friendofcasper (friendofcasper) wrote in birthrightrpg, @ 2020-11-05 22:12:00 |
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Entry tags: | flynn russo, marsh grey |
Therapy Session
Who: Marsh/Flynn
What: A Little Conversation
Where: Searchlight, Marsh's Trailer
When: Present
Ratings/Warnings: Low
Just like every morning, Rudy woke him up before his alarm clock dude with a leash in his mouth and his tail wagging so hard it hit the wall with a big thud thud thud. Wearily he poured himself a cup of cold coffee, heated it up in the microwave and drowned the cup as fast as he could before attaching the leash to his dogs collar and taking him out for his morning walk.
What was generally morning to Marsh tended to be mid-afternoon for most and so there were far more people out than not, including Flynn. The young cashier had been a good worker and thankfully somewhat of a friend though their interactions were usually at their prospective jobs. “Hey kid.” He said as Rudy pulled him toward the familiar face.
“Hey, man.” Flynn stooped down to pet the dog eagerly. Some animals seemed to act weird around him, but Rudy seemed to like him okay. “How have you been?” The younger man hadn’t had many prolonged interactions with Marsh, but the ones they had had were mainly positive.
Was good the right word in this scenario? Marsh wasn’t sure, things had been interesting lately but he wouldn’t say they'd been good or bad. “Well, the starter went out in my truck but other than that I’d say things are going pretty well.” He offered since that seemed like a good enough answer.
“How about yourself?”
“Ah, shit,” Flynn replied affably, straightening and scratching the back of his neck before letting his hand drop. “You take it over to Hutchins?” He squinted a little in the sun’s glare as he looked at Marsh.
“Not bad.” He wasn’t able to hide his grin, though, even at that answer, as he thought about the second date he’d had the other night with Ellie. “Keeping busy.”
“Figure I’ll drop it off later today.” He replied, giving Rudy a pat on the head and telling him to “sit.” Which he obliged.
“How did your date go?” He asked. Flynn had mentioned in passing when he was nervous about their first date and Marsh rooted for him since he seemed to be a good kid. He also rooted for him for all the other things he had to deal with.
“Well, she says it was great, so I guess we call that a success,” Flynn answered with a grin. “And she hasn’t found out yet that I’m a complete headcase that will send her running for the hills, so…” He trailed off with a shrug, playing the comment off like a joke, but that grin had lessened. He really was worried about having to tell Ellie the Truth.
Marsh’s brows knit together at his self-deprecation. He was similar at his age, worried his telepathy would ruin every relationship he was ever in. While he let that dictate the rest of his life he didn’t want Flynn to be held back for what he went through. He didn’t know the words were about to come out his mouth but he found they were coming out regardless of his own sense of self-preservation.
“What’re doing right now Flynn? Why don’t we go sit down at my trailer and talk about it?” This awkward standing routine wasn’t going to be comfortable for either of them if Marsh was going to try to get to the bottom of this.
Flynn shot Marsh a surprised glance. He had never visited the other man’s home or really talked at length. He realized the offer was welcome, a little bubble of hope that just once someone could hear what he had to say, and understand. He looked down at Rudy as if silently asking the dog for permission.
“Okay, yeah, I’m cool with that,” Flynn nodded. “You lead the way.”
He was surprised at the response but happy he could reminisce on what it was like to be a therapist. “Come on Rudy.” He said and the dog followed back to his trailer not far away from where they were. He let Rudy inside first and held the door open for Flynn.
“You want some water Flynn?” He asked, taking the leash off of Rudy. He would start with the line of questioning after Flynn was comfortable.
He poured himself a glass and placed it on his small round dining table that had two chairs, one across from the other.
“Sure, thanks,” Flynn answered, looking briefly around the home. It wasn’t much different than his own trailer. Though it had less of a lonely feeling thanks to Rudy. Flynn sometimes thought about getting a pet of its own, but he was worried how it would react to all the things that seemed to be drawn to Flynn.
“Nice place,” he remarked to Marsh.
Marsh poured him a glass and then put it in front of him before sitting down across from him. “Thank you Flynn.” He replied to the compliment. It wasn’t much but he took pride in the things he had. His record collection and band posters stayed with him since he was a teenager.
“Look, I know you think Ellie will run as fast as if she can if she knows about you, but I don’t think that’s true.” He said, taking a sip from his water.
“Why do you think she’d run?” He’d mentioned he thought he was a ‘head case’ and that concerned Marsh. Far as he could tell Flynn was a well-adjusted young man. What he suffered from wasn’t his own mind.
“Thanks,” Flynn said, accepting the glass of water and taking a grateful sip. It was still in the 80s out there and the sun had been beating down on him. “Because everyone else always has,” he answered plainly, glancing up at Marsh with a shrug of his shoulders.
“My dad has been the only person to stick around, but he’s one of those people that has to see things through to the end, you know. He’s a fixer. Hates that he can’t fix me, but…” Flynn trailed off.
He nodded his head as he listened to Flynn talk about what was troubling him. “First off Flynn, ain’t nothing to fix. You aren’t garden equipment or a dent in a car. Human beings aren't meant to be fixed. People can feel like they’re broken sometimes because their mind works differently from others but it’s not about fixing anything, it’s about working on control.” He began. For most people they didn’t hear Marsh talk this much but when he was in this mode he used his words far more than usual.
“I don’t know Ellie but I know that if she’s worth it she’ll stick through it and help you in any way she can.” He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest while he thought.
“Have you ever tried to gain control over when it happens?” Control was something Marsh learned as early as he could and he was thankful for it most days.
“I try, sometimes, but it’s completely exhausting,” Flynn admitted, slumping a little in his chair. It made him feel weak-willed. And then there was the deeper truth, one he had never told anyone. But something about Marsh made him think that maybe he could understand.
“And sometimes...when I’ve been alone for a while, when I’m feeling the loneliest, I let go. I let them all flood in because, well, they’re keeping me company.” He looked down at the table again.
Marsh could relate, more than he’d ever know and somewhere deep inside of him there was a stab of anguish. “I know what you mean.” He replied, wishing he’d brought out a notepad but that would be too obvious.
This time he stood up and went over to a small bookshelf next to his records. He grabbed a book out of it for breathing exercises. He put the book down on the table in front of Flynn. “This book helped me a lot when I was younger, breathing is paramount to focus.” He wished he could tell Flynn and everyone else and maybe someday he would but for now he was content helping someone else.
Flynn accepted the book with a quiet “Thank you”. He flipped through the book, taking in some of the pages before looking back up at Marsh. “What did it help you focus on?” he asked the other man curiously. He wondered if the book had been a success; Marsh definitely seemed focused and level-headed.
That wasn’t something he was ready to share yet, with anyone. Sure his mom and his sister knew though the former thought he was crazy as a kid but no one else. “ADHD.” He lied, though it was what he’d been diagnosed with as a child. The Ritalin made his telepathy worse and he had anger issues.
“They gave me pills when I was a kid but as I got older I looked for better alternatives to medication.” He pointed to the book, tapping it on twice. “This helped.”
Flynn looked at Marsh with some measure of surprise. “I was diagnosed with that for like five minutes. Then it kept changing, every time my parents dragged me to someone new.” He glanced back down at the book. He wasn’t sure how it was supposed to help with the main issue. No amount of focus seemed to block everything out.
“My mom got fed up and left. Then it was just me and my dad. He wasn’t good at it, being a dad. I think he tried, but…” Flynn trailed off, shrugging.
He’d heard stories like these so much, a lot of which mirrored his own experiences as a young man. He ended up raising his little sister because his dad was a drunk and his mom worked two jobs. “There’s no rule book out there that tells any parent how to truly deal with taking care of their own child. Sure you can find parenting handbooks all over the place but they couldn’t possibly tell what’s right for every child.”
He sighed and offered him a sympathetic smile. “Point is that everyone’s different and you might be surprised by Ellie.”
“I know that Ellie could be different. It’s just...part of me is afraid to go all in with her. It’s almost like, what’s the point if there’s a possibility she could leave? And what if she accepts the...well, the secret I have, but it’s me that drives her way? All this time, the problem could just be me.” Flynn took a deep breath and drank his water. He couldn’t remember the last time he had spoken this kind of stuff out loud. When he was younger, he had learned to tell the therapists what they wanted to hear.
He sighed and placed his arms on the table. “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” His father always said that, it was advice he never seemed to take himself.
“If you just think about all that could happen you’re going to miss out on your entire life.” Just like he had and he didn’t want that for anyone, least of all someone who had so much potential.
“As much as it pains you Flynn you’ve got to take that leap. If things don’t work out with her then there are plenty of fish in the sea. Trust me.”
“What if my secret makes her think I’m crazy? Or dangerous?” Flynn looked up at Marsh, cocking his head slightly to the side. He smiled mirthlessly. “I’ve heard possible schizophrenia, psychotic delusions, mania…” He shook his head. “I could tell her two versions of the truth, but they each boil down to one thing.” Flynn took another steadying breath.
“Truth number one. I have psychiatric problems that are difficult to treat. I don’t currently accept any of the medications for them, because I don’t think they work. Truth number two...I can see and talk to the dead.”
It seemed this place attracted more than just the regular folk, and now Marsh was beginning to understand what drew him in here. He let his guard slip for a moment to poke inside Flynn’s head. Whether it was true or not, Flynn definitely believed it and nothing else told him that he has any psychiatric problems.
“Why don’t you tell her what the actual truth is? Seems to me like there’s enough unexplainable shit that happens in this town she might be likely to believe you. And whatever happens is what’s going to happen. If she’s worth it, she’ll still like you.” He hoped any of this was helping, he was a bit rusty.
Flynn nodded, his jaw clenching at the idea even as he seemed to agree. “I just hate seeing people walk away,” he said quietly. “Hate being left alone with...you know.” He realized this was all heavy and he barely knew Marsh.
“You shouldn’t have to listen to all this, man. I appreciate the book, and everything.”
He shook his head. “It’s no problem kid. If you feel alone you just give me a call and we can talk. Whenever you like.” Hopefully not while he was at work but he’d be available as much as he could for Flynn. He had a feeling Ellie wasn’t going to be bothered by it and he hoped what he gave Flynn might help.