McKay (scribbulus_ink) wrote in blessedmoon, @ 2007-03-25 13:41:00 |
|
|||
Current mood: | excited |
Another Kind of Fandom Wank 2/5
Original poster: scribbulus_ink
Title: Another Kind of Fandom Wank 2/5
By: arionrhod and scribbulus_ink
To: Pir8blocker@gmail.com From: Rogue60@gmail.com Date: April 11, 2006 Subject: Wow Words fail me. That was amazing! The emotions and raw intensity came through loud and clear. It was probably the best episode yet, and it... well, let's just say I found it moving in more ways than one! What did you think? I'm certain there will be a plethora of discussion about this! I can't wait to hear your reaction. If you're online, I'll be back in a few minutes. After watching that, I'm not sure if I need a drink, a cold shower, or both! Rogue |
To: Rogue60@gmail.com From: Pir8blocker@gmail.com Date: April 11, 2006 Subject: re: Wow I think the creators took a considerable risk. That, or they were somehow completely unaware of the homoerotic subtext that was barely subtext. I find it difficult to believe that is the case, so I must wonder if they are playing to the fans or merely exhibiting a level of liberalism not seen before in mainstream television. If so, I applaud their bravery, and I will be curious to see whether they continue in this vein (no pun intended) or pull back to avoid offending more conservative viewers. Although I don't doubt the Will/Evan fans will be "squeeing" to high heaven over this. On a personal level, I found it quite intense. Considering your comment about needing a cold shower, I assume you will not be shocked if I admit I felt the need to do the same. Indeed, I have a bottle of very cold water close at hand even now. Pir8blocker |
To: Pir8blocker@gmail.com From: Rogue60@gmail.com Date: April 11, 2006 Subject: re: Wow Well, I'm certainly glad I'm not the only one to get a bit carried away by the homoerotic imagery! It was very well done, so much so that I am quite certain the producers knew exactly what they were doing. I, too, applaud them for it, and I'm ecstatic at the thought that a homosexual relationship might find fans on a popular television series. Having had to be circumspect about my sexuality for the whole of my life, it seems almost like vindication; that it springs from my favorite show is just the icing on the cake. So, do you have a preference between Will and Evan? I certainly wouldn't kick either of them out of my bed, given the choice. Of course, it's easier in some ways to lust after fictional characters portrayed by pretty men because they are "safe" and known quantities. On the other hand, it's not nearly as satisfying, but at this point, I'll take what I can get. I'm glad I recorded the episode. Rogue |
To: Rogue60@gmail.com From: Pir8blocker@gmail.com Date: April 11, 2006 Subject: re: Wow Somehow I doubt they will ever allow the relationship to develop into a full-fledged homosexual romance. I am too cynical to believe they will allow the leading characters be gay. The most I hope for is continued subtext that we may elaborate on in our imaginations - or in explicit stories, such as those I have seen linked to in your community. I do understand the desire for vindication, however. I have kept my own preferences hidden. I doubt anyone I used to work with knew or even suspected I am gay, and my employees likely have no idea either. Of course, it has been a non-issue for so long, I may as well be asexual. Not that I am completely immune. Since you ask, I will confess to having a preference for Will over Evan. Will is handsome rather than pretty - much more my type. As you say, it is far safer to fix my interest on a fictional man. I have found them to be far more reliable and less dangerous than real ones. Pir8blocker |
To: Pir8blocker@gmail.com From: Rogue60@gmail.com Date: April 11, 2006 Subject: re: Wow Well, it seems we have even more in common than just Blood Bathory and a love of mythology! I hope they continue to push the envelope with this relationship; I believe the plethora of slash stories in fandoms of all types proves there is a general market for it. With gay marriage now being legal and so many celebrities tying the knot publicly, I think there is at least a chance there could finally be a gay romance for mainstream television. Particularly since science fiction fans in general seem more tolerant than most. It's been a long time since I've been involved with anyone as well, not because of social pressure so much as my own rather introverted ways. It's not than I'm antisocial or ashamed, or anything like that. I suppose I'm merely a private person. None of my closest friends even knew I was gay, and it wasn't until a female friend became rather insistent on pursuing me that I finally came out in general. In retrospect, I wish I'd done it years before! But even being "out" didn't mean that a long-term relationship magically appeared for me, so I suppose I'm still waiting. I'm certain that was far more information than you probably wished to know, but it seems that I, like the people I counsel, find it easier to be open like this. Don't feel any pressure to share your own experiences, not unless you really want to, all right? Just because I have developed a bad case of confessionalitis doesn't mean I expect you to do the same! I will happily listen, of course, to anything you wish to say, but I don't want you to go running off, thinking I'm some sort of loon who expects you to tell me your life story at the drop of a hat! So, as the the important question - Will or Evan? I have a preference for Evan, but it's only a slight one. He has an inner darkness which I understand all too well. The fact that he doesn't give into it is something I find very attractive. Rogue |
To: Rogue60@gmail.com From: Pir8blocker@gmail.com Date: April 11, 2006 Subject: re: Wow > With gay marriage now being legal and so many celebrities tying the knot publicly, > I think there is at least a chance there could finally be a gay romance for mainstream television. > Particularly since science fiction fans in general seem more tolerant than most. There is that, I suppose. The tide seems to be changing, albeit slowly, although I still retain my cynicism as to whether television executives will have the balls to feature a gay relationship between leading characters. That seems like too great a risk, and there are still many conservative thinkers in the world. If they wish the programme to succeed, they must think about ratings and audience. Although I suppose one advantage to having a homosexual couple featured so predominantly is that it would garner a great deal of publicity for the programme, and as they say, even bad publicity is still good publicity. > In retrospect, I wish I'd done it years before! But even being "out" didn't mean that a long-term relationship > magically appeared for me, so I suppose I'm still waiting. I have not come out, not due to fear or concern about what others think. It merely seemed pointless to bother. I suppose some measure of self-preservation was involved while I was at school. I dealt with enough bullying without giving my tormentors more ammunition; it wasn't as if there were suitors forming a queue at my door anyway. Then my social life was subjugated by my work. I had an important job to do, and having a relationship was not practical at the time. When I struck out on my own, my time was poured into building my business. I suppose now that I have achieved a measure of success, I could afford to come out and pursue more social interests. However, I am hardly a catch, being neither young nor attractive, and I have no desire for some little club tart to latch onto me for my money. While I am not rich, I am quite comfortable and likely to move from "comfortable" to "quite cozy indeed" if business continues as it has done the past couple of years. Thus there seems to be no need to come out. I have nothing in the way of a sex life, and I have no plans to become embroiled in a relationship, thus my sexuality is a non-issue. I would come out if I had a reason to do so, but I see no point in announcing "I'm gay" to all and sundry when I am single and celibate and will remain that way. > He has an inner darkness which I understand all too well. > The fact that he doesn't give into it is something I find very attractive. With the demeanor you project, I find it difficult to believe you understand anything about darkness. I suppose perhaps you see it in the despair of those you work with, but real inner darkness? What do you know of that? Pir8blocker |
To: Pir8blocker@gmail.com From: Rogue60@gmail.com Date: April 11, 2006 Subject: re: Wow Let me address your last question first; strangely enough, it relates in a rather immediate way to everything we've been discussing. I've seen darkness in myself in a very fundamental way, but the part which applies most here is not in any direct evils I have done, but in the good I have failed to do. You've said that I have patience, and that is true, but there was a time in my life when that patience was probably indistinguishable from cowardice. You see, my friends didn't know I was gay, but they knew other things about me, things that would have made my life miserable had they been disclosed So I stood by and let my friends get away with reprehensible behavior at the expense of other people, something I should not have done. I have felt the burden of that for many years, and I have no way now to make amends for the wrongs others suffered because of my inability to do the right thing. I know it was a long time ago, but there is a part of me that can never forgive myself for putting my own welfare above that of others. If I could go back and change it, I would, or if I could make restitution, I would do so happily. Instead I must live my life knowing that my evils have caused others to suffer, and it's sometimes a heavy burden to bear. This is why your comments about having been bullied actually made me flinch when I read them; you have gone through something which I allowed others to suffer but could have prevented. As bizarre as it sounds, I'd like to offer an apology to you, on behalf of those who paid a price for my selfishness. I know it doesn't make up for what you suffered or for what I did, but I feel compelled to offer it anyway. Of course, there is much here I am not saying, as I'm certain you can tell. There are so many nuances and so much history that it would take days for me to go through it all. Suffice it to say, however, if darkness is something that eats at your soul and makes you realize any happiness you have has only come at the expense of others, then I know it all too well. See? I'm not any better than anyone else for being patient and listening to other people's problems; I listen to them because I have both suffered and caused suffering, and if there is anything I can do to make life just a little better and easier for someone, I want to do it. Maybe it's patience, but I suppose it's also a sort of penance as well. Well, now that I have that out of the way, if you haven't decided you are better off never contacting me again, let me go on to address the rest. We got far off the topic of hot men, and I find that much more pleasant a subject than my own failings. > There is that, I suppose. The tide seems to be changing, albeit slowly, although I still retain my cynicism as to whether > television executives will have the balls to feature a gay relationship between leading characters. That seems like too > great a risk, and there are still many conservative thinkers in the world. If they wish the programme to succeed, they > must think about ratings and audience. Although I suppose one advantage to having a homosexual couple featured so > predominantly is that it would garner a great deal of publicity for the programme, and as they say, even bad publicity > is still good publicity. Yes, the publicity will be enormous, I'm sure; I'm going to look up reviews to see how it's being accepted. I might also put together a petition of support for the community members to "sign" and send to the writers to let them know there are plenty of accepting fans out there. No doubt they'll hear the complaints, and I'd like for them to hear the praise as well. > When I struck out on my own, my time was poured into building my business. I suppose now that I have achieved a > measure of success, I could afford to come out and pursue more social interests. However, I am hardly a catch, > being neither young nor attractive, and I have no desire for some little club tart to latch onto me for my money. > While I am not rich, I am quite comfortable and likely to move from "comfortable" to "quite cozy indeed" if business > continues as it has done the past couple of years. I can understand that. It would be horrible to doubt whether someone wants you for yourself or the things you can give them. But don't count yourself out yet, at least not on something like age. I am in my forties as well, and I hardly consider it to be over the hill! As for attractiveness, I can't speak to the physical aspects, of course, as we've not seen each other, but on a personality level, I think you have absolutely nothing to be concerned about. Even as short a time as we have been in contact, I can tell you are an extremely intelligent and educated man with a wonderfully dry wit, with a broad set of interests and a lovely eloquence in your way of expressing yourself. Yes, there is far, far more to you than I have seen, but I seem to have good instincts about people because of my job, and I can assure you that if you aren't a "catch", it's only because you choose not to be. > Thus there seems to be no need to come out. I have nothing in the way of a sex life, and I have no plans to become > embroiled in a relationship, thus my sexuality is a non-issue. I would come out if I had a reason to do so, but I see no > point in announcing "I'm gay" to all and sundry when I am single and celibate and will remain that way. Single and celibate? Sounds like me. How unfortunate for the men of the world that we aren't out there flaunting our charms for all to see. Then again, perhaps they wouldn't be able to stand the competition. On that note, I'm going to offer you my "real" name, since I've told you things I've never told anyone else. You don't have to reciprocate, and if you don't, I won't be offended. Nor will I if you decide you now know too much about me to be comfortable; disappointed, most definitely, but never offended. John |
To: Rogue60@gmail.com From: Pir8blocker@gmail.com Date: April 11, 2006 Subject: re: Wow It is quite strange indeed, but I accept your apology. I am not the person you wronged, and you are not the person who stood idly by and watched me being harassed; however, if standing as proxies gives either of us a little peace, I see no harm in it. In truth, you remind me of someone I used to know. In some ways, he was one of the strongest people I have known. In others, he was the weakest. He too stood by and said nothing far more often than he should have. I believe he did so out of fear, and for a long time, I thought of him only with scorn. Time and distance has a way of softening the sharp edges of memory, however, and reading what you have to say offers a different perspective as well. I can never forgive those who harassed me - although in the interest of fairness, I confess I was hardly a weak, defenseless target, and I gave as good as I got - but I believe I could forgive him. Thus I forgive you on his behalf. It sounds to me as if the behavior that shames you stems not from darkness or evil, but rather from fear. You allowed fear to make you a coward, which is not admirable, but it is hardly a unique problem. At least you recognize the flaw and - I assume - have tried to rectify it rather than continuing to repeat the pattern. That is to be respected even if your cowardice is not. If you knew me better, you would understand the irony of what I am about to say: let it go. You cannot change what you have done; you can only make different choices in the future. > Suffice it to say, however, that if darkness is something that eats at your soul and > that makes you realize any happiness you have has only come at the expense of others, then I know it all too well. That statement assumes one has experienced true happiness to begin with. My own soul is hardly unburdened by regret; I dare say I have more to regret than merely failing to act, and there are things that eat at me in the long, dark hours before dawn. I cannot say they are leavened by memories of happiness, however. There have been times in my life when I have been content and - on rare occasions - at peace, but happiness has always eluded me, even fleetingly. I have come closest to it in the past few years, and my accomplishments have given me satisfaction, but success has not made me happy. I see no need to begin avoiding you, thus it seems best to move on to less difficult topics. > I might also put together a petition of support for the community members to "sign" > and send to the writers to let them know there are plenty of accepting fans out there. That seems a sensible thing to do. As you say, those who are outraged will not hesitate to make themselves heard, and there should be some balance in what the Powers That Be hear from their audience. > Yes, there is far, far more to you than I have seen, Such as my temper, my impatience, my misanthropic attitude, my disdain for stupidity. I am not a nice man. Even if I were, I would not be a catch. The truth about my desirability was drummed into my head long ago, and I have not forgotten the lesson. You say you have good instincts about people, but you have a skewed perspective of me. It is, I think, one of the drawbacks of communicating in writing. What one allows to be seen can be highly filtered. I assure you, were you to meet me, you would not think me quite so interesting. Pir8blocker |
To: Pir8blocker@gmail.com From: Rogue60@gmail.com Date: April 11, 2006 Subject: re: Wow It's getting late, and I want to respond to you with all my wits about me. But let me say thank you for the absolution you have given me. Strange as it sounds, it helps. I'll write back to you in the morning. For now, I hope you have a peaceful night; I think I shall have a more restful one than I've had in a very long time. Sweet dreams, John |