”If she wakes up and sees you, she’s going to think…” Mikino’s words, halting but firm. He wasn’t a stranger to delivering bad news.
“No, I know…” He whispered it, as if he feared waking her. It killed him to think of not being there when she woke up but he had seen that awful video. She would be afraid. Andrew didn’t even try to fathom how this would play out now. It was too much. But he sat on the edge of that bed, reluctant to leave the room. She might never know it, but he wanted to be here now, to hold her hand while her body struggled to heal itself. He had been there to help them tend to the wounds that were still bleeding. It had been terrible seeing her that way, but at least the worst was over, so it was a relief as well.
That cornflower blues never left her face. All at once he felt grateful and broken. She was safe. He kept telling himself it was all that mattered, and anything else was selfish and wrong of him to think about. He shouldn’t be worrying about them, just about her. Even though he was aware enough to believe that he wasn’t the only one who would suffer from that particular loss. She had wanted things to work. It was just that, maybe now, wanting them wouldn’t be enough.
There was more to a relationship than two people loving one another. It wasn’t always enough.
“I’ll stay close until she’s awake, just in case.” Just in case she did ask for him, the way she had in that recording. It was all he could do. When he did finally force himself to stand, and let her hand slip away, he leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead. He lingered, his cheek brushing hers, the apology dying on his lips. Instead he just said that he loved her. But what difference could words hope to make, even if she could hear them.
He would keep to that promise. When she woke up, someone else would have to be the one to ask if she was ready to see him, likely Mikino himself, but Andrew would do what he could and at least be at hand.