Benji didn’t have to explain anything. Nathaniel had seen and heard and felt what he’d gone through these last few weeks and all of the shock and confusion and relief that he was feeling now. It was overwhelming on top of everything else going on in his own head but he clung to Benji’s most recent thoughts above all else, focusing in on those instead of the jagged, broken snippets of these other, violent and desperate memories that he didn’t understand. Deeper than all of the concern and uncertainty currently occupying the space between the two of them there had been love. Nathaniel felt loved and he wished he knew how to convey as much back to Benji.
They would have talk about all of this later. The fact that they’d just kissed and that Nathaniel had gotten a head full of Benji’s memories and yet somehow it hadn’t been as jarring for him as it should have been. He hadn’t hesitated to press their lips together because it had felt almost like habit. Before he could question it further however Benji’s phone was going off and Nathaniel felt a simultaneous buzzing in his own pocket, bringing them both back down to the present.
“Please... I don’t wanna go anywhere yet. I just want to stay here with you,” he insisted. Somehow he knew deep down with a certainty that he’d lost Benji once before and even though he didn’t understand how that could be possible, Nathaniel couldn’t shake this deep seeded feeling that they’d been apart for far longer than a month. That what they’d shared had been so much deeper than the brief summer they’d had together already. Nothing was making any sense. All Nathaniel did know was that the idea of Benji leaving to go get someone or of having to try to explain any of this to one of the Admins right now was too much. He just needed a little time. He needed to try and clear his head....
“I don’t either,” he said, voice wavering. He didn’t let go of Benji but he straightened up once more, red rimmed eyes searching his boyfriend’s face. He suddenly felt incredibly unnerved and frightened by the fact that he couldn’t clearly remember what had happened to him. That wasn’t a feeling he was familiar with at all. Nathaniel prided himself on always being so put together, so in control, but right now he felt entirely lost. He kept trying to grasp at the fragments of images and feelings clouding is mind but they felt slippery, unclear. “I don’t know what happened,” he said again, quietly. “ I have.... all these little pieces of memories that don’t add up and I... I don’t remember leaving but I saw how it’s been for you here so I know that I must have gone somewhere. I remember being at a church and....” he trailed off, shaking his head.
“You weren’t there because I lost you. You were gone.” Both phones went off again and again in rapid succession. Clearly something else was going on beyond just Nathaniel’s mystifying reappearance in the middle of Benji’s room.