Tal (patchofblue) wrote in birthrightrpg, @ 2020-11-21 16:18:00 |
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Entry tags: | tal rainey, ~roman skye |
Drinking to Talk And Not Be Alone
Who: Roman Skye and Tal Rainey
What: Drinks and Talking
When: November 14, after this
Where: Searchlight, El Rey Motel, Room 8
Warnings: Low - for some sad bits
A few hours after closing up the auto shop for the night, Tal had left his truck there, opting to go to the truck stop on foot for provisions before heading back to the motel room he stayed in during the week.
This particular evening, he settled into his room after showering and changing into a tank top and pajama bottoms. The window beside the door that led outside was cracked open two inches. The bathroom door was half-open. Being a creature of ritual and habit after the traumatic fifteen to seventeen years old portion of his life, Tal could only feel comfortable with his living space not being confining. His rucksack was by the luggage stand. It had changes of clothes, toiletries, and other sundries he always had on hand.
He had downed one beer and was on a second when he had texted Roman. The sense of loneliness was always in his mind, all be in the back. But alcohol relaxed him.
---
After the text, Roman closed up the file folders he’d brought home. Froufrou looked up at him from its perch on the sofa, Roman only smiled with assurance at the Yorkshire terrier. “I won’t be gone long, I promise,” he uttered, calling the little dog over. He could’ve sworn the look he received was skeptical, yet the dog obeyed and padded over to Roman’s beckoning.
Once the dog was secured in its cage, Roman put on casual clothes - jeans and a tee shirt with a light jacket over and comfortable boots - and he made a beeline for the liquor cabinet. He picked up a smooth whiskey and left the apartment.
Forty minutes or so later he eased the Navigator into the El Rey parking lot.
And then he closed the distance between himself and the door with the number on it that would hold his new friend.
Roman paused, knocked softly, and waited.
—
The second beer was set aside after he had finished texting Roman and Tal did his weekly search on the internet for the last name he was born with, ‘Grady’, and the first names of his parents and siblings. He would engage in this unhealthy purosing, caring just a little about the family who for a short time confined him and then abandoned him. He wanted nothing to do with them. And yet, he felt so lonely at times.
Hearing the knock on the door, Tal lightly tossed his phone on the bed, got up, and walked over to the door. He looked through the peephole, smiled softly to himself before unlocking and opening the door to see Roman.
“Hello.”
---
A quick glance around.
And then Roman found himself looking at the man lingering where the door once had been. “Hello, my friend,” he offered. The liquor bottle would be lifted and offered gently to Tal. “This is for you. May I come in?”
When Tal allowed, Roman shuffled into the motel room. It was far from the extravagance that he was used to, but then he supposed that was part of the charm of the place.
“Nice place you have here.”
—
“Yes, you may. Really?” Tal blinked and took the liquor bottle as he stepped to the side to allow Roman to enter the room. He had seen the brand of the whiskey before and knew it was pricey.
Soon, he closed the door and latched it locked out of habit. “Thank you. It’s not much.” Tal shrugged. “I usually stay here doing the week.” There were two double beds in the room, one becoming more of a lounging sofa than a place dedicated just to sleep. Tal walked over to his bag and pulled out a couple of glass shot glasses before walking over to Roman.
---
“Really,” he confirmed, turning to offer Tal a smile. “Who am I to judge anyone? If you like it, then it works.”
He noticed the sag in one of the double beds as if Tal was using it to sit rather than sleep.
And as the small, whiskey filled glass was offered, he accepted it. “Thank you.” It would be held up in a toast, “To your hospitality.”
—
Nodding, Tal smiled back. “Better than driving back and forth every night and morning.”
“You’re welcome.” He replied and sat the bottle on the desk beside the TV. Then holding up his glass, Tal spoke, “To your generosity and company.” He tapped his field glass against Roman’s.
“I’m glad you accepted my invitation.”
---
“That’s very smart,” Roman nodded. Honestly, it was a good idea especially when you drove a gas guzzler like he did. But at least the drive was mostly highway and he got the most miles for his money.
Roman chuckled humbly, clicking the tiny glass against Tal’s. He drank the small amount of liquid quickly without making a face, and set the small glass aside.
“As am I. I wasn’t sure I’d get to see you again so soon,” he added, finding a spot on the edge of the bed used as a couch to sit down.
—
Tal liked the drive - seeing the sky, clouds. Blue and blends of sunsets. But he didn’t want to fall asleep behind the wheel.
The corners of his mouth tugged upward at Roman’s chuckle. Then he drank the shot of whiskey, smiling with eyes as he kept those eyes on the other man and swallowed.
“Really?” Tal asked as he sat down on the end of the bed he usually slept in, facing Roman.
---
Roman nodded.
“Really. My schedule is hectic, I have a lot of clients and so it doesn’t leave much time for socialization.” Then he laughed a bit, “Which is why I suppose I was so eager to escape work and come here at your invitation.” His smile was genuine.
“Otherwise I fear I would’ve drowned in files and paperwork.”
—
“Popular guy...or workaholic,” Tal winked and smiled back as he gently grasped the edge of the bed. “I am glad I could help you escape.”
“Death by a thousand papercuts.”
---
His grin widened a bit, and he laughed softly, “Maybe a bit of both, but probably more of the latter than the former. Maybe that’s also why I’m still single.” He shrugged and smiled.
At the quip, Roman nodded with amusement. “That’s a good one. I like that. I’m going to use that somewhere.”
—
Wrinkling his nose, Tal smirked. “We have that in common.” The alcohol’s loosening effect eased his fear and hesitancy to open up too quickly.
---
His hands found purchase on the mattress and Roman leaned backward on his arms, studying Tal. “Do we? I didn’t want to assume you were...at least if we are speaking of the same thing, being single and all. Forgive me if I don’t believe for a second that a man like you doesn’t have at least one admirer.”
—
“Yeah, mmm,” Tal shook his head. “I must be too much of a workaholic to notice.” He watched Roman, wanting to say something more but it teetered on the tip of his tongue. “No need to be forgiven.” Tal waved the other man off.
---
Roman chuckled a bit, “I could see that. Being dedicated to your work is a good thing, but sometimes we need help finding a healthy balance. Would you like some more whiskey?”
—
“Yes, please. Feel free to grab a beer if you want.” Tal smiled. “A balance is hard to find. But I am glad you are here.”
—
With that, Roman nodded and rose from the edge of the bed. He refilled the small glasses, one for each of them, and brought Tal the one he had used previously. This time, though, instead of sitting down where he had been, Roman settled down close to Tal. He made sure to keep a respectful distance without getting too far away.
“Thank you. I’m glad to be here, too.”
—
Tal breathed in deeply as he watched Roman. Even a bit loosened up, the mechanic was still measuring how much he should trust the other man. “Thank you,” he nodded as he took his filled glass. Then Tal paused as Roman sat down close to him, but thankfully not too close.
Downing the whiskey, he nodded. “Mmm, I didn’t want to be alone.”
—
With the shot consumed, the little glass would be set aside on a nearby flat surface for refilling later. The comment struck him as odd and yet he found that delightful in the fact that Tal had reached out to him instead of anyone else.
“I don’t think anyone truly does,” Roman offered.
—
Tal reached over and sat his glass on the desk by the silent TV. He was vulnerable, opening up a wider vein of trust towards Roman. He couldn’t help it tonight with the unusual bout of loneliness and sadness that was born in those two years kept in the basement of his childhood home.
He looked over at Roman as he spoke, nodding. “It’s strange how wanting to be alone and not wanting to be alone can come and go,” Tal sighed.
---
Roman sighed softly. “I know what you mean,” he began, offering Tal a small smile. “I come from a dynamic family, myself. It was always aggressive, high-energy, and I could never be allowed to be myself so I grew up trying to fit into a mold. I never really had alone time. So I moved here and it’s been so refreshing being by myself in my apartment. I think I’ve started to find a good place, though, you know? Maybe get back out into the water again, dating and stuff.” Roman shrugged a shoulder.
—
Tal raised an eyebrow as Roman described his family. Interesting. “I can relate...sort of.” He nodded softly. “But...I felt like being alone, after some time when I was alone because people thought I should be, was safer. And it’s great when I’m working. Yeah, dating and stuff - not totally sure yet.” Tal frowned a little. “I’m glad you’ve found a good place.”
---
“You know, Tal,” Roman began softly. He turned to look at the other man, beholding him in the hotel room lighting, dimmed and shadowed. “If you ever feel the need to talk you are always welcome to confide in me. You don’t have to, of course, but I’m here for you. And always happy to indulge you or lend an ear.” That was what friends did, after all.
—
A warm smile spread across Tal’s lips as he listened to and looked at Roman. He wanted to confide in and perhaps more. The darkness of Roman’s hair and the lamp light carved along his jar. “I want to,” he whispered as he felt the whiskey touch at the tender memories in his mind. Trust.
---
His gut was telling him there was more to this story than Tal was letting on - for better or for worse - and it made him curious. Interested. “Then please, I’m happy to listen.” His own voice dropped a bit and his frame twisted slightly to better see the other man.
—
Breathing out through his nose, Tal nodded. “Have you ever been told you were dangerous, wrong? Or felt that you were unwanted, unloved?” He asked as he gripped the edge of the bed a little tighter.
---
“No, and yes,” Roman replied. His expression stayed neutral, wanting to let Tal get out what was hanging on his sleeve. Maybe he could be considered dangerous but compared to many, he was harmless.
“Did someone tell you that you were those things? I can’t believe it.”
—
A sniff and a nod. Tal noticed how neutral Roman’s expression was. Curious and concerning to a degree. His parents had only seen the tip of the iceberg when it came to what he could do, what he was.
“Yes, but more in actions than words.” Tal shook his head, but his eyes returned to Roman’s. “I hope you are wanted and loved now.”
---
His expression has grown a bit concerned as well as he’d stated the last few words after the question. “How would someone like you be dangerous? Do you know blood magic or something?” It was meant to be a joke but if Tal really could do magic, Roman wanted the man to know he wouldn’t be judged so he left it open to interpretation.
At the comment, that hope, Roman sighed, “Being wanted and loved is the goal, I suppose.”
—
“No,” Tal breathed. “No blood magic or any magic.” He still felt pain, recalling those memories of his family fearing him and yet confining him. Did they ever think about him? Or was he ‘dead’ to them? Did it really matter?
“Isn’t it for all of us?” He added, unconsciously reaching over to gently pat Roman on the knee.
---
The idea that Tal didn’t have magic was alright. That didn’t mean he wasn’t special. He hoped that the man would indulge him a bit more but he wouldn’t push.
As that hand patted his knee, Roman smiled a bit. His own hand settled briefly down upon Tal’s, lingering for a moment. “For men such as us, perhaps merely a pipe dream. But there’s always room for hope,” he laughed softly.
—
“Mmm,” Tal hummed softly as he watched Roman place a hand on his. He wasn’t ready to divulge more. Maybe that could change.
His blue eyes moved up to Roman’s face. “I can’t see why you wouldn’t be wanted.”
---
“Perhaps I’m particular,” Roman mused, laughing a bit, “or maybe I’m insecure because of my family. I don’t know. I’ve dated before, but that’s a sparse event. It never ends up going well and rarely lasts too long. After all of the experiences I’ve been through, I think I’ve been setting my sights on the wrong people. People like my family, instead of people who aren’t.”
—
Tal smiled at that and turned his head to look down at his hand as he pulled it away from Roman’s knee. “Then he blinked. “Insecure? You?” Lifting his head to look at Roman again, Tal sighed. “Dating is too risky.”
---
As Tal pulled his hand away, Roman let him do so. The lawyer nodded, “Odd, isn’t it? Someone like me being insecure, but I suppose everyone has their faults.” He had confidence, oozed it, but in this circumstance he was showing a bit of vulnerability to a man he barely knew without knowing why.
“Risky? I suppose it could be - there’s the chance you end up on a terrible date, but that’s not all of the experience. If I found the right person I would reconsider my current status.”
—
“I don’t think it’s a fault.” He shook his head as he kept looking at Roman. “Not odd at all.” Tal felt drawn to Roman, but he didn’t know exactly why. Was it his looks, the kindness he seemed to offer?
“Letting someone in…” Tal frowned a little. “Run the chance, the risk of getting hurt.” Then he nodded.
---
He nodded in reply to the explanation. “I can understand that. I feel like dating is a lot like investing in high risk stocks - you have a high return on those even though the risk is greater than usual.” Maybe that didn’t make a lot of sense.
—
Tal frowned. “Sounds like a gamble.” He wasn’t into gambling. Perhaps he was just too scared or insecure about letting people get close. Yet the loneliness he felt tonight along with the alcohol consumption had made taking the risk he was now easier. “You are wanted here.”
---
“Everything in life is a gamble, though,” he explained. “Living itself is a gamble. A risk. If you felt paranoid all the time like that you’d never live.” Or maybe Tal wasn’t really living.
His smile grew humble yet confident, “Thank you. I appreciate that.”
—
“I don’t feel as paranoid now.” Tal replied. It was a step, but he needed a little more before he could take another step. Twenty years was a long time to work things out. Some tendencies took a while to diminish.
“You’re welcome. It’s true.” He smiled softly.
---
He was glad to hear that Tal had found a comfort level. Roman offered an easy smile. “I’m glad to know that you’ve found a level of comfort.”
—
He nodded. “Have you...found some comfort here?” Tal offered his hand, wondering if Roman still felt insecure even now. But he could be misinterpreting some things since most of his puzzle-solving was on engines.
---
As that hand became extended toward him, his own lifted and slid into Tal’s. “I have. You’re easy to talk to, but I knew that already. Since the first time I met you, if I could be so bold. You’re friendly, you listen, it’s a nice thing. Not many people are as kind.”
—
Tal felt his heart flutter as it began to beat faster as Roman slid a hand into his. Breathing deep through his nose, he slowly curled his fingers around the other man’s hand. “Natural born gift, I guess. It’s better to listen, to hear. Because you may find someone who needs or wants the same things you do.”
---
Those fingers curling around his own said more than Tal had to, or perhaps more than the other man realized. From what Roman had picked up on in their few meetings, Tal was timid and cautious. This was a large step. He didn’t want to exploit it, yet. That would ruin all of the fun.
Roman held onto that hand, brushing his thumb across Tal’s hand gently, in a comforting way. “I can understand that. For someone like me who talks a lot, someone like you makes for the perfect balance.” He laughed softly, “maybe you can teach me to be a bit more patient and to listen more to what others have to say.”
“What is it that you want, Tal?”
—
He often spoke more in actions than words. He guessed it was only natural. Tal wanted to be more than a scared young man. He was stronger than that.
Tal’s eyes flickered down to Roman’s thumb and back to the other man’s eyes as he spoke. The touch was calming and something he needed and wanted for a long time. He nodded a silent ‘maybe’, a smile tugging at Roman’s laughter.
Then the question made Tal become still. “I..,” he spoke after a moment of silence, “want?”
---
Roman nodded. “Is that a question you’ve never been asked before?” He inquired softly, curious. Was this man so neglected as to flutter through life on an autopilot of sorts? Never asked how he was doing? What he needed or wanted?
It wasn’t that Roman felt sad or any sort of pity for Tal, but he did feel a surge of want to assist this man in claiming something for himself. Even a small thing.
—
“Not in a long time,” Tal whispered. He had pushed and worked towards building himself up both in knowledge and strength since he left that basement. But once getting into the mechanic career, things had gone autopilot. And what interactions he had with people outside of work or simple errands...were brief and to the point.
He wanted someone to want him for more than one night and not hurt him afterward.
---
A breath would escape and Roman frowned a bit with concern. He nodded. “Then allow me to ask you again, Tal. What do you want?” Large things, small things, silly things. That subject didn’t matter. What mattered to him was the context of the request. He would do what he could to help, as well.
Maybe it was a strange thing to ask of soemone, but it seemed a large thing to Tal.
—
He shook his head as he looked back down at their hands. Tal gently squeezed Roman’s. How could he want a specific person? Would that person hurt him if he let them in?
“I want us,” he breathed, unsure if he communicated well enough. This was a gamble, but Tal didn’t want Roman to leave or hurt him.
—
Us. There were so many variations on that context. He didn’t know if it would extinguish the flames if he asked for more specifics considering rolling with something like that could make for misunderstanding.
“Would you care to elaborate a little? While I’m intrigued, I need to know exactly what you’d like for us.”
—
Tal wasn’t good at this part of his life. He had one night stands in the past. There wasn’t any emotional risk or trust beyond the act. But he really liked Roman and they had an understanding to a point.
“Maybe I’ve drank too much,” Tal said as he looked up at Roman.
—
Roman offered the shrug of a shoulder. “That’s the terrible part about alcohol,” he indulged, “it brings truth from the heart to the mouth without allowing the brain to filter or block it. I don’t believe you’ve drank too much, Tal, I think - and forgive me if I’m overstepping - that you have unsatisfied things in your life that you don’t allow to surface.” He wasn’t a shrink, he didn’t want to analyze Tal, he only wanted to be honest in his observation.
—
Sometimes alcohol was how Tal unwound and was calm. But tonight it only enhanced the loneliness and insecurity. And yes, the truth had reached the surface. “It’s okay,” He swallowed a breath and didn’t let go of Roman’s hand. “You’re right. I don’t allow them to because it's easier to not let them. But you’re here tonight because I was...am...lonely.”
---
“You aren’t lonely right now, are you?” He inquired, offering a small grin. “I’m here. As long as I’m here you don’t have to feel lonely. Whatever context that means, I’m happy to help you fill it.”
His hold on Tal’s hand grew more solid but not overly burdensome, he squeezed enough to offer comfort and support.
—
“No,” Tal smiled softly. “Thank you, Roman.” He truly appreciated this man, who he hadn’t only interacted with before, indulging him like this. If he wasn’t so emotional, he’d be more forward like he felt during their lunch.
He squeezed Roman’s hand back and grinned. “I bet you didn’t expect me to be such a softie.”
---
A soft chuckle. “It’s a good surprise,” he replied. “I’m glad you aren’t a serial murderer or something like that. Plus it’s endearing to know you have more inside of you and you aren’t all hard edges and bulky muscles. Not that either of those things are getting complaints. You’re gorgeous if I may be so bold.”
—
“Mmm, definitely not one of those,” Tal smirked and blushed. “You’re not too bad yourself. Hair, eyes, the way you tucked your tie into your shirt during our lunch.” He shook his head. Maybe h could trust Roman more, perhaps more so when he was sober.
---
Roman smiled. “I didn’t want to get sauce on it,” he laughed, making a face. “It’s one of my favorite ties.” He shifted his hand, letting his fingers drop between Tal’s but he made no moves to do anything further.
“I like your hair, too. It looks soft. Mine always takes so much product.” Those blue eyes rolled up to look at the tuft of styled and perfect hair.
—
“I know,” Tal smiled. “Oh? I just thought it was handsome,” he shrugged his shoulders. The muscular man looked down at their hands, squeezing Roman’s hand and flexing his fingers between the other man’s.
“It’s usually greasy from work.” He looked back up to catch Roman’s eyes. “My favorite color is blue.”
---
Roman glanced at Tal just as he confessed to liking blue. He grinned. “Blue? Like the sky. It suits you. I don’t know why, so don’t ask me, but I feel like it does.”
He was glad to be making a bit of headway with Tal. Step by step he was learning more about the other man. Sometimes it was the small things that matter, sometimes those were like the breadcrumbs leading you into the depths of someone’s soul.
—
“Exactly!” Tal smiled brightly, the sadness fading away. “Yes. Anything blue. Maybe that’s why...I’m drawn to you.” Then he grew silent. Dripping truth wasn’t something he normally did. Roman was making him feel better more and more. But in the more soft and sappy way.
---
He looked humbled and flattered, ducking his head a bit with it, his grin spread. “I don’t think anyone has ever said that to me before. We seem to be finding a lot of firsts this evening.”
Roman glanced back up. “I’m drawn to you, as well. It’s odd, but I don’t dislike it. You’re so calming, easy to be around, and it helps you’re easy on the eyes as well.”
—
He wrinkled his nose as he continued to smile. “I have no idea why they wouldn’t.”
Tal blinked as Roman looked back up at him. “Thank you. I’m glad. I did fear that you wouldn’t be drawn to me.” And that was true. Tal thought Roman was one with rich taste that he wouldn’t think of liking someone outside of his circle.
---
“Usually people in my inner circle are more concerned about what you look like in designer clothes than comparing you to the sky. The wealthy aren’t known for their romance or cheesy pickup lines. But you’re so refreshing, I feel like we could chat forever about nothing and I’d be better off than when I started.”
He was equally as surprised about Tal. For whatever hang ups the man harbored, he would’ve thought that by now the other would’ve found someone to entertain for a while.
—
“Or perhaps their idea of romance is the latest sports car or fashion.” Tal grinned. “Really?” He was touched, flattered. It was difficult to find someone who was so nice and open.
“Thank you, Roman. Thank you for being so kind.” He sighed, thinking of how soft and vulnerable he was. But the other man was so wonderfully sweet.
---
“You hit it right on the nose,” he laughed, nodding. “You could fit right into high society,” Roman teased lightly. But he was thrilled that Tal didn’t know the emptiness of that life, the demands, the drama.
“Thank you, Tal, for not turning me away after the first time we chatted. I have a great time being with you, I’d like to do it more often.”
—
Tal immediately and comically wrinkled his nose at the teasing. “I’d stick out.”
“You’re welcome. I have too. Me too, Roman.” he smiled. How were things turning out so well? Tal was wondering in the back of his mind just how Roman and he were clicking as well as they were. “Uhm, would you stay the night?”
Risk.
---
“Are you sure that’s what you’d like? I’m not arguing, on the contrary, I just want to make sure you’re comfortable with that.” That, and he didn’t want to get blown off again after a single evening.
Roman tipped his head, “I would like to.”
—
“I’d like for you to stay. I’m okay with it.” Tal nodded softly. It was a chance he was going to take. Not being alone, at least for one night, would be nice.
“Good. What do you want to do now?” He smiled softly at Roman.
---
A quick glance around rendered few options as for an answer for what he wanted to do next. “Spending time with you is always preferable,” he offered, turning back to Tal.
He motioned to the bed. “We could start winding down, or if you’d like I can go stay over there…” Roman said, motioning to the other bed used more as a couch.
—
It was true. There wasn’t much to do in the motel room. Tal used it mostly to unwind and sleep. His life was mostly a strict routine. But since Roman had entered his life, things were a little more flexible. Tal nodded as their eyes met again.
He didn’t want to jump into things just yet. Tal then nodded at Roman’s words and gesture to the other bed. “If that’s okay...?” His eyes searched the other man’s.
---
“Perfectly fine! I would be happy to do that.” This one would take some work but that was alright. When a project was worth doing, Roman invested himself wholly until it was done.
He lifted Tal’s hand, twisting their joined limbs around to put a few small kisses against the exposed skin. And then Roman began to let go so as to relocate to the other bed so they could wind down and eventually sleep.
—
“Okay.” Tal wanted to spend more time with Roman. But he didn’t know what the future held.
He let out a sigh through his nose at Roman’s kissing his hand. And hesitantly as Roman began to let go, Tal did let go as well. “Thank you.” Tal whispered and then added. “There are bottles of water over by my bag if you need one.”
---
“Thank you,” he murmured.
Roman began to unbutton his shirt. Had he known he’d be staying he would’ve put on more functional attire. As it was, he peeled away the top layer and set it aside gently, making sure to treat the garment with tenderness.
A moment of debate and he decided to leave the bottoms on. For now. Once Tal fell asleep he might shed those too but the man had been through a lot in such a short amount of time.
—
Tal moved up to the head of his bed and peeled away the cover and sheet. He turned his head away a little at Roman’s taking off the shirt so it wouldn’t seem that he was staring. The muscular man slipped into bed and settled.
“Good night,” Tal murmured as he clutched the pillow under his head and looked over at Roman. Tired from day and now the night, closed his eyes.
---
“Night, Tal,” Roman echoed. He toed out of his shoes and crawled into the sagging hotel bed. The covers would be drawn up, tucked around, and he let his gaze drift over in Tal’s direction.
An arm would slip out enough to render the switch of the lamp nearby turned, extinguishing the light. And then the lawyer snuggled in and closed his eyes for sleep.