sirius black -- eventually, even stars burn out (seirios) wrote in blurred_lines, @ 2008-10-13 21:02:00 |
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James wasn't expecting company, but when he heard a pop from outside and the front door open he didn't so much as look up. He'd know the sounds of Sirius anywhere. "M'n'here with Mr. Kitty," he called from the kitchen. He'd have gotten up to go greet his friend, but he had his legs propped up on the table so the kitten could crawl all over him freely as he ate his pumpkin butter sandwich for lunch. "Thought you were dueling with Remus this afternoon," he added, remembering with a pang of jealousy that his friends were supposed to be busy without him. Sirius had gone home only to grab a couple of things, without checking for Marlene or Sammie. He hadn't really wanted to deal with his girlfriend right then and Sammie could get a bit whiny when left alone. He checked himself over after a few spells (despite extra training, Healing still wasn't his strong point) and when he was reasonably satisfied that all blood and boils were gone, he scarpered off again. The easiest option appeared to be to go to James; he could whinge at him and he wouldn't try to logic it away until he was done. He apparated with a pop, easily avoiding the wards with practice and walked straight through to the kitchen before plopping down on the kitchen seat. It wasn't until that moment he'd realised he was still breathing a little heavily and still had adrenalin surging through him; this was one of the few times he wasn't too happy about it. He remained wordless for a minute or two, to collect his thoughts. "We did," he replied hoarsely, still a little on edge and unable to formulate an explanation beyond 'Remus has lost his fucking mind'. "Holy shit," James said quietly when he got a good look at Sirius. "What the hell happened?" he asked, taking the kitten and sitting it on the floor so he could pull out his wand and give Sirius a once over. It was clear he'd tried to heal himself, but from experience, James figured that Sirius could likely use some extra work. He didn't bother asking permission as he cast a spell or two. Seeing that his best friend still looked shaken, he stood up to fetch them both some stale coffee and poured a shot of whatever alcohol was closest into the cup as well. "Is Moony alright?" he asked not grasping yet that it was Remus that had upset Sirius this much. It was Remus after all, and in James's mind, Sirius ought to be able to hand him his own arse on a platter. It wasn't that Remus wasn't a grand wizard, but when he fought, he tended to be more gentle than either James or Sirius ever were. Sirius shot James a dirty look in response, "Is Moony alright?!" He asked, in disbelief. Well, wasn't that lovely? He knew he was probably imagining it, but at the same time, he eather wished he'd asked if he was alright first. "Why, yes, James, I'm perfectly fine and our dear furry friend is fucking psycho who lost it on me, but as long as he's alright, I guess we're fine!" He blurted, not really thinking about how childish he sounded. He didn't care that it probably wasn't what he meant. Well, if you're going to whinge, start as you mean to go on! "Hey," James said quietly, putting his hand on Sirius's arm as he took a seat. "I could see you were going to live, git," he said with a small smile. "And if the two of you were fighting I assumed that you won. Can't blame me for that," he explained, hoping to at least cool some of Sirius's irritation toward him before diving into whatever disaster Remus had caused. "Of course it's more important to me that you're ok." James certainly looked contrite as his error sunk in. He probably have wouldn't been this understanding about Sirius snapping at him if he wasn't still feeling guilt over the whole Regulus mess from the month before. He'd let his best friend down in a big way by not being on his side, and he would never let that happen again. Even when the person he was angry with was Remus. "What did Remus do exactly?" he asked, his eyes growing slightly wider as his eyes swept across Sirius's shoulder and throat, looking for bite marks. "And how badly do I need to kick his ass?" "Sorry," Sirius muttered, shaking his head to clear his own jitters. In the back of his mind, he knew he was being ridiculous but he couldn't shake it. He's scared him and he didn't scare all that easily. "I think we called it draw." He didn't like to think that he'd actually managed to get a few hits in on ridiculous spells, but there was no point dwelling on that. There was enough that had gone wrong with it without dwelling on his own failures. He took a deep breath and took a drink from James, taking a few gulps before starting. You're being ridiculous, that voice inside told him, but he never did listen to that guy. "We dueled. He lost his temper. I almost ended up throttled -- literally. I had to kick him off me." A part of him wanted to make jokes about it being the second time in as many months that he'd ended up on his back because of Remus, but he just didn't feel there. "Just ended up a broken nose. Again." "I'll talk to him," James said. "The two of you probably shouldn't have been dueling right before the full moon, but regardless, he's got to control himself," he said with a frustrated sigh. "Lestrange didn't turn him in because he was likely breaking some law or other, and you're not going to because-- because you just wouldn't, but the next person might not be so shifty or understanding," he said. He took his thumb and pushed on the bridge of Sirius's nose ever so slightly. "Does that hurt?" he asked, wanting to make sure Sirius had healed himself properly. "And do you hurt anywhere else? And do you want me to get him back for you, because I will. I'll walk into the flat, pull out my wand, and smack him over the head with it, if it'd make you feel better." "No, James, you're not getting it." He sighed, trying to get the point across. "This is Remus losing it but it was like he wasn't even in there. I know I'm a shit when I duel, but I don't think being strangled for it is quite right either!" He couldn't help but think what would happen if he lost it like that at home. Sirius had always imagined that he was annoying even in his sleep, but he didn't want to put it to the test! "Ow!" came a very indignant reply, answering his question for him. "No, I'm fine, I was just so desperate to get out of there -" not running away, thank you very much "- that I didn't really concentrate." He made a face, "I'm not going to end up like Snape, am I? If so, I'll go back and let him finish me off!" James laughed in spite of himself. "No, you're not going to end up looking like Snape. Noses are my specialty-- comes with being a Quidditch captain," he reminded him. He used his wand to cast a healing spell, and also a pain spell, and one more spell he thought would take down swelling, though he hadn't used it in awhile. Nothing bad happened though, and Sirius's nose definitely looked completely normal. He was stalling, because he didn't know what to say about Remus. Was James scared of him? No. Should he be? Probably, but James wasn't known for his good sense when it came to his friends. "I think... I think maybe it's not the greatest ideas for you to be living with him," he said, feeling like a complete traitor to Remus, but it was the truth. "Because you're right... there's nothing that should ever make a normal person strangle you. Want to strangle you, probably, but not actually do it. And the fact that he obviously doesn't have the self-control to keep from it-- I think maybe you're a special case," he said quietly. "I don't think he'd hurt Marlene cause I don't think she'd ever take it that far, but if you keep around him, I think this could happen again. James hated himself for saying it, but it was true... but then again it was Remus and Remus wouldn't ever really hurt one of them. But then this was Sirius, and he had a spectacular knack for making people want to kill him. "Atleast give it a few days away to make sure he's settled down." Sirius tried touching his nose a couple of times to make sure it was in shape and, when satisfied, relaxed a little more. It wasn't that he was overly vain, of course, but he did happen to quite like his nose. It went with everything else nicely and he didn't want to look not nice, after all. "Thanks." He muttered, a little bitter at his lack of ability. "It's just getting worse, isn't it? I know we're all getting angrier but he just...seems to be giving out a lot this year." There'd been a lot of loss this year, it was true, but it didn't help ease his nerves. "I don't know if I'm getting more cutting or if there's something else bringing it all to the surface, but it's not acceptable." He took another drink and made a face, "James, I kneed him in the balls, thus possibly proving he actually has some." He shook his head. This was Remus they were talking about, but still, there was something in the back of his mind whispering doubts and he didn't like it. "It was feral...what if it's not completely wrong? I used to think that a werewolf was just a wolf in wizards clothing. Then it was a person who got a little furry once a month. What if the first assumption wasn't wrong and this is, at least partly, him? Not all masks belong to Death Eaters." "It's no him," James said, though it was more automatic than thought out. "We'd know, wouldn't we? I mean... we're his best friends, we'd have to know. It's not like he's been trying to be tricky. It's Remus, he doesn't have a sneaky bone in his body. If he did, we wouldn't have had to suffer through 7 years of talking about ill aunts and dying grandmothers," he pointed out. He didn't sound convinced though. "This war... it's killing us all slowly," he sighed. "Killing the good parts of us I think. We can't give up on him, Sirius. Maybe he is changing into something worse, but I'm not going to let him go without a fight, and neither are you. But that doesn't mean you need to be putting yourself in danger either, and I don't even know what to think about Marlene." "We all have our secrets; usually things we're ashamed of. I'm not saying this part has to be conscious but maybe it is something he's trying to hide or control on his own and it's just not working." Sirius sighed, running his hand through his hair a couple of times. He didn't like this train of thought but it didn't stop him from thinking it. "Maybe he doesn't now. Worse, what if he does know and he doesn't think he can talk to us about it because..." Well, because of how he just acted, really. He'd just gotten too afraid to deal with it and he hated that. He let himself trail off, hopping onto the next train of thought that came by. "Is this what happens now? That we have to worry about our friends life with his girlfriend because he can't keep enough control and might accidently hurt her? Or go off on one of the other Order members? Or lose it in a fight so he gets caught and put down like a common animal? Is this what it's come to?" It was a sickening feeling that reached into the put of his stomach and felt like it was turned upside down. "I'm not leaving my flat. Gigantor Lestrange could come in there and I still wouldn't leave it. It's my flat, it's my friend and if he happens to be turning into a homocidal animal, he's going to feel even more like family, isn't he?" If he could just drum that into his mind, things would work out. "I don't know what it's coming to," James said, clearly upset. "Honestly, I'm not scared of him. I ought to be, but I just can't believe he'd hurt me. And I'd like to think the same with Marlene even though-- This has got to be about the least comfortable topic in the world but you know sometimes with sex it's sort of easy to lose track of things," he said, blushing slightly because as comfortable as he was talking about ridiculous sex, he didn't enjoy discussing it when it was the real thing, and Marlene and Remus. "But I'll be damned if I have that conversation with either of them," he added firmly. "And I don't think you being around him would be dangerous for you, but maybe you're going to have to be more careful about provoking him. It's not fair, and you shouldn't have to, but the facts are that that he's having problems right now, and that much we can't deny. You're probably lucky your family is so screwed up because it'll give you a better handle on how to manage this. "You never were though, were you?" Sirius told him, evenly. You'd think time would make it easier to talk about this kind of thing, but it really didn't. "You never had nightmares about it or felt that uncomfortable. I'm not saying I didn't think it was really neat to have a werewolf for a friend, but it didn't stop a bit of fear creeping in." He gave him a wry smile, "You're just...James. Rules rarely apply." Sirius thought about it for a moment before shrugging, "I'd be more afraid of Marlene during than Remus, I think. Those things could put someones eye out." A definite sign he was feeling better. "As much as I hate having to regulate myself in my own home, I have a bedroom and it worked most of my teenage years. I just never thought I'd have to with you guys." The thought was more than a little upsetting. James laughed. "Just James?" he asked. "Is that some sort of nice way of saying I've got the sense of a flobberworm?" he teased, glad that Sirius was joking around now. It meant things were getting better. "I know it's shit, but we'll figure something out... we'll work around it. It might mean keeping a better eye on him and all that, but it'll be worth it in the end. And he probably feels like shit already," James pointed out. "I wouldn't be surprised if he's locked himself in your bathroom and won't come out till the moon." "Are you feeling better?" he asked. "No, you have the sense of a stag. All antlers, no brains." Sirius smiled to show he was just winding him up, but it felt better to make a joke. "Maybe we need to use some of that stuff on him...but then we might hear him doing things and those things could never be unheard." Hegave a very put on shiver and knocked back another drink. He wasn't really thinking about how he might be feeling, he had to admit, but it stood to reason that he felt badly about it. He would probably beat himself up enough. "I'll talk to him after the full. We'll...converse or spoon or something." "Not really," he said, honestly. He didn't like feeling out of sorts and Remus losing it was definitely a trip to lala land, mentally speaking. "Give it a few days and I'll be fine, but I don't like this. For the record." He wet his lips, trying to think. "You better go with him tomorrow night. Just in case." James nodded. "Spend the night here tonight at least. Give Remus some time to explain things to Marly, and then tomorrow night you can keep her company while I'm werewolf wrangling," he said, leaning back in his chair again as he picked up the kitten. "I'm sure Remus is going to say he doesn't want me around, but that's nothing new. We'll get this worked out," James said confidently as he picked up his sandwich. "We always do." |