Edward Cullen; FHS/Junior (dazzlinglion) wrote in beyondwonderlnd, @ 2008-10-27 14:41:00 |
|
|||
It was a little known fact that Alice Cullen loved football. She often blamed Emmett for her interest, and while he was the one who had broken the ice, it was the grace of the sport that had enticed her. Saturdays (and Sundays) were great for games. With so much time to do absolutely nothing -- the need for sleep was something that Alice couldn't remember -- she couldn't think of a better way to spend a Saturday. Well, except maybe locked in their room with Jasper. Alice sat on the pristine couch, tucked into one corner so tightly and still that she could have been a stuffed animal. The television was down low and the picture in picture was playing two different games simultaneously. She listened to the sounds outside, waiting to hear some semblance of Edward out there. She also dug through her memories -- the future ones -- to see when Edward would decide to show. In the meantime, she tried not to show that her head was hurting. Edward hadn't really intended on his run taking him near the Swan residence. Really, that was just, er, coincidence. When Edward had left, he took off running, attempting to clear his mind of all the ridiculous thoughts going through his head. Not just the thoughts that Alice had planted in his mind, either, but thoughts that were far more absurd than that. Edward needed to clear his mind of Bella. He knew this for a fact. Where was the future for them? It was impossible and non-existent, as he would do whatever it possibly took to keep from harming her. The problem was, he loved her. It had hit him like a wave crashing upon the sands of time, or some equally nauseating cliche. That first night, two nights ago, when he had stood in her room as she slept... his entire world changed. The thing with being a vampire is, when they change, they change permanently. Edward would love Bella - only Bella - for the rest of his existence. Which presented an entire world of problems. Problems he'd have to tackle later. While Edward hadn't intended on running to her house (he was rapidly turning into an obsessive stalker!), Edward really wasn't all that surprised that his feet would lead him there - of all places. After all, it was the one place he wanted to be the most. The only thing that kept Edward from once again entering her room was the fact that Alice was sitting at home waiting for his return. (Well, other than the fact that she was awake and it increased his chance of getting caught - though still unlikely.) It would have been rude to keep her waiting all night. Edward breathed in deeply, purposefully inhaling her scent in the air around him. Strange how it was simultaneously the biggest torture he'd ever experienced in his attempts to resist the thirst, and the biggest pleasure, too, as it was her wondrous and sweet smelling scent. He really had lost his mind, he was sure of that, and yet, didn't really care one way or the other. He'd rather be insane and feel the way he did than to go back to having never felt it at all. Right, Alice was waiting for him. Edward forced himself away from her house, taking all his will power to keep from knocking on her door and asking for her company. He was, after all, still dangerous to her. More than anything. It was irritatingly frustrating, but he'd have to guard her against himself. Edward was back at the Cullen house within moments, despite the distance, as he ran at his absolute fastest. Foolishly, he thought the faster the run, the easier to clear his mind. Oh, how lucky he was that no one in his family could read minds like he could! Edward waited for Alice in the woods near their house. They would be safe to talk there, far enough away to keep the others out of their conversation without having to exert a lot of effort at keeping their voices barely audible. He knew that she would see him there and join him, and so, he leaned against the tree and waited. The moment Alice saw Edward set his mind to waiting for her out in the woods, she bolted for the door. Jasper knew she wanted to talk to Edward, and after seeing that Peter and Charlotte would be in the area soon, Alice knew that he'd be preoccupied. She raced down the little street from their house to meet Edward. The night was cool, though Alice couldn't feel it. There was a breeze, and she could smell ozone in the air from the rain that threatened to fall at any moment. Most didn't like rain, but Alice loved it. It was cleansing. At least, she didn't have to worry about her clothes; she never wore the same thing twice. In the clearing ahead, Alice could suddenly see a blur of visions. If she could stumble, she would have then. She stopped suddenly, thirty feet from Edward and frowned. Edward Cullen, she thought, glaring daggers at him. You told us that you were going to stay away from her, and now I've had to lie to everyone knowing that you've been sneaking into her room. Do you know how dangerous that is? Especially right now? Your future keeps changing so much, and most of them lead to death, Edward. Immediately at her thoughts, Edward scowled and his eyes seemed to darken. He didn't need to be reminded about how horrible things could turn out to be. "Hello to you, too, Alice," he said sourly. He really wasn't angry at Alice, but it was easier to act so than to admit that he knew just how foolish he was being. Edward sighed deeply, his rigid posture relaxing, not out of any form of necessity but out of courtesy. It wasn't Alice that had him tense, and Edward knew he shouldn't take it out on her. But she was the easiest person for him to direct his frustration too, considering her talent of seeing the future. Whenever it led to him getting a glimpse of an unpleasant future, his anger would flare, and unfortunately for the message bearer, Edward would feel angered towards her for showing him such ideas. Thus, when Edward relaxed his posture, it was almost a white flag to Alice. He wasn't here to fight or argue, and he would attempt to be on his best behavior during their talk. He just had to keep his temper in check. Alice drew in a deep breath for effect and strode across the few yards to meet Edward. She sighed quietly, though she knew that Edward could hear it. The grass beneath her shoes didn't seem to bend as she gracefully tip-toped, slow enough for human eyes to witness, even if there was no need. "I'm not trying to scold you, Edward, but I'm going to." How was she going to do this? She'd been shielding this memory from Edward since she had it a few days ago, since he first decided to watch over Bella in her sleep. "I don't want to, but..." She thought long and hard about the memory. In it, Bella and Alice were laughing and talking, arms around each other. It was clear the pair of them would be friends, and more. "Edward, I'm going to love her, and she's going to love me. Please, don't hurt her, or I will be very cross with you." Outrage flashed through him in an instant. Both at the outlandish vision and her insistence that they would become that close, and at the fact that she was telling him not to hurt her. As if that's what he wanted to do. As if he wasn't struggling every moment against his own nature to keep Bella as safe as possible around him. "Don't hurt her, Alice? Is that what you wanted to scold me about?" Edward snarled, his resolve to keep his temper down had all but faded with her words. "That is the one thing that I could never forgive myself for." It wasn't Alice's fault, not really. Edward knew he was more dangerous to Bella than pretty much anyone. Beyond that, he really didn't like being reminded of this fact, considering he reminded himself of it every second. Edward frowned. Things would never be simple for him again, not that he'd go back to that simplicity if given the choice. Not now, that would be like finally seeing the sun and then hiding in a dark cave for the rest of his existence. "I would prefer, Alice, if you didn't seek out her friendship at this time." Edward said with a quiet firmness to his voice. "It is dangerous enough for her to have one vampire hanging around," particularly me, "let's not press our luck." It might overwhelm her to her senses and I'd lose her forever. "Don't you dare SNARL at me. You can't keep her from me, and if anyone is safe for her to be around, it's me. I get to see this future, and I want it just as much as you want her - in one way or another. There's no way I'm going to hurt her." Alice sighed and rolled her eyes. She folded her arms across her chest, and let the flood of visions take her over. A meadow. It seemed like an ordinary meadow, nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary. But through the trees, a pair of -- well, people wasn't quite the right word. Edward sprinted into the surrounding area with a dark-haired girl attached at his back. When he came to the clearing, he let her down slowly. She wobbled, of course. From this point, the images were terrifying and ever changing. In most of them, however, there was blood. Always blood. So much of it. There was Charlie lamenting, and another woman whom neither of them recognized sobbing in a corner of Charlie's flat. She accused Charlie of letting her go out into the woods, not protecting her enough when Charlie knew there was a wolf out there attacking campers. Other visions came and went, some less bloody. Suspicions around town arose, and soon enough the Cullens had to leave. Some visions had no death in them, and those were infinitely more preferable. In many of them, Carlisle decided to take the entire family away so that Edward would no longer suffer. In yet another, Bella became a vampire. And finally, back to Alice's and Bella's companionship -- only more "memories" wafted in with it. "Now, you can see that everything depends on this meadow you're going to take her to, but I'm warning you: I can't keep this part a secret, not when I'm going to be looking specifically for it. You know that Jasper can read my emotions as if they were his own, and I won't keep anything from him any longer." Despite her small stature, she looked ready for a fight, poised as if ready to crouch and spring into action. "I didn't want to show you those, but you have to know the crucible you're coming to." Alice just loved that word, and she rarely got to use it. "Make up your mind before it's made up for you." What Alice didn't realize, and how could she when he was the one who could read minds, was that Edward had made up his mind that first night in her room. While he knew he should leave, he also knew that he couldn't. He wasn't strong enough to do so. He had made up his mind that he would do whatever he could to protect her, he had made up his mind that he would not kill the girl - no, he couldn't! - and that he refused to turn her into a vampire. Her visions were changing, frequently, not because of Edward's decision, but because of that monster within him attempting to gain control over his actions. It was not a struggle for him to make up his mind, it was a struggle for him to control his very nature. "I will not allow her to be turned into one of us," he said through gritted teeth. That was a fate that he would never want to bestow on someone worth so much more than that - to take her soul and damn her to this eternal and unending life? He was selfish, yes, but he truly loved her more than that. "That, Alice, is final." He wouldn't kill her either. He couldn't. He feared that fate, so terribly, feared that something would happen to her and it would be his doing. He pushed those thoughts from his mind as quickly as he could. "I am not an imbecile, I've not lost my mind entirely overnight," not in that manner, anyway. "I know the risks of my behavior, I've warned her that she should stay away. I will not justify myself or my actions to anyone, as I wouldn't expect you to justify yours to me." Edward paused trying to formulate the right words. "Leave me to handle this. Trust me to handle this," Edward emphasized the word trust, almost placing a cold guilt trip on Alice. "Alice, please, will you stay away from her?" Edward was being selfish in asking that of her, but he couldn't help it. To start, he wasn't ready to share her yet, not with anyone of them, not with any of the boys at school whose thoughts were seriously irritating, not with anyone, really. Edward wanted her attention for himself, after all, it took nearly 100 years to find her. More than that, he was truly worried that if Bella started talking to his siblings, too, that her instincts would finally kick in. The fear that she was repressing - she had to be repressing, Edward refused to believe it didn't exist - would kick in. He wasn't ready to lose her forever, not that he would ever be. Edward just wanted more time before dealing with that reality. "I'll make you a deal," Alice said, one of her dainty eyebrows shooting so far up her forehead it was comical. She held out her hand as if she was going to shake his. "After the meadow -- you know which one because I just showed you -- I get to talk to her. Either you'll kill her there (and I'll be so cross with you, you won't know what hit you) or well... I already know the outcome of the other, because I can already see it starting to solidify in your head, Edward. Deal?" She leaned in to take his hand, whether he liked it or not, but stopped short. "Oh, and I think it's her decision if she wants to become a vampire. I honestly don't see her wanting to wither and die while you remain the same. While all of use remain the same. So. Deal?" While his initial reaction had been to refuse the 'deal' under the terms that he had no reason to make one. This - everything concerned with Bella - was his problem, his decision. (Though, he wouldn't really call her a problem, not any more.) However, he knew Alice would be unrelenting. He could go along with it, or risk Alice trying to become friends with her the very next day. "There will be no talk of turning her into a vampire, Alice. None. I do not want you bringing those thoughts into her head. She has a family, she has a life, what right do we have to take that away from her?" Edward spoke with a fierce intensity. He, under no condition, would be wavering about that. Bella came into his life as a human, and that is how he intended to keep her, human. "If you wish to talk to her, after the meadow, then you will do so only if you agree to those terms." Edward was being controlling, and incredibly stubborn, however when it came to Bella, Edward had no greater desire than that of keeping her safe. Edward had no idea, really, why Alice saw him taking her to that meadow - though the meadow was one that he knew so very well, his favorite spot in the forest - so he could prolong the trip to the meadow until he was, well, ready. When he thought that she was ready to meet the rest of them without turning and running scared. "If you can promise me that, then in return, I promise to bring her home, after the meadow, to meet our family." (Edward knew that Esme would be hurt if he introduced Bella to only Alice, so, if it came to that, he ought to introduce her to the entire family in one go.) "First of all, Edward, this is the twentieth century; Bella Swan has a right to make up her own mind. Secondly, there will come a time when protecting her will mean the end of her human life, particularly if she chooses to spend her time amongst vampires." Alice practically spat the word, because she knew how much Edward hated the very sound of it. He loathed his life because he could remember it; Alice, on the other hand, had no memories to look back on. She didn't even have vague colors or shapes from her human life. "However, I completely agree to your terms. I'll make no mention of changing her." Those, to put it simply, were thoughts that Edward would sooner not think or hear. His lips were pulled tightly, the slight trace of a frown on his face. Either way you framed it, Edward was a monster. If he gave into the primal urges and blood lust, he would slaughter the girl that has become the focal point in his universe. Murdering anyone was something Edward wished not to do, but murdering her was absolutely unforgivable in every single sense of the word unforgivable. On the other hand, if Bella fell in love with him - if only she could ever love a monster such as him! - and Alice's visions were correct, he would be a different sort of monster. The sort of monster that stole the very humanity away from the person he loved. The sort of monster that stole their soul and damned them into an eternity where places like heaven didn't exist and morality was somewhere between gray and black, but never good. Was he selfish enough to wish her to sacrifice her salvation? Not hers. "Very well, then. We are agreed." Edward said in a voice that was void of all emotion. It was only a temporary fix to some much larger questions and dilemmas, and Edward did not wish to continue on with that conversation just yet. |