Severus Snape is tired of the lies. (fortiscadere) wrote in blurred_lines, @ 2009-02-14 20:05:00 |
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Entry tags: | ! [1980-02] february, agatha snape (née chubb), severus snape |
RPG Log; Severus Snape & Agatha Chubb
Who: Severus Snape & Agatha Chubb
When: 6:00pm; 14 February 1980
Where: A restaurant in London
What: Dinner and an already answered question.
Rating: Low
Status: COMPLETE.
Severus was uncertain he was going to be able to eat the dessert he had ordered and in fact he was rather wishing he hadn't eaten anything at all. It might have been nice to have simply shared a dessert, but that seemed like it required a level of intimacy that - although the couple seated three tables down clearly had - he and Agatha were no where close to having. And he wasn't certain about the etiquette of sharing either, or how much she would care if he discarded etiquette for something as simple as the fact that eating the entirety of his dessert was probably going to make him sick. Or maybe that was the couple three tables down that might make him sick. What the hell had he been thinking when he had asked her for Saturday? He had forgotten it was Valentine's day obviously, because if he had remembered and still asked her for Saturday, that would have put him solidly in the mental state of those prisoners Travers' little campaign was going to work so hard to rehabilitate. Or possibly Travers' himself, considering the other man's recent actions. Rarely did Severus feel trapped so completely, but currently he would have done anything to just be able to get up and leave the oppressing atmosphere of the restaurant. The box he had in his pocket felt like it weighed ten times more than it actually did, and he wished he could have just given it to Agatha, and considered the engagement part finished even though the marriage part would not have even started. This entire evening was a charade, much like the idea of the two of them marrying was a charade. They didn't know each other, and so far as Severus could tell they had very few common interests, but he'd seen no easy way out of suggestion - ha! - that Lestrange had given him and no doubt she'd felt the same. So here they were, both pretending that it was absolutely normal, and in reality, he supposed - it was. Hadn't this been Jacqueline only a few weeks before? He had just assumed because he was a halfblood it would never be him. The waiter had left with their orders for dessert and in his wake Severus found they were once again faced with an uncomfortable silence. The uncomfortable silence tended to make him more aware of the fact that they were the only couple in the restaurant who were not utterly, completely, and madly in love with each other. He glanced down at his plate as that was better than looking around him, and tried to think of something to say that was not too forward, or too stupid, and would not bring up the topic of Quidditch again. Dammit, he was going to have to read Quidditch through the Ages, at least, so that he could have some idea of what she was interested in, and he'd always made it a point to be completely and utterly clueless about the sport. "Well," he looked up at her, and just past her shoulder he could see a woman lean over and touch her husband/boyfriend/lover/fiancé's arm lightly. Severus turned his eyes directly to Agatha's face, any more of this and he would be ill. "You have a brother, right?" It suddenly occurred to Severus that she'd asked about a broom for a small child around Christmas and he had been less than enthusiastic about the idea. Could this situation be more ridiculous? "And a nephew? Or a niece? I seem to remember you talking about a smaller child at some point." Agatha was trying to determine if she'd ever been more uncomfortable in her entire life. Possibly the meeting with Lord Voldemort except that hadn't been uncomfortable so much as utterly terrified. No, she was quickly coming to the conclusion that this may well be the most excruciatingly uncomfortable moment of her entire existence. Sitting in a nice restaurant, surrounded by lovers billing and cooing while she ate with Severus Snape - the man she was being forced to marry whom she hardly knew at all except for one single awkward meal at the Gibbons' place where she was sure she cemented herself in his mind as an idiot. At least she had gotten over the crying and yelling stage because she didn't think either of those things would go down well with the man sitting opposite her either. She couldn't believe her father was doing this to her. Hadn't Eddie married well? Hadn't he produced a son one more step along the way of Father's quest for pureblood status? Why did Father suddenly have to force her into a marriage with a complete stranger and without even giving her some warning? She'd accepted... reluctantly... some time ago that she might have be a part of an arranged marriage but she'd thought at the very least that she'd know the man and maybe even like him. Maybe even be friends with him. And to make matters worse, they were surrounded by loving couples because it was Valentine's Day. Why, oh why, hadn't she looked at the date when he'd asked her out to dinner? She could have found some reason for delaying it or bringing it forward without looking like she was either too eager (which she wasn't) or trying to avoid it (which she also wasn't). Instead she was surrounded by lots and lots of reminders of what she wasn't going to have. As a result she'd hardly tasted her dinner though she was sure it must have been good. This was a nice restaurant, very much like the sort her father took her to. And now she had to get through dessert though to be honest, she wasn't sure she wanted it. At least she'd chosen something she could stomach, a sorbet, rather than anything that might have made her feel sick. Why hadn't he proposed? That's what they were here for after all and all the good food and stilted conversation in the world wasn't going to change that. At least if he proposed then they could finish dinner and leave and oh, that wasn't what she was supposed to think but there it was. She didn't know what to talk to him about because she didn't know what he liked except she was sure he'd mentioned something about potions and getting his Mastery. That had been at the Gibbons' lunch, hadn't it? But what did she know about potions? She knew Herbology. She'd been good at that but she'd hated Potions. But that was irrelevant really since he still hadn't proposed and he was going to wasn't he? He wasn't going to refuse and leave her sitting there and that would make her father angry and... She took a deep breath and forced herself to calm down. She wasn't going to make herself cry, she simply wasn't. She was a Hufflepuff and Hufflepuffs didn't make a fuss, they just got on with things and that's what she would do and oh, he'd just asked a question about her brother. At least that was a subject she was happy to talk about and hopefully wouldn't bore him. "Oh! Um, yes. Eddie... or Edward rather. He's ten years older than me. And I have a nephew. Antony. He'll be seven this year." Family had to be safe, Severus thought. Or at least, when it was other people's family it was safe - his, well... he had no desire to talk about his, even though part of him thought he ought to tell her something about his parents. Warn her somehow, that this was really a terrible idea, and that she should probably not agree to marry him no matter what anyone else said - and sadly her response had not taken as long as he had hoped, but one could ask follow-up questions with that information, he supposed. And so he reached for his drink, and took a sip and tilted his head at her. "What does your brother do then? If he's ten years older, probably that explains why I don't really know him - obviously we were not at Hogwarts at the same time," he allowed a small amount of amusement to creep into his tone. Anything to lighten the atmosphere between the two of them - he hoped. Luckily, the waiter returned with desserts at that point in time and although Severus was not particularly thrilled about having to eat it, the fact that it was there and in front of him would give him something to do besides making conversation, and something to have in his hands besides the glass with his drink, and over all, he felt that it was an improvement over just sitting there being reminded consistently of how very little he knew her. "Oh!" Agatha said with a small start. She probably should have said that. It was the sort of question that lead to that kind of answer.She was just so... flustered about the whole thing. "Oh, he runs Father's business. I mean Father does as well but Eddie takes care of most of the day to day things. Sarah... that's Eddie's wife... she helps him as well. They're both really rather good at it, which is why I think Father lets them do it." The waiter arrived with their desserts and she ate a small spoonful, giving a small sigh of relief when the sorbet proved to be soothing instead of sickening. At least there was some part of this evening that wasn't going to make her feel like it was the end of the world. "Eddie and I have always been close, despite the age difference," she said with a small smile, remembering Eddie's 'Eddie and Aggie against the world' boast when she was about seven. "And Sarah's lovely." She hesitated for a moment. "What about your family? Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Severus realised at that point that he had absolutely no idea what her Father did, and also, it was too humiliating to ask. He would simply to have to research it on his own later, and make certain that he knew these things. So he simply nodded as she talked about Eddie and Sarah, taking a bite of the pudding he'd ordered. To be perfectly honest, it wasn't precisely what he wished for dessert, but he managed a bite and another one until Agatha's question sank in and he hesitated. He would liked to have avoided the question of his family altogether, but it wasn't really fair to her for him to do so, was it? And at some point he was going to have to share that information - it might as well be now. "No," he answered her question simply. "It's just me. I mean, it's really just me," he added turning a piece of the cake over with his fork and then glancing back up at her. "My Dad died a little over a year ago and my Mum last year," he finished more quickly and he took another bite of the dessert as if the sweetness might push away his other feelings. "So, I've a got a cat," he managed a small smile. "Hopefully you don't mind small furry things. She's well behaved, if a little eccentric at times and fairly friendly with others, usually. If she's not, she just goes and hides, so if she doesn't like you, which seems unlikely, she'll probably just ignore you. Unless, you utterly and completely dislike cats and then, well," he shrugged. "I'm sure I'll find something to do with her. But, mostly it's pretty quiet." Hadn't he spent most of the summer wishing that he'd had someone at his house? he thought to himself as he took another bite of the dessert and was quiet for a moment. And here he was looking at someone who would make that very much a reality - why was he so upset about it? It really didn't make any sense. And the thought occurred to him that there was no way, ever that he was going to let her see Spinner's End. He would have to come up with something different for them to live in, and it would have to happen - well, before they got married. Even if it was small, it would be better than where he grew up, and Agatha, however little he knew her, he was pretty certain she deserved better than that location. It was something else to figure out how to make it happen before they actually got married. And that thought train led him back to the reason why they were there. Marriage. He still had to propose to her at some point tonight and he knew he couldn't do it here. Even though he knew she was going to say yes - he wasn't certain she had much choice, any more than he did in the proposal, but he wanted to do it somewhere more private, and less with mooning, romantic couples everywhere. It was going to be awkward enough without them. "Do you have any pets?" Agatha wanted to wince when he said that his parents were dead but then... how was she supposed to have known that? You'd think if her father was going to marry her off to a complete stranger, he could at least give her a little information about the man. "Oh, I'm so sorry," she said, genuinely meaning it. "You must miss them. My mother died when I was just a baby. Eddie's told me about her but..." She frowned thoughtfully. "It's sometimes hard to miss what you've never known. I think I miss the idea of having a mother if that makes any sense." She smiled, this time with delight, as she ate a few more spoonfuls of her sorbet. "Oh, a cat! How lovely. I always wanted a pet but Father would never allow it. He said we were away too much and I suppose he was right. What kind of cat? And what's her name?" She drew in a small breath as it sank in for the first time that they were going to have to live together. Somehow she'd managed to put that thought aside. "Oh no! No, you don't have to get rid of her. I'm sure everything will be just fine." They were going to have to live together. That thought kept coming back now it had sunk in. She was going to be his wife with all that entailed. She'd been too caught up in the unfairness of having to marry a stranger, of being angry at her father, of feeling betrayed by him that she hadn't thought beyond that. She quickly shoved all those thoughts aside. No, she wasn't going to think about that now. Besides she had the engagement and wedding to get through first before she had to think about anything else. He took another bite of the cake and nodded. "I do," he said, leaving it at that. He didn't particularly miss his father. He felt guilty about his father, but that was because of what had happened with his mother. But that wasn't something he could share with Agatha - it wasn't something he could share with most people. He did miss his mother though, and that was packed with an extra layer of guilt that he didn't quite know how to do away with. He wasn't certain he ever would be able to. "I think Mother's death was more difficult," he offered quietly. "I was closer to her. She rather taught me a lot of magic when I was younger, but I suppose," he paused. "I suppose people would say it was probably kinder. Her health was poor for most of the past year and I'd exhausted every option available to help her. Mr Dolohov came by to see her some, and had given me several potions to help her, so I guess I did what I could." And this was hardly cheery conversation. He swallowed and reached for the drink. Her enthusiasm for the cat had been evident, and that made him feel a bit better. He would not have to get rid of Aislin Amalthea, which made him feel oddly at least a tiny bit better about this entire arrangement. "She's a Siamese, or at least, she looks like one,' he said with a smile. "She rather behaves as if she's royalty, despite the fact her domain is not particularly so. And her name is Aislin Amalthea," he glanced up to see Agatha's reaction to that mouthful. "But I often just call her Thea, or Aislin, depending on my mood. I think she's actually gotten used to either and responds to both. I'm sure she'll like you," he added in a voice that sounded absurdly optimistic for him. "I'm pleased you've wanted a pet," he added. If they were going to go through with this at least she might have something that she could look forward too. And Aislin was friendly enough, he was pretty certain that the cat would get along with Agatha. "I think you'll like her too." He put the fork down on the plate and glanced at her dessert to gauge how close she was to being finished. He thought there was a park nearby, and they could maybe walk there - it hadn't been too cold, even if it were not particularly warm, and he'd give her the ring then - away from the view of every romantic idiot in London. Agatha bit her bottom lip then stopped herself. Martha was always telling her not to do that. "I am sorry, M... Severus." The name felt strange on her tongue but she supposed she'd better get used to saying it. "Father says that Mr Dolohov is the best healer he knows. I think you did everything you possibly could." She cocked her head to one side and smiled slightly. "That's an unusual name but it's very pretty. Why did you choose it?" This seemed to be going much better than their last conversation over dinner and she relaxed just a tiny bit as she finished the last of her sorbet. But only a tiny bit. After all, they hadn't exactly got to the point of the evening and the longer it took, the more nervous she got. Not that she was going to say no... he must know that... but she'd never been proposed to before. Though her side of it wasn't too difficult - look happy with the ring no matter what it looked like... and dear Merlin, let him not have chosen something as large and, she hated to admit it, tacky as the ring Jacqueline Wilkes had been wearing... and say 'yes'. Easy enough, surely? Severus watched her for a moment. It was odd hearing her call him by his first name, but it wasn't as if he was someone who actually preferred formality, so he supposed he liked that she was feeling comfortable enough to use it. "I had help," he admitted. "I hadn't the first idea what to name a cat," he gave a rueful smile. If they ever had children - oh god children; he pushed that thought firmly to the back of his mind - he'd be horrible at coming up with names for them for all he'd talked about names of recent in the journals. "I asked a few friends for assistance and after I got a list of name I sort of put together the ones I liked," he said. She was finished and he was, and he was sure that probably meant that they should move on with the rest of the evening. He glanced up at her and gave her a smile. He needed to be confident about this no matter how little confidence he actually felt. If he were confident, hopefully she'd feel more comfortable and they could get past this awkwardness. This last bit hadn't been so terribly awkward, had it? "I'm finished, I think, if you are?" He asked. "I know it's a bit nippy, but I thought maybe we could walk just a bit, if you would like." "Oh, that's a good idea," Agatha said with a small laugh. "I must admit that I wouldn't have the first idea what to name a pet. I'd probably choose something to do with Quidditch." That last bit was said in a rather self-deprecating tone. Oh Merlin, now why had she said that? It was obvious he wasn't really interested in the game and now he'd think that she's name anything after Quidditch players or terms. She returned the smile a little hesitantly, a bit relieved to see it. He seemed to be such a grim and serious person and she didn't quite know how to deal with that. She was too used to Martha who was the epitome of bluff and hearty or her brother who was cheery and friendly or even Sarah who was so beautiful and elegant. Still, he was probably as unhappy as she was about this whole marriage thing so she couldn't blame him for being grim and serious. At least he wasn't being horrible. She'd been dreadfully afraid of that. "Oh, yes... yes, I am," she said, looking down at her empty bowl. Wait... he wanted to go for a walk? What about the proposal? She glanced around briefly then suppressed a shudder. Oh no, a walk definitely seemed like a good idea. She was sure that if he proposed here, everyone would notice and descend upon them thinking that it was so romantic and they wouldn't be able to tell the truth and it would be just horribly awkward... as if the night hadn't been horribly awkward as it was. "My cloak is very warm so I'll be fine. I think I'd like a walk. I've never been to this part of London before." Severus tried not to grimace at the idea of children named after - well, famous Quidditch players, not that he knew any of them to know what the names they'd be. Maybe they'd have nice names and no one would have to realise they were named after Quidditch players. He decided to not worry about that at the moment - it wasn't as if he planned on being faced with that dilemma any time in the near future. "Good," he said rather seriously, and he stood, quickly moving over to help her with her chair. Formality, but she was probably used to it. After all, this was someone that Rodolphus Lestrange had arranged for him to marry. He paid their cheque and waited for their cloaks to be retrieved, then helped her with hers. He hesitated only a moment before offering her his arm, again it was a formality, but it felt like the sort of thing he should do. The nervous feeling was beginning to sink back into his stomach again. They were only about a block from a park so he led her outside and down the walk towards the park. It would get cold quickly, so he knew that he needed to not make this take forever. Otherwise she would be shivering by the time he asked her, and miserable, and it would lose any hope of being partially romantic - as romantic as anything so utterly pre-planned and pre-written could be. This was the part that he honestly had no idea of how to approach. Well, it wasn't as if he'd had any idea of how to approach the rest of the evening either, but small talk and even less than small talk over dinner, was somewhat easier than a proposal. It wasn't how he'd imagined proposing. She wasn't who he'd imagined himself proposing too, but that dream had been dashed years ago and he pushed it away tonight. She wasn't Lily - no one ever could be Lily - but Agatha seemed kind at least, and reasonably educated, if overly obsessed with Quidditch, and he was fairly certain that he could do much worse. It wasn't easy for him to share what he was thinking with people - even people he trusted completely he sometimes clamped down and would not share pieces of himself with them. Here was a woman he couldn't help feeling as if he should be able to trust her, to be able to share pieces of himself, but it wasn't something that was going to come naturally to him. He wasn't even certain he could push himself to do so tonight, even as he felt like he should try to do so. Sharing himself typically resulted in rejection, and even the knowledge that she was not likely to do so did not take away the deep seated fear that somehow that action would still hurt him. "Agatha," he hesitated. What on earth could he say? "If you could do anything with your life - it was your choice - what would you want to do?" Agatha smiled and blushed a little when he offered her his arm. It was just common courtesy but still it was one of the few times someone had done that who wasn't her father or her brother. It felt different in some strange way. She was probably just being silly because it wasn't as thought they even knew each other, let alone liked each other. And how strange it was to have to marry someone and then come to like them. Surely that was the wrong way around? It was chilly outside but not truly cold yet and she found it invigorating. She'd played Quidditch on days colder than this and she'd gotten used to being outside in the cold. She wondered if she'd still be able to fly, to play the little silly games of sort-of Quidditch with Antony and to continue her research. She hoped so. He didn't like Quidditch but he didn't seem unreasonable. It wasn't like he'd forbidden her to speak of it. Maybe if she did things like she did with Father and just kept it all out of his way. She was looking around with interest when he asked his question and for a moment she struggled for an answer. "Oh..." she said, biting on her bottom lip again. "I know it'll sound silly but... I'd like to be an author of Quidditch history. Famous and respected but because of the quality of my book, not because... well... because I was controversial or just colourful or anything. As a proper scholar." She blushed and ducked her head a little. It probably seemed foolish to him, all this fuss over a game but there it was. Severus watched her closely as she answered. They continued to walk, and he considered what she'd said. She was right that it did seem a bit foolish to him. He'd never understood the obsession with Quidditch, or really any sport - with the Muggle boys it'd been football in the fields from time to time - preferring to spend his time with a cauldron, or books, or most anything that required him to utilize his brain, but there was at least a part of that hope that he understood. He understood wanting to be respected, and he understood placing an importance on scholarly pursuits - even if he would never in a million years have considered anything related to Quidditch a scholarly pursuit. He bit that comment back and instead considered her response in terms of what it might mean for them. Merlin that was odd to realise that he had to think in terms of an 'us' rather than just him. That made him think of things he did not want to consider. Things that Lestrange wouldn't have known about; that no doubt her Father would have been horrified by, and perhaps Agatha herself might have been, although he didn't think she seemed like the type to care about politics one way or another. And that was something he supposed they would have to talk about at some point - because he had to care about the politics. It was essential to maintaining a position in the hierarchy and could she do that bit? Would she? Even if she didn't want to? And beyond that, his decisions and alliances - he could no more tell her about them than he could have beat her in a broom race, but if he were discovered she'd be put in danger by them. He swallowed those thoughts away. He just couldn't be discovered. Full stop. "It doesn't sound silly," he said finally. "Wanting to be respected for work done well is hardly something to be ashamed of," he added. "And I don't want to stop you from doing that," he said firmly - perhaps almost too adamantly he realised. They had reached the park now and he guided her gently onto one of the paths. "I know you don't know me," he said in way of explanation. "And society has expectations. And some of them, we're going to be obligated to," he smiled ruefully. Wasn't that why they were both here tonight in the first place? "But, I want you to keep your dreams, at least those you can. And being an author? That seems a respectable dream." Merlin he was rambling, but now that he'd started, things seemed to be at the tip of his tongue. "My parents didn't really get along," he admitted, almost cringing as he did so - it wasn't something he liked to admit to anyone. "And a lot of their marriage was based on lies and secrecy. And I learned all of that very well, and I'm not good at sharing things. But I also saw what it did to them, and I don't want that-" he swallowed. "For us. So, if you have questions, I guess I'm saying ask them. I may not volunteer things, and there may be some things that I simply cannot tell you for one reason or another - that's part of my job, really - but if it's about me, I'll try to be as honest with you as I can be. I don't think we're going to get to know each other any other way, and this is going to be incredibly awkward if we're not willing to try to understand each other." Shut up Severus. He drew in a breath and looked at her, half terrified of what her response to that ridiculous tirade would be. Agatha felt her blush growing in the seemingly endless silence after her answer and she snuck a couple of quick looks at him. He didn't seem to be angry or amused or anything hurtful. If anything he seemed to be thinking. She just couldn't work out why her answer would prompt such apparently deep thoughts. When he finally replied, she felt something inside her relax that had been clenched tight ever since her father had announced she was getting married whether she liked it or not. Okay, so he hadn't added the 'whether she liked it or not' bit but he may as well have. She actually looked up at him properly at his almost demand that she keep doing it and while she was a bit startled at the vehemence, she was so utterly relieved at what he'd said. And she was going to jolly well hold him to it as well. She frowned a little as she continued since she couldn't quite work out where he was going with this. He wasn't quite what she'd expected and she didn't quite know what to make of him. Maybe it was because he was a Slytherin. The type of person who was Sorted into that House tended to be awfully different from those who were Sorted into Hufflepuff. She'd never really understood them at school but she rather thought she was going to get a crash course in Slytherin from now on. She actually felt a little sorry for him when he admitted that about his parent's marriage and she brought her other hand up to join the one on his arm. He hadn't wanted to admit that and she couldn't blame him. She'd often wondered what her parent's marriage had been like before her mother's death. Eddie had always said they were happy and she was sure he wouldn't lie. He'd also said that Father had only gone strange and distant after Mother died and that hadn't made Agatha feel very good since she was at least part of the reason their mother had died. "I..." She stopped and gave a small, self-conscious laugh. "To be honest, I'm not exactly sure what to ask. I was raised not to ask personal questions because it's rude. That if someone wants to tell you something, they will and if they don't, it's not your place to pry. But I suppose husbands and... and wives are supposed to ask those personal questions." Of course, he hadn't actually proposed as yet so she still wasn't entirely sure about the husband and wife thing. She looked up at him and smiled shyly. "Um, can I get back to you on those questions?" she asked a little plaintively. She ducked her head again and bit her lip. "And of course, it goes without saying that the reverse is true. Wouldn't be fair if the asking of questions thing was only one way." Severus let out a breath at her response. He was relieved that she didn't have a dozen questions for him right now to be perfectly honest. And he was somewhat afraid that having said it he would open himself up to questions he couldn't answer for her, but he was hoping - that at least for the time being - she would have questions he could answer. That perhaps they could, well, if not be friends, at least know each other well enough to not be constantly dancing around the other in fear or uncertainty. He was watching her, his hand still on her arm - was that the fourth or the fifth time she'd bit her lip this evening? As nervous habits went, and Severus was certain that must be what it was, it was at least a rather charming one. He almost smiled, but managed to suppress it slightly - he didn't want her to think he was laughing at her. "Yes, you can get back to me on the questions," he said, still feeling slightly amused. "In fact," he added dryly. "You may feel free to spread them out, oh say one a week, or a month, really, don't rush on my account." Agatha blinked and looked up at him with surprise. He didn't mean that, did he? She saw the amused look on his face and realised he was joking. And wasn't that a relief. He had a sense of humour, albeit a very dry sense of humour, not like she was used to. But at least it meant he wasn't humourless and that meant that even though he was highly ranked in the Death Eaters according to her father, he couldn't be a bad man. Surely? "Ration them out, you mean?" she said, trying to match his humour... though the fact that he still hadn't gotten to the point of this evening was definitely making her nervous. He was planning to propose, wasn't he? "Oh dear, what if I get the random urge to ask a second question?" Severus looked at her, surprised, but pleased that she'd realised he wasn't serious and that she was willing to actually be amusing in return. And somehow in the transition, he didn't feel quite as ridiculously nervous about proposing to her. It wasn't ideal perhaps. Certainly he'd given up on the idea of marriage or a family, or any of those things in the past few months, and now faced with it he had wanted to run. He was uncertain, when it came down to it. They still didn't know each other well, but he realised that the fact he was here at all, meant that he'd made a decision to devote at least part of himself to this idea. He might not do it well, but he'd do it the best that he could. "I think if you get the urge to ask a second question," he thought for a moment. "We might be able to work something out," he gave her a smile. "If you were just anyone, you'd have to wait of course, but I think being my wife ought to give you some privilege." Oh Merlin, this really was going to happen. "Which," he stopped, his hand on her arm to pull her to a halt as well. He really couldn't put this off any longer could he? And if he'd already made the decision - and because he'd asked her to join him for dinner, he really had - there was no point in putting it off any longer. "Agatha, I suppose we should settle that, shouldn't we? I mean, others have decided things, but we haven't - not really. And whether it is practically true or not, I think I'd like to think that the decision is still ours - somewhat any way." It was absurd, because he was pretty certain it hadn't been true for either of them. Still, they were the ones that were going to have to live with it. "Again, you don't know me, so this doesn't mean much. But I don't do things without deciding to do them to the best of my ability. So, if you'll be my wife, then I'll do my best to be a good husband. Um," Merlin that hesitation was so not graceful, and despite the fact that he was trying to pull off confidence he was thankful for the darkness, because his ears and his cheeks felt hot. The confidence boost the brief back and forth had given him, seemed to have slipped away suddenly and he felt as if he were about fourteen again. "So, um, will you? Marry me, that is." Agatha laughed as he continued the joke. She'd thought her effort was a little limp but he seemed to be fine with it. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. "Well, that's only right," she said before she really took it in. His wife. So at least she had some kind of confirmation that he hadn't brought her here to tell her that he'd found some way out of it. She stopped when he put his hand on her arm and looked up at him with growing surprise and even just the first hints of something like affection. Oh, was he actually offering her a choice? An opportunity to say no? That was... so very sweet of him. Completely impractical, of course, because she rather thought that if she didn't come home tonight wearing an engagement ring, she might as well run away to Africa or somewhere like that. She was almost certain that this was one of her father's ploys for advancement within the Death Eaters and she'd deal with that later when she could scream and rant to her heart's content without anyone, especially her father, hearing her. But still... it was really very sweet of him to advance the pretence that they actually had a choice. "I..." she blushed and bit her bottom lip before smiling rather sweetly. "Yes... yes, I will." The answer came as far more of a relief to Severus than it should have considering that he hadn't particularly wanted to propose and that her answer was almost certainly going to be yes. He hadn't realised just how much of a relief it would be. Despite the fact that he'd been nearly one hundred percent certain she wouldn't take the choice he had wanted to give her one. And giving her one meant that it was possible she might up and decide to say no. Having actually spent a long, awkward, and almost certainly stressful dinner with Severus she might have decided to defy her father's wishes after all. The danger had been there, and no matter how leery he might be about marriage to someone he hardly knew and didn't know if he could trust Severus wasn't keen on the idea of having to tell Mr Lestrange that he had let the perfectly suitable arrangement the older Death Eater had managed him slip between his fingers like an incompetent. But beyond that, as he fumbled in his pocket for the ring box, giving her a choice had been essential for Severus. He had to know that there was at least some part of this that was her choice - even if it was simply that she was obeying her family's wishes, she was still choosing to do so. And by asking, he'd made a choice of his own, and there was something about that act that was necessary for him to do if this was ever going to work. His fingers were cold, but his hands were unreasonably moist, so he was not particularly graceful in retrieving the small box. He pulled it out, and touched her elbow lightly to pull her a little closer to a street lamp so she could actually see the ring. "Then I think this is yours," he said. "If you like it," he added, the uncertainty evident in his voice for just a moment as he opened the box that contained the ring. And inexplicably, considering that in the long run it didn't matter, he truly hoped that she did like it. It was nothing like Jacqueline's ring, nor he was certain like anything Astra had received, nor probably even similar to what Aquila had gotten Veronica. Severus simply did not have those means, and although he suspected that Aberforth might have gotten him a somewhat better price than he would have been able to find anywhere - even if that had meant that Abe had padded the transaction before it ever reached Severus - he had no proof, and he was too fond of the other wizard to try to find out via Legilimency. And even with that possibility, it was still better than he'd have been able to do even a year ago. Agatha let Severus draw her over into the light and looked down into the box her pulled out of the pocket of his robes. Her eyes widened when she saw the ring and a sense of sheer and utter relief flooded through here. It was a simple but very elegant ring. A diamond solitaire in a gold setting. It was absolutely lovely. Nothing like the horribly tacky monstrosity that she'd seen on Jacqueline Macnair's finger. Not that she'd ever say that she thought that ring was tacky but well, it was. It was large and garish and this one was just so much better in her eyes. Thank Merlin that Severus seemed to have rather excellent taste in jewellery. In fact he had better taste that her own father, which she found rather amusing. "Oh, it's lovely," she said, smiling happily up at Severus. She hesitated for a moment, unsure if he was going to be traditional enough to put the ring on her finger or whether she should do that on her own. She seemed as if she was genuinely pleased with it, although Severus knew he didn't know her well enough to know for certain. Still, he was relieved enough by the fact that she seemed pleased that he gave her a genuine smile. "Good," he said and he took the ring from the box, reaching for her left hand and hoping the ring would be close to the right size. His hands still felt sweaty, and he hoped they were not so much so that she would notice how nervous he truly was about this experience. He slid the ring onto her ring finger, and decided that it was close to the right size - thank Merlin. "There," he said unnecessarily, and he looked at the ring on her finger suddenly very aware of the fact that he was still holding her hand. He released it and looked back up to meet her eyes and once again he had no idea what to say. Anything he could think of seemed trite, or inappropriate, or false, and if it had been someone he knew and loved, he knew he would have kissed them now, but that seemed too much, entirely too soon and he didn't want to frighten her. "Right then?" Agatha watched as he slid the ring onto her finger, feeling like this was an irrevocable step. She supposed it was just that. She knew her father would have the engagement announcement out as soon as possible the next morning and once that was done and it was all public, here was no going back. Of course there was no going back now, there hadn't been since her father announced it to her. He'd had that air about him. This was something she would not be able to convince him to change his mind about. They were committed to the path and when Severus seemed unsure of what to do next, she suddenly realised that maybe he was as trapped as she was. After all, if she would never be willing to cross Mr Lestrange, it must follow that others found him intimidating. Perhaps not as intimidating as she found him but still... She drew in a deep breath then let it out slowly before looking up at Severus again and giving him a small smile. Part of her sort of wished he was still holding her hand. She wasn't sure why, maybe she wanted a bit of contact. Silly really since they hardly knew each other. "I... yes," she said, biting her bottom lip again. "My... my father will probably send the engagement notice out tomorrow so I guess..." She paused trying to find a polite way to say 'it'll be on for young and old'. She was as trapped as he was, he thought, realising that they had that in common at least. It was not much, but it was some common ground. He ducked his head to hide a smile. Her father was going to drive him more insane than she was, but thankfully he would not have to live with Mr Chubb, and all things considered, his daughter was infinitely more tolerable. "I did gather that yes," he offered. "I suppose that means that everyone will know." He supposed he should tell Aquila and Barty as well, but he had struggled enough in telling Demetrius. Now that this was completed, he was not certain what should be done next. He supposed that he should return her to her home so that he did not keep her out too late. He chose instead to offer her his arm again. It had been almost nice holding her hand, and he supposed that was somewhat natural considering how very little touch he usually got on a daily basis. "You're not too cold are you?" He added, realising that they'd been standing still long enough she could have gotten chilled. "Oh, yes," Agatha said a little ruefully. Everyone would know alright and she wasn't sure if she was ready for that. After all, her father had assured her that Severus was highly ranked within the Death Eaters so that meant there were people who were going to pay attention to this whom she'd rather didn't even know she existed. She rather supposed she ought to brace herself when she got up the next morning and opened her journal. She was a bit surprised and a little touched at his question. He seemed to be trying to do all he right things and she knew she was as well, even if she wasn't entirely sure what the right things were. "Oh! No, no, I've been out in colder weather than this though..." She hesitated for a moment, oddly reluctant to go home. "It is getting rather late and Father does tend to worry." She bit her lip again then ploughed on, knowing she really shouldn't say this but feeling like she should anyway. "I know Father can be a little... tiresome at times but he does mean well." Severus nodded, pleased that he had not made her freeze at least. And as he noted that, he realised that she did not strike him as someone who was fragile as glass, and of course that made sense. She loved Quidditch, and he thought he recalled that she'd played Quidditch, and there was something almost relieving about that. If he had to get married, he was certain he did not want someone so frail she would fall apart at the drop of a hat. At her comment, he decided that he would simply take her home. It wasn't as if they were so full of conversation that it made any sense to drag the evening out further now that its purpose had been completed. And as she spoke the last bit, he looked at her thoughtfully. It was an odd comment, but having met Mr Chubb, Severus could certainly understand why she might say it. Of course, meaning well didn't always mean much, but he didn't say that aloud. He wasn't quite certain what to say, but finally decided that at least partial honest was probably the simplest. "I imagine most parents can be," he said. "Certainly my father was." That was an understatement, really. "I-" her mention of her father had made him realise that they should probably discuss one other thing so that if her father asked, she could tell him. There was no need to make this any more uncomfortable than she already was and if they hadn't discussed it, no doubt that would cause her difficulties when she returned home. "Agatha, your father will need at least a general date to put in the announcement," this conversation was making everything feel uncomfortably real. "I would like to give us some time to get to know each other, but I know that he is anxious to see you settled. Have you thought about it at all?" Agatha wasn't sure Severus really understood about her father but she thought that might take time. Because her father did mean well. Yes, she was angry and upset with what he'd done but she knew that Charles Chubb really did think he was doing the best for his daughter by marrying her off to someone highly ranked in the new regime. She could understand that even if she didn't like it. "Maybe it's just the nature of fathers," she said simply. She frowned slightly as he continued and bit her lip. She actually hadn't though about a date. She been thinking too much about tonight and hadn't really gone anywhere beyond that but now she realised that there was much more than just a date for the wedding to be decided. And most of it involved things where she didn't know where to start. "Oh, I hadn't thought about that," she said, nibbling on her bottom lip and she thought furiously. She didn't want to rush the wedding like some recent weddings but then she knew she couldn't drag this out for too long. Though she did want an opportunity to get to know Severus a little better. Admittedly there were two schools of thought on that since if she found out she didn't like him, there wasn't much she could do. "Umm... May?" Severus considered. It was mid February, that would give them the rest of the February, March, and April, and however much of May. It wasn't so quickly that anyone would talk, but it seemed as if it was soon enough that Mr Chubb would hopefully not be too horrified at two and a half to three months. Severus would have preferred to make it three years; well, part of him would have at any rate. The other part of him realised that there was no sense in putting it off. Unless one of them were going to dislike the other so intensely that they could not stand each other and were willing to call it off, they would be getting married, and he supposed the sooner they were married, the sooner they could get used to living with each other, and the sooner they would get to have at least some of the benefits of being married. "May," He nodded. "I suppose you should check the social calendars there have been so many engagements, but I think May is as good as any option and perhaps better than some." He was feeling entirely too calm about this at the moment: too rational: as if he were discussing an assignment. In a way, perhaps he was. They had reached the edge of the park, and Severus stopped walking, his hand still on her arm. They would need to step behind some bushes to Apparate back to her place. "I suppose I should take you home then," he said. The evening had started out rocky enough, but there was something about having a ring on her finger that was making the reality set in. Giving them something that they did have in common - truly in common. His parents had married for love and it had not worked out. Perhaps he would fare better than they had. Certainly he wanted to, and Agatha seemed more nervous and uncertain than anything else. "Thank you," he said, perhaps a little more formally than was actually needed. "I suppose we shall talk more soon." Agatha nodded, trying to remember what she had written in her diary already. There was the engagement party for Veronica Parkinson and Aquila Avery on the 21st of February with their wedding on the 28th March and Astra Lestrange's... though it had been Avery on the invitation... well, her bridal shower on the 26th of February and the wedding on the 1st of March... though why they were having a second wedding so quickly was beyond her. Had the first been... not entirely legal or something? "I think May is clear at the moment," she said. "Everyone seems to be marrying awfully quickly but I'd rather a little more time." She rolled her eyes. "There's less gossip." That last bit had perhaps not been entirely proper but she did think that some weddings were being held with rather unseemly haste. She nodded then smiled wryly at his thanks. "I suppose we'd both know it was a lie if I said I'd had a lovely evening," she said with candid frankness before worrying about whether he'd actually like that. Oh well, she'd find out. "Frankly there was far too much billing and cooing going on around us for my liking but it wasn't utterly horrible so I suppose that counts for something." She hesitated for a moment then leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you." "I'd rather more time too," he said, unable to keep from smiling at her comment. "Merlin forbid," he added dryly. "If there is going to be gossip, I would prefer there be a reason for the gossip other than the fact that our parents have decided it is time for us to be wed." Which was essentially what had happened even if it had not technically been Severus' parents. He was startled when she kissed him. He hadn't really expected that, but it was not altogether unpleasant. And her statements had been almost a breath of fresh air. It was what he'd been thinking, but of course would never have said, and for the first time Severus thought maybe this might not be so terribly dreadful. "I think it does count for something," he said. "I think it has at least ended well enough?" He squeezed her arm lightly to let her know that he appreciated her honesty. "And I do apologise for the billing and cooing," he said wryly. "I should have looked at my calendar before sending you the invitation. Though perhaps in five years, we can be among the cooers," he said with a small smirk. It seemed unlikely, but perhaps stranger things had happened. "It has ended well," Agatha said after a moment of consideration. It wasn't a lie. They seemed to have lost at least a little of the awkwardness though it seemed that may have had more to do with the lovey-dovey surrounding than them. Not that she didn't think they would have lots more awkward moments. It seemed somehow wrong to the the engagement and wedding before the friendship part... and she honestly wasn't hoping for more. Friendship would be good. She'd be happy with that. If anything more developed, well, that would just be a bonus. "I didn't look either," she said wryly. "It's not really a date I've had to be worried about since I left school." She cocked her head to one side slightly, considering his last remark, then she smiled. "That is a nice thought." "I was afraid you might think it overly optimistic of me," he said wryly. "Shall we go now?" And he motioned her to a nearby hedge, although there were no people in the park that were likely to see them Apparate. And with that, he pulled out his wand so that they could Apparate back to her house. |