Marlene Lupin is plotting her revenge (on_the_wall) wrote in blurred_lines, @ 2008-09-17 01:04:00 |
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Entry tags: | ! [1979-09] september, agnes o'hare, marlene lupin (née mckinnon) |
Who: Aggie & Marly
What: GIRL TIEMS
Where: Marly's bed, GH
When: 16 September 1979
Status: Incomplete but posted!
Rating: PG13? They swear a lot...
When Agnes finally reached Godric's Hollow with Beth and Marly, she was exhausted. Exhausted from crying her stupid eyes out and exhausted from rage at Severus (fucking prick!) and from frustration and pain. She'd nabbed a vial of painkilling potion from her hospital bedside when she was finally "released" (i.e. escaped), and it now rested on the headboard of the bed she and Marlene were sharing. The world had suddenly become so small. All the people she trusted seemed far more frightening, far more evil than she'd ever realised. Those she could trust had shrunk to a handful, and most of those lived in the house. Abe had fucked her over. Moody had fucked her over. Snape had blindsided her. Fuck, she didn't remember when things had gotten so complicated.
She took advantage of Marly's proximity to cry for a while - and these tears weren't angry or embarrassed - just sad and real. And when Marlene was properly saturated with Agnes's upset, she pulled back and peered at her friend, who looked just as tired as she did.
"Sorry." An half-smile twisted up her lips. "Gotcha a little wet there."
"Eh, it was my turn to play Human Handkerchief," Marlene shrugged, laughing a little to cover up the wincing at attempting to move her shoulder. She'd spent practically the entirety of the last three days wailing on anyone who had a shirt, or pants, or anything other fabricy apparel despite the fact that she hated letting people see her cry. Painkiller potion made it so much harder to stop herself when all of her pesky emotions felt like leaking out all at once.
She could definitely sympathise with Agnes on the exhaustion bit as well, as she hadn't slept straight through for more than an hour since after the attack. Between her injuries keeping her awake, worrying about how her friends were doing, freaking out over whatever had supposedly been lurking around outside in Godric's Hollow, and wishing that Remus would just bloody wake up already, Marlene hadn't been able to stop thinking long enough to let herself drift off for long, let alone to get the rest that she needed to heal properly. She insisted that she'd be fine, though. She needed to be fine for everybody else; they were worse off than she was. Or, at least, that's what she was going to keep telling herself. "You need something to drink?"
Agnes shook her head and then let it sink into a pillow. Things seemed better here, even if they were inches away from death at all bloody times. "Fuck man." Her fingers went compulsively for her shoulder, digging into the freshly knitted wound there and feeling every uneven expanse of flesh. "What the fuck is going on. I feel like someone popped my head off and screwed it back arsewise."
A breath.
"I been hangin' out a lot with Severus Snape. I figured Lily knew him best and she said he weren't a death eater so I believed her. I figured I'd give him a chance since there ain't nobody else who would. I wanted to try to like, you know, help him be less of a goddamned fucking prick." She looked elsewhere, unsure she could take whatever Marlene's emotional response was. "And I found out that Moody and Abe fucking knew about it. They KNEW he were a death eater, like maybe he confessed or somethin' and they didn't fuckin' say ANYTHING. After he was at Lil's funeral and Abe knew we was hangin' out, they didn't say NOTHIN'. I could have been fuckin' murdered and they didn't give a SHIT." Her voice quavered and her eyes grew wet and it was frustrating and uncomfortable and she hated it. "Moody said they was worried about US gettin' SNAPE killed. Like it didn't even cross their fuckin' minds that I was spendin time with a fuckin death eater. What the FUCK."
Marlene knew that Agnes was friendly with Snape. She didn't understand it, not in the slightest, but Marlene also knew that Agnes was a much better person than she was. She gave people who didn't deserve it chances. And it made Marlene absolutely ill that this person -- this nasty, gross, greasy, twatwaffle of a shell of a person -- had completely used that against her. Had tried to fucking kill her.
She opened her mouth to reply -- wanting to assure her that it was all right; that Snape was simply a fucktard and they'd get him back for his bullshittery -- when Agnes went on, going into the details about Abe and Moody, about how they knew all along that he'd been a Death Eater and hadn't done a thing about it. They hadn't said a word even to confirm it when someone would post looking for updates on suspected and confirmed death eaters. Fuck, Moody was an Auror and he hadn't said anything, and as far as Marlene knew, both he and Abe were extremely fond of Agnes. Hell, they'd both jumped through hoops and pulled strings when it came to trying to get her out of going to Azkaban, and they knew she'd been close with Snape, and they hadn't said anything. They knew and they hadn't said anything. "What the fuck," Marlene echoed, still unable to wrap her head around anything beyond that one single, extraordinarily clear thought. They'd known, and Agnes could have gone off at any time to see Snape and simply never come back, and no one would have known what had happened to her. And it would have been preventable. "How could... that doesn't even make any sense," she scoffed, her brows furrowed, her voice brimming with confusion and disgust. "Why was that even a concern!? He's a fucking death eater. He fucking kills people for bloody sport, and they were worried that... oh my god."
Agnes shook her head. Somewhere in the logic centres of her brain - very deeply buried, for this was Agnes, after all - she would remember Moody saying something about double agent. About spy. But right now that didn't matter and all she could remember was Moody's face and her own horror at his revelation.
"I don't know," she answered dully, closing her eyes a minute to reabsorb some of the stupid annoying tears that hovered there. "I just don't fucking know. I don't know I don't know I don't know." And she wasn't sure if she wanted to know - to understand this betrayal. "Can't trust nobody, Marly. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. They was my friends, I thought. I trusted them. You know? Death eaters fucking ripped apart my home and your home and they didn't think to tell none of us. Fuck it all, if they weren't going to say nothin they coulda at least told me, for fucks sake, I was hangin out with him. Alone. And you know I just don't get a lot of shit. Like I don't get why he saved my ass from the werewolf. I figure he were usin me for somethin but I just can't figure out what for."
"Well. I'm glad that he did that, at least," she noted quietly, having never quite been able to wrap her head around WHY Snape had gone out to grab Agnes away from the shebeast. Then again, she still had a feeling she didn't have most of the details about what had happened that night, all things considered. People tended to miss a lot when they were unconscious, which was a thought that made Marlene glance over at where Remus was sleeping for a brief moment before turning her attention back fully to Agnes. "There's no reason for them to not've told you about it. They should've told the whole fucking Order, for god sakes, he's a death eater, but out of EVERYONE you and Lil should've been told." She paused. "He admitted it even. He went to the fucking hospital to see Lily and admitted it to her in person. I... fucking hell, he might've gone in there to bloody smother her to death, or mix her potions with poison or some shit, or... ugh, fuck him."
Agnes's eyes widened. "He went and saw Lily? They let him go and see Lily?!" She was appalled, though logically there was no reason the hospital would have kept him out, even if he did look like the world's most suspicious character. Fuck him, she couldn't believe this bullshit. Sure, she was alive, but she doubted that was because of any regard Severus had for her. Death eaters couldn't feel love for anybody but their own kind. "I'm scared Marly. I don't know if I can trust no one outside these walls."
"I don't think they let him. James didn't even know; Lily might've talked to him later, but he didn't when I mentioned it," Marlene explained, her stomach clenching up at the thought that Snape would've gone in there and done even more distruction than he already had. "I'm fucking terrified, Aggie," she admitted, curling her knees up in towards her stomach and hugging her... well, arm around her legs, her left arm sort of hanging out doing its own thing. "I'm so not fucking willing to give anything else up. I barely have anyone left, and I'm scared. How the hell is the Order supposed to win this when half of us are willing to let the other half die. And shit."
Agnes paused a minute and considered the question. To be honest, she didn't have a lot of faith in the order any more. Between bickering and lying and not knowing who to trust, she wasn't even sure she wanted to be in the order. "I don't know. I don't even know. I ain't sure I should really be in the order anymore. I don't trust nobody anymore and what use is that. I trust you and the guys and Lils and Bethie and that's about it. It's just gettin' worse and worse and people are just gettin' worse."
Wiping a stray tear from her nose, Agnes sighed. "Sometimes I think it would just be a better idea to get the fuck out of the country, you know? But it ain't right. How can this shit happen that ain't right?"
"I don't know." It was a shit answer, and one that would've driven Marlene absolutely nuts to be given herself, and she hated that she didn't have anything better to tell her. Nothing was helping. Nothing they were doing was getting them anywhere. "I know I've thought about it; taking off, going somewhere that the stupid war hasn't touched yet. I tried to get my parents to leave, back when that first ultimatum thing got published in the paper. I wonder if it would've made a difference," Marlene pondered quietly, her voice mixed between thoughtful and detached. It seemed like once they decided it was time for you to die, that was it. You didn't get a choice anymore.
After a moment of letting her thoughts drift to her family, which then drifted to the fact that fucking Lestrange had killed them, which then moved back to the events of Saturday night, she finally spoke up again, not looking at Agnes when she did so. "Aggie... if you knew that you had the chance to kill one of them, one of the death eaters... to stop them from hurting anyone else ever again but you had to kill someone in the Order in able to get to them to do it... would you be able to do it?"
"I wish I could get my old dad to leave, but he ain't gonna. I worry sometimes that... yeah I don't know. We don't talk much since mum. Yeah." Agnes wished she was smarter - wished that she could figure out how the flipping christ to do something useful, to get the order back together (even if she was furious at two significant members right now).
"If it were me, yeah, but no fuckin' way would I ever kill any of you to do it. Not even the people I's hacked off at. It just ain't right."
"Yeah," she replied softly, leaning back against her pillow and staring up at the ceiling. They really needed to invest in a ceiling that would provide answers to what the fuck they were supposed to do about all this. "I don't... I agree. I don't think that's the case for everyone though, and that..." she trailed off. That scared her. That's what that did.
"After we all got out of werewolf land at Hogwarts, I ran into... well, no. I tried to set Rodolphus the Gigantor Lestrange on fire, and it backfired and I was getting the shit kicked out of me and then Dorcas was there and she was trying to use the unforgivables on him and he held me so that it hit me instead and they had like, a battle of wills or some shit, I don't even know, but he was like "if you want to kill me you're going to have to kill her" (meaning me) and I think that she thought about it even though she says she wasn't but I don't know what to think anymore about fucking anything anymore. I'm pissed because it's not the first time she's started throwing around crucio at people, she did it at her flat too when it got attacked when me and Remus were there," -- a quick glance to where Remus was still sleeping in the next bed. Hopefully he wasn't conscious enough to hear this -- "and I don't want her to get sent to prison or anything because... she's still my friend, or was, and maybe it was a mistake, a really fucking bad one, but between her drawing pictures of Snape's nose fucking Narcy Malfoy and just not ever LISTENING or seeming to get that we like, don't want her to die but I don't think she realises she's doing something wrong and... I'm rambling. I'm not making sense. Nothing in this fucking war makes any sense, Agnes, and I don't know what the fuck to do."
Agnes's expression twisted between anger (at Lefuckhead) and horror (at Dorcas), and back to anger. She boggled at the idea that anyone would fucking hesitate to save one of their own, especially in a situation like that. But. "I feel a little bad for her cuz she ain't had no way of knowing if he'd keep his promise or just kill you both, but I dunno, Marly, there ain't no way I'd be able to walk away if I thought I'd just killed you, so I ain't sure what she was doin'." No fucking way. She rather have snapped her wand in half to save Marlene's life than have it stepped on by some girl-sized death eater. "Fuck I wish I'd been there. I need to keep an eye on you - and we need to stop getting the fuck beat out of us is another thing."
She shook her head. "Fuck I can't believe Dorky cast a crucio, Jesus - ain't she heard the trouble I got into?"
"I know. And I don't want to be mad at her, but I am, and... god, it's just so much utter shit," Marlene groaned, rolling over on the bed to face Agnes (and not having much luck at finding a comfortable position to do this, what with her shoulder being wrapped up all to hell and still aching something terrible). It did make her smile a bit, though, when Agnes mentioned needing to keep an eye on her. That hadn't done them much good in the past, but at least the two had come out of the fray looking slightly better than she and Agnes did right then. She was tired of getting the shit kicked out of her. It happened nearly once a fucking month. "I think I need to figure out if this even still something I wanna do at all. Maybe it's selfish, but I'm not gonna do the Order much good if I'm dead neither. No more getting beat up," Marlene agreed, thinking it was a good pact to make.