EM.
Cry for them both. I have, there's nothing wrong with grieving for what they didn't have. Just don't lose sight of the fact that while you can't change their past, the present and future here are wide open, and just by being you, you can change it for the better.
Certainly better than I can, since bail money is still the extent of what I can do for him, and I'm just a source of terrible pain for her.