Special Announcement Date & Time: 14 December 2002 | mid-morning Post Type: Wireless Broadcast Status: Closed: Complete Character(s): N/A Location: Listening audience of Great Britain Summary: The WWN reports on news concerning the International Quidditch League. (Repeated periodically throughout the day.)
"You're listening to the Wizarding Wireless Network, and you've just been entertained by the song 'One Way Flight to Nowhere' sung by Elmore and the Elves.
"We’ve just been given this news bulletin concerning the International Quidditch League. It seems that a vast majority of the active teams have instilled a mandatory policy concerning the illness that has affected so many. These aforementioned teams are requiring all players to be tested for the illness, and should anyone test positive, he or she will be asked to the leave the team indefinitely. Also, these teams are not accepting potential players who test positive for the disease.
"In fact, we have it on good authority that Billand Billingsworth of the Tutshill Tornados said, 'It’s just not safe. We have enough to worry about when we play besides freaking out over whether or not the guy next to us has the illness. I mean, what if he bleeds on me?'
"It should also be mentioned that the Falmouth Falcons, known for their fierce and violent style of play and their team motto: Let us win, but if we cannot win, let us break a few heads, have vehemently rejected this testing policy.
"The Falmouth’s Seeker Collin Haussler said, and we do apologise for the coarse language, but I quote, 'It's shite. If witches and wizards are expected to remember to put on protection spells and wear all these stupid pendants and charms to keep away the boogeymen, why are Quidditch players so different? Bloody hell, it's a 'bleeping' travesty.'
"Elena Vickers, a Falmouth Chaser is quoted as saying, 'It’s repulsive. What are we, animals? We’re adults, and if the other teams want to whinge and cry like blooming babies, let them. We’re above that caca.' Rumour has it that Ms. Vickers is, in fact, infected with the illness, but that is unconfirmed at the time of this broadcast.
"We will keep you updated as more information arrives. Please remember that the HDMC stresses the need for everyone to monitor his or her condition and be wary of such activities which involve the sharing of bodily fluids. If you experience flu-like symptoms, bursts of uncontrollable magic, magical failure, chills, nausea, or fevers, please proceed at once to St. Mungo's. This illness has been known to be fatal. The HDMC reports that at least forty people have already succumbed to the illness
"Stay tuned for inspiring music from Thelonius Thistle, Roberta and the Rowdies, and Naranja Nectars.”