Agnes O'Hare (her royal HIGHness) (saintagnes) wrote in blurred_lines, @ 2008-09-19 20:48:00 |
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Entry tags: | ! [1979-09] september, agnes o'hare, severus snape |
RP Log; Agnes & Severus
Who: Agnes & Severus
When: 19 September
Where: Spinner's end
What: Agnes is a little bit pissed
Rating: PG-13 for blood & swearing
Status: Complete
Outrage didn't quite cover the emotion that Agnes was feeling. She'd hadn't even been to see Abe yet the shade of rage that coursed through every atom of her body was so hot she thought she might explode before making it to Spinner's End. It was quite the miracle that she even managed to apparate, but perhaps there was something in unmitigated fury that kept her together, kept her focused upon that location. As she entered the lane with a pop, Agnes turned to orient herself before storming off toward Severus Snape's house and pounding on the door. Though she made no intentional effort at calming herself, she was so small and so childish looking that even at full steam, she didn't appear murderous. Too bad for Snape that he would have very very little warning.
Severus was somewhat startled out of his revere. The house had been entirely too quiet after Barty had left him alone to heal, and although he was expecting Barty later, he was pretty certain Barty was not going to be pouding on the door. Severus was hard pressed to think of someone who was likely to be pounding on the door, so it was with some trepedation that he got up to move towards the front door. Thea wound around his ankles, but skittered under the sofa with another sound from the front door, and Severus, for his part, put his hand on his wand. Someone who wanted to cause a great amount of harm would probably be more stealthy, he thought. It might be a neighbour, or maybe Barty was more irritable than Severus had assumed he was, although he still had a difficult time coming up with the idea of Barty pounding.
Severus peered out of the peep hole and was startled to see not much more than Agnes' hairline through it. He frowned slightly, the pounding could not bode well, but he figured he owed her an apology, if she'd listen to him. Biting his lip sharply, he took a deep breath and he opened the door carefully.
Through which Agnes barrelled, not giving half a damn what sort of rude she was being. Just seeing him was enough to tear loose a string of expletives from her that would make a sailor blush, and she was suddenly sobbing, new wand on the ground and rolling toward the cat while she threw her fists at him, beating against his chest and jaw and screaming incoherently. "YOU FUCK.YOU---FUCK." Her voice twisted into something shrill, inhuman - worse, something hurt, betrayed. Too quickly was her breath ripped from her and she was drowned into a horrible, wet howl - but it wasn't enough to stop her from hating him, and she kicked, and flailed, and scratched - all nails and teeth and limbs and rage. He'd suffer for this, by god, even if she had to tear herself apart to make it happen.
Severus had been expecting her to be upset, but he hadn't quite been expecting that much energy hurled towards him quite so suddenly. He didn't even have a chance to close the door, and had the flash thought that he hoped Thea didn't escape, but the cat was quickly the least of his worries, as he was trying mostly to defend himself against this powerful little woman, who, regardless of her size, could certainly throw a punch. And just as quickly as the shock of the entire thing was gone, the defeat sank in. He was so tired, his leg still ached, and he hated that he'd harmed her and now she was angry: She'd figured out it was him, and she had every right to be angry. He didn't know what to say, but he knew if she kept hitting him, he was going to be likely to be re-injured for a second time and he could not imagine Barty would be pleased. He tried to catch at her hands, her fists, but her legs were moving too quickly, and she kept slipping out of his grasp, and she was crying, and he didn't want to hear her cry: Merlin, it was almost worse than Lily's quiet tears had been.
"Agnes, please," he managed, reaching again for one of the flailing hands.
Bad idea; stilling one of her hands gave her precisely the leverage she needed - and with a loud, choked sob of furious agony, Agnes swung at his nose, straight from the shoulder. She hadn't realised she would be this angry when she left the hospital, but it seemed to have bled through her on the walk to the apparition spot, rising and rising until when, at last, she arrived, it exploded at everything. Nothing could be worse in the world than knowing that she'd been betrayed - and not just by Severus, but by Moody, by Aberforth. "I TRUSTED YOU. I FUCKED YOU. YOU SELFISH, MURDERING FUCK I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU."
Severus groaned as Agnes' fist made contact with his nose. "Fuck it, Agnes," he exclaimed, dropping her hand, and reaching his hand up to his nose. It was bleeding, and it hurt like hell, she'd probably broken it - or at least he wouldn't be surprised if she had. "I didn't-" He didn't even know what to say to her and he stood there the blood running into his mouth, the bitter salty taste of it on his lips. He didn't what, lie to her? Practically outright, and he had murdered, and while he wasn't particularly afraid of Agnes being able to kill him, but that wasn't really the point.
He raised one hand, in defeat, the other trying to stop the bleeding from his nose. "Fine, you want to kill me? What are you going to do Agnes? Could you do it? Could you honestly live with yourself knowing you'd killed another human being - even one who deserved it?"
If Severus thought appealing to Agnes's morality was the way to get out of this mess, he was sorely mistaken, for in these few blind moments of rage, she truly believed that she could, that she should kill him. That he was secretly a murderer this entire time, lying and betraying her and probably selling her out to You Know Who himself. He had a moment to nurse himself, but she was back against him in seconds, tiny fists pounding into his ribs as she tried to shove him forward, blood spilling over his chin an onto her cheek, a hot, violently red marker of a relationship gone horribly, horribly wrong. "YOU FUCKING DESERVE IT." She echoed, though there was no acknowledgement of the real question there. She could do it! She could fucking kill him. Though... sadly, she was already starting to lose steam, and the sobs became louder as the beating of her fists on his chest became less and less forceful. "I hate you."
There were moments in his life where Severus honestly wished someone would have the gall to just kill him. Put him out of his misery, because he fucked things up so royally and so completely, that they would end up not even recognisable as what he'd thought his life would turn out like. Agnes had been - well, not really a constant, but she'd been there for him several times, and he'd gotten used to her, and the evening they'd spent together, not even a week ago, had been so comfortable. He swallowed hard, and he wasn't certain if the moisture on his cheeks was from the blood or tears.
"Yeah. I do," he said finally, more harshly than he intended. "And you should hate me. You-" she was crying so hard, the emotion from the anger had switched courses rapidly, and he was left awkward. He didn't know if he should try to hold her - it's what he normally would have done - or simply turn her away. In the end he went with his instinct, knowing that if she was so angry at him she wouldn't take any comfort from him, that he'd figure that out pretty quick. His hands went to her shoulders. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, but firmly. She wouldn't believe him, of course, but it was sincere.
Agnes's voice was hoarse, violently upset, and she shoved his arms away from her. "DON'T TOUCH ME." She didn't even know why she was still here. She should leave. She should fucking leave - and, trying, she turned away from him and stumbled toward the door. Whatever she'd hoped to accomplish here had gone utterly by the wayside. A broken nose was all she'd managed before completely and utterly losing it. Near the door she fell, choking on her own sobs, and groped around for her wand - though she wasn't really in the best frame of mind to be apparating. So WHAT. So WHAT if she splinched. Fuck splinching. Fuck Snape. He was making her look like an idiot and she could barely see for tears and snot and smeared blood and dirt.
Severus stepped back from her almost as if she'd hit him again. The sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach was not a new one. It didn't twist as cruelly as it had done with Lily, but the sentiment was exactly the same. Once again he'd managed to lose a friend: someone who had actually wanted to spend time with him. Agnes had been so unexpected, and now he'd turned her away because of his own mistakes and stupidity. Half of him wanted to try to help her, give her the wand, ask if she'd rather take the floo network, but the dread and the horrid knowledge that he was losing her seemed to have planted his feet firmly to the ground. He couldn't move, even if he'd wanted to, and, with moisture that he was pretty certain was tears on his cheeks, he raised a hand to his nose, trying to block the blood. The other arm wrapped around his chest, but it could no more protect him from pain than he could protect her from the pain of his betrayal.
"Agnes-" he whispered. "Please. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Her fingers hit the strip of wood and, shaking, Agnes closed her small fist around it before shoving her face into her arm, wet smearing everywhere. "NO. NO!" She was shrieking now - voice risen to insurmountable heights. The neighbours could probably hear. She was embarrassed and furious and the little piece of her that had believed in him was torn apart. She'd remember this forever, this utter and complete fucked up mistake. Her judgement had been wrong. Her optimism, wrong. Her faith, wrong. Her hope, wrong. She'd have to remember that every day for the rest of her life - that she'd fucked a death eater - someone who'd murdered and would murder again. Someone who'd helped kill her family. At this last thought a horrible keening noise escaped her as she struggled to get off his floor and get out through the front door. She wanted her mum. She wanted them and they were dead and now it wasn't just the death eaters, but it was Severus and he was responsible, and he was the reason her dad was utterly fucking alone and the reason she had to run away and the reason they'd lost Edgar and Fabian and Gideon.
Her palms hit his door frame, a frantic, nauseated sort of panic driving her out of the house. She needed Marlene. She needed her now.
Severus watched her, his lips dry and his entire body frozen. He wanted to tell her to please not leave. He wanted to apologise a dozen times, more, he wanted a do over, he wanted to not have caused her to have gotten hurt - to have been able to keep her from it, as he'd wanted to, he'd meant to, and he couldn't change that: He couldn't change any of it. He would have done practically anything to have been able to do so.
In his mind he could move forward and reach out to her, and there were a dozen ways that it could end and end well, if not happily ever after, but fear and uncertainty was keeping him paralyzed. He knew if he moved, she'd just move away, faster than he could reach for her, and he'd already lost her, was losing her? It was semantics, really, and had she ever even been his at all? He could feel his cheeks hot and flushed, and he hated feeling so helpless. He hated the feeling of standing in the middle of losing a friend and knowing that there might have been some way he could have stopped it. Something he might have been able to do differently.
"Agnes."
"No!" She refused to be placated - as if he was even able. No! Her fingers pressed the wand into her chest - Moody's wand, not her wand because that - the last remaining vestige of her mother - had been RUINED and DESTROYED by SEVERUS fucking SNAPE. And she sobbed again, heavily, as she figured out the frame with her sticky hands and dragged herself upward and outward, not caring who was looking or the neighbours who were staring. She didn't know how to get home, but she'd do it and Marlene would help her but she had to get away from him now or she'd cry and cry and cry and never breathe again. It took her several agonising moments to find her feet, but she did, and she was away from his home, trudging through the mud and unable to tell if it was tears or the hot September rains that were hitting her cheeks.
Severus stood still in the empty entryway in the row house for an indeterminable period of time. Agnes had been gone forever when he finally managed to pull himself forward to shut the front door. His nose had stopped bleeding, although his face still felt hot and sticky, and a mess and he pushed his back against the cool wood of the front door, trying to shut out just how much it fucking hurt to have lost her like this. He slid down the door, sitting in the dim light, and feeling as if he should move. He should do something, but there really was nothing to be done. It was his cat, finally, sniffing his hand, that pulled him back to himself, and he drug himself to his feet to go to the toilets and see just how much damage had been done. He knew most of it was damage that could not be repaired.