Log: Gust, Dead Girl, and Sparkler. WHO: Sabrina Yoo (GUST), Dead Girl, and some closure. WHERE/WHEN: Today, outside WHAT: Sabrina is struggling, and DG intercedes to give her the closure she desperately needs.
SABRINA:Things will get easier in time. What a joke! Sure, whoever had said it didnât mean that things would magically be better in the two weeks since a loverâs violent death, but Sabrina scarcely cared.
She was miserable. Destroyed. Defeated. What swells of anger she had dissipated shortly after, dissolving into crying fits that no one could tame. She talked to Dr. Hwang. She talked to her new friends like Callie, who had been very good to her. But she couldnât do this. She really, really couldnât. In tune with her emotional swells came the instability in her powers — winds that swept through halls or knocked furniture around in her dorms, that threatened to knock everything around. She couldnât get a grip on it, she couldnât really get a grip on anything. Max had been the rock that kept her grounded, and now she was gone.
Gone. Gone. Gone.
The Friday memorial service had helped some, as at least she got to say a few words, to cry as Max had some semblance of peace. But the Stepfords continue to walk free, to have their words unmuzzled despite the fact she was the one that had her communications blocked on the network, a move Sabrina hardly deemed fair. But that was what it was, she guessed, more karma for something.
Days and nights were spent questioning what she could have done to deserve this, what possibly Max could have done to suffer such a horrible fate on an island so far away from home and her loved ones. But everything she came up with was menial, pointless in the end. What, because she got a bad grade in Chemistry? Because she and Max had drunk underage? Everything was so stupid, so poignantly unfair. But at the crux of it Sabrina just hurt. A lot. From railing against the whole situation, repenting for every sin real or imagined, Sabrina had come to one final thought: you should have taken me instead.
Max was the better half, Sabrina had always known that. Smart, beautiful, and empathetic with a rich full life ahead of her⌠until it wasnât.
And Sabrina didnât know what she was doing anymore besides trying futilely to grieve her fiance and stop her powers from overturning everything in the school. That lack of direction is probably what actually had her agreeing to meet âDead Girlâ, which sounded like another cosmic joke because — really? She didnât know her, but she seemed to be respected so maybe everyone elseâs tacit vouching is what made her realize she should. Or she was that nuts. âThereâs someone I want you to meet.â Could have been anything, but whatever or whoever it was, Sabrina felt the tug of acceptance and so here she was, puffy-eyed, tired, and defeated, stepping out the main doors and into the evening air with a tiny squall following in her wake that had blown someoneâs old english essay with her.
But there was no one there besides DG. âWho is it?â she asked, weakly, glancing around and trying to make sense of any of this. There was no preamble, no polite greeting. Just whatever this was, get it over with and let her be miserable in peace.
DG: DG knew that her name was sort of abrasive, maybe even insensitive in a place where so many people had lost someone. Hell, it could have been worse -- when sheâd originally arrived, she had actually wanted to go by Dead Girl, and it had only been Mikey refusing to call her that that had landed her with the nickname âDGâ. But it was her own way of owning it; she, too, had lost someone. Herself. Sheâd been murdered years ago, violently, and it was still with her every day. Sheâd gotten so much better about moving on and not letting it rule her every thought and action, but it remained a part of her. Maybe that was why she was so okay with the ghosts that found their way to her. They werenât always pretty. Some of them did seem like the things out of the horror movies she found herself watching so much. And it had frightened her, at first. Bloody, twisted things coming at her, wraiths reliving their last moments in horrible detail. When she stopped being scared of them, that had been when she really came into her own.
These poor people, all they wanted was a way to move on. Well, most of them, anyway. And she was their pathway to that. She could help them come to terms with their new reality, could help finish what theyâd left behind, could hold their hand as they let go of everything else and stepped into the metaphorical light. And the bad ones, well. She had no problem anymore with flexing her muscles with the powers she had, taking them on and forcing them past the veil to whatever terrible afterlife awaited them. Protecting the people around her by not letting those apparitions continue to terrify or hurt them.
Moving on wasnât always so easy though, especially for the younger ones that died, sheâd found. More often than not their deaths werenât natural -- or if they were, they werenât fair. Why had they died when other monsters lived? What about them wasnât worth saving from illness or circumstance, and instead let others go on? She didnât have answers for that, though. Only the ability to listen to their final requests and gently nudge them to whatever it was that came after this. She didnât even have answers to what, exactly, that was -- sheâd been denied it by her powers, and maybe that was the price she paid for having them. She was happy to help, though, and had come around to being grateful that the universe had trusted her with such a gift.
One of the spirits that decidedly did need her help was Maxine Delacour, or Max, as sheâd eventually told DG. Another young girl with her life yanked away too quickly and too unfairly. A girl whose death may have saved any number of others -- but she knew that it was hard to focus on that when the glaring wrongness of it was still so fresh. There was only one thing on Maxâs mind though, and DG had finally relented.
She didnât usually channel for others, not sure that it would actually help. It could make things harder to let go of, hard to cut off on both ends once they knew it was possible. But this girl had been insistent -- strong, without being harsh with her demands. She only wanted one thing. And from observing the grief on the other side, DG had realized it might be for the best to allow it. Sheâd reached out to Sabrina, and the girl had actually agreed to meet with her. So she waited out near the back, turning when she felt the gust of air.
âHey.â No smile of greeting, no enthusiasm. This was a somber moment, and she could respect that. âIâm DG. ...Do you know what I do?â
âIâm here for Max.â
SABRINA: She should have been nicer. She should have greeted DG politely at least, but every sort of interaction like this was strained these days and she just didnât have much left. The dark circles under her eyes were the evidence of troubled sleep, of the amount of time she spent crying. As if to accentuate her point, the wind trailing her whipped up into a swirl around her blowing her hair into her face. She didnât seem to react much other than brushing it out. This had been ongoing since Max had died, and the worst part is that it meant staying here at Xavierâs was even more important because, what, was she supposed to go back to California and have gusts of wind following her constantly? She couldnât.
Not that she wanted to leave Max anyway and abandoned Xavierâs was cowardice. Running away from Maxâs memory. She wouldnât do it, and she actually couldnât do it now.
So needless to say when DG pronounced she was here for Max a gamut of emotions flickered across her features — anger, sadness, hope — even if she didnât really grasp the full nature of DGâs powers. Sure, something with ghosts, but itâs not like she knew DG or had spent time with her in school other than the last few days where she herself was hardly spending time outside her room unless it was with Callie or Jamie.
Sabrina crossed her arms over her chest defensively even as she yearned to find out more. âGhosts or something — but what about Max?â Even if she tried to act standoffish, to protect herself from the sob threatening to escape her, she wanted to know. The yearning was evident on her face.
âHowâre you here for her?â
Did Max somehow know this âDGâ?
DG: DG wasnât put off by Sabrinaâs potential not-niceness. Not a whole lot actually penetrated through her outer shell, and when it came to things like this she knew that feelings were volatile and at times hostile. She didnât put up with people that were too harsh too consistently, but she understood those that were shaken, especially at first. Sabrina had a lot to grieve, DG knew, and what she was about to hear would no doubt shake her to her very core. It was one of the reasons why she didnât usually do this -- the other person could simply refuse to let go and keep asking for more, or it could always backfire and hurt them worse than the actual loss had. But Max had assured her, over and over, that that wouldnât be the case. That Sabrina was different, and she would understand, even if it was hard.
Another slight smile, empathetic. âDonât be alarmed. But Iâll let her tell you.â
MAX: She couldnât leave. Not yet. She just couldnât. She wasnât even mad at Mindee and Raph, and while her death had been (understandably) sad for her, it wasnât the important thing. It wasnât something that she was dwelling on. All that she could think of was Sabrina. She knew that she would be hurt by this -- devastated, destroyed, all the things that Max would have been if the tables had been turned. Sheâd felt a pulling, like a warmth inside of her, to go somewhere else. That there was something else waiting for her, something loving and kind and exciting all at the same time. It reminded her of what she felt when she was with Sabrina, except more expansive. She didnât know how that could be possible, though. And it was impossible to go towards that feeling when she could see the love of her life being torn apart inside so horrendously.
So sheâd stayed. Sheâd lingered. Sheâd seen other beings like her, hanging around the school, some of them lost, some of them unable to understand that they were dead, some of them angry. She didnât want to turn into that. But the stress of seeing Sabrina so destroyed and feeling so helpless against it made it seem like a very real possibility. Maybe that was what truly was at the core of hauntings, not the initial pain but the part where you were simply stuck with it.
Xavierâs was different though. Of course it was. There were people here that could actually see and understand her. She knew that one of them had also died recently -- Kit was her name -- and that there was a girl who could command the dead that Max was a little afraid of. Wicked. But then this third option had shown up, and maybe that was her way in. Her way to Sabrina.
When DG had relented, she had been overjoyed. And impatient, she wanted this moment to come and last and never leave. And, finally, it was here. It was strange, the sensation of DGâs powers being used in conjunction with whatever she was made of now, but she realized that she was materializing somewhat. Not fully, it wasnât like having her real body there (because, while possible, that would simply look terrifying at this point and it wasnât how she wanted Sabrina to remember her), and she reminded herself a bit of Bebe with her transparency. But she could feel a strength in it, a heaviness that made her realize when she reached up a hand to brush away a few stray hairs from Sabrinaâs face, that her girlfriend would actually be able to feel it.
DG smiled a bit. âIâll leave you two alone for a bit.â And then she turned from them and wandered away a bit, not wanting to encroach on their moment. Max was so happy she could cry (was that even possible, in this form?), but mainly what she felt was just love.
âHey, Bree.â
SABRINA:Let her tell me? It was almost out of Sabrinaâs mouth as she looked at DG with some degree of skepticism while yearning deeply for her to be sincere. This couldnât be a trick, it just couldnât. Sabrina knew she wouldnât be able to handle it if it was, but then there was Max forming into view, and DG was bowing out. Sheâd barely remembered that the other girl was there because her attention was solely Max, her girlfriend-cum-fiancee — at least she was thinking of her like that — was in front of her. Again. Maybe not wholly there, she was transparent, but she was there and she was talking and—
Sabrina burst into tears. All those words sheâd planned to say if she ever got the chance again got lost in a jumble of sobs and choked-up babbling. Was this even real? Yes, she banished that thought instantly, it was real and Max had called her Bree, a pet name she rarely used in public which made it all the more romantic.
And then she felt Maxâs fingers, sort of, brushing her hair—how sheâd longed to feel that again—and she tried to smile. Tried, and failed, because then finally she caught up with herself, babbling and blubbering with an ugly cry. âIâm sorry, Iâm sorry!â she exclaimed. Sorry for what? She didnât precisely know. For everything, probably, for not being able to save her, for not being able to hold Mindee and Raphael accountable in any meaningful way. That she was so weak and unable to pull herself together even if that showed just how important Max was to her. âIâm sorry,â she repeated. âIâm sorry!â She was crying outright now, the tears rolling down her cheeks under Maxâs touch.
âWe were supposed to get married! We were supposed to spend our lives together and we canât.â Or could they? If Max was transparent now there had to be some way she could be whole again, right? Right? She knew that was hopeless as soon as she said it, and she sniffled pathetically again before trying to pull herself together. Max deserved to see her stronger than this, Sabrina knew. She needed to be stronger for Max. âI love you so much and I miss you and everything hurts.â
MAX: Her heart hurt. Seeing Sabrina like this, in so much pain. Knowing that she didnât have to be, knowing by what she felt waiting for her on the other side that everything would be okay in the end. It was strange, it felt like Sabrina was already waiting for her over there, even though Max knew that the love of her life was standing right here in front of her. But she supposed time didnât have to make sense in death. And maybe thatâs what Heaven was, immediately getting to be with the people you loved most, not having to wait for them to finish their journey on the same timeline.
Ghostly arms went around Sabrina, nothing very solid and not enough to lean against, but a slight pressure against Sabrinaâs shoulders as she hugged her, and the feel of kisses being dropped against her hair. âItâs okay. Donât apologize. Itâs okay.â It was all she could say as she tried to comfort her other half through the soul-rending sadness she was feeling.
âI donât know whatâs after this. But I can feel that itâs good, Bree. And weâll get our wedding and our life and everything else, itâll all still happen for us. Just on a different schedule, okay?â She lightly wiped a tear from Sabrinaâs cheek. âI know it hurts. I know it does, and I wish I could make it okay. But Iâm here, okay? Even if you canât see me or hear me. Iâm going to be watching you.â She tilted Sabrinaâs chin up a bit to look at her, smiling softly. âYou are going to do such amazing things in this life. And I want to see you enjoy it. Be happy, have friends, have a family, and come back to me when youâre a little old lady falling asleep in her bed. Okay? I want that for you. And then weâll have our forever. This isnât goodbye, okay? Itâs just a little break. And when it gets hard, when things start hurting again, just hug on tight and know that Iâm hugging you back, okay? Iâll always be there for you and Iâll always want you to find happiness, Sabrina. And Iâm so, so glad I get the chance to say this to you. We just have to be strong, okay? And know the other person is thinking of them, even if weâre not together. And know that one day we will be. This isnât the end, not by a long shot.â
SABRINA: Nothing about this made sense, or at least rational sense. Or even if it made rational sense, the pain was too visceral for Sabrina to really wrap her head around it yet. Her heart had been torn out, but even she knew that what was on the other side of life, an endless good-time in heaven (she wasnât particularly religious, but she had a belief in some happy afterlife). Could she be selfish enough to deny Max that comfort? Yes, apparently, because it hurt too much right now, here she was wishing that Max was still with her rather than enjoying eternal happiness. Pathetic. Pathetic. She wasnât worthy of Maxâs love, sheâd always known that, and this was just another point in that case.
Instinctively Sabrinaâs arms shot out to wrap Max in a fierce hug, but only to fall mostly through her spectral fiancee. She was there, but she wasnât. Halfway between the living and the dead, unable to move on because she was here for her. Sabrina, with time to reflect on this, would feel worse than it was her grief that kept Max from immediately going on to better pastures. Still, another fresh choked sob escaped her even as she reveled in the half-touch of Maxâs own hug. She was there. She had Max.
âHow do you know?â Sabrina pressed, desperation permeating her words. How would they get their wedding, how would they be together, how would any of that happen when Max was dead. But then her chin tilted upwards, her tears were dried, and Max was Max. God, she was beautiful even transparent, half a spirit, and sheâd longed so much to hear from her. It hurt again to hear that laid out, but maybe in a different way, not that Sabrina really knew how. She wanted to fight it, to point out that this was clearly the end, that it felt wrong to even consider having a family because it wouldnât be with her.
But what could she do? Fight Max? Stomp her foot on the ground and throw a tantrum? She couldnât. She just couldnât, nor would she.
âI donât know how,â she whinged pathetically after a moment, but sniffled anyway. âI donât know how you know itâll all be okay in the end or that this isnât the end.â At least those words were stronger, firmer. âBut I love you and I trust you know.â She couldnât promise that she wouldnât be devastated still, she couldnât promise that sheâd move on so easily or do any of these great things.
But she could promise one thing. âIâll try.â
MAX: She nodded a little and smiled, brushing away another of Sabrinaâs tears. âYou still have my ring. Just hold on tight to that when it gets hard. Iâll know, and Iâll be holding onto you for as long as you need it.â Even from the beyond, even if Sabrina couldnât feel it, Max knew that she would kick and fight as hard as she had to for that to be true.
And if there was a way, if there was even the smallest possibility, Max would come back to Sabrina. She didnât know how or when that might happen, but sheâd heard stories of it and she would work on figuring out how to do it. She didnât want to say that though, and have Sabrina clinging to the hope that Max would be corporeal and with her again in this life, at the expense of all of the good things she could be experiencing in the here and now.
âWeâll still get our happy ending. I canât tell you how I know that, but I do. I can feel it. This is just a little hiccup, okay?â She smiled and couldnât help but lean in to give Sabrina a small, ghostly kiss. âAnd Sabrina⌠I know itâll be hard. But try not to hold them responsible for what happened to me. No one had easy decisions to make in that place. Iâm mad that Iâm not able to be here with you, but Iâm mad at that monster that caused it, not at Mindee and Raph. I know that might not help, but I donât want you having to deal with that sort of anger in your heart. Itâll only hurt you in the end. And I want to save you from all the hurt that might come your way.â
Another small kiss. âIâll never leave you. Stories like ours donât come along every day. Weâre special, and that means something. It means youâre going to be amazing, Bree.â She smiled again, a little sad. âI should go. But remember what I said. Just hold onto that ring and Iâll feel it. And Iâll hug you through every person that gives you one.â
SABRINA: Since she couldnât hug Max as fiercely as she wanted to, she instead dropped one hand down to play with the promise ring on her other handâs finger. She hadnât taken it off. She never would take it off as far as she was concerned, but that was coming from a place of hurt and grief rather than any sort of logical decision. It would stay on as long as she needed it to, but she would always have it whether she wore it every day years from now or not. It was wise though, for Max not to promise to work on a way to return or draw attention to the fact that people in this place had cheated death. As nice as it may have been it would have just kept her hope alive, stopped her from even considering moving on. Eventually Sabrina would realize that moving on didnât mean forgetting Max, but maybe that she could remember her and it wouldnât hurt so vividly.
She wanted to drink in those kisses, but they were only phantom echoes of a real kiss, and it tugged on her further. God, she missed Max even when she was right in front of her. âI canât,â Sabrina announced, voice cracking. She found herself shaking her head even in spite of Maxâs request. âI canât look at them without thinking about it. About you.â She hated that she sounded petulant, like she was pushing back against Max giving her what she assumed was good advice. Maybe she could hate them less, but what Max was asking her to do seemed so outright wrong, so antithetical to the situation she didnât know how to process it. Letting go of the anger in her heart would take more work than accepting Max was dead, it seemed.
âWe are special.â Sabrina could admit that at least. She always thought Max and her were destined to be together, but this felt like more than a little intermission, a hiccup. But if Max thought their story didnât end here, then who was Sabrina Yoo to disbelieve her? Sheâd always trusted Max. Always. âOkay, Max,â she said, letting the name linger once more. She actually hadnât said it aloud all that much since her death. It still felt powerful on her tongue. Max was strong, and so sheâd have to be too. âI should let you go,â Sabrina acknowledged even if it was reluctant, âyou have a lot going on.â She didnât know what she meant by that, but she tried to smile and managed it. Max always did get a smile out of her. She wanted to tell Max not to forget her, to promise that sheâd remember her too⌠but she didnât. She already knew that in her heart, where Max was always going to reside, that sheâd be in Maxâs thoughts.
And then, one last time, with as much emphasis and gravity as she could put on it, looking Maxâs transparent form in the eyes: âI love you so much.â
MAX: She could feel it tugging at her. The other side, whatever that was. Sheâd finished her last bit of business here on earth and now there was nothing between her and the gate into the Beyond. Part of her felt like she should have been afraid of it, considering how vast and unknown it was. But really, she just felt happy. At peace. Knowing she was about to be in Sabrinaâs arms forever, her only regret that Sabrinaâs earthly form would have to survive a little longer on this plane without her. They could give her strength though, from the other side.
She smiled at Sabrina, touched her hair, gave her hands a slight squeeze. âI love you so much, too. And I will always, always love you.â The tugging was getting too strong to ignore though. She turned, seeing a white kind of glowing there waiting for her. And her parents were there, and Sabrina, and all of her ancestors waiting to greet her. Sheâd had a good life, and her death had meant something, and now she got to rest in what she could only describe as Heaven.
She drifted to it, and a moment later her transparent self was gone, and DGâs hand was lightly touching Sabrinaâs shoulder. She hoped that Sabrina had gotten at least a little closure from this.