Aberforth Dumbledore - he knows everything (theoldgoat) wrote in blurred_lines, @ 2008-08-23 10:53:00 |
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"He is a prat," he said in a disgruntled tone as he slumped down in his chair again. "Most people never see it. Too busy worshipping the ground on which he walks. Least he chucked in all those stupid ideas he had back then. Well, Gellert's ideas. Reckon most of them came from that berk." He snorted and slouched down a little further, stretching his legs out again. "My brother has lousy taste in men. Not that mine's much better. Though I suppose my taste in women has been marginally better than my taste in men. Still I never picked anyone like stupid Gellert. Wanker." He was aware he sounded more like he'd been at fifteen than the man nearing one hundred that he actually was but he couldn't bring himself to care. He waved a hand casually. "Nah, go ahead. Boring being the only drunk in the room." He tried to arch an eyebrow at Severus but suspected he was just making himself look silly. "More secrets? That's right. You wanted to talk to me. Not now. Wouldn't give you good advice right now. Later. When I'm sober and the hangover's gone." He let his head fall back against the chair and stared up at the ceiling. "Like having you here. You don't tease the way Rhisiart does. Prissy vampire. I'm going to kick his arse from here to Timbuktu and back when I find him." He held up his hand which still bore the marks of Clara's bite. "Stupid little bint bit me. Still better my hand than my neck. Don't mind tapping a vein for Rhisiart but not for any other vampire." And the surprises kept coming, Severus poured himself a glass of the whiskey while Aberforth talked, finding out a few more things about the Dumbledores than he had anticipated. He hadn't thought about Professor Dumbledore preferring men anymore than he'd considered Aberforth being interested in them. And the fact that Albus Dumbledore and Grindelwald... Severus thought Albus was probably wise to not go sharing those family secrets with a large number of people. Maybe Albus had that one thing correct. "Yes, I did want to talk to you," Severus said taking a drink. "I was definitely preferring sober, however," he grinned. "And I'll make certain you get a hangover potion in the morning. Who better to get drunk with than someone who can brew them in his sleep? That was the first potion I ever learned how to brew," he added. "I probably did it first when I was seven? eight? My Mum would brew them for my Dad. He'd come home drunker than drunk, and he wasn't any fun to be around when he was that way, but the potions would at least keep him from being horribly mean the morning after. When you could get him to take some of that 'magical shit' as he pleasantly referred to it." He swirled the liquid in the glass ruefully. "And you've got family," he said. "No matter how prat-like they might be, that's important." "Maybe when I've known you as long as Rhisiart has known you, I'll tease you too," Severus gave Abe a cocky grin. "I just don't know all the proper things to tease on. Give me time!" He glanced at the bite marks, and looked a bit more sober. "I'm glad you made it out all right." He disliked vampires less than he disliked werewolves, but he was still somewhat uneasy around them. Aberforth gave a tiny somewhat lazy smile. He was beginning to feel the first flickerings of normality returning. It was like this when Rhisiart came and sat with him on this night. They talked out what had happened... again... and it was a wonder the vampire didn't roll his eyes and get bored given the number of times he'd heard the story. But he didn't; he simply listened and said things not unlike those Severus had said. Then he'd slowly, gradually, turn the conversation to more normal, mundane things then to positive things, talk about the future, about their friends, about things that could give Aberforth hope and even make him smile. Strange that this young man seemed to know what to do. Well, perhaps he didn't, perhaps he just had good instincts or perhaps his personality was just the right one for this situation. Merlin knows Marcus and Aknot had never been able to handle him. Whatever the reason, Aberforth was thankful to his friends for sending Severus up when Rhisiart hadn't shown. "I have hangover potions somewhere," he said, waving a hand idly. "Gotta have 'em in a pub. Got 'em from Belby. He's a good man." He stopped and snorted with amusement. "He's a weird one but that's okay. So am I. Anyway, yours are probably just as good. Better if you've been brewing them for that long." He tried to arch an eyebrow again at what Severus said about his father. He'd seen his fair share of drunks and the nasty drunks were always the worst. He left it alone though. He doubted it was a pleasant subject for Severus to talk about and it was bad enough that his ghosts and demons were alive in the room tonight without dragging Severus' out as well. He'd never been a big believer in the idea of misery loves company. He sighed and frowned slightly. "Yeah, I do have Albus. Annoying twit that he is." It wasn't as thought Albus hadn't made attempts to heal the breach that existed between them but he'd always rebuffed them. He knew why but it just wasn't a subject he liked to dwell on. He blamed Albus, just as much as he blamed himself but not as much as he blamed Gellert. Perhaps it was wrong of him to carry such emotions around after so long but... he'd loved his beautiful, sweet, damaged sister. He gave a slow smile. "Maybe you will." He sobered a little. "Hope you do," he said as seriously as he could manage. He really did because if Severus was still teasing him in a decade or two then the war would surely be over and the Death Eaters would be gone. "Should have trusted my instincts," he said, rolling his eyes. "They were telling me to get out but when the girl appeared, I just hoped she might know something. Stupid of me really." Severus nodded at Abe. Of course he'd have hangover potions, hadn't he supplied Severus with some after a hangover not that long ago? He watched the older man, and realised how utterly bizarre this situation was. Never in a hundred years would he have dreamed that he'd be sitting in the Hog's Head with Aberforth Dumbledore showing him ever skeleton in the Dumbledore family closet - at least not willingly. And yet, it was one of the more natural feeling things he'd felt in a while. Things were beginning to fall into place for him. His world, so drastically tilted by Astra, by Aquila's response, by waking up and seeing the hypocrisy and the reality of how his so called friends actually felt about him, was beginning to move back into place. But it was a different place, and not one he'd been before. Severus had always been able to compartmentalise his life, but with all these events, he was finding the place where he didn't compartmentalise: the place that was as normal as he was going to reach. And Abe was a part of that, no matter how surprising that had been to him. "Think of it this way," he offered dryly. "He might be an annoying twit, but you've always got someone to use as a punching bag when you need the practise." It seemed rude to offer that Aberforth could break Albus' nose once for Severus as well, so he left that thought off, tacking it on only mentally. "Instincts are usually good things," he added. "I suppose they can lead you astray - it's happened to me before - but they don't typically. Next time I suggest you listen to them. The vampires aren't to be messed with - none of the dark creatures are. I've spent less time studying vampires than werewolves, and frankly I prefer them to werewolves, but you still probably don't want to take a walk in a park with one you don't know," Severus gave a short laugh and shook his head. "Sorry," he said turning a hand out. "That probably sounds a bit absurd coming from me, considering you're quite a bit older and more experienced than I am, and possibly know a lot more about vampires and defending yourself against them as well." Aberforth actually gave a sharp laugh at that idea. "Yeah, I like that. Not he ever punches back. Stupid bloody martyr." He actually would have preferred it if Albus had fought back. He'd thought many times over the years that a lot of their differences wouldn't have grown to the state they were in if they'd just had a few knock-down-drag-out fights over them. Nothing like making a complete twat of yourself to reduce a disagreement to its proper perspective. He lounged in his chair, tilting almost alarmingly sideways for a moment before catching himself and sprawling more sensibly. "Ah, now they're not all that bad. I'll grant you that there are the bad ones but Rhisiart's a good man... well, vampire. He feeds but he doesnt feed on innocents. He picks the bad boys and girls to feed on. Feels they deserve it. And I've had plenty of werewolves in and out of my pub who don't deserve the bad press they get because of savages like Greyback and the Pryces." He shook his head sadly. "Most of them are pretty sad and sorry specimens. They struggle to find work, food to eat, clothes to wear and a place to live. Their families tend to turn their backs on them as do their friends. The Ministry's Werewolf Services are nothing short of a humiliating, degrading joke for all that there are some genuinely concerned individuals in there." He snorted and a hint of sobriety glinted momentarily in his eyes. "It's no wonder Greyback's able to sway so many to his cause. The Ministry makes sure there's no hope for them in our world and refuses to allow them anywhere near the Muggle world. Greyback stands there saying 'follow me and I'll give you your dignity and strength and hope back'. Of course they go to him. Then he gets into their ear with how horribly they're treated by the wizarding world and how they can fight back. They see what Greyback does and how he gets away with it and they start emulating him. It's a vicious circle. We treat them like crap so they turn to Greyback and give him power. He acts like a savage, frightening and horrifying us and turning us even further against werewolves and so the cycle continues, spiralling downwards." He grimaced. "Vampires at least have their own society and they don't care much about ours and what we do. Rhisiart's over two hundred years old and frankly he finds humans a touch amusing. Aloof is a good word for him at times. It's frustrating but it's just the way he and a lot of the older vampires are. They've seen wars come and go and they've seen human society change so many times that the current upheavals mean nothing to them. They know things will change again sooner or later." Severus was skeptical, as Aberforth talked. He knew that Rhisiart was Abe's friend, and he was willing to give the vampire the benefit of the doubt. It didn't seem likely that Aberforth would have done what he'd done over the past few weeks looking for him, if he weren't worth looking for. And in a small sense, it gave Sev hope that what Aberforth was promising him was true. If he were willing to go to such lengths for a vampire, would he be willing to do so for a Death Eater? Possibly. "I don't have anything against vampires," he said honestly. "The ones I've met have been, mostly as you say, somewhat aloof and uninterested. And usually fairly intelligent and interested in knowledge, and I'm usually not uninterested in someone who is interested in knowledge or who knows things. And I've heard you talk about Rhisiart, and he sounds like a particularly decent one," he gave Aberforth a wry look, and said self depreciatingly. "Of course you are talking about being friends with me, so there could be some question." "Werewolves are different," he said. "And I'm sure there may be some that are like you say. But I don't like them. And I'm not going to change my mind about them. Those posters aren't wrong." And Severus clamped his mouth shut on that sentence. He didn't want to talk about doom and gloom and now was not the time for him to go on about his past history with werewolves. Even if he guessed Aberforth knew about Lupin - well the whole world knew about Lupin now didn't they? Now whether they believed it or not was a different story and considering the unbelievable ones that had come out, it was possible that they wouldn't. He took a sip from the glass he had and sighed. "I hate them being on the street though," he said frowning and his eyes darkened. "Greyback, all of his group. They're arrogant and crass, and murderers; Worse than murderers when they turn people." His throat tightened and he looked down at the half empty glass, turning it around casually with the tips of his fingers. He had been so close. If it hadn't been for Potter... And he hated it. Hated that the man he wanted to be able to hate, because he'd taken away his entire life, had at the same time saved it. "Could put the lot of them in Azkaban, or wherever - it'd be a much improved version of the world." Aberforth gave Severus a shrewd if slightly drunken look as he listened to him. "Isn't that a bit like saying that all Death Eaters are close-minded purists with nothing on their mind but the death or expulsion of all Muggleborn from the wizarding world? And doing so in any way possible," he said, pointing one long finger at Severus and remembering the couple of comments Severus had made about Lily Potter. "You don't strike me as a man who has that much against the Muggleborn." His look became even shrewder. "You've had some kind of run in with one of them, haven't you? And not a good one either. Hmm, well, I don't blame you for your point of view if you have. But I do caution you about lumping them all into one basket and assuming they're all the same. It's sloppy thinking and you don't strike me as a man who settles for sloppy thinking." He decided it was best to leave it at that. No point brow-beating the young man. For a start he was in no condition for it and secondly Severus wasn't a man you brow-beat. No, you took your time and convinced him with logic and facts. "Rhisiart's usually the one here tonight," he said thoughtfully. "I hoped he might turn up. He hasn't missed for decades. I was worried before but now it's worse... or it will be once I've sobered up. Still you've done as good as he does. Slightly different but good." "I don't dislike Muggleborns, actually," Severus said with a sigh. "I'm not ready to elect one Minister of Magic, but I don't hate them. Frankly, I hate more purebloods than I do Muggleborns." He shook his head. "Which, I realise sounds ridiculous considering, but I think there's some truth to it. And there are a number of -" he hesitated. "I know I'm not the only one who isn't utterly and completely against those without pureblood, but when you let the things happen that we allow to happen, it doesn't really matter much, because the end result is the same. And I wish..."he really needed to stop using that word. It was merely an indication of things he wanted that would probably never be. And Lily being safe wasn't something that could 'never be' it was something that had to be. "I hope that I can keep her safe, but I don't know if any of us are safe." Part of him knew that Aberforth was right about werewolves. An even deeper part of him was not even so certain that Lupin had been behind the incident so much as Sirius Black, but he was still unwilling to forgive either of them. It had been too close a call, and if Lupin hadn't been there - if he had been where he belonged, away from humans, it would have been a moot point. There would have been no close call, and Black would not have been able to use Lupin as a weapon. Which really was what Voldemort was doing with Greyback, honestly. The situations were not so much different, but the fact that both of them were monsters, was very similar. Severus looked over in concern at Aberforth. There was something Severus respected in the way Abe worried about his friends. It was, he thought, how friends should be. It encouraged him to consider Abe with that loyalty, because there was a fair chance it would be returned. "Did you find any leads?" he asked the other man. He took a sip of his drink. "I guess if you did none of them panned out," he added. "You do this frequently then? Aknot and Marcus did not seem particularly surprised, mostly just relieved that they could send me up. I thought they might be sending me into a battle zone as nervous as they looked about it." "I'm a live and let live kind of man," Aberforth said with a wave of his hand. "I think there's room for everyone in our society - Muggleborn, halfblood, fullblood and pureblood. Everyone adds something, no one's worthless. I could wish the purebloods could see that. That the Muggleborn aren't out to rob them of their traditions and way of life. Mind you, I think a lot of their traditions are a bit silly but that's just my opinion. If that's they way they like to live, I see no reason why they shouldn't. Just as I like living the way I live." He gave Severus a long look at the 'she' then he smiled slightly. "The 'she' would be Lily, yes? She's a lovely girl. Stubborn as a mule and as exasperating as all hell. I like her. From what I can gather, that lot at Godric's Hollow have gotten a bit more wary. About damn time, if you ask me. I think she's as safe as possible at the moment." He frowned thoughtfully. "I used to live in Godric's Hollow, you know. I was born in Mould-on-the-Wold but after the attack on Ariana and Dad's incarceration, Mum moved us to Godric's Hollow. It was safer and I think she wanted a fresh start. It's a nice place. Mum and Ariana were buried in the cemetary there. I went this morning, early, before anyone else was up. I do every year just to say 'hello' and 'I'm sorry' to Ariana." He shook the thoughts away. Severus had dragged him out of the really dark place he'd been heading towards and he really didn't want to go back there. "Every year, I'm afraid," he said ruefully. "Every year I promise myself I won't but... well..." He shrugged and looked a little sheepish. "As for the battle zone... well, it sometimes has been when those two have come up here. They seem to suffer from foot in mouth disease. They don't really know what to say and end up saying the wrong thing. Rhisiart... well, he's been doing it for a long time. He's know what to say and what not to say." He gave Severus an amused, alzy look. "So do you apparently." Severus nodded. He had reached the bottom of his drink and was trying to decided if he wanted a second one. He placed it to the side for the time being seeing as how he rather felt Aberforth had enough alcohol in him for the two of them. As he thought over what Aberforth had said he realised there had been times when he was younger he'd felt a lot more need to step into places he didn't belong. But now, with nearly ten months of being a Death Eater under his belt, he could more easily agree with that philosophy. Which was not to say he always carried through or even could carry through with that philosophy, but he liked the idea of it. "I probably would have said that I don't bother people unless they bother me, and I suppose at its heart that's true - at least I'd like it to be," he said, giving a small sigh. "I mean, if Potter and I hadn't gotten into it on the train, we might or might not have..." He snorted. "Actually, we probably would have. I don't think I ever would have liked him, and I doubt he ever would have liked me. And over the years I know I've bothered a lot of people who've done nothing to me. And I could take the easy way out and say I was pressured to do so, and I was pressured to do so in many cases, but in the end I made the decision, didn't I? It wasn't my class mates, it was me." And hadn't Lily said that a hundred times? He was the one who made the decision. And he could have chose not to. He should have chosen not to. If he'd chosen not to would she have- He broke off that thought before he could go there. It was not a pleasant place, and wasn't likely to keep him and Aberforth talking in a reasonably optimistic way. "Lily's too stubborn for her own good," Severus agreed. "And she is easily the most exasperating woman I know," he stopped and tilted his head to the side slightly. "Actually, Agnes might give her a run for that title, even if she's exasperating in a different way. But I'm glad they've gotten more wary. They need to be a lot more wary, and it's nice, well not nice, but good that someone's finally paying attention to that." He wondered how much of it had been circumstances with McKinnon, and how much of it had been his own warning. Potter had seemed to take it very seriously, and Severus was thankful for it. "If I can keep her alive through this, I'll have done one small thing to keep the world a better place cause she is lovely," his tone softened a bit. Lovely seemed too small a word to cover Lily, but Severus left it at that looking up to give Aberforth a wry smile. "I'm just relieved you seem to be not drinking yourself into a stupor any longer. And that I managed to say the right thing. Although I'll have you know, I was prepared to stun you if the occasion called for it. I'm not above stunning someone unable to defend themselves," his smile faded slightly, because that was a lot more true than he'd like for it to be, and in any other context it was not a particularly light or amusing sort of true. "Of course you might be well able to defend yourself stone drunk, so I'm also relieved I didn't have occasion to find out." Aberforth snorted and looked mildly amused. "Gryffindors and Slytherins. Now there's a rivalry that'll never die, no matter what my twit of a brother would like to think. Different personality types. Very different. The world is black and white to young Gryffindors and many shades of grey to Slytherins." He paused and grinned. "Fortunately some Gryffindors get the black and white beaten out of them over the years and become far more sensible." He tilted his head to one side then thought better of it as his brain seemed to slosh a little at the move. He blinked as he straightened up again. "Everyone makes bad decisions when they're young," he said dryly. "It's what you're meant to do. Merlin knows I made my share. You're supposed to learn from them, I think." He sighed and stared at the ceiling for a moment. "Hindsight is always twenty-twenty. We always sit here and wonder 'Why did I make that decision? It's such a stupid one. I know I'm smarter than that.' But we don't make those decisions with the information we have now. We make them with the information we had then and generally that isn't good information or the right information or even useful information." He sighed again. "But unfortunately the decisions have been made and we have to live with them. I've been living with my sister's death for years. You've got your own demons. We can't change them but we can find ways to make things right." He snorted. "Even Gryffindors learn if you beat them over the head enough times." He returned Severus' smile. "Good. You have a reason to do this. One of many I'd say. You need at least one personal reason or it'll all fall apart. You need something to hang on to when it gets bad... and it's going to get bad." His smile became rather wry. "You wouldn't have to stun me. I probably couldn't walk three paces without falling on my face, let alone coordinate my wand enough to fight you. I've got to be a lot drunker than this for the brain and the mouth to stop working but the body conks out a lot quicker." Severus sighed a bit. "I'm not convinced some of them will ever get the black and white beaten out of them," he said. "Well, actually some of them could use a little more Black, possibly. They'd be more tolerable. Possibly... It's hard to say. I guess Gryffindor and Slytherin were adults when they formed Hogwarts weren't they? I mean, rumour has it they were friends at least - once. So, it is possible, is it? But it does seem as if when you're in school it's impossible. I could have been friend with a Hufflepuff or a Ravenclaw and nobody would have blinked twice, but my best friend was a Gryffindor and a muggleborn? My housemates weren't too keen on that for either of those reasons." "I wish I'd known then what I knew now," Severus frowned. "I wouldn't have... Well. I guess it's obvious isn't it? But if I had known, maybe I wouldn't have just not joined. Maybe I'd have kept my best friend. I feel like I've made more than my share of stupid decisions in my life. I just hope I'll quit making such totally fucked up ones. I'm not so stupid as to believe I won't make anymore. I'm not certain I can make right all the things that I've done. There are some things I can't, I know. But I think it's time I stop worrying about the past and think about the future." "It's already bad," he said. "But it'll probably get worse. People are scared, and scared people tend to do stupid things to try to keep themselves alive, and that's really what they want. Keep them scared, keep them not thinking, and then it's easy to step in and fill a vacuum, hell, even play the bloody hero." Aberforth sobered and considered that. "The war will, if nothing else. They've already hit and had to overcome one grey area when Agnes used that wretched Unforgivable and they had to face the fact that not only the 'bad guys' use such spells. The war is going to throw up so many more than they realise and they're going to find that all those Gryffindor black and white ideals don't work very well when things get ugly. They didn't during the war against Gellert. Where do you think I lost most of my black and white edges? I did some things during that time that I'm not too proud of. I regret some of them but not all. Sometimes what I did was necessary." He nodded slightly, not wanting to be too vigorous and set his brain sloshing again. "They were. Best of friends if you believe some of the books. Not an unbelievable thing for me. I've had my share of Slytherin friends over the years." He slouched down a little further. "But you're right. The combination of close quarters and peer pressure makes it difficult at school. We get put into the Houses to make sure we're with people of... well, of like mind I suppose is one of putting it. Makes it easier to make friends and to settle in at the school. But it does mean you're kind of stuck with whatever prejudices your House gathers, whether you like it or not." He was silent for a moment and a hint of sympathy settled on his face. "What's done is done, Severus, and it can't be undone, no matter how much you might wish for it. Dwelling on it isnt going to help. Looking forward is all you can do." He smiled. "At least you have the courage to admit you made a mistake and look for a way to rectify it. You'd be surprise... or maybe you wouldn't, you're a little more realistic than most... how many never get to the point you have. Taking that step of admitting the mistake is too much for them for any number of reasons." "It'll get worse," he said grimly and with certainty. "I have no doubts that it's going to get very dark indeed. The only consolation I can see is that the Muggle world is relatively peaceful right now. That was what made the war against Gellert so bad. The Muggle world was thrashing around in its own war that was just as bad in its own way as ours. There was no escape wherever you went in England or Europe and believe me, things were damn grim here. At least we have that escape route this time." "Is it just that they're that naive?" Severus asked. "I don't mean for that to sound insulting and it may, but the world isn't black and white. Maybe some of us find that out sooner than others, and others don't ever discover it. But people are not all bad or all good. Some of the same people who go out and murder muggleborns can be truly kind individuals. They're not all just the monsters that many of the Gryffindors I know would make them out to be. And some of the Gryffindors who would make claim to being one of the good guys would be perfectly happy to see me dead - and I can't say that's because I'm a Death Eater, because they'd have said the same four years ago. All that hypocrisy I'm seeing within the people I thought were my friends? I saw it first elsewhere, why do you think I made the friends I did? And I may have been foolish in that regard, but I can't understand people who don't see the grey and I can't help that think that as uncomfortable as it is for me being able to see more than one side to a situation, it might be more uncomfortable to not be able to see it." "And Agnes isn't a bad person. Her using an unforgivable on a werewolf that had already... well, after this past week, I honestly just wish she'd used a different unforgivable." Severus frowned, thinking about how much the werewolves had just made him sick to his stomach over the week. "Even so, Agnes is probably one of the most decent people I know, and that didn't change cause she cast a spell that I think even she was upset about when she'd had a chance to think about it. You could walk through life and never cast an unforgivable and still be a horrid person. I mean, that prat journalist, Smith comes to mind. Sour grapes to everyone, probably doesn't actually like anyone, he's horrible to his wife, and I doubt he's ever considered using dark magic. He does all his damage with a pen, not a wand. And yet, if he's a better person cause he's never cast an Unforgivable?" He made a noise of disdain. "And I've done horrible shite to people who didn't deserve it. And sometimes it's easier to not sleep because of it. At the very least I've always got a stock of Dreamless Sleep," Severus sighed, and the next sentence came out more insecure than he intended. "But I don't think I'm a monster. Not like Greyback at any rate." Severus stopped for a moment and reached for the whiskey, pouring himself a second glass. He looked over at Aberforth and to change the subject remarked, "You knew Grindelwald. What were you doing then? Was that when you were traveling? You said earlier when we talked - about Hitler and the war. And I looked some of it up," he frowned. "And at the time I wasn't convinced, but now - well, he wanted the Jews out of Germany, right? and now we're asking Muggleborns to get out of the Wizarding World. You might be right, there. And if you are, it could get really bad if it isn't stopped. And who's going to stop it? If I were a Muggleborn right now, I would want to leave, but if they do, what then? Somehow I don't think we'll be content with that. Halfbloods then? I wouldn't have - I mean, I would have probably thought that was crazy a few months ago - but now I wonder. And that's me, that's dozens of wizards and witches, and right now I'm useful, but if I stop being useful...?" Aberforth would have really liked a drink right now but he suspected if he tried, Severus might just pull his wand out and Body Bind him or something along those lines. "I don't know whether it's naivety. Could be. It's a particular world view. Each House has their strengths and weaknesses and I'll admit that Albus does have one thing right. If all four Houses work together then the weaknesses are counterbalanced by the strengths. Unfortunately the difficult part is getting the four Houses to work together. But anyway, Gryffindors aren't stupid though they often might appear to be to a Slytherin. They are capable of seeing the grey, they just don't like it. It's why they have problems with Slytherins. Slytherins tend to exist in a world of grey and they learn to navigate its paths early on. Slytherins tend to be secretive, defensive and they hide what they're truly thinking. You have to when things are grey. Gryffindors tend to be open and honest with their emotions and feelings and thoughts mostly because they can be. And when they hit the grey, they get lost and uncertain and like most people, they tend to lash out a bit. Neither is right, neither is wrong. It's just two different world views. Both are valid and to be honest, both are necessary. It'd be a bloody boring world if we were all the same." "It all comes down to what is right and what is wrong?" he continued. "Truth is, the answer to that question is different for everyone. And that's where the problem lies. Voldemort thinks he's right in what he's doing. I think he's wrong. Which of us is right? You'd get a different answer from anyone you asked. So who is right?" He levelled a finger at Severus. "Those things you did, the ones that keep you awake at night, you though they were the right and just thing to do at the time. But now you don't. So were you right to do them or wrong? I've done some unpleasant things over the years that I regret now. Was I right to do them or wrong? I thought I was at the time but now... not so sure." "You're not a monster," he said firmly. "No more than I am. You have regrets, doubts, second thoughts. A monster doesn't think twice about what he does. A monster doesn't try and make things right. A monster sleeps well at night no matter what he's done. Just because someone does terrible things, it doesn't make them a monster." He noticed Severus' change of subject and didn't fight it. He snorted slightly and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I knew the berk. Not that well. I stayed out of their way when Gellert was staying with us. I didn't like him, right from the start. He was... arrogant. I mean, Albus was arrogant at the time but it wasn't the same. Gellert was..." He frowned as he searched for the right word, thinking back to the young man who met so many years ago. "Superior. As though he thought he was better than everyone else and he was just deigning to spend time among us lesser beings. He put my back up from day one but I'll admit I was a sulky, angry, rebellious piece of shit back then. I wasn't about to make life easier for my brother and if disliking his friends added to that, I was all for it." He snickered for a moment then sobered. "But I still didn't like him. It always felt like he was sneering at us. No, me. Me and Ariana. He liked Albus." "I spent a lot of time after I graduated looking for Gellert," He said with a nod. "I wanted... well, I wanted to do a lot of things to him, none of them pleasant. Albus tried to warn me off but I ignored him. I think Albus had some idea of the paths Gellert was walking down even then. Gellert had retruned to Europe so that's where I spent a bit of time. It was easier to get casual work in the Muggle world so I saw a fair bit of what happened in the lead up to both wars. It was... scary how subtle Hitler was. Just a little law here, a little law there, a tweak to this law and then to that law. Always spaced out and carefully planned. Then before you know, the Jews suddenly had no rights at all. Not sure if you saw the poem that someone wrote in their journal about a week ago. That's what it was like." He shook his head, his face grim as he remembered the fear and suspicion of those times. "He's focusing on the Muggleborns now but I can't see that it's going to stop there." He hesitated and tapped his long fingers against the arm of the chair. "To be honest... and this is no more than a theory of mine... I don't think Voldemort much cares about the Muggleborn. He's a halfblood. He knows that blood purity means nothing when it comes to magic. But the purebloods don't like the Muggleborn or anyone that isn't a pureblood for that matter and the purebloods are the ones with the money and the influence. While he espouses their ideals, they'll support him. They'll use that money and influence to get him what he wants." He arched an eyebrow. The discussion had sobered him up a bit though he suspected his brain would still slosh if he tried to move too much. "But I don't think they know what he truly wants and I think if he ever gets it, even being a pureblood isn't going to make you safe. I think if Voldemort ever gets whatever it is he's actually after, no one will be safe, no matter how loyal they profess to be or how pure their blood is. He will be a despot and dictator beyond anything the world has ever seen and anyone who doesn't bow down before him, abjectly and absolutely, will die." Severus nodded. Some of it made a lot of sense, and he realised he should try to talk to Agnes more. It wasn't as if he could be completely open with her, but he felt like she'd been really lost of recent, and he hadn't quite understood it. If it was as Aberforth was saying, she simply didn't know what to do with shades of grey. And the world hadn't exactly given her opportunity to do so either. "I appreciate that honesty when they don't just dislike me on sight," Sev sighed. "Agnes and Lily neither one are afraid to tell me what they're thinking, and sometimes it's refreshing - despite being aggravating as all get out. So I get it, and if Gryffindors respect my point of view, I'll respect theirs." "I know I've got internal principles," Severus said thoughtfully. "Things that are absolutes. Just because I'm comfortable with shades of grey doesn't mean I don't have absolutes. And I think I've been most uncomfortable when I had to break them. You can rationalise it, compartmentalise it, dress it up anyway you want, but they're still there. And when I slide past those - rationalise them away - those are the things that keep me up at night." "I saw the poem," Severus nodded. And he'd wanted to comment on it, but there was nothing he could say to it that was safe to say publicly, or even to Tonks. He was beginning to realise that there were a lot of things he couldn't say. That the circle of people he could trust with anything, was narrower than he'd ever thought that it would be. Even something said under wards could be repeated elsewhere and he wasn't in a position where his word against someone else's was worth risking. It was harder than he'd thought it would be, but he was slowly learning to keep his mouth shut. "I don't know how many people understood it. The pureblood women just want everyone to do as they're told so that we can avoid blood shed and they can get back to their tea parties," there was more bitterness in his voice than there might have been before. He couldn't help feeling as if Astra felt a bit that way. The entire war was a nuisance, no doubt disrupting her wedding plans because her brother and her father couldn't be in the country. And from the reaction to Mulciber's werewolf comments, the women weren't even reading what the werewolves were doing. "And the rest of them just want to keep people in their proper places, I guess. But I don't know that you're wrong." Severus took a drink and glanced over at Aberforth. "I'm thankful you're around, you know. I can't talk to anyone about any of this. And I read something like that, and it makes sense to me, and I know I can't even privately say to the person that it does make sense, cause it's too much risk." Aberforth looked tired, and frankly, Severus was tired himself. He had been light when Mulciber had asked if he'd been getting enough sleep, but the truth was that he hadn't been. And it might have been early, but frankly, a dreamless sleep potion and uninterrupted sleeping time didn't sound like a bad idea. "I might stay tonight, if you've got a room free," he suggested. "There's no reason for me to need to be home, and we could talk tomorrow, if your hangover potions clear your head out enough," he gave Abe a wry grin. "Oh, everyone's got absolutes. At least the non-monsters do," Aberforth replied. "Limits, morals, ethics - call them what you will. They're what keep us human... and awake at night. Not to say we don't break them but the fact that you've had to rationalise them is a good sign, Severus. Means they're still there, still intact." He snorted derisively then waved a hand in mild apology. "Sorry, I know you're quite fond of one of those lasses but frankly they set my teeth on edge. I know it's largely not their fault. They're not brought up to think. They're brought up to be polite, decorative, demure and obedient, to concentrate on who their husband is going to be, what the latest fashions are and what the best seating plan is for their next dinner party. The idea that they can be their own person and live their own lives never occurs to them. Merlin knows how they live like that but they seem to be happy so who am I to judge?" He rolled his eyes at his little verbal diversion. Definitely drunk. He tended to stay on track a bit better when he was sober. "Ask yourself this - how many of them actually know what's going on? Oh, most of them would be aware on some level that their menfolk are involved in the Death Eaters but how many of them know what's involved with that? They're largely oblivious so to them that's all it is - something distasteful that's disturbing their afternoon tea." He was aware that the pity he felt for such women was bleeding into his tone but he didn't do much to stop that. He did pity them. They were so cloistered they might as well be nuns. So unaware of what was going on in the world unless it impinged on them personally. He knew that if his theory about Voldemort was correct, these women would get the rudest shock of all when Voldemort turned on them. A lot of them wouldn't cope well, if at all. He waved his hand grandly in the direction of the rest of the pub. "Plenty of room. You'll have to get a key from Marcus and Aknot. You can tell them you managed to restrain my fratricidal urges for another year. And the talking would be good. I've gotten used to getting over hangover. Have to if you run a pub." He shifted and braced himself on the chair. He pushed himself to his feet and swayed as his brain sloshed disagreeably. The room began to slowly revolve and he blinked slowly. He looked over at the door that led to his bedroom then back at the armchair, swaying some more. "Hmmm, this could be a challenge but sleeping in my armchair is not good for my back." He grinned at Severus. "Want to help a drunk old fart make it to his bed without falling on his face repeatedly?" Severus sighed. Astra had been as much a dream as anything he had at night might have been, and although part of him would have defended her, he knew that probably Aberforth was right. Astra was obedient. She'd been a dream of a life he would never under any circumstances ever have, and it had been nice while it had lasted, but he realised now it wasn't something that could have ever happened. Maybe in a different lifetime. Maybe if he and Astra had both been different people - but then it wouldn't have been them would it have been? He was over that emotional distraction. Right now, he mostly wanted to survive. He wanted Lily to survive. And maybe in a few years, he could start over somehow. "I'll do that then," he said, putting the nearly empty glass away to the side. He gave Abe a sympathetic grin. "And I think I can do that as well." He stepped over to help Aberforth, giving him a shoulder and an arm as they went back towards Aberforth's bedroom. Severus stayed for a moment, making certain Abe had anything he needed before he headed back out. Specifically getting him a hangover potion so he'd have it beside his bed in the morning. Severus was pretty certain the older man would have a hell of a headache in the morning. As he exited Aberforth's room, he pulled the door up and looked around the room. With a moment's thought, he took the final bottle of whiskey with him as he left the room, he was going to take it downstairs and give it to Marcus or Aknot to put away. Aberforth could have it in the morning - assuming he wanted to look at it again that soon. |