[...] They still make me uncomfortable. I'm not scared of them the way I used to be, I know it's stupid to fear them when I should be the one in control but [...] there's a part of me that worries about it still, and probably always will. I know sometimes I have to hurt people with them, like I have when we've fought together, but I want that to always be my choice and I worry that something terrible might happen and it won't be. I don't know if that makes sense.