fangednconfused (fangednconfused) wrote in birthrightrpg, @ 2020-10-20 23:24:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | brianna winters, derek mitchell |
Think Happy Thoughts
Who: Brianna/Derek
What: Understanding
Where: Brasserie Le Breeze
When: Present
Ratings/Warnings: Low-ish
It was slightly past 10:00 PM. The decision to go to Le Breeze had been a last minute one. Derek was nursing a low-level hangover from his drinking adventure with Phanuel, on top of the heartache that still nagged him. At any rate, he had remembered what Shimmer told him about reaching out to friends, and he didn’t want to be alone.
He drifted over to the entrance of the restaurant, trying the door. It was open. Derek’s luck was slightly improving, it seemed. The vampire wandered in, slightly lost looking, casting a glance in hopes of spotting Brianna.
Since the time away, spent with Radek and her employer, Brianna had developed a new confidence. She no longer felt the necessity to wear long sleeves to protect herself from the random accidental contact that could happen in her environment, and understood to a greater depth just how her abilities could be controlled and used. While it was still new, it was helping her overcome her fear of being touched, and of leaving the confines of the Brasserie complex.
She was also beginning to release some of the tight control she’d been maintaining, both on the business, and herself, which was still a new experience for her, and taking some getting used to. She had even been considering it was time to take on a deputy manager, something that her employer had agreed without hesitation when Brianna had suggested it. She was now in the process of clarifying a job description to begin the process of recruitment, and had placed her pen in its holder on her desk, satisfied with what she had come up with so far.
Glancing at the time she realised how late it was and quickly checked herself in the full length mirror behind her office door before making her way downstairs for closing. As she entered the brasserie’s dining room she glanced through to the entrance foyer and saw a familiar tall figure looking around, and smiled to herself. With only a few pauses she made her way between the remaining tables of diners, all preparing to depart, and acknowledged their thanks. She reached the foyer and smiled as she looked up at Derek, sensing his sadness. “Hello there,” she said, her hands automatically coming together in front of her, “how nice to see you.” Her control of her senses was on full strength as she felt some very different energy coming from him, in support of what she could see in his face. “Is everything OK?” she heard herself asking.
“Not exactly,” he answered, even as he smiled upon seeing her. “I just wanted to drop in.” Derek watched the last remaining diners leave. The brasserie was quieter than the past times he had visited. He liked seeing it this way.
“No, actually, I wanted to see you,” he admitted. “I feel like you’d understand.” The vampire looked past her. “Can we sit somewhere, if you have time?”
“Of course,” she said. She turned to the maitre de and nodded. “Just lock up as you leave, I will engage security later,” she told him and bid him good night. The young man left, and Brianna indicated the cafe bar, on the other side of the foyer and led the way through to a small table. “Can I get you anything?” she asked.
“Just your company,” he replied, before pulling out the chair for her. He took the seat across from Brianna. Derek found himself a little uncharacteristically tongue-tied. He didn’t know if he should spill his sob story or be the jovial jokester that she knew. Then he realized there was no fooling her, anyway, and he didn’t want to pretend. Not with her.
“I’ve…” Break up didn’t seem like the right term. Separation felt vague. It was more like a splintering, there was nothing neat or clean about it. “I told Penny that I couldn’t be with her, and I wasn’t sure when that would change.”
She was a little surprised at the immediate revelation, but maintained her shields to prevent any breach of his confidence. “I see,” Brianna replied, now understanding his sadness, and sense of confusion. “You still love her, don’t you?” she asked, still not at all familiar with the woman at all, and not about to allow herself to ‘pry’. It was something she’d been adamant about when learning more about her abilities - she was not wanting to unveil personal and private information, only that which was openly shared, or essential to learn for protection of others. There was still work to be done on the latter, and unless she knew there was need for her to know she maintained her shields on her ‘reading’ abilities. “That can’t have been an easy decision, or conversation.”
“I do love her,” Derek agreed. “I don’t think that’ll go away. But I don’t know if we’re meant for each other. And there shouldn’t be uncertainty, right? That’s a sign that things aren’t working.” It felt strange to admit that out loud, and it felt like a betrayal, even if it was the truth.
“It hurts all the same. I just want to know if the hurting goes away, or if you become better at ignoring it.” The vampire had break-ups in his human days, of course, but none like this. The truth was, he had been someone else when he met Penny, and they had been impulsive and infatuated with each other.
“What’s changed?” she asked gently, unaware of the circumstances of the relationship, but seeing that Derek was unsure, confused, looking for confirmation, for answers to questions he hadn’t asked out loud. “From when you fell in love with her, enough to propose and marry, to now?”
It dawned on him that it was very difficult to discuss the problem without also divulging some information about Penny. And that could lead to trouble. He had to decide if he trusted Brianna or not, and if it was his place to reveal the siren’s nature.
“I was different, before,” he began carefully. “I killed people. And I was...really angry inside, because of the person who made me a vampire. I chose a specific victim, men who reminded me of myself, and took the anger out that way.” There was shame in his voice as he explained. “And Penny, she...well, we had something in common.”
Brianna nodded as she listened, choosing to ignore the admission, knowing that his kind were rarely of Derek’s ilk, and recognising that an admission such as this was a sign of the level of trust he had in her. She was sensing his reluctance to disclose details, understanding there was something about Penny he was protecting, and respected that about him. “And now you’re no longer that angry?” she asked, her eyes giving her what she believed was the answer, but wanting confirmation.
He nodded slowly. “And I don’t want to hurt people. I’ve changed, I’m not that Derek anymore. I would do anything to be human again, Brianna,” he said, looking at her plaintively. “This is the closest I’ll ever be able to get.”
The vampire closed his eyes warily. His head still throbbed slightly, and the sadness was like a heavy blanket that he couldn’t shed. “When I’m around you, I feel a little more human.”
His statement surprised, and threw her for a moment. She treated him no differently to anyone else she knew, and that made her wonder for a brief moment how others treated him. But she quickly returned to the real issue he brought up - and she winced internally. The little she knew of his kind gave her no answers to offer regarding his desire to be human again, and she couldn’t imagine how hard that must be for him. She was sad to see him like this, and wanted to find a way to help him, but was lost as to what it would take. Her recent sojourn had given her greater knowledge of her own abilities, but those were useless when it came to offering Derek any sort of answer to his insurmountable challenge.
Her face softened and she unclasped her hands, resting them on the table. “I’m glad I can help you do that,” she told him, genuine concern and caring clear in her voice and face. “I wish there was more I could do....” Her voice trailed off, some frustration creeping into her eyes as a small crease formed in her brow. “Is there anything… anyone… ?” She felt she didn't need to finish the question.
“Oh, no,” he said. “I didn’t mean you had to do anything.” Derek wondered if he was being melodramatic. It was hard to tell, sometimes, what was an appropriate emotional reaction. Maybe there was no ‘appropriate’ in a situation like this.
“I have friends, and I talk to them. And they help. I just…” The vampire looked down at her hands as they rested on the table. “I feel guilty for being sad around them. Like I owe it to them to be cheerful and happy, joking around all the time. That’s not their fault, by the way. I know it’s a ‘me’ problem.”
“Derek, no-one should ever expect anyone to be cheerful, happy and joking all the time, that’s just not possible,” she told him, “I mean none of us can be.” She paused for a moment, considering the words she used next. “You are kind and friendly, and while I don’t know ‘the old Derek’, that you described, the one thing I know for sure is what I see in you now, and I can tell that you’re not someone who wants to hurt others, that you’re telling the truth when you say you’ve changed.” His admission to her was still standing out strongly in her mind and she again felt a strong appreciation of his trust in her, telling her the truth of his past and his current state. “You don’t have to hide anything here,” she continued softly, “anytime you need to talk, whether you’re sad, or angry, or frustrated, you can come and talk to me.” She smiled as she added, “you can’t lie to me anyway, I will always know.”
He smiled again, and this time it was genuine. “Thank you, I appreciate that.” Derek had no intention of lying to her. In fact, he felt relief that everything about him was out in the open. He looked around the empty dining area. “Am I keeping you? I know it’s late. Well, it’s early for me.”
Brianna shook her head, also glancing around the empty cafe bar area. “I’ve started changing my schedule,” she told him, then looked at him, again considering how much to reveal. There was one thing the others had told her, the reason they had kept full knowledge of her abilities from her, and that was to prevent the information from reaching the wrong people who may decide she was a handy weapon to have in their arsenal. But her ability to read also gave her the ability to assess who to reveal how much to, and given Derek’s openness and display of trust in her this evening she felt she could reciprocate with some also.
“I’ve just returned from some time with Radek, and some of his colleagues, where I’ve learnt a lot more about my abilities,” she told him, her eyes on his face as she spoke. “It’s helped me understand more, both about what I can do, and why I was … well, suffering doesn’t seem like the right word here, but what was going on with me. And now, after working with them, I'm making a few changes." She smiled again as she added, "I might even be able to take you up on your offer, to show me more of the City. "
His face lit up as he listened to her explain. That urge to reach across the table and touch her hand intensified, but he held back. “That’s really good,” he told her, sincerely. “I feel like this will help you a lot, and of course my offer still stands.” Derek grinned at her. Her dimples came out when she smiled like that.
“While Le Breeze is beautiful and impressive,” the vampire quipped, “I think it would be really nice to see you in other places.”
"And I think it would be great to see some of these other places," she laughed. While she still felt nervous at the thought of coming into contact with others she now recognised her fear and was determined to set herself on the new path she'd been shown, and learn how to control her ability. "It's time for me to see more than le Breeze!"
His phone chimed loudly, and he gave her an apologetic look. “Sorry,” Derek told her, “hang on.” The vampire checked his phone, brows shooting up when he saw it was a text from Penny. He opened it up, and was greeted with a photo.
It was Penny and some blonde girl he didn’t know, getting really cozy with some guys in suits at what was obviously a club. He swallowed, turned the phone over and set it on the table. Derek didn’t realize how hard he had set it down until hearing the screen crack.
“Anyway, yeah. I’d be glad to show you…” He trailed off weakly.
"Derek?" Brianna was frowning in concern, the expression on his face one of pain and no small amount of shock, and worry. "Is everything okay?"
“Yeah. No.” There were three possibilities. One, Penny was hurt and flirting with randos. Fine. Two, it wasn’t just flirting. Three...the guys were going to be dinner. It sucked that the best option was number one.
“I guess she’s moved on,” Derek said, even though that might not have been a fair assessment. The words came from a place of hurt, and guilt, because he had initiated the split in the first place. “This is my fault.”
The pain and hurt on his face was as clear to her as if he'd said those words. The guilt concerned her more. "Derek, what is it?" She had no idea what he'd seen on the phone and lay her hand firmly flat on the table. She never sought more information than was given, usually that was more than enough. Even now she kept her shields up, preventing her from 'seeing' more than he was willing to show. "Why is it your fault?"
“I’m the one who told her that I couldn’t be with her, that I wasn’t happy,” he explained. “I didn’t realize it would feel like this.”
Derek looked at her hands again. He didn’t know why, but his attention kept getting drawn to them. “Sometimes I hate feeling. I can’t imagine what it must be like for you. Everyone spilling their thoughts into the air.” The vampire paused.
“If I concentrated really hard and thought of only nice things, would you feel it?”
Brianna smiled, not surprised by Derek's concern for her rather than his own pain. It was what she had learned about him, that he cared about others, sometimes as a distraction from his own sadness. "If I allowed myself, I might, but it will do little to conceal your true state, as that's what is more powerful," she explained gently. "My visions tend to be what you've seen and experienced, the touch will give me what you've felt, be it physically or emotionally," she added. She paused for a moment, trying to find a way to explain it. "Think of your memories as books on the shelves. The stronger the influence of the experience, the larger the book. I end up seeing the pages of the largest and most influential memories, not necessarily the most recent. Same with touch, the most influential experiences are those that come through if it is an accidental touch, or unexpected. This has been what Radek and the others have been trying to help me learn to control, and where I've been for the last few weeks." There was more, and it had been Radek's little experiment just before she'd left his estate that had revealed it to her and confirmed it to him, but she was still very unsure of what that was.
She interlaced her fingers, hands now resting lightly on the table.
“I understand,” he said, and there was a hint of sadness in his voice now, though not having to do with the picture he’d just seen. “I wanted to touch your hand,” Derek admitted. He nodded toward the ring he saw on her finger. “That’s beautiful,” he told her, trying to paper over the awkwardness he was feeling at his admission. “Actually, everything you wear is beautiful. I think you probably wake up looking great.”
The vampire closed his eyes briefly, frustrated with himself. “Not that I’ve thought about...I just mean you’re like -- “ He shook his head, and uttered a weak, “Help.”
She felt a pang of remorse at seeing his face, the frustration displayed clearly, and his discomfort with what he’d said. “Derek, please, don’t punish yourself, or be embarrassed! Every woman appreciates hearing nice things about themselves, or at least any I know usually does,” she said to him, unlacing her fingers slowly, and after taking a deep breath, tentatively holding her right hand out. The ring he’d admired caught the light as she moved it, the pair of diamonds nestled into the band where it was wound into the infinity symbol. “This is very special to me, my sister has one identical,” she explained, “needless to say the diamonds are us, the band is our bond.”
“It must feel good to have such a close bond to someone,” he mused, staring at the ring. “But like it could be painful, too. It’s an open door to pain.” Derek knew, though, that sometimes the hurt could be worth it.
Brianna nodded, her eyes drifting down to the ring, for a moment wondering if she could reach out to Juliet, now she was learning about why her sister had cut all communications with her - to protect her, and keep her and her abilities hidden from those Juliet came into contact with. “It can be, yes,” she agreed, looking back up at Derek’s face again, seeing his eyes still on the ring. She turned her hand, palm upwards, offering it to him as she swallowed and took another deep breath.
Derek looked at that open palm, eyes tracing the lines of it. He didn’t want to hurt her. The thing was, the pain and shock and upset from earlier had started to drain away, the longer he spoke with her. The longer he was around her. The vampire hoped that would make a difference. His own hand reached out, and he slowly entwined his fingers with hers, watching her carefully for her reaction.
It was instant, but manageable, as she had been prepared, and expecting it. She managed to control much of the influx of emotions, a small wince unavoidable at some of the intensity, but she controlled it by breathing through it. Slowly she smiled again, the depth of her breaths easing. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “See? I’ve been practicing,” she said, her voice very slightly croaking at first, but smoothing out again.
He knew he should probably move his hand away. He had noticed the wince, the initial crack in her voice. Selfishly, he didn’t, not at first. Her hand was soft and warm, and the squeeze Brianna gave was like a blanket of comfort. Derek ran his thumb gently over her skin, it bumped against her ring, before pulling away.
“Thank you,” he told her, looking into her eyes.
She left her hand there for a moment before slowly returning it to her other hand, fingers gently clasping again and resting on the table. Her eyes rose, meeting Derek’s and she smiled at him. “Thank you,” she told him, “this is the first time I’ve touched anyone since I left Radek’s last weekend,” she told him. “I wasn’t sure what would happen, but I felt safe trying with you.”
He smiled at that. “I’m glad you have him to help you. I’m glad you’re not alone here.” Derek wished they could sit there all night, talking, but he knew they couldn’t. And he shouldn’t expect that of her. It was just hard to face the oncoming sunrise, and getting used to sleeping alone.
“And I’m glad that I met you,” the vampire added.
She nodded in agreement, saying “me too. And I think I’ve the better deal as I’ve gained myself a friend, and guide!” she added with a widening smile. The activities of the day were starting to catch up, her tiredness having been tipped over the edge by the effort she’d just expended in managing the contact with Derek. She had a fair way to go before that was completely ‘normal’, something Radek had assured her would eventually come about, but at least she now knew how and what was happening. Sleep was something that she needed while she was still developing the fullness of her abilities.
“I should get going,” he told her reluctantly. “Sun-up comes sooner than you’d expect.” And Derek had to decide where he was going to stay that day. A smaller problem in the grand scheme of things.
“Thank you again for the company.” He gingerly picked up his phone. The screen wasn’t too badly broken. “I hope I see you soon.”
Brianna rose from her seat, and nodded. “You’re always welcome here, Derek, regardless,” she said, glancing at the phone in his hand. “I hope your phone is OK,” she added, then paused and looked up at him before continuing, “and that your heart mends quickly.”
He stood, too, and there was a small amount of space between them. It felt like a huge gap to him, though. Derek felt another small surge of nagging guilt as a vivid image entered his head of pulling her in for a hug. He wouldn’t do that to her, of course. But the want was there, and he felt a little terrible.
“Good night, Brianna. I hope you sleep well.”
She again nodded, led the way to the doors, and as he exited she again gave him a smile and a small wave, “Good night,” and closed the door.