful," he repeated quietly. He wanted to reinforce it outside of the earshot of her father: he wasn't saying it simply because her father had said it and he wanted her to know that. "I'd sort of planned this a while ago," he said uncertain if he should bring up what had happened the previous night or if he should wait until later in the evening. "Um, I'm glad you still wanted to come," he added, turning to look at her, and he was quiet for an instant trying to decide. If he brought it up now, would it ruin the entire evening? Or was it better to just address it up front and get it over with? Seeing as how he had decided that he wanted to use the opportunity to simply talk to her about other things that had been on his mind, he decided to let it go for a moment. "We're going to Muggle London if that's all right? Your father won't kill me?" He added, trying for a smile. Agatha frowned slightly when Severus stopped them on the front step and was subsequently slightly startled by what he said next. She didn't really believe him. She saw herself in the mirror everyday and Beautiful was not a word she usually associated with herself. But it was very sweet of him to say. A part of her did wonder whether he was just saying it because of what happened the other night. She did however believe him when he said he'd planned this before their little... tiff. After all, he'd spoken to her before that about whether she was available tonight. "Thank you," she said after a moment of debating what to say. "I've been looking forward to this evening." There, that was good enough wasn't it? Not overly enthusiastic and not discouraging either. "Muggle London?" A tiny smile flashed across her face. "He doesn't particularly like me going anywhere Muggle on my own. I think he thinks I'm going to run off and marry a Muggle and spoil his dynastic plans but he doesn't mind if I go with someone else." Severus couldn't help a small smirk. Somehow he could absolutely believe that Mr Chubb would use the words 'dynastic plans', and certainly Agatha marrying a Muggle would put a kink in that - he wasn't one hundred percent certain how far back her Muggle or Muggleborn relative was, but he was certain it was further back than his was. "I don't recommend running off to marry a Muggle," he said seriously. "At least, it didn't particularly work out well for my Mum," although even as he said it he wondered if marrying him would be any better than marrying a Muggle. He had not yet demonstrated what an excellent husband he was likely to be. "But so long as he doesn't mind, if you're ready, we'll Apparate then." And he waited for her ascent before side-along Apparating her to the Apparation point outside the Leaky Cauldron. And then it was through the Leaky and out onto Charing Cross Road. He stopped for a moment to get his bearings - the restaurant was near Leicester Square, so he kept his hand on her elbow and pointed her in the right direction, quiet for a moment as they were walking. He had absolutely no idea what to say to her. Things had been awkward enough before he had lashed out at her for no apparent reason. The silence felt damaging, pressing in on him accusingly, and finally in a desperate need to say something, he turned to her. "Agatha, I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I was completely out of line the other night, and I feel terrible about it." Agatha gave him a quick glance when he mentioned his father was a Muggle. That was interesting and she was surprised now that her father had agreed to the match. She would have thought that he wouldn't have accepted a first generation halfblood but then again maybe Severus' rank within the Death Eaters was the greater draw, especially given Eddie's good marriage and her father's plans, desires and pretensions. She nodded her acceptance of the apparition and allowed him to guide her through the Leaky Cauldron and out into London. After all, he was the one who knew where they were going. They walked along quietly and she didn't quite know what to say. She supposed that if she was a Gryffindor, she'd have launched into some dreadfully rude diatribe or maybe if she was a Slytherin, she could have made some cutting comments. But she was neither of those things and she couldn't quite think of a way to express her unhappiness. She was surprised then when he broached the subject and did so with what was, as far as she could tell, a rather genuine apology. She bit her bottom lip for a moment before drawing in a breath and replying. "I... I know you're a busy man, Severus. I understand that," she said as much quiet dignity as she could muster as her stomach roiled with nerves. "I don't expect you to just drop everything to speak to me whenever I write something in the journals unless it really is genuinely urgent. I'm not some..." She verbally flailed for a moment trying to come up with the term she wanted. "...some precious princess who has to be paid attention to at every moment." She paused again, not entirely sure what to say now before settling for, "I wouldn't have minded waiting." Severus had dropped his eyes to the pavement in front of him while waiting for her response and when she did respond, he listened and then thought for a moment before looking up at her. At least she didn't seem to be too horribly angry at him, whether that was because of the flowers or because of something else, he couldn't have said. He also had felt that it was unlikely she was a princess needing to be waited on hand or foot; she simply was not that type of woman and for that instant he was ridiculously grateful for that reality. He let out his breath softly and turned to look at her with guarded eyes. "No, I," he hesitated not wanting to make this situation any worse because he didn't say what he was actually thinking or meaning to say. "I have never gotten that impression from you," he said finally. "You seem like a practical woman, which I'm very appreciative of really. I- It was an error in judgement. I should have waited until I could have paid more attention to what you were asking without being curt or-" he looked away in front of them down the street. "Or sarcastic," he finished heavily. "I wasn't badly hurt, but I did, and do, appreciate that you were concerned," he added, looking at her. "I know it didn't much seem like it at the time. The sarcasm, flippancy, they're all," he hesitated. "It's a defence, I guess." He stopped in front of the restaurant and held the door open for her to enter. He was forcibly sharing things with her that normally took a much stronger level of trust and familiarity, but Severus had made up his mind earlier in the day that there were things they needed to get in the open. There were secrets enough - what he had been doing to get himself injured, what he was doing with the Order, what he was doing every day at work - without them not knowing where the other stood in terms of their relationship. It was a small place, not very wide and mostly quite narrow, but it had a nice busy ambiance to it, and they were greeted by a waiter who directed them to a table near the back and Severus helped her with his seat - general old fashioned manners at least were easy enough to learn from books, even if 'how you should treat your fiancée' really was not. Agatha listened carefully to what Severus was saying as they walked along and couldn't help the wave of sheer relief that flooded through her. He actually was genuinely contrite and thank goodness for that. She had been terrified that he was going to be like that all the time and what she'd seen on the night they got engaged was the anomaly. "I know what I was asking about might seem silly and trivial," she said calmly. "But it's actually not. As my father was so careful to point out to me, you're quite highly ranked within the Death Eaters. Mr Lestrange was the one who facilitated this match. We are going to have to invite a large number of society people to our wedding. It's not going to be either small or quiet. It's going to have to be, by necessity, large and elaborate and I honestly have no idea how to do that. I don't want to get things wrong after all. I could probably do small just based on my brother's wedding but this..." She broke off when she saw where they were, the smells, the ambiance of the place. It was all very familiar and a broad, delighted smile broke out on her face as they were directed to their table. Especially when they passed the glass case with the display of sweets, which she noted included cannoli. He'd paid attention. He'd actually paid attention what she had said. "Oh, Severus!" she said happily once they were seated and the waiter was out of earshot. "This is wonderful! Thank you so much!" Severus looked up at her and felt a sense of relief flood through him. She seemed genuinely happy with the location, which really did please him. If she was happy, then he couldn't be a horrible husband, could he? Of course they would argue - people did - but it didn't have to be the defining feature of their relationship. He hoped. "You're welcome," he said with a smile. "But I haven't eaten here, so perhaps you should save your gratitude until you know that the food is as good as it looks," he reached for a menu, but he didn't open it, thinking instead about what she'd said. The idea of a "society" wedding would never have occurred to him, but he supposed that she was right. With his position in the Ministry, and for the positions he hoped to get in the future, there was a need for their wedding to have at least a certain level. He had asked Jacqueline to help her, and he hoped that Jacqueline would do so, but on the off chance that Jacqueline forgot, or was too busy - "Well, obviously we'll need to invited Mr and Mrs Lestrange," he said. "But I am certain we are not required to have anything to the level of Mr Macnair and Jacqueline's wedding," but then Severus realised he had no idea, perhaps they were. But then the Chubb's were probably not financially as well off as the Macnair's. He hesitated, quite uncertain what to say to help her feel better. He had no expertise to offer or way to make the reality of the planning go away. "To be honest, Agatha, you are asking me something that I have absolutely no idea about. I- You know, just because we must invite Mr and Mrs Lestrange does not mean it needs to be elaborate, though. It's your, well, our wedding, Agatha. It should be what you want it to be. And yes, it will have society, but it could be proper I think without being elaborate. Maybe?" "It smells good," Agatha said, drawing in a deep breath. "That's what they told Martha and me in Italy. If all you can smell is tomato and basil and oregano then you're in the right place. If you can smell anything else, get out and try somewhere else." She laughed, remembering some of their adventures in Italy. "It turned out to be surprisingly good advice." Now this was going better. She hadn't precisely forgotten her anger and irritation or the cause of it but Severus did seem genuinely contrite, which made her feel better that what had happened was an anomaly and not the norm. And frankly she'd never been good at hanging onto a bad mood or anger except on very rare occasions. She gave a slightly helpless laugh. "I have no idea. Honestly, Severus, I'm not just looking for attention when I say that. Eddie and Sarah's wedding was so small and private because her father had been so dreadfully ill in the lead up to it. They decided that they still wanted him involved and that meant a tiny wedding because the healers put their foot down about having him be stressed or over-excited." She paused for a moment and tilted her head to one side slightly. "Father wasn't happy," she said candidly. "He wanted a big wedding to celebrate his luck in getting such a good match for Eddie. Antony's a fullblood, you see. But even he realised that the circumstances weren't quite right." She sighed. "So, you see... the one wedding I've been to was tiny and not really all that formal and Sarah's not able to help as she and Eddie and Antony are off to the Continent in a couple of days for a month long business trip." She chewed on her bottom lip wondering if maybe she could ask Veronica or perhaps Jacqueline. They'd both been awfully nice after all. She didn't quite know how one asked that sort of thing though. Severus watched her and could not help but feel slightly frustrated. This was not his area of expertise at all, and while he understood her concerns, indeed they even made sense, he didn't know that he personally could do that much about them other than perhaps recommend that she read a lot, but he was not so inexperienced with social things that he did not realise that reading about how to do something and then actually doing them were often entirely different things. "So your father will want a larger one as well," he stated a trifle flatly. This did not surprise him. Mr Chubb's social climbing was something that he was beginning to accept that he would simply need to put up with. And considering this information about her brother's wife, Severus knew it was only his position within the hierarchy that had made Mr Chubb interested in him. Agatha's children could have been full-blooded as well, but by selecting him, Mr Chubb had ensured they would still be half blooded. He was interested in Severus' position. The waiter had arrived back and he ordered and allowed Agatha to order before he continued on. "There is Marius and Astra's wedding this weekend," he said. "Although they are likely to be much more elaborate than anything we will wish to afford. But perhaps Astra or Jacqueline could provide you with some advice, Veronica as well for that matter. Or perhaps even Narcissa," he added thoughtfully. "I did return her husband to her, after all. Although there are likely more beneficial ways for them to return that favour." It was his turn to be candid. She was a Hufflepuff, and probably not used to social politics, but she needed to be aware of them, he thought, because they would both need to play the game and keeping those things from her, would only increase the potential for the wrong thing to be said to the wrong person. "I consider Jacqueline a friend," he said finally. "She would be more than willing to answer questions I would think." Would that be enough assistance? Or would she still need something further? Agatha snorted before she realised she probably shouldn't do that. She'd been told more times than she cared to think about that it was unlady-like... a reaction that usually got another snort out of her. "Of course he does," she said with a roll of her eyes. "If he could invite the Queen of England he would... except he wouldn't because she's a Muggle." She snorted again without thinking. "Besides it doesn't matter what he wants. He's told me to do what I want. Or we want rather." She looked up when the waiter came back and quickly placed her order. Once he'd left she picked up her train of thought. She'd almost allowed herself to forget about the wedding this weekend. She still thought it was a bit odd to have a second wedding so close to the first and she still thought that maybe there had been something... irregular about the first one that required a second one. Unless they were just the sort of people who needed to be feted and fussed over. She wouldn't be surprised. They were purebloods after all. "I suppose so," she said with a frown, barely hearing him say Jacqueline was a friend though she did take it in. She hated this, hated not knowing what to do. She'd gotten so used to being self-sufficient that suddenly finding herself without the first idea was utterly horrible. And it was so horribly awkward having to approach people like this. She felt that it made her look like an idiot or a stupid, awkward, clunky Beater of a Quidditch player who didn't know anything about the things she ought to know about. "Narcissa Malfoy would probably qualify then. And she is most certainly not Muggle," Severus said dryly. "I suppose the real question then is what do you want? Afternoon would be less formal than evening and thus might be simpler. I think the only thing I am adamant about is that we must invite those most highly ranked, including of course Mr & Mrs Lestrange. I have no family, at least none that will be attending." He thought with a pang of Abe, who was perhaps the one person he'd actually like to attend. "So what do you want?" Severus looked at her seriously. He had promised himself tonight that he would try to be open with her and hopefully help her to see that although he might not be perfect with in any stretch of the word, that he wanted them to be partners of sorts - at least as much as one could be when she did not know and could not know about a huge portion of his life. "And I mean more than just the wedding, really. We've spent all this time trying to find common ground," Severus didn't add 'and mostly failing' to the sentence, he figured that she could probably figure that out on her own. "But it seems to me that our marriage is our common ground - or at least it will be. And I have no idea how to be a good husband; nor any idea what you expect from me." Agatha giggled at the image of Narcissa Malfoy as the Queen of England then sobered when Severus continued. She nibbled on her bottom lip as she thought about the matter, sparing a glance when he mentioned he had no family who would be attending. That rather implied that he had some family. And why shouldn't they attend. It was their wedding after all. "I would think that you could invite any family you like to attend," she said absently as she weighed the pros and cons of when the wedding should be held. "Afternoon, I think," she finally said decisively. "We'll have to have it indoors, of course. May weather is a little unpredictable for an outdoor wedding. Oh! Did you have any preference on a specific date?" She was a little surprised at the serious look though she supposed she shouldn't be. Severus did seem to be a terribly serious person most of the time. Though what he then proceeded to say did make a certain amount of sense. She gave him a rather wry look. "You are of course making the assumption that I know what a good husband or a good wife actually is. My mother died shortly after I was born and my father... well, he's a good father in his way but I never got to see him as a husband. Eddie and Sarah seem to do alright though and I've seen abit of them." She sighed and clasped her hands together on the table. "I don't think there's any rule book about marriage, Severus. I'd imagine most people just sort of... make it up as they go along. I expect we'll have our arguments and annoy each other on occasion. I think every married couple goes through that and between you and me, the ones that say they don't are probably lying or have such an unequal marriage that you wouldn't want what they have." She smiled wryly. "We'll muddle through. Neither of us is stupid nor are we going into this with any false expectations." "As for what I expect..." She paused and thought for a moment. "I know there are things that you won't be able to tell me about and I understand that but outside of those matters, I do ask for honesty. I'm not going to pry into your business or expect you to wait on me hand and foot. I expect you to be faithful." She gave a small laugh. "I also expect you to tell me when I'm being tiresome, especially with the whole Quidditch thing, because sometimes I just metaphorically hop on my broom and go flying off into the distance without really realising I'm doing it." "I don't have a particular preference on the date," he said honestly. And while Severus appreciated that she wanted him to invite his family, it was more that he didn't have anyone to attend. But he did not want to go into the fact that he'd never met his maternal grandparents, or that his paternal grandparents wouldn't be welcome at a wedding with the Lestranges on the guest list. Perhaps Abe could pose as an Uncle, or a cousin, he considered briefly. "I can guarantee that I have no idea what a good marriage looks like," he said after having listened to her comments. He had alluded to it the night that he proposed he knew, but the week's events had dug up old insecurities that he was his father over again. "My father," he hesitated, there was so much fear there that he didn't know what to say her. "I expect we can muddle through, but I don't want us to be miserable while we do it." "And yes, there will be things I can't tell you for one reason or another, but I will tell you what I can." He did plan on being faithful. He could think of only one reason why he would ever not be and it was so unlikely as to be a non-issue. He hesitated for a moment and then stumbled on. "We're both half bloods Agatha and let's be honest; the world does not particularly favour those of less than pure birth. The position I hold in our ranks is unusual for someone of my parentage, but I've worked hard, and I plan on continuing to do so to make certain we keep that, because I think it is important." He didn't want to frighten her with the why it was so important. "And I guess, if I have any expectation - it's not so much an expectation, as much as I'd like for you - well, for us, to be partners in that a bit, if you're willing." Agatha gave him an amused look when he expressed no preference on the date. Well, that gave her plenty of scope and he had no cause to complain about whetever date she did end up choosing. He had after all just given her carte blanche. She frowned a little at the way he just stopped after mentioning his father. There was obviously a story there and she suspected it was not a particularly good one. Well, now was really neither the time nor place for it. Unpleasant stories deserved privacy, not to be aired in public where anyone could see or hear. She put that thought aside to come back to later then contemplated her brother's marriage or what she'd seen of it. She'd call that a good marriage but it certainly wasn't what anyone would call 'perfect'. Eddie and Sarah had their share of fights after all. "Sarah said never go to bed angry with each other," she said thougthfully. "That if you do the anger just festers and sets in and it takes longer to sort everything out. Better to get things out in the open, even if it means having an argument. At least then you know where each other stands and can either sort out what's gone wrong or settle on a compromise." She laughed quietly. "It sounds like good advice to me. I think... I think keeping things to ourselves when we're not happy, especially if its caused by the other, is what's most likely to make us miserable." She wasn't at all surprised about what he said next. Oh, she'd known it. It was why her father did what he did. She just usually preferred not to think about it. But she didn't really have a choice anymore and while she didn't particularly like it, there was no point complaining about it. Complaining would change things after all. "I am," she said after a moment's silence. "I'm never going to be a Slytherin though. I don't know how to play those snide, snippy little games I see the other girls indulging in from time to time on the journals. I do know what's expected of me at social events and I suppose more importantly I know what not to do. I'm never going to be a society wife though I can probably do a fair estimation of one in public. If you ever see me do that in private though, I suggest checking for an imposter or assume I've gone mad." "That seems fair. And I can have a temper," he admitted. "Often if you give me space and time, I'll realise that I've been an idiot, but it doesn't always happen in the moment, and bothering me about it can make me just be more stubborn," he gave her a half smile. "I need time to sort things through in my mind, and then I'll usually be reasonable. I certainly prefer being reasonable." The food arrived and he took a break as the waiter sat their plates in front of them, and then he looked back at her. "Some people get their respect and their positions handed to them on a silver platter, and some of us have to work a little harder for them," he took a bite of his food. "Personally, I think those of who work for it, appreciate it more." "And don't be a Slytherin," he said lightly. "I am perfectly content in my house, but I also don't need for you to try to be something you are not - particularly not in private. I will deal with the social politics in the larger picture, so long as you can play the role when it's needed. To be fair, we all play roles," he said with a smile. She truly had no idea how far reaching his role playing extended. "I would say that those of us who are lucky are able to drop them and be ourselves from time to time." And he rather hoped that someday maybe, he would be able to drop at least part of his role with her: to not worry if he said something slightly amiss, but he didn't know whether that would ever be possible. Hopefully. Agatha nodded, making a mental note to remember that. "Okay. I think that's the sort of thing I ought to know. Everyone's different after all. I get a bit snippy when get angry but honestly I don't tend to hold on to my temper for too long. I never have." She smiled ruefully. "Sustained anger just always seems like a horrible waste of time and energy to me." She smiled her thanks at the waiter when he placed their plates in front of them then breathed in the delicious smell of the Italian food. She hadn't realised how much she'd missed this. Maybe she'd have to find some Italian cook books and start experimenting. The people she and Martha had spoken to in Italy had sworn black and blue that their food wasn't difficult to make. She gave a tiny sigh of relief and smiled, a wide genuine one. "Good. I can live with that." "I can hold a grudge," Severus admitted. What else was his continued bickering with Potter and Black? "But I only tend to do it with people who are utterly inept or incompetent or reckless - any number of things that I am fairly confident you are not." He looked over at her - she seemed to be happy with the food and Severus breathed an internal sigh of relief. Over all this evening had gone far better than he could have expected. He'd fucked up - he knew that - but she didn't seem to be holding it against him, and it didn't seem to be effecting their conversation too much. He didn't seem to have turned her off completely to the idea of marrying him, which was good as he wasn't certain he could stomach having an engagement broken off. The embarrassment of it, would be unthinkable. "When will I get to meet your brother?" He asked, taking a bite of his food and switching the subject up. "Well, I try not to be," Agatha said with a smile. Somehow she wasn't really all that surprised to hear that Severus could hold a grudge and she wondered precisely who it was he held a grudge against. The fact that he knew that about himself spoke loudly that he did hold one. She vaguely remembered him talking about avoiding James Potter but couldn't remember the details. She'd never liked Potter that much, though she'd freely admit he was an excellent Quidditch player, so avoiding him wasn't a problem and she'd set aside any other thoughts about why Severus would ask such a thing. It was curious but she decided not to ask. At least not yet. "He's on a business trip with Sarah and Antony at the moment," she said with a sudden wicked grin, remembering the talk she'd had with her brother before they'd left. "They'll be gone about a month but he did say that he and Sarah would like to have us over for dinner when they get back." She giggled. "Don't worry. He's nothing like Father. He's much more relaxed and Sarah's just gorgeous. Though I expect Eddie will put on his best 'big brother' act." Severus shifted a little uncomfortably. His experience with older brothers had not been particularly comfortable in the past, and he rather hoped that Eddie was not like Mr Chubb. One Mr Chubb in his life was almost certainly enough, but he took a bite of his food and smiled at her. "I will look forward to it," he said perhaps a little diplomatically, but there was at least a partial truth there. He supposed that since he was actually engaged to Agatha and apparently with Mr Chubb's whole hearted approval, that her brother could have no complaints. "How is it?" He motioned to her plate. "Now that you've actually tasted it and not just smelled it?" She looked pleased enough he thought and it made him feel a little relieved knowing that he'd pleased her on the date, if not with his comment the previous night. Agatha laughed, her eyes twinkling with mirth as she looked at Severus. "Relax, Severus," she said dryly. "Eddie's more like me than Father. Well, without the obsession with Quidditch." Eddie had been a bit worried about the match but he'd accepted Agatha's assurances that she wasn't unhappy about marrying Severus. "Eddie says that we're more like what he remembers Mother being like. Though he did say she had a wicked sense of humour." She looked down at her food for a moment. "It's wonderful. In fact I have a sneaking suspicion that if we looked out the back, I think we might find Nonna presiding over over the kitchen like a queen over her country and subjects. It was often that way in Italy. A lot of the restaurants were family run with Nonna running the show in the kitchen." Severus looked up at her, and her laughter did relax him some. He visibly relaxed his shoulders and gave her a smile. This was what he was hoping they would sometime have most of the time: A comfortable camaraderie. And if her brother was like Agatha, then Severus thought he would get along with him well enough. At least he would not be a social climber who would expect Severus to get him favours in the new government. That he might attempt it when it was possible because of Agatha was one thing, but to be expected to do so was another thing altogether. He wondered what it would have been like to not have known his parents. He couldn't imagine life without his mother - if it had just been his father would he have ever known about being a wizard? Would he have been able to attend Hogwarts or would his father have demanded that he not? His life could have been very different indeed. As it was he had spent time in and out of a Muggle primary school - much more to spite his father than because he disliked the school, preferring to spend days with his mother when he could do so. He shook himself out of his revere and gave her a smirking smile. He had this sudden image of the two of them in a rather ridiculously childish fashion sneaking back through the kitchen to see if the Nonna was there. "Well, if there is, she's quite the Queen, because I've been very impressed with the meal thus far." He took another bite of his food and nodded in the affirmative when the waiter came by to see if they would like to see a desert menu. At least this dinner he felt like he would be able to eat it without feeling nauseated by the entire thing. And thoughts of fatherhood merely led to questions of his own ability to be a father, but regardless, it would be expected (probably) that he and Agatha have children. Hopefully not right away, he thought, but he looked up at her any way, slightly serious again - no doubt she probably thought he always was. "Do you want children Agatha?" Agatha grinned, feeling a lot more relaxed on this date. She felt they'd made some progress. Not a huge amount but just enough to make her think that it was going to be all sweetness and light but at least enough to make her think she could at least like Severus. It wasn't a bad thing to be friends with your husband after all and frankly she'd given up most of her dreams of marrying for love a long time ago. "Nonna was always the Queen every time we saw it in Italy," she said. "But it was always worth it because the food was divine." She was a bit taken aback at his next question because if she was honest she hadn't really thought about it. She knew any children she and Severus had would still be halfbloods but it didn't really bother her, except in terms of the attitudes of some of the Death Eaters towards those who weren't purebloods. But they would have Severus' name so that would provide protection, surely? "I..." She hesitated, remembering what it had been like with Antony as he'd grown up, how she'd felt. "Yes, I suppose I do," she said after a short pause. She nibbled on her bottom lip for a moment. "Perhaps not right away. I think under the circumstances we ought to take the time to get to know each other better first as a couple before having children." Severus was relieved at her statement. He wasn't absolutely opposed to children, although he did worry that he would not be a particularly good father. But he did feel as if the current world was not particularly a safe one to bring them into, and that having them would only complicate his life even further than having a wife that was his responsibility was going to do. He nodded at her. "I tend to agree on both fronts," he said simply. "At some point, it might be important to have children, but for the time being I think it is certainly more important that we are comfortable together before we bring a child into that. I would absolutely rather know that we are capable of solving any disagreements we have without too much strife before we add an extra complication." He wondered momentarily if that was being too blunt, but Agatha hadn't seemed particularly disinclined towards straightforward statements herself, and it was easier than dancing around the issue. Particularly when it would need to be addressed at some point. "So perhaps a few years then," he said, finishing off his food. "And perhaps give you time to finish your book as well," he suggested. Agatha wondered if he'd meant to give as much away as she felt he had. That absolute insistence on knowing whether they were capable of solving disagreements without too much strife spoke of a man who knew what it was like when people weren't capable of solving disagreements amicably. She wondered what his childhood had been like and suddenly felt glad for having the father she did. She might have missed growing up with a mother and had a somewhat distant father but at least she had a fairly calm childhood. "Oh, yes," she said as she finished her meal. "I'd want to do that. I can't imagine writing would be easy with a child underfoot and I certainly wouldn't be able to go tramping around fens and bogs." She paused and nibbled on her bottom lip. "That is something I wanted to bring up. I didn't exactly get a chance to finish my research in Ireland and England before Father called me back. Would you object if a made a few trips out to some sites that I wanted to study? It would only be for say three or four days at a time. Obviously Martha will come with me, if for no other reason than because someone has to remind me to eat and sleep." Severus smiled slightly and looked at her. He could do without a child underfoot himself. He needed to have no distraction to keep him from his duties - and Agatha would be distraction enough, he thought. At her question he considered before he answered. He did not want to promise something he could not allowed, but he thought probably she would not ask if it were not something that she thought necessary. So long as it was in England and Ireland, the trips would likely be short, and he supposed they could be scheduled around other activities they might need to undertake. He nodded briefly. "So long as you have someone with you," he said quietly. "And I suppose I should add that so long as it seems safe to do so. If the unrest continues, I may have to re-evaluate that," he cautioned. "But I know that you do need to do research for your book, and I cannot see any immediate problem with you doing so, as long as you are discreet about it. I'm not certain-" Well he wasn't certain other society ladies did, but then was so very different than Jacqueline's volunteering at the Lestrange Library? "We can certainly consider it when you find you need to do so," he offered. There was a part of Agatha that had gotten quite used to being somewhat independent that baulked quite considerably at Severus' reply. She shifted slightly in her seat and bit back the first thing that came to mind to say, which was mostly that she was quite capable of taking care of herself thank you very much. But then he probably did know more about the current situation than she did and she was going to have to get used to listening to him. She did make a mental note to work out where her most immediate need was and talk Father into letting her go for a couple of days. Technically he was still the only one she needed to consult at the moment. And what was that old saying she'd heard a few times -it's easier to seek forgiveness than to ask permission? "Fair enough," she said as she picked up the dessert menu and read through the choices. She then grinned and put it down, looking over at the cannoli in the glass display case at the counter. "I don't know why I bothered. I know what I'm having." Severus was relieved she wasn't going to press him for an answer. In truth he had no problem with her going away at the moment, but he hated to promise something and then have the situation change in some way - either for him to become aware that it really was not appropriate or even that it had become more dangerous to do so. He gave her a quick smile as he put down his dessert menu as well. "And I think I will do the same," he said and as the waiter came up, he gave the man their orders. "Did you have an opportunity to speak with Narcissa in regards to the centre?" He asked her, as the waiter departed to retrieve their desserts. "Oh, yes!" Agatha said once the waiter had left. "I'm going to be helping Veronica and Julianne with the publication that's being planned as well as the program regarding children's literature. I've very excited about it." She was actually incredibly pleased about that. She'd never met Julianne but she had met Veronica and she liked the other woman... and not just because of their mutual interest in Quidditch. Veronica seemed more... alive than a lot of the other society women, less like some pretty doll. Not that Veronica wasn't pretty. Agatha rather thought Veronica was prettier than she was. But she wasn't doll-like and in Agatha's eyes that made her even prettier. As she spoke Severus was relieved to realise that she did actually seem excited about it. He'd been uncertain when he'd asked her and she'd said that she hadn't been working with them. Although it hadn't occurred to him that Narcissa Malfoy might be as intimidating to Agatha and someone like Rodolphus Lestrange was to him, he did wonder if perhaps it was not her preferred way to spend her time. Still, he hadn't seen much choice. Lucius Malfoy's wife ran the Women's Centre, and almost all of the other Purist women seemed to be involved in some aspect or another. If he was going to be attached to one in people's minds, it seemed as if she needed to be involved as well. "Good," he said gave her a smile, relieved that he wasn't making her life miserable with his suggestion - which probably would have turned into a command had she said she didn't want to. "What is the children's literature program?" He queried, mostly to keep conversation going. Much of what the Foundation seemed to spend their time on seemed a trifle on the pointless side to Severus, but literature meant books, which meant learning - probably. Agatha paused before answering Severus' question as the waiter had returned with their cannoli. She picked up the sweet and bit into it, closing her eyes and humming in pleasure at the taste of the vanilla-flavoured ricotta cheese filling. It was good. Just as good as what she'd had in Italy and she realised how much she'd missed this. "Oh, this is wonderful," she said happily then turned her mind back to the question Severus had asked. "We're going to be looking the children's books currently available to see what's appropriate for children to be reading. Eddie and I were pretty voracious readers as children and I must say there are some dreadful books out there masquerading as children's books so it should be interesting." It didn't really occur to her that her ideas of what an appropriate and inappropriate book might be somewhat different from the Foundations. Severus couldn't help the feeling of pleasure at watching her enjoy the cannoli. He did like seeing her happy, he decided - even if he was not always confident he was going to be able to do that for her for the rest of their lives. But hopefully, small moments like this one would be enough to help outweigh the problems, which he had decided were probably going to be inevitable. Severus wondered for a moment what would be an acceptable children's book for the foundation. Granted, he'd read only a few children's books actually written by wizards and witches. By the time he was eight, he'd been reading bits and pieces of his mother's more academic books, which, really he thought the group could probably spend some time on. "I'm sure you've already thought of this," he said, reaching for another bit of his cannoli - which really was quite good. "But it seems to me not just fiction stories, but also good non-fiction titles as well. If children have access to those - especially those that cover history and even basic magical theory - it will make their transition into Hogwarts, or whatever will be to come, that much easier." "It had occurred to me," Agatha said, pausing in her enjoyment of her cannoli. "Though I haven't had a chance to bring it up with Veronica and Julianne yet." She wasn't entirely sure how that would go down. She was after all presuming that the books were for all wizarding children, not just those born of wizarding families. She would have thought that it was even more important for the Muggleborn to have access to such books to help them make the transition. She just had to work out the best way of saying that. "It should be an interesting project nonetheless," she said dryly. "Though to be honest I think I'll enjoy the publication a bit more." She gave him an impish look. "I'll have official sanctioned reason to observe sporting events so I can report on them in a manner more appropriate for well-bred young ladies than the more... colourful reports in the newspapers." "You should see what the think," Severus suggested mildly. "I know that it would be extremely helpful for those children whose parents do not have large libraries to have access to some quality non-fiction as well as literature and fiction and as I presume children whose parents have large libraries also have access to literature and fiction, it would be my guess that they are working on this service primarily for those who do not have that access." He took a bite of the cannoli. It truly was delicious and he was pleased he'd followed up on this particular like of Agatha's for their date. He could not help but smile at her enthusiasm about Quidditch. He might find it absurdly silly, but on the other hand, her attitude was not as annoying as someone like Black's or Potter's, which made it almost charming. "Colourful?" He took another bite of the cannoli wondering how on earth something could be that colourful. Agatha nodded. She really needed to contact Veronica about the project. What Severus was suggesting certainly made a lot of sense. After those with their own family libraries had little need for their project; they likely already had those books. It was the those who may not be sure what were the best books for their children to read who would need this service. She giggled when he questioned her description of the sports reports. "Well... language that perhaps isn't quite appropriate for well-bred young ladies," she said with a wicked smile. "And innuendo that they probably shouldn't see either." She blushed a little as she remembered what she'd been reading in Liaisons in London. Now there was some innuendo which young ladies probably shouldn't be reading for that the articles were written by a woman. Well, innuendo probably wasn't quite the word for it. Innuendo implied subtlety and Liaisons in London was anything but subtle. Oh that type of colourful. Once again Severus was irked at the general inability of the Pureblood circles to recognize that sex existed. While on the one hand he very much thought it should be discussed privately and not where everyone could see, on the other hand the overprotective methods of Purebloods and society were archaic and unrealistic. He took the final bite of his cannoli and finished it before glancing up at her to notice her blush. Oh, well, that could be fun and before he could stop himself by thinking how improper the entire statement would be he raised his eyebrow at her and said rather wickedly but with a particularly mild tone. "Or perhaps they should see all that innuendo," he sat the napkin on the table next to his plate. "It would be dreadful if they were utterly clueless on their wedding night. It will disrupt the supply of Pureblood babies, among other things." And of course almost as quickly as he'd said it, he realised it probably wasn't the most appropriate thing to say but it was hardly like he could take it back, could he? He supposed he'd find out how clueless she was. Agatha's eyes widened for a moment at his comment then she dissolved into giggles, her eyes alight with mirth and her cheeks aflame. She supposed that she probably shouldn't be giggling at that and it was certainly giving away the fact that she knew damn well what all that innuendo meant. Still... Martha had thought it only wise that she know what actually went on in the bedroom and had done so in a very matter-of-fact manner. It had been quite an education. "Oh Merlin," she said, biting her bottom lip in an effort to get her giggles under control. "They're not really that clueless, are they?" At least she was laughing and Severus despite the fact that the tips of his ears had definitely turned pink, joined with her. He shrugged. "I have never had the opportunity to find out," he said without thinking, and then instantly felt his own cheeks flush. "That- came out wrong," he stammered, suddenly more embarrassed, although also a little curious, because she didn't seem to be utterly uninformed. "I meant only it's not really a topic of conversation, frequently." And he had no idea what else to say to that. His cheeks felt warm, and he wished for a moment that he felt a little more comfortable with her. That she were perhaps a little more like Agnes, who would be so straight forward he would then blush but he would then feel comfortable asking her the half a dozen or so questions that kept popping up on his tongue, about what she knew, or what she'd done - although he could assume nothing, he knew that was not necessarily the case, and although it made no difference really, it seemed... useful information. "Are you finished?" He ventured, cheeks still pink. Agatha couldn't help the giggles that burst out again at his inadvertent piece of innuendo. She mastered herself enough to manage a deceptively mild, "Pity" before succumbing to the giggles again. Now she really ought not to have said that but she just couldn't resist. She took a couple of deep breaths and got herself under control though an occasional giggles still escaped now and then. "They'd probably be a whole lot less... well, them if they had a few more 'earthy conversations' as Martha used to call them," she said candidly. She looked down at her plate and finished off the last bite of her cannoli. "I am now." At her small one worded response Severus felt his eyebrows raise, but he couldn't help laughter, even as his cheeks became even more pink. They had to change the subject and soon. It had been his fault for asking for a definition of colourful. He waved for the cheque, and as the waiter brought it, he paid for their meal and stood, still feeling embarrassed from the conversation. "I suppose I should get you back before your father wonders if I have stolen you away," he said trying to maintain some semblance of normality, calm, and a lack of embarrassment. He waited for her, and helped her into her coat, absurdly aware of her physical presence after the ridiculous conversation they had just had. Perhaps this was why it was so forbidden in Purist circles? The discussion of it tended to make one only think on it more? But on the other hand, the fact that it wasn't supposed to be discussed was what was making him so self-conscious about it and very aware of the fact that he had not really held her hand, or kissed her and wondering if there was a proper time and place for those things to happen. Agatha bit her lip to control the slightly inappropriate giggles that kept threatening as Severus paid the bill. She couldn't help the stray thought that her father wouldn't mind if Severus stole her away as long as they came back married but wisely decided not to voice that. Running off to Gretna Green was very romantic in the books but she rather imagined that the reality was entirely different. "Probably a good idea," she said, still feeling a little mischievous. "He goes this very strange shade of reddish-purple when he's worried or angry and he sort of... whuffles if that makes any sense." Actually she thought her father looked somewhat ridiculous when he was angry but she never say that in a month of Sundays. As Severus helped her into her coat, she suddenly wondered what it would be like to kiss him. They hadn't actually done that yet and while part of her could understand why... they hardly knew each other... there was another part that felt just a little disappointed and worried. Was there something wrong with her that he didn't want to kiss her? If Severus had known what Agatha was thinking he would have probably leaned down and kissed her right then. There was certainly nothing wrong with her that he didn't want to kiss her. If anything kissing and the surrounding activities was one part of married life he was looking forward to. He led her out into the street, holding the door for her and smiling slightly at her description of her father. The evening had not been a total loss, he thought. She no longer seemed angry with him, if anything they had enjoyed a meal, he had hopefully earned back some of the points he had lost with his selection of venue, and they had laughed some during the evening. He was beginning to feel as if it was not unreasonable to hope for friendship with Agatha, although he wondered how strained it might be for them because of his complicated loyalties. Severus' friendships, his strong ones, tended to be few and far between, and they were in most cases the few people he would trust with his life and thus almost all of his secrets. He couldn't risk that with Agatha, and that would always hold them back. He glanced down at her, and after a moment's hesitation he slid his hand into hers, lacing his fingers through hers, his eyes glancing to her face to make certain she didn't mind. "It will be a bit of a walk back to the Apparation point," he said. "Unless you've something else you'd like to do before I take you back." Agatha was a bit surprised when he took her hand then she blushed and looked up at him with a shy smile. She looked around for a moment, working out where in London they were. "There's a book shop I've been to a couple of times near here but it won't be open at this hour," she said as they started walking. "So back to the Apparition point, I suppose." They walked along for a few minutes in silence. Agatha nibbled on her bottom lip as they walked then drew together every bit of courage she had. She used their joined hands to slow and then stop Severus then, before she could think better of it, she raised herself up on her toes and pressed her lips against his. The kiss was quick and chaste and could barely be called a kiss but it made her blush anyway. |