You can come in Who: Derek & Penny What: A follow up conversation When: October 26, evening Where: Penny’s apartment Rating: Bowls of sadness Status: Complete
Are you kidding me?
Derek was standing outside the door of what used to be their apartment, but which he now only thought of as Penny’s apartment. He was debating whether it was right to use the key, or to knock. Maybe he was a little afraid of what he would find, and if he knocked, it would give her a chance to…
He pressed a palm flat against the wooden door. Took an unnecessary inhale. The vampire decided he would use the key one last time. Derek slid it into the lock, undid the mechanism. Swung open the door, about to cross the threshold, when --
Derek was pushed backward by an invisible barrier. It felt like solid hands roughly shoving him away. “Ow.” He rubbed his arms. “Are you kidding me right now?”
Penny had been in the bedroom when she heard a sound. It was a familiar resonation, a key in the lock. The noise had her turning, looking over her shoulder in the direction of the door though she couldn’t see it from where she was sitting at the vanity.
Dressed casually in a pair of cutoff shorts and a tee shirt, the siren stood and wandered from the bedroom to the door with a bit of caution.
It was then she saw Derek.
Her lips fell into a straight line, arms folding across her chest as she watched him hovering in the frame though not exactly inside of the archway.
“You can come in,” she said, after a few minutes of letting him stand in the hallway looking confused.
He looked up at her, at the expression on her face. She had never looked at him like that before. Derek slowly crossed the doorway, no shoving this time. But no less painful. The vampire paused inside the entryway, slowly closing the door behind him. “Hi,” he said, catching her eye, before looking away. “I thought we should talk. And I wanted to give you this back.”
In his outheld palm was the single key, the one Penny had made for him when they first moved in together. That had been not that long ago, yet it felt like a lifetime ago.
Penny nodded.
She reached out for the key, taking it. The little carved metal piece would go into her shorts pocket, and the siren motioned to the new couch they'd picked out. “Sit down.” Whatever he wanted to say, she would listen. It was only fair that way, but she wasn’t quite sure how he expected her to react or respond.
Her journey to the chair next to the couch felt like a lifetime, but when she reached the seat she did sit and then her attention went to him.
Derek sat down, his hands going to his knees awkwardly. “First, I wanted to say that I’m sorry. I know you must be hurting right now, and it’s because of me. I never wanted to hurt you, Penny.” He looked up at her, brown eyes bright. He rubbed the back of his hand across his jaw before continuing. “But I also know that doesn’t automatically make it better.” The fingers of his other hand twisted in the fraying threads of denim that popped out of his jeans as he waited for her to respond.
As he sat there, she watched his movements. This was hard for both of them. In the few months they had known each other, she learned a lot about him and was better for it. She held her hand up, shaking her head.
“Don’t feel guilty,” Penny began. “You did hurt me, but I should’ve seen it coming. I’m not angry anymore,” she explained. She couldn’t vouch for Ro or Nobu, but when it came to her own feelings she didn’t want him feeling the weight.
“You are growing and changing, and that’s okay. I can’t. I want to grow and change with you, but I can’t. Not in the way you need me to and I’d rather you be able to be with someone else, someone more human, than stuck with me hating yourself and what I am for however long it would take to run its course.” She wasn’t cool with being dumped, but she had also done a bit of thinking about things since he’d gone. “I enjoyed my time with you, I wish things could’ve ended differently, but I feel like maybe we would’ve gotten tired of each other anyway.”
He listened carefully, taking her words and turning them over in his head like rocks or clues. It all sounded so reasonable, so resolute. They didn’t match the storm of feelings inside him when he was around her, but he could see the truth in them. Except for one thing. “You think you would have gotten tired of me?” Derek’s voice was small when he said this, eyes dropping. The vampire hated himself for sticking to that one point. He had instigated this, after all.
“No, don’t answer that, you don’t have to.” Derek shook his head. There was one thing he wanted to ask her, one thing he felt like maybe he didn’t have the right to, but it had been pricking at him since he saw it. “That picture you sent me…” He trailed off, uncertain. “Did you do something with one of those guys?”
“Not as fast as you would’ve gotten tired of me,” she replied, offering a bit of a smile. “My sister has been married three times, I don’t know if I’ve ever told you. Once to a human, her last one, and twice to people like us. They got bored or had some other issues come up, I think it’s just a common thing with sirens. Maybe. I’ve never been in a marriage before you, so I don’t know for sure.”
She answered anyway, if only to give him peace of mind.
“What do you think?” Penny arched her eyebrows, waiting to see what Derek’s opinion of her was. What she did on her own time was her business but she knew he was also in a different place.
“Penny, I didn’t get tired of you,” he told her. “I made a promise so that I wouldn’t lose you, and I didn’t realize how much it would change me. I don’t feel like the same person as when we met, and that’s not fair to you.” That was the truth. There was still a lot of feeling for her. He still felt slightly weak being around her.
“I don’t know what I think happened,” Derek continued. “I think whatever you chose to do, you’re still Penny. But it hurt. If that’s what you were trying to do, it worked. If not, then…” He shrugged.
“I know you didn’t,” she replied. “You didn’t change for me, Derek. You changed for you. And that’s okay. It’s also okay that you aren’t the same person you used to be. Moving forward with a relationship would’ve been a bad move, thinking back on it. This..” she said, sighing as she motioned between them, “...is probably best for both of us.”
The future would’ve been dark if they’d stayed together. He would’ve been miserable and she wouldn’t have understood what was hurting so bad.
“I didn’t do anything with any of those men. I haven’t slept with anyone in decades besides you, and that’s not what I use to hunt. I sent you that picture because Shelly, the other girl in that picture, said I should. And I felt a little angry. I’m sorry that it hurt you.”
Derek nodded. “I’m sorry you’re hurting, too. I’m sorry it all happened this way.” He leaned back against the couch, looked around at what was his home for the past few months. He had no idea where he was heading now.
“So I guess this is it,” he said sadly, looking back at her. “It’s over.” Saying those words aloud didn’t get any easier.
Penny nodded.
She held up a finger before standing. A turn and she wandered into the bedroom though it was only for a few seconds. And then the siren was back. She came up to Derek and knelt down, sticking the ring he’d given her in one of his palms. “Here. I want you to have this. Give it to the next girl or person who really can make you the happiest you can be.”
His skin was cold. She was used to that by now.
Offering what she could of a smile, Penny moved back together the chair and sat down. “Feel free to get whatever you left here. It’s yours.” She didn’t want any of it.
He looked down at the ring, wrapping his fist around it and nodding. “Okay,” he told her, standing up slowly. “I’ll look around and see what’s mine, and then I’ll get out of your way.” Derek hovered for a moment, staring at her. Usually now he would have kissed her, touched her. Held her hand. The vampire would never do that again. She was a stranger again.
She remained seated while he stood.
Usually she would help, try to find out what was important and taking care of the rest. But this wasn’t like the other times and so she rested there and did her best to stay out of the way while he gathered the rest of his things.
The key to her place burned a hole in her pocket all the while, or it felt that way at least.
He returned a few minutes later with a bag full of items. It wasn’t a lot. Derek hadn’t brought much in the way of material possessions into his relationship with her. “Thanks for being understanding,” he told her with a wan smile. “Be careful and...stay safe.” The vampire nodded, hovering silently for a moment. He didn’t actually want to say the word ‘goodbye’. After at least a minute had passed, he headed for the door.
As he returned, Penny looked up at him. The worst part had always been watching him go. But she told herself that he had been gone and this time it was different. “I will,” she nodded. “You too.” Whatever came next for Derek she hoped it was good, and satisfying. For all they had been through together, he deserved a bit of good karma and energy.