I was jealous of him. Jealous that he would feel the affects of the alcohol pulling him into a hazy state of inebriation. I'd managed to build up a nice little immunity to it. It'd probably take at least this whole bottle and then some to finally feel the way he was starting to, but I wanted it now. I wanted to feel that blanket of peace wash over me, that calmness and happy solitude that came when I drank. Of course I would be forgetting that getting drunk always sent me in two ways -- I'd either be happy and giggly, or angry and depressed. I crossed my fingers in hopes that today would bring the former of those two options. It'd be better for both of us if it did.
I brought the bottle of tequila up to my lips again as silence ensued. I was in the middle of a swig when he asked that question, and I halted, brow furrowing as I brought the bottle down to my side. Opening my mouth, I was about to respond without thinking before he kept talking.
I love you, Leah.
There went the words that had been trapped in my throat ever since I imprinted. I was sort of proud of him for being able to say it first, but then again, I knew it would be that way. He was stronger than me in that respect. There was no way I could say that to him. Not now. And it slowly ate away at my soul, because I so wanted to be able to respond in a like manner. But I was too scared. Too cold and frigid, despite how different I felt.
I guess I should be grateful that imprinting hadn't completely changed me. I wasn't all of a sudden a beam of light, dancing and prancing about in a meadow of daisies. I was still very much Leah. Scared shitless and unable to express myself. Lucky Jake.
Took me a long while till I could say anything at all. My throat was dry, and I tried to quench my thirst by finishing off the tequila. Next, I grabbed for a bottle of wine, hoping that I'd finally start to feel something.
I turned to him, trying to keep my expression blank, wishing I could act differently for his sake, "Wow, I really feel sorry for you; you couldn't have been given a worse lot in life." Because obviously anyone who loved me was screwed from the start. Even the gods couldn't teach me how to truly love a person, no matter how hard they tried.