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Lily Evans ([info]emerald_eyes) wrote in [info]beyondthepages,
@ 2010-03-28 22:35:00

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Entry tags:!complete, 2023 08, lily evans, severus snape

RP: The Last One Alive
Characters: Lily, Severus
Time/Date: 2 PM, August 29, 2023
Location: Barrack Way Cafe
Warnings/Rating: Angst like whoa. I mean. idk.
Summary: Lily meets with Severus as planned, despite newly returned former husbands
Status: Closed



She'd nearly canceled. She'd written a note twice because dear lord did Severus ever not deserve to have to put up with her like this. But she was afraid that backing out now would revoke any future chances, and at the moment she thought she'd happily kill to have someone who just remembered her, so she never sent the notes she'd penned.

She'd heard from the boys that Remus was back ... and he was seventeen. James and Sirius were both sixteen, and Severus was thirty-eight, and Lily had never felt more alone in her life. Not physically because she was surrounded by people, but emotionally. She'd never been so cut off from like-minded people before ... and part of her knew she was unfairly using Severus for that very reason. Because she needed someone who knew her. Who remembered her as eighteen, nineteen, twenty one. Not that they'd even been in contact then, but at least he'd been alive then. Was aware of her growing old. He'd taught Harry, for pity's sake and could possibly even tell her stories.

Not that she'd ask.

James and Sirius had gone off to the school to reunite with Remus, and she'd been a little relieved. She'd never known pain this deep, this constant, an ache that simply didn't fade. She wanted to see Remus too, of course - at seventeen, they'd been friends, and it would be something ... but she wouldn't bother him on the moon. Let the boys have their time together, and she'd have her time alone.

While she didn't particularly feel up to dressing up, she'd bought the outfit and it seemed silly not to wear it just because she now understood what a broken heart truly felt like. Perhaps she was leaning a bit toward the over dramatic, but at that particular point in time, she didn't think she was.

But at least now she knew. Now she knew, and she wouldn't have to hold onto the thin hope of a reunion with her husband. Now she could ... move on without that holding her back. Find new friends, a new love, and somehow move on with her life.

Not right now. Not tomorrow. Maybe not even in the next few months. But someday she'd be all right. Someday it wouldn't hurt so much. Someday logic would smooth over her emotions and she'd be all right.

Studying herself in the mirror, Lily exhaled softly. Her hair was down, red locks resting on the emerald fabric of the light blouse she wore. A plain black skirt, bare legs. Feet in simple summer sandals, nails painted spring green. Tiny emerald studs in her ears. A spritz of her favorite scent, one she'd been so fond of in school. Lily thought she looked like she was going on a date. She wanted to smirk. Almost smirked, but couldn't quite make her lips work.

What would they even talk about? She had a feeling she was setting herself up for the most awkward meeting in the history of ever, but she needed something. Needed to get out of the house, away from everything.

She wanted someone who could put her back together again, but she'd settle for just someone to talk to.

Just before two, she headed out of the house to apparate to a point near the cafe. Once she was there, she gave consideration to turning around, to leaving. It wasn't fair to him, and she knew she wouldn't be worth much today. Still, she'd arranged for the meeting and she'd stick with it.

Stepping into the cafe, she looked around to see if he was here yet. If he was, she moved to join him. If he wasn't ... she settled herself at a table she thought he'd be likely to choose, and she'd wait.


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[info]bittersnark
2010-03-29 08:10 am UTC (link)
Severus was not sure if he should be here. On one hand, the opportunity to see Lily was a lure he found almost impossible to resist but on the other, getting involved with her in even the most distant fashion would ultimately mean dealing with Potter, Black and the rest. Not something he found even the slightest bit enticing. Though given Black had come back at the age of sixteen, he was hardly intimidated.

He turned the glass of water he'd been given around and around as his glaze flicked around the room. This place hadn't existed when he'd last lived here but it was suitable enough. It was quiet and the staff seemed to be efficient. That was more than enough for him. And he didn't seem to be out of place in his black shirt, black trousers and black boots.

He looked over when the door opened and his drew in a sharp breath. Lily hadn't changed. She still looked like what he remembered though there was a hint of strain and sadness about her. He squashed the uncharitable thought about Potters and Black that immediately came to mind and stood as she approached the table. He honestly wasn't sure what he should do. Oddly enough, he knew what to do if this was a society function but this... wasn't what he was used to.

"Lily," he said quietly, unable to take his eyes from her though his face seemed expressionless, more out of self-preservation than anything else.

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[info]emerald_eyes
2010-03-29 02:02 pm UTC (link)
She didn't know what to say, but she realized very suddenly she shouldn't be here. This wasn't going to be what she needed, either. Her nostrils flared slightly as her lips quivered and she did her level best not to shed any more tears.

"Sev," she said softly as she searched his face. His older face. "Sorry," she said abruptly as she eased into the chair. "Going to be miserable company. I should've canceled, but I didn't want you to think I was blowing you off or something. I ..."

She licked her lips. Right, let's start by unloading on a man she hadn't really spoken with in six years. A man who may well still dislike her. "Sorry," she echoed. "How ... how are you? Adjusting to being back? And did you find the books useful at all?"

Lily pressed her fingertips to her cheeks under her eyes, rubbing slightly. Maybe she should have just been out with it, told him what was going on, but ... it was polite to at least get the small talk out of the way, wasn't it?

Her hands moved idly over the objects on the table and she picked up one of the toothpicks from the little dish of them, playing with it as she studied him. He looked ... so different. So much older. Older than his years should have had him looking. But from what Harry had said, it didn't really surprise her. He'd had a hard time of the war.

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[info]bittersnark
2010-03-29 10:14 pm UTC (link)
Severus' eyes narrowed as he sat down, his eyes never leaving Lily's face Something had quite obviously happened and he was going to blame Potter and Black. He didn't particularly care which Potter either. There was apparently more than one of them thus there was plenty of blame to go around.

It would also take a colder and crueller man than him to not be affected though admittedly Lily was the one weak point in his armour. Had always been the weak point in his armour. A fact which Albus had used more than once.

"Lils," he said, taking her hands with a gentleness that his former students would never have credited him with. he removed the toothpick and set it aside. In her current mood, Lily was more likely to do herself an injury than anything else. Then he said quite deliberately and quite belligerently in an echo of the boy he'd once been and the boy Lily had known, "What did he do?"

He wasn't sure which 'he' he was talking about and frankly Lily's answer would tell him that quicker than anything else. But perhaps that small sign that he perhaps hadn't changed that much might help. It was all he could think of to do. He'd never been particularly good at comforting upset females.

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[info]emerald_eyes
2010-03-29 10:59 pm UTC (link)
A faint, shaky laugh parted her lips and she nearly pointed out that wasn't an answer. "He didn't do anything," she said softly. "None of them did. Not anything they could control. But ... they all came back. Too young. I know it's petty and selfish and so very small of me, but they don't ... remember me. We ... they're sixteen. Remus is ... a year older, but ... they don't remember. Not me, not Harry. Not the war. I just ..."

Lily looked away as she attempted to regain some composure. Her fingers curled around Sev's as she focused on breathing. "I feel so alone. Like I'm drifting off by myself. Like I don't fit anywhere anymore. I've got no one I can relate to. No husband. No close friends. I've got grandchildren practically my age ... and I've no idea where to go. What to do with myself."

Her lips twisted into a trembling mockery of a wry smile as she shook her head. "So here I am, unloading on the only person in this world who even has the faintest idea who I was when I died."

Which wasn't completely fair. The boys remembered her ... at least until she was sixteen, seventeen. But she'd grown, changed slightly in those years between.

"Sorry," she breathed, tightening her grip on his hands. "Are you doing better, at least?"

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[info]bittersnark
2010-03-29 11:36 pm UTC (link)
Severus arched an eyebrow at that revelation then quickly and viciously stepped on the hope that had abruptly risen to the surface within him. Just because Potter had been de-aged on his return did not mean she was going to suddenly notice him. If she hadn't noticed him previously, when Potter was nothing more than bully and a toerag, it was unlikely she was going to start now.

"You... have me." It took an effort to force those words out past all the barriers and walls he'd built up over the years. He'd never truly expected to live past the end of the war and thus he'd never made any provison for tearing down those walls and barriers. He'd simply built them strong enough to survive for as long as possible.

He stared down at their hands, feeling oddly embarrassed at having admitted something that, for all he knew, she didn't want to hear. He shrugged at her question. "I am alive. That is more than I ever expected to achieve from the war. It has come in an unexpected fashion but I am simply grateful to be alive. The rest..." He shrugged. "I never made any plans beyond seeing the Dark Lord defeated. I saw no point in doing so. Now that I can do what I wish... I find myself at a loss."

It was a roundabout way of saying he was in a somewhat similar position as Lily, albeit without the emotional trauma.

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[info]emerald_eyes
2010-03-29 11:53 pm UTC (link)
Lily rubbed her thumbs absently against the sides of his hands as she regarded him. "Good," she said. "That's ... likely the best news I've heard in a while. That I have someone. I do hope you know what you're getting yourself into." She almost managed a lighter tone and a half-smile, but both fell a little short.

So, if she had him then she supposed Harry had been right and he didn't hate her. She didn't hate him, so that was a stary. A tiny step. Toward what though? It wasn't as though he'd want to pal around or accomapny her to movies or dinner or anything like that, right?

Deciding she was getting ahead of herself, she shrugged.

"I'm reviewing charms and potions at the moment, to see if I want to go that way. Thought about going into teaching, too, but I really don't know right now. My first goal is to ... not be a charity case. Get a job, find a place of my own, or ... a few people to split a flat with for a bit."

She didn't love the idea of living with strangers, but neither did she like the idea of being her son's permanent guest.

Her eyes drifted over his hands again, her thumb rubbing a small circle against his skin. "The boys are going back to school," she added in a quieter voice. "At least they've got the next couple of years plotted out for them."

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[info]bittersnark
2010-03-30 12:31 am UTC (link)
Severus arched an eyebrow and amusement gleamed in his eyes. "Much the same as what I used to put up with I'd imagine," he said mildly. And he could handle that. Friendship was as much he could ever hope for and he knew it.

He nodded. "I have contacted some... old friends regarding commission work." An exasperated look crossed his face. "We are still going through the motions of their disbelief and my attempts to convince them I speak the truth. Once we get past that, they will have work for me." He spoke with absolute certainty. Even though he had missed twenty-five years of advancements, he was still a Master and he was still the youngest Master ever. His reputation in Potions was still valid and he was rapidly catching up with what he had missed.

"I had given some thought to opening an apothecary," he said thoughtfully, frowning slightly. "But while I would enjoy brewing the potions, dealing with the people would be annoying at best, I suspect."

He hesitated for a moment before going back to something she'd said. "You are... you are always welcome at Spinner's End." The words were just slightly hurried as though he had to get them out before the defensive, paranoid spy within dragged them back.

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[info]emerald_eyes
2010-03-30 01:01 am UTC (link)
Honestly, she was envious that he had something already lined up. That he'd have a solid, steady job doing something he liked. Working for himself, even.

"I can't imagine that you'd be anything but pleased to deal with people, Sev. As I recall, people are your favorite aspect of life." She did manage a smile to that, and she wondered a little at herself. But this ... god, she'd missed this. Just ... playing with him. "Though if you do get around to opening an apothecary and would like a charming red-haired witch to deal with your people for you, then do let me know." She paused. "I'll see if I can find you one."

She cocked her head slightly at his ... offer? Because that's what it was, wasn't it? Not just 'stop by' but 'come be my charity case instead'? "Sev ... it'd be the same thing. At least Harry's obligated because I'm his mother. But you ... why would you take in a stray?" She squeezed his hands lightly before she shook her head a bit. "I mean, it would be one thing if I were renting a room from you, or at the very least keeping up the house and making dinner, but I'm not just going to ..." she tilted her head again. She would have waved one hand, but they were occupied with his hands, and she wasn't particularly inclined to let go just yet. "You know," she finished because she couldn't think of any other way to end that sentence.

She did wonder what they'd think of that. Would Harry take it as a slight, or would he understand? She was his mother, he was her family, but the house ... the house may as well be haunted to her. It was his house, his family, and really she did want to get out on her own. Or at least have the guise of being on her own.

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[info]bittersnark
2010-03-30 10:30 pm UTC (link)
"And I have spent the better part of twenty years dealing witht he worst sort of people... children," Severus said in bland agreement though again his eyes gleamed with amusement. Then sly mischief replaced the amusement. "And some of them were..." He affected a horrified shudder. "Gryffindors."

He'd missed this. This... playing. He'd never done that with his friends in Slytherin. They were mostly purebloods and society types so their version of 'playing' was very different. This sort of playing was reserved exclusively for Lily. He didn't know why she was ignoring what had happened in favour of almost stepping back past the Incident but he could take some very good guesses. And he was inclined to go with the flow. He didn't like arguing with Lily, he never had.

He gave her a long, slightly exasperated look. "Because it is you and you were... are... my friend," he said simply. "Did you not once tell me there are no obligations between friends?" He shrugged and looked amused again. "However if you wished to make sure I actually ate more than one meal a day then I would not stop you. Possibly growl at you but I wouldn't stop you."

He wasn't sure why he was doing this except that... he wanted to and she was at least a little tempted from what he could see. And maybe if she was with him, he could protect her. From what seemed irrelevant. He'd failed to protect her once, he didn't want that to happen again and he'd never trusted Potter to do it properly.

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[info]emerald_eyes
2010-03-30 10:51 pm UTC (link)
Lily smirked and shook her head. "What is it with potions professors and Gryffindors?" She teased lightly. "Though perhaps it's more Gryffindors and potions that's the trouble. Apparently, my granddaughter doesn't share my love for the topic and is a pill in class."

She did consider his offer, and she thought it wasn't something to decide just then. There were a lot of things she had to consider, after all. "I'll think about it," she said softly. It wasn't the brush-off sort of answer that people gave when they were on the spot and didn't want to say no; she really wasn't sure how she felt about the offer and did want to think about it.

Emerald eyes lifted to search his face. She knew he wouldn't offer something like that casually, but she wasn't sure she had a place in his life, let alone his home.

She also hadn't missed how he'd shifted to the present tense. He was her friend, present tense. So just like that, all was forgiven? He didn't hate her for walking away, turning her back to him? Even if she'd had every right to do so?

Lily bit down on her lower lip and gripped his hands for a moment as she tried to corral her rampaging emotions. She really was a mess, even if he'd managed to distract her from it for a bit. "Probably," she said quietly. "I just ... need to think about it."

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[info]bittersnark
2010-04-01 08:58 am UTC (link)
Severus arched an eyebrow and looked amused. "It sounds as though this new Professor is eminently sensible. What did you say his name was?" He might have to speak to this man and see what he was like. It might be interesting to have an intelligent conversation about potions.

He inclined his head. "Of course." He had no intention of pushing though he was aware that some part of him that truly did want her to stay with him. That part wasn't deigning to give him any specific reason but he knew what they were anyway. None of them were particularly altruistic, most were in fact quite selfish.

He turned and nodded to the waitress who quickly came bustling over. He ordered tea and then waited for Lily to order.

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[info]emerald_eyes
2010-04-01 02:14 pm UTC (link)
Lily looked almost startled when they were approached by the waitress; she'd rather forgotten they were in a public place for tea. She did manage to get out her order of tea and a blueberry muffin, offering the woman a smile before turning her attention back to Severus.

"Faustus Stirling," she reported. She decided not to mention the way he had reminded her of Severus; it was only because she'd been thinking about Sev at the time. Surely. "I'm sure he'd loan you use of one of the workrooms as well," Lily teased softly. "Wouldn't that be weird for you? Going back there but not as a professor?" She smiled a little before she released his hands to sit back slightly. She found another toothpick, since he'd stolen her first one, and set about twirling this one between her fingers.

Her thoughts drifted all over the place as her eyes wandered before she swept her attention back to him. Starting over was rough, but at least she had one friend to help her through it. Her son and his family would support her, she knew, but it wasn't quite the same. "Thank you," she said a little suddenly - but it fit with her train of thought. "For ... just being here."

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[info]bittersnark
2010-04-02 06:45 am UTC (link)
Severus frowned at the name Lily mentioned. He didn't recall teaching a Faustus Stirling and he couldn't imagine the man could be that young. He had taught an Isabella Stirling but the less said and thought about her the better. He disliked the woman intensely.

"I have a perfectly good workroom in the cellar of my home," he said dryly. "I hardly need to use the ones at Hogwarts. As for going back..." He paused and his eyes became shuttered for a moment. "It was the first place I considered to be home and yet... there as many bad memories there as there are good ones. I am not certain how I would feel about going back."

He regretted the loss of her hands in his but made no comment. Instead he leaned back in his chair, looking more relaxed than any of his former students would ever give him credit for. "I should be thanking you," he said with a small grimace. "I have few friends, even now." He paused and snorted. "Less so now despite your son being his usual idiot noble self."

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[info]emerald_eyes
2010-04-02 01:52 pm UTC (link)
"Well, you'll have to do what I intend to do. Make new friends." She had to grin though - the idea of him going out and making friends really was ... absurd. Not that she imagined he couldn't, but his friends would be of a completely different breed than her own.

Which was a vaguely troubling thought, especially in regard to moving in with him. They really didn't have anything in common, did they? Well, no matter. It wasn't as though they'd be hanging out or anything like that. She was just maybe going to live there, and make him dinner and keep up his house for him.

"Should watch what you say about my son, love," she pointed out, brows elevating playfully as she regarded him. "I'm still very fiercely his mother, even if he is twice my age."

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[info]bittersnark
2010-04-05 01:03 am UTC (link)
"That should be interesting," Severus said dryly. Actually he ought to get out and about. If for no other reason than to get people used to seeing him around. He didn't particularly care how they reacted but he'd be damned if he allowed the idiots and fools of this world to keep him cooped up in his own home.

His eyes widened slightly at the casual 'love' and he had to work hard for a moment not to react any further. It was just Lily being Lily. She didn't mean anything by it. She probably used it with any number of other people. He recited those brutal truths to himself several times.

"Your son and I have a history and very little of it is good." He paused and waved a hand dismissively. "I will admit now that most of that is my fault but it was necessary. He was at least able to follow instructions in the end and he did live up to that ridiculous name he was saddled with." And Severus hadn't thought that was possible. The Boy-Who-Lived indeed.

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[info]emerald_eyes
2010-04-05 01:30 am UTC (link)
"No, he ... told me. Likely not everything, but a lot of it. He understood, in the end." Lily started to reach across the table before catching herself and withdrawing her hand. He was her friend, not her security blanket, and he likely didn't appreciate her random, casual touches.

It had been a very, very long time for him, after all, since they'd had anything like that.

Her thoughts shifted back to Harry, to what he had told her of the war. Of the years between her death and her return. So much pain and loss, but that was what war was about. And now, how many of them would return, have a second chance?

She shook her head, and while she'd been lost in her thoughts, her hand and slid across the table again, seeking his. She almost rolled her eyes at herself, but let it stand this time. If he didn't mind holding her hand, why should she protest it?

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[info]bittersnark
2010-04-05 11:22 am UTC (link)
Severus winced. He had a fair idea of why Potter might have 'understood' and it had everything to do with a certain set of memories that the boy... man still possessed. He wasn't sure if he wanted to make an issue of them or let that sleeping dog lie. If he didn't reclaim them, there was always a risk that someone might find them and have a look.

He didn't protest when Lily's hand snuck back into his and instead simply closed his around hers. He was simply offering her a comfort she so obviously needed and that's the story he would stick to. He wasn't the cold-hearted bastard others thought he was... at least not most of the time.

The waitress returned with their tea and Lily's muffin at that moment and Severus waited until the young woman had left. He did note her raised eyebrow at his and Lily's joined hands and he knew why. He was obviously older than Lily. Another reason why she would never give him a second glance.

He arched an eyebrow and amusement gleamed in his eyes. "Knowing those three are back at Hogwarts almost tempts me to want to return to teaching," he said, knowing she'd know who he meant by 'those three'.

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[info]emerald_eyes
2010-04-05 01:47 pm UTC (link)
"Severus," Lily said, her eyes widening before she pressed her free hand to her mouth. "You wouldn't dare," she whispered around a laugh, her eyes sparkling. Oh, dear lord, he'd have years of revenge to extract, and he'd surely picked up a trick or twenty over his years.

Biting her lip, she shook her head as she released his hand.

"Besides, I think you'd have to fight the current professor for the position, and that would hardly go well at all," she said with a sage, knowing nod.

Breaking off a piece of her muffin, she leaned back in the chair slightly, still amused at the idea. Her poor boys. Well, it wouldn't be as though they remembered finishing school. Or her, but she shoved that thought away before it could take root.

Instead, she thought about other things ... like him. And moving in with him. And how Harry was likely to react to the news.

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[info]bittersnark
2010-04-07 05:24 am UTC (link)
Severus felt pleased at having gotten that reaction from her and he arched an eyebrow at her. "Wouldn't I?" he said with arch amusement. "What better revenge could I ask for?"

Actually there was one other bit of revenge he could ask for but he could never actually think of it as revenge. or think that it was at all likely. Yet he knew the reaction Potter and Black would have if somehow, by some miracle that would never happen, Lily ended up with him.

"And I would have to deal with all the rest of the imbeciles masquerading as students," he said ruefully. "Ah well, it was an amusing thought."

He took a sip of his tea and nodded with approval. He'd have to remember to come back here if they made tea this well.

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[info]emerald_eyes
2010-04-07 05:48 am UTC (link)
Lily shook her head, amused all the same. She supposed it would have been right and proper to chastise, but he was just teasing. Mostly. Enough, anyway. It wasn't as though he was going to descend on the school in a fit of vengeance or anything like that.

"See? There you go. Talked yourself right out of that, didn't you?" She smiled as she broke off another piece of the muffin, exhaling a soft sigh. So this hadn't been so bad at all, had it? A few doors were open, maybe a new place to live, and a reconnection with a friend.

Emerald eyes drifted over his face, studying the changes, the lines. Studying his mouth and deciding it didn't look so very different from all the times she'd studied it in school. Shaking her head to chase her thoughts away, she rubbed at her cheeks with her free hand.

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