Alice Cullen (decisionsmade) wrote in beyondwonderlnd, @ 2008-09-07 00:00:00 |
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To say that Edward knew what he was doing would have been a lie. To be more than honest, Edward was certain he was making a mistake. A big, unforgivable mistake. His return to Forks meant putting that girl in grave danger. Could he possibly resist the urges that were so strong? The drive back to Forks could have been faster, but Edward kept hesitating. He missed his family, Carlisle and Esme especially, but all of them. He missed them more than he wanted to admit, and they were the biggest reason he was returning. He couldn't stay with the Denali's, he felt guilty each time he looked at Tanya knowing he was rejecting her affection. They weren't home to him. The life of a nomad held no appeal, and Edward was afraid that he didn't have the strength to keep to this vegetarian diet without the support of his family. His family. Why let one stupid, little insignificant girl chase him away from all that he holds dear to him? How dare she show up and catapult his life into some foggy unknown abyss with temptations he'd never had to face before? He wasn't going to uproot his family for her, and he wasn't going to be a coward because of one girl. No matter how incredibly delicious and tantalizing her blood smelled to him. Oh did it appeal to him, it was a siren call leading him - and his family - to impending doom of discovery from the almost inevitable death(s) on his hands (teeth?). He could not, and would not, answer it. Did he have the strength enough to ignore the scent of her blood, though it haunted him even now? Could he possibly satiate his appetite enough with animals that the lure of her blood would lessen? Would his curiosity finally quiet enough that he wouldn't be drawn to her, both in blood and mind - the only mind he'd never been able to read? Edward did his best not to keep changing his mind about coming home, trying to find the resolve to know that this is what he had to do. He convinced himself that eventually, later, he would leave again if he had to. Edward knew that the more he changed his mind, the bigger headache he was bound to give Alice, so he tried, his best,to quiet his thoughts and just drive. When he began picking up on Alice's voice, he knew she was close. Edward pulled off the highway and took a few seemingly abandoned dirt roads deeper and deeper into the cover of the woods. There, quite literally in the middle of nowhere, he turned off his car and sat waiting, knowing she would soon be there. Alice had known the spot where Edward would pick her up at, and the mechanics behind it would make anyone else's head spin. But not Alice's. She didn't drive, knowing full well that Edward would be capable of driving the pair of them back, and besides, running was one of her favorite things. She was faster than the rest of the Cullens, possibly due to her size, and the wet forest smelled absolutely delicious to her. Night-time was the best. If she moved fast enough and in the shadows, no one would even know she was there. Not that she needed cover in the dense forest outside of Forks, but the idea made her feel a little like a spy in some detective novel. When she emerged from the shadows, she could sense Edward's reluctance about coming back. The visions were shimmering now, changing this way and that, and he might not come back. He seemed to be thinking that her meeting him here was a sign that he was doing the wrong thing, perhaps. Tricky, tricky. Carlisle's black Mercedes sat silently on a deserted dirt road. Alice couldn't sneak up on Edward, not when he was listening for her, so she told him: I'm behind you. Unlock the door. Edward hadn't even bothered to turn around to look for her, or glance in the mirror to affirm her presence with his eyes. There was no need for that. He reached over and unlocked the passenger door for her, and remained quiet, waiting for her to speak - or think - whichever she chose to do. He hoped, however, that if she chose the latter option that her thoughts would not be visions so similar to the ones he'd seen before leaving town. It was bad enough thinking the many different ways he could kill Isabella Swan, but to see them play out in her mind each time he had changed his mind about how to do it? Those visions were his own personal nightmares that he couldn't escape. She had wanted to meet him there for a reason - was it to warn her? Of himself? Fractions of a second might have passed, but it seemed like an agonizing hour as he waited - impatiently - for her. The door closed behind her before anyone watching would have realized it was open. Slinking into the passenger's seat, she leaned over and gave Edward a tight hug. Still locked in the embrace, she thought: We've gotta talk about a few things. Your future is still very uncertain, it keeps changing. All of it depends on you. You can be strong, Edward. I know you can, I've seen it. And she had, and at that moment, she chose to let him see one of the happier visions: In it, Edward smiled his crooked smile, being friendly with Bella Swan, and there was no murderous intent at all. Edward had managed to become friends with the girl, and the more he was around her, the less her scent assaulted him. Of course, in these visions, he was never alone with her. Those visions were less pleasant, and Alice blocked them from Edward's mind completely. He watched the vision, but could not make sense of it. How could he become friends with HER? He knew not to bet against Alice - everyone did - but perhaps this wasn't a vision but a very carefully manufactured replica she conjured up on the way here. "That isn't possible, Alice," he said with a noticeable melancholic tenor. "Don't show me things that cannot be as hopes to persuade me that I'm making the right decision. It only worries me about what it is you are attempting to hide as you mask it with false images." Not that he wanted to see whatever it was she was hiding, either. Edward didn't exactly know what he wanted, aside from the ability to turn back time and interfere with fate and keep Bella from ever crossing his path. "Edward," she said out loud, looking at him in painful detail. The crease between his eyes, the dark circles -- bruises -- under his eyes. She sighed slightly. "You can do this. It's true; it keeps twisting and turning in my head, but you can even stay away from her, and not kill her. She has a family, Edward. You know Deputy Swan -- Charlie? You know it would destroy him, and he's one of our biggest allies. You know that he looks up to Carlisle in a way that no other human seems capable of. She has a mother, and even friends here now. You are stronger than you think you are." Alice meant well, and it was somewhat encouraging, but there was the voice in the back of his mind telling him that she was wrong. He'd never, ever had a scent that hit him so strongly. "That is precisely why I left," he said, looking straight ahead out the windshield of the still parked car. "As long as I stay, her life is in danger. Can you deny that?" he frowned. She could attempt to do so, but there was no real argument to what he said. "You have more faith in me than I deserve... you saw the things I had decided to do... yet-" Edward cut himself off, uncertain of how he was even going to finish his thought. "I could kill her, if I stay. I wonder if your faith in me has more to do with the selfish desire to have me around? Is it worth the gamble of her life to tempt me so strongly?" I have an eternity with you, Edward Cullen; don't make me get snippy. I do bite, despite whatever you might think, Alice barked in her head. She threw her shoulders back and glared. And for the record, aside from the constant headache, I've been fine without you. She folded her arms across her chest, and the whole gesture just looked absurd. Another glare. We've ALL been fine without you. Before she could stop herself, she added, Except Esme. Just as he opened his mouth to say that if they were so fine without him, then why was she so insistent on his return she just had to throw in that bit about Esme. Tugging at his guilt once more. Could he do no right by anyone these days? "Surely she understood my reasons," he sighed, shaking his head. Esme was definitely the glue that held them all so strongly together, he knew his absence would hit her the hardest. "I just want to do what's right, Alice. Surely even you can understand that?" She understood, but she's heart-broken. You were her first son, Edward, and it kills her over and over again that she can't help you like she wants to. We all want to help you, but we can't do that if we're not around to. Besides, you're not a coward. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, taking in his sullen expression, and sighed. He could be so Edward sometimes. "You never give yourself enough credit, Edward." Alice puckered her lips as she turned to him, her arms still at her chest. "You never do." "I'm returning, aren't I?" he asked, hoping that it would get her to, at the very least, quit the guilt trip. "That means I've given myself SOME credit." Just very little of that, very little indeed. "I'm not attempting to be pessimistic, so don't give me that look-" Edward cast a glance sideways at her, fully expecting to see a wrinkled nose or puckered lip at his behavior. "I'm being a realist." If Carlisle could realize the danger, why couldn't the rest of them? It will be a miracle if we make it to the end of the school year and I haven't given into the impulse and slaughtered the entire biology class... Edward shuddered at his own thoughts. "I'm returning, can't that be a sufficient measure of whatever credit you feel I'm lacking?" Alice just glared in return, one eyebrow rising comically. "And I can also see all the things you plan to do to keep from killing her, and none of them do you any credit." Suddenly, another vision overtook her. Esme and Carlisle wondering where Alice had gone off to, and Jasper was considering trekking through the woods. Without Edward's or Alice's gift, they were starting to believe the worst. Jasper's impatience would lead him to try and follow her scent, and there were too many hikers out there and -- This far out, cell phone reception was terrible. She flipped her phone over, growling, and then said, "We've got to get somewhere where the cell phone reception is better. Jasper's getting impatient." Turning the car back on, Edward threw it into reverse and drove in reverse faster than most people would ever dream of going forward, until he came to the cross roads he was able to turn back towards the highway with. After all, the road they were on originally was likely only to lead them further and further away from civilization (as many wooded areas like this seemed to go miles upon miles before the next sign of life, hence why he had been content there waiting for her). "Some credit they give you," Edward smirked. "They don't even think you can bring me home despite the fact I'd already mostly made up my mind to return?" He was only teasing her now, attempting to shift the focus away from his dilemma. "You know how Jasper gets; he worries. A lot." Mostly because of his past, you know. It was easy for Alice to switch back and forth between speaking out loud and just thinking. She and Edward had gotten very good at their conversations. They could have entire conversations without saying a word. That came in handy at school. Most people would check their cell phones every few seconds, but Alice knew the exact point she'd have reception. When they passed it, she sent a text message to Jasper's cell phone. "There. Should stop that from happening." Edward gave a quick nod, one that would have been impossible to detect by someone not of their kind, and began driving even faster. "Bet I can make it back before he picks up the call," he laughed. There was something therapeutic about going fast. |