Who: James and Sirius What: James suspects Remus is a werewolf When: Second year, 1972 Where: The Quidditch stands as they watch their house team practice Status: Finished Log Rating: PG for possible language
It had been bothering James for nearly a week now, but since most of his time was spent with Sirius, Remus and Peter, and not just Sirius alone, he hadn't had the chance to bring it up properly. He could have snuck into Sirius's bed and put up a silencing charm, but really-- well-- maybe it was nothing. It wasn't until Saturday, when James and Sirius headed out to watch the house Quidditch team practice that James had his first real chance to bring it up.
They had climbed high, nearly to the top of the stands, and took their usual places, pulling two huge blankets over themselves that James's mum had spent the summer sewing. James's was red with gold stripes with a giant JP and a snitch on the front, and Sirius's was gold with red stripes, with crossed beaters bats and SB stiched over them, and they both needed them desperately to keep the whipping wind from freezing them half to death.
"You ever notice Remus has a lot of aunts?" James asked. "I mean a hugely abnormal number of them? Sickly ones..." James asked, watching as Bill Williamson swooped down not far from them and caught a quaffle, causing James to break into a huge smile. This might be a serious topic, but Quidditch was easy to get distracted by.
"Was it his aunt this time?" Sirius asked destractedly, half caught between watching the pitch and pulling his blanket around him. He was grateful for the warmth provided as it appeared to not want to get any warmer, despite it still being technically merely Autumn going into Winter rather than freeze-your-balls-off Winter. "I thought it was his Grandmother. Or was that last time?" He shrugged, though it occurred to him that it might be hard to tell he was shrugging under the blanket.
Looking to James, he shook his head. "He always looks sick. Maybe he has a sick family. It could be in the blood." He thought of the image of Remus' parents at the Platform and they never seemed to be all that sick so maybe it had skipped a generation. Things could be like that sometimes. He let out a whoop of joy as the team worked and practiced. He imagined one day he might be doing it himself, though he wasn't quiddictch mad, unlike some people. "Though it does happen regularly. I hope it's nothing too bad." He tried to look back at the faux match for a moment but it did strike him as slightly odd that it only seemed to be that bad for a couple of days then seemed to be alright then a couple of days again. "You'd think if it was someone dying then they'd have died by now." He said, with his usual level of tact.
"Yeah," James said slowly. "About it happening every once in a while. I sort of figured that out. It always happens at the same time, Sirius. Full moon."
It was hard for James to wrap his brain around this, and even being James it wasn't easy to come out and say. When he first got the idea he'd gone straight to the library (something he hardly ever did) and looked up what he could. It hadn't been easy because Remus had come in twice, and James had had to hide the book quickly and sputter and generally act like an idiot, because it was an awful thing to accuse someone of if it wasn't true. But what if it was true? Would it change anything? James wasn't sure.
Werewolves weren't something his parents ever really talked about, but he figured it probably wasn't right to go from liking someone to not liking someone for something they couldn't help. They liked Remus for who he was, not for who he wasn't. But still, it seemed like it might be a bad thing. He looked at Sirius, hoping it would sink in.
"It's not always at the moon," Sirius said distractedly, not that he actually kept track of when the full moon was. He found it more than a little wierd that James apparently did and shot him a wierd look in response. Why would anyone keep track of the full moon? Unless you believed some ridiculous old superstitions or read too many horror books. Or were a werewolf, but he'd seen James a thousand times - well, maybe a dozen or so times when the moon was full so there wasn't any chance of it. Not that the headmaster was going to let some mindless beast into the school anyway. He hope -- no, he knew he had more sense than that.
He couldn't actually remember seeing Remus on one though. They had enough windows in the dorm but he just couldn't think. "Why do you think it's a full moon?" Was he checking it? It could be random. Then again, it did seem to occur on a monly basis. But it was ridiculous. Werewolves were Dark Creatures and they wouldn't put a Dark Creature in with peoples children. It was inhumane. It had to be something else he was implying. Maybe for once in their lives, they just weren't on the same page.
"It is always at the full moon," James said. "I've only been keep track for the last two months, but I thought back to the ones before that that I could think of, based around when Quidditch Games were happening, and I think even last year it was always on the full," he said.
"And then think of it. Right before he's gone he's always way more willing to go along with our pranks, right?" James asked. "And I looked it up. Before full moons, werewolves get this Alpha thing going on and they're supposed to get more agressive and willing to take risks. Last year I thought it was strange that he got sick right after he was the most fun, but now it makes sense. And then he's gone, because his "aunt" or "grandma" is sick, and then he comes back and he's tired and grumpy. And that's what the book said would happen too," James said, speaking much more quickly now as he went with it.
"Remus is a werewolf. I'm sure of it," he insisted. He hadn't been sure of it until he was finally saying it out loud, but now that he'd managed to get the words out he was much more sure... not that James wasn't ALWAYS sure once he got going.
Alright, Sirius had to admit, that was really strange. Disappearing at the full moon. But wasn't that obvious? Wouldn't everyone notice that? There was a voice in the back of his head that assured him that no matter what this was, it had been a year and if it was interconnected, none of them had noticed. Would they really notice something if it wasn't pointed out?
"You think because he happens to have every symptom in the book, that makes him a werewolf?" Actually, that did sound terribly convincing and he had a very unpleasant feeling in the pit of his stomach that seemed to have built up without his knowledge. "He's not a-a-a...werewolf. He's Remus. He's just a little more inclined to want to do things at certain times, same as all of us are. And there's another explanation of the disappearances and why he's tired and upset." Maybe. It was possible, wasn't it? Well, wasn't it?
"Besides!" He said, in the same tone of finality. "They wouldn't let something like that into Hogwarts. Remus is quiet, Remus is withdrawn but that doesn't mean he's not human. Dumbledore wouldn't do something like let a werewolf loose in the school!"
"I think if there was every a headmaster that would let a werewolf into the school it would be Professor Dumbledore," James pointed out. "And even if he is a werewolf, which he is, s'not like it changes anything does it?" James asked. "You're right. He's Remus. He's a quiet, withdrawn werewolf but it's not as if it'd make a difference really. He'd still be our friend," James mused. "But it's something that's good to know. Probably kills him he has to keep a secret from us. I know it'd make me nutters to try and keep something from you," James said.
"I'd say we should just ask him, but you know how he is. Anytime we ask about his aunts or grandmas he gets all strange about it. I'd say this is going to take a better sort of plan..."
James trailed off as he realized that Sirius wasn't taking this nearly as well as he'd assumed. It was the most natural thing in the world for James to take it for granted that Sirius was going to think about things exactly the same way he did, but there were times when some of Sirius's raising as a Black made him a bit less accepting of things than James was and suddenly James realized he may have made a mistake in telling his best friend.
"If we find out he is one, it's not going to change anything, right?" James asked. "You wouldn't tell or make trouble for him would you?"
"You honestly think Dumbledore is round the bend enough to put a werewolf with children?" The thought was horrible. The two ideas of Remus Lupin and the word werewolf did not got together. He wasn't a mindless animal; he wasn't sick or twisted or even a Dark Creature! He was Remus. That sickening feeling came back when he remembered that if you were a psychotic animal, you'd probably be really nice to the people around you too. Easier to eat them or something. Thank you very much, James Potter, he thought, that's going to keep me up all night. He couldn't say that. It would completely undermine his bravery and he was a Gryffindor, wasn't he?
"A werewolf isn't a person. It's a thing and not a very nice thing either. Either you're very wrong," Which James rarely was, which was even worse, really. "...Or there is something masquerading as a human child in the same room. That's sick!" The thought was more than a little frightening and the fact that James seemed to think this was so bloody normal was doing nothing for his nerves. "How can you sit there and call someone you know a..a...defect, a monster?" It was an appalling idea, even if it was sounding more and more likely to be true. That would explain why he was starting to feel more than a little panicked.
"I'm not calling him a defect or a monster," James protested. "He's still Remus. What is your problem?" James asked. "You need to stop talking that way. First of all, not even talking about Remus, talking about werewolves in general, it's not as if it's their fault. Some other werewolf has turned them and it wasn't cause they asked for it. You didn't ask to be a Black, but I could have written you off as some useless Slytherin when I met you without giving you a chance to prove you weren't like everything I'd ever heard," he said fiercely.
"So if Remus is a werewolf, you are going to deal with it. Professor Dumbledore knows what he's doing and you're right, he wouldn't let some mindless animal share a dorm room with us, but he would let a Remus Lupin, no matter what he is. I wouldn't have even told you if I thought you were going to get all ridiculous about it. How could this possibly change who he is?" James demanded.
It didn't occur to him really that he'd been mulling this over for two months and had at least a week where he had been sure so it was no longer a shock to him. All he could think of was how Sirius was acting as if he was going to run into the great hall and start demanding Remus be sent home, and James would hex him to the seats before he'd let that happen.
"What is your problem, James?" Sirius asked, perhaps a little too loudly before he got his volume levels back under control. He took a heavy swallow and nodded, "I understand it's not someones fault and...and....and I feel sad that such a horrible thing might have happened to someone but after it happens, you're not a person! You're not human. A creature like that shouldn't be near a wand, let alone taught how to use it." The thought made his skin crawl - after all, wasn't that what a werewolf was? Just a vicious animal in a fleshsuit, biding his time until...it didn't bare thinking on.
"I'm not being ridiculous, you're under reacting to the fact you're supposing there is a Dark Creature in our dorm room!" Why was he so damned calm about it? "If he is some abomination, then I'm sorry for the human being he used to be but damned if I'm going to be around something that gets a bit furry and a hungry for human beings once a month!" He couldn't stomach the idea. What if something happened? What if he was ripped to shreds in his sleep by someone with a hunger for human flesh? If he was right...and he was being very adamant so an adamant James was often a right one...he wasn't going near that...that thing if he could help it. What was Dumbledore thinking?!
"Fine, I was wrong," James said sullenly. "I'm making things up. He isn't a werewolf, I wasn't keeping track of the moon dates," he said, crossing his arms under his blanket. "Because Remus isn't an abomination, and if that's what a werewolf has to be then clearly he isn't one, now is he?" James asked.
The practice was wrapping up on the field, but James had no intention of walking inside with Sirius. He was sure Remus was a werewolf but if this is how Sirius was going to be about it then he wasn't going to bring it up again. He'd just talk to Remus about it alone.
"And if he was, which he isn't, I wouldn't be under-reacting," he said. "What would there be to be afraid of? Werewolves are only dangerous when they're transformed, and the only way I'd have even guessed he was, which he isn't, would be that he's always gone on the full moon, so there would be no way he could hurt us. It isn't like at any random time of the month they chew on people."
"Don't backtrack on me, James Potter, either you believe something or you don't and you are not that good a liar." Sirius huffed at him, trying to keep calm. He could have been anywhere at this point because under a threat of a bloodthirsty beat, he wasn't going to sit and watch quidditch. You honestly think he's...infected." He spoke the last word in a hushed tone, like it was something he shouldn't be saying at all. He really wished he wasn't saying it but that didn't mean he was going to be blind about it!
"Werewolves are just creatures that humans that have obviously been mauled to death become. Or they've died of fright. They can't be alive while there's a murderous creature inside them. It would negate everything about being human in the first place." Sirius had never been much for peoples rights, beyond the fact he always considered himself to be open minded but you had to draw the line at people. 'People', more accurately speaking, because how can a person have rights if they aren't a real person? He was starting to wish this was some elaborate joke but James' face said otherwise. "Having something transform into that once a month around a bunch of kids is disgusting. The idea of mixing something like that with actual people, actual students...it's unforgivable. Dumbledore has lost his bloody mind, clearly."
"I guess you never can know what sort of abomination you're rooming with," James said meanly, pushing up from the seats and nearly tumbling under the bulk of his blanket. "Whether it's the kind of monster you read about in books, or just the sort that gets hateful about their best friends without even trying to understand," he said angrily.
"But get this through your head Sirius Black, if you say one word to Remus about this, or if you tell a single soul, or get him in trouble or kicked out of school, I will kick your bloody arse from here to London," he threatened. "And I'll tell everyone you're a girl, and aren't brave enough to handle something me and Peter weren't worried about," he added, as if that was just as much a threat as the beating.
Finally wrestling half free from the blanket with a little dignity in tact he glared at Sirius, waiting for a reply.
"Well, tell me you aren't going to say anything!" he demanded.
"Tell someone? Why would I tell someone? I wish you hadn't told me!" In retrospect, it would probably better that he knew. At least now if he could be on his guard, he would be. He'd just have to not be around him. Maybe look into some sort of warding. He knew you could ward things, alarms, for when people came near. There were wards at home and there ought to be something about them. He'd just have to be very careful and watch out for people getting mauled to death.
"He lied about this. Obviously there's something not right. How can you be so sure he's not just an animal puppeting a human being to seem like a perfect student? That's not fear, James, that's self-preservation!" The idea that he might have told Peter already and that he was fine with it was shocking and thoroughly disturbing. He was starting to wish this was just a bizarre nightmare. "He won't admit it. You'll see. He'll lie and he'll lie and next thing you know, there'll be blood stains and clumps of your freakish hair scattered around the bloody dorm room. You're going to get hurt if you're not careful!" Why couldn't he get that through his thick skull?
"If he's lied about it I imagine it's because he thinks people will act like you're acting," James pointed out. "But at least you aren't going to go saying anything," he said, relieved. "Now if you'll give it a week or two, don't you think it's possible you might realize you aren't going to be finding clumps of my hair on your bed?" he asked. "That you'll see Remus is just the same as he's always been. Not the eating his mates, sort?" he asked. "Maybe I shouldn't have sprung it on you like I did, but I thought if it didn't bother me that much it wasn't going to bother you," he said, sitting back down on the seat below where Sirius was sitting.
"Just don't be mean to him," James nearly pleaded. "I'll work it out, allright? If you're afraid then you can stay in my bed with me or something. And for the record, I haven't told Pete yet, so don't tell him until I get this sorted out a bit more. There really is a chance I'm not right and I've thought of a few ways to test it all out, and when you're over all this fussing you can help me with them ok?" he asked.
As fast as James's moods could change, he felt instantly bad for having gotten so angry with Sirius. They'd never fought before and it didn't feel like a good thing.
"I don't think you can change my mind about something being human that is obviously not human." Sirius reasoned, trying to cope with both the image of his friend and this ferocious monster that had mixed inside his mind. He didn't think he could easily calm down from that. "How does it not bother you that you've been lied to? How can it not bother you that there could be something masquerading as a human being? As one of our friends?" He couldn't understand his reaction to this at all. It's a werewolf, not a puppy!
"I'm not...I shouldn't...I think I'll just not be around when he's around because that's simpler." He didn't know he wasn't going to start panicking over something and blurt it out that oh yes, they could be bunking with something large and furry. "If there was any spark of humanity left, he would have told us and explained that it was just a special case and that he was sort of human but I just don't see that. He lied. He didn't trust us." Though it was something of a relief to know that he knew first. "If you want to test it -- him -- whatever he or it is -- then test. Just don't die and if you do die, I reserve the right to say that I told you so."
"I dunno," James said honestly. "Maybe I'm the one who's nutters. Maybe it should bother me more," he confessed. "I guess when I first came up with it a few months ago I was less ok with it than I am now," he confessed. "But I wasn't ranting to myself about monsters and the like. I guess maybe I'll write to dad," he said. "Then we'll know for sure how we should feel about it," he said.
That was one thing James was sure of. His dad could keep a secret and he always knew what to do.
"I won't tell him who it is, I'll just tell him I think that someone is a werewolf and now I don't know how I ought to treat them, and if he's upset, then he'll probably talk to the headmaster about it, and if he's not upset, then we'll know it shouldn't be a big deal," James reasoned. "The only reason I hadn't owled him was that I wanted to talk to you about it first."
"You sound nutters." Sirius muttered, rolling his eyes at the other boy. Perhaps Mr Potter would explain what a werewolf is and then he would panic appropriately. Or possibly Mr Potter was one of these people that seemed to think that werewolves were simply overgrown puppies that needed pats on the head and jumped through hoops or whatever wolf puppies did for fun.
"Owl your Father. Then you'll know how to feel if that's how you think you should feel. You might just need to research things a bit more. Do you know anything about werewolves? Gritty details?" He made a face at the thought of it. He didn't want to think that Mr Potter would unreasonable. He seemed so nice and it seemed to be rude to think that he would make an idiotic decision based on wishy-washy emotions rather than the cold, hard facts. "I want to be prepared," He said, trying to sound as neutral as he possibly could. "That's all. Just in case."
James nodded.
"Fine, you skim off, and I'll figure out what we're going to do next," James said. "Now walk in with me, or else you'll end up freezing your arse to the seats and I'll have to send the big, bad wolf out to fetch you," he said, a slightly wicked smile on his face. It wasn't that this was something to be joked about, but it was sort of amusing that in one case, James was proving to be an awful lot braver than Sirius about something. Not that James wasn't almost always fearless, but there were times when he felt like maybe Sirius was moreso, particularly since James was ridiculously competitive, and it was nice to be far and away the Gryffindor about this.
"I'm coming to the library if you want to come along and look at the same books as me. Maybe you'll be able to prove something, you never know," he said with a shrug, waiting for his friend to stand up before heading down toward the pitch.