wwho alec and jaceau what alec is ‘abandoning’ everyone to make sure magnus is okay when backdated to this where alec’s apartment rating/status pg-13 and COMPLETED
Another shirt was slammed a bit roughly into his bag as he tried to stop his hands from shaking. The whole thing with Magnus had him so worried that he actually felt a little sick to his stomach. That was something Alec was not used to experiencing and it left him feeling unhinged. He was in love with the warlock. He was willing to disappoint family at this point to make sure Magnus was okay. The others could handle things for a bit or, rather, however long it would take for him to help his boyfriend out.
He grabbed his toiletries up off his bedspread and threw them in the bag without really looking. Was he forgetting anything? It wasn’t like he was really going far, he could always just stop by his apartment to pick things up if need be. Oh, or Magnus could just summon things for him. There would be no need for stealing since the warlock could just summon the items from Alec’s.
His hair was promptly messed up as he ran his fingers through the dark mass. Before he could go about packing more there was a rather angry knock at the door. His lips turned down in a slight frown as he hurried quickly through the apartment. Luckily his roommate was out or that knocking probably would have annoyed the man.
Alec threw open the door and narrowed his eyes at Jace. “Can you not knock like a rabid monkey?”
***
Jace really had intended to come over and try to talk to Alec calmly but apparently his subconscious had decided on something else as he walked up to the door. He’d thought he was okay with Alec taking a break from everything like this when his parabatai had first brought it up but the more he’d thought about it the more he’d come to realize - he wasn’t. He wasn’t okay with it at all. He’d been getting ready to knock again when the door opened that way and he glared up at his brother.
“I wanted to make sure I got your attention. You going to let me in or not?” he asked, his words coming out tense.
***
“By knocking loud enough to notify the whole floor?” Alec tried to keep his voice calm, but the words came out harshly. He rolled his eyes at his brother before stepping out of the doorway so Jace could enter the apartment. It was quite clear that they were both on edge for some reason, but he wasn’t sure why Jace would be on edge. “What’s wrong,” he asked as his voice softened.
His parabatai meant a lot to him and he would always worry about the reckless idiot. At a young age they had been tossed in together and Alec had agreed to be a parabatai to Jace because he honestly believed the Shadowhunter needed someone to look out for him. There was a time in his life where had loved Jace as something more than a brother, but now? This was his brother in front of him. “I was just finishing up packing. Everything okay?”
---
Jace gave a bitter half laugh at Alec’s comment about the whole floor, shaking his head as he stepped through the door. He looked around him, taking in the sight of Alec’s apartment. Even if it was only for a little while longer since he was getting ready to turn his back on everything. On all of them. “Are you seriously asking me that?” he asked quietly, his voice a mixture of hurt and anger that Alec had to ask. He used to think his parabatai could read him like a book.
“I don’t know,” he said, using Alec’s own words back on him and shrugging as he leaned back against the wall. “Everything I thought I could count on’s getting torn out from under me. Everyone I thought I could.”
***
Normally he could read Jace like a book, but right now his mind was a bit elsewhere. Alec wasn’t trying to hurt his brother. The sound of hurt and anger caused him to wince. Oh, yes, Jace was clearly upset.
And then the words stabbed him in the heart. He physically took a step back as he narrowed his eyes at his parabatai. Everyone. This was about him staying with Magnus! That wasn’t fair. He had spent so long living for everyone else and now he was being punished for being himself? “You can still count on me,” he snapped in a defensive way. “I’m not abandoning you, Jace. Magnus just needs me right now, but I am not cutting off all contact! I thought you were fine with me and Magnus?”
There was no way this evening was going to go well. Great.
---
Jace saw the look on Alec’s face and he knew he’d hurt him with that accusation. It had been a low blow and he knew it but he’d gone for it anyway. That was the worst and best part about knowing each other so well - they knew exactly where and how to inflict the most pain on each other. In sparring and in arguments. Normally Jace tried not to go for those shots but he knew he’d hit hard from that defensive response. And a little mean part of him enjoyed the knowledge that he had.
“You think that’s what I’m upset about? You having a boyfriend? Are you serious right now? This doesn’t have a damn thing to do with that!” Jace said, his temper flaring as he stared at the other boy. He took a deep breath, trying not to yell. “I’m not upset about you having a boyfriend. It’s about damn time you started seeing somebody.” He paused, pushing off the wall so that he was standing up straight. “What I’m upset about is the fact that I just realized you’ve got two sets of rules - one for yourself and one for everybody else.” It had taken him a while to figure out what was working him up that way but now that he had he needed to put it out there for Alec.
***
They were both angry and Alec wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to calm the situation down. Rather, he didn’t know if he could. He was having problems just dealing with the fact Magnus was acting so differently. Now this? The Shadowhunter did want to lash out, but not really at Jace. This was all so messed up and he couldn’t stop himself from turning a little red in the face as his brother confronted him.
“Excuse me?” What was that suppose to mean? Two set of rules? “What the Hell are you talking about?” It took a lot to get Alec to swear and it just went to show how upset he was. “I don’t have two sets of rules.” Okay, that wasn’t entirely true. When Jace had gone stupid over Clary, well, Alec hadn’t been the nicest person. The difference was that Magnus wasn’t an idiot that ran head first into danger, whereas Clary had been. He didn’t mind her so much now, but she did still do selfish things that made him cringe. “If this is about how I handled Clary in the beginning, I’m sorry, but that is nothing like this. Magnus isn’t himself and he needs me right now!”
---
“Leave my sister out of this Alec. The situation with Clary was completely different. Everything I did was to help her find her mom. My mom,” Jace said, glaring at Alec. “I was fulfilling my duties as a Shadowhunter and you know that,” he said, hands curling into fists at his side. “I wasn’t walking away from my responsibilities for her.”
“Admit it - if it was me saying I needed to take a step back like this you’d be pissed as hell at me. But because it’s you, it’s okay. It’s perfectly fine and we’re all supposed to just go along with it. That’s what I meant by two sets of rules.” He said quietly, his anger making his words come out short.
***
The brothers didn’t fight often, but when they did? Things tended to go south fast. Alec knew he shouldn’t be trying to push Jace’s buttons. Honest! He just couldn’t seem to stop himself from rising up to the bait that his parabatai threw at him. “You’re right, the situation with your sister was completely different. You just dragged us all into whatever half planned out scheme that you two cooked up! We are lucky to be alive with how little you used your brain when it came to Clary!”
His words came out fast and angry. This wasn’t what he wanted to be doing. He wanted to finish packing so he could go be with Magnus. Yet, for some reason, he couldn’t pull himself away from fighting with Jace.
“That is bullshit! If you honestly needed to take a step back? I’d let you! Do you honestly think that I am that selfish? I have done everything for this family. What is so wrong with me stepping down from being leader for a bit? I thought you’d be happy since you’d get to boss everyone around.” His hand moved on his own and he shoved his brother in the shoulder without really thinking about his actions.
---
“I said - leave my sister out of this Alec. This doesn’t have anything to do with her. This is about you and me - not her, not Magnus,” Jace said, his voice rising steadily as he took a step towards his brother, hands clenching and unclenching into fists without him realizing it. “And no one forced you to help us. No one forced you to go along with what we were trying to do to save our mom,” he said, getting right in Alec’s face.
“You’d let me?” Jace said, bitterness and disbelief both obvious in his voice. “Do you even hear yourself right now?” He reacted to that shove without thinking, grabbing Alec’s hand and twisting his arm down and away from him as hard as he could.
***
A startled yell escaped Alec and in that moment he felt something just snap inside. His free hand lashed out and he grabbed his brother hard by the throat. He used his strength to shove Jace into the wall. The twisted arm was screaming in pain, but he ignored that as he growled at his parabatai.
“You didn’t always know Clary was your sister, Jace! You changed when she arrived and pulled away from all of us. I’m your brother! We are on the same side!” His vision was on the red side and all he could feel was anger. “And yes. Isn’t that what you wanted to hear? That’d I’d let you take a step back? I wouldn’t throw some temper tantrum like you. What do you want to hear? That it’d break my heart? We’ve been over this! I don’t love you like that, I never did. You are my brother and I would respect your space.”
And with this words he did the one thing he hadn’t meant to do. He moved to throw his brother over his shoulder. When they fought? It got nasty.
----
Jace hadn’t meant to hurt his parabatai, he hadn’t even realized he’d twisted the other’s arm that way until Alec grabbed him by the throat with his other hand but by then it was too late. The damage had been done. Or maybe the damage was done when he’d come over instead of just staying in his apartment which he had to admit would have been the smart thing to do. He probably should have figured that out earlier.
“I didn’t pull away from you! You pushed me away with the constant comments and the way you treated her! The way you treated me for wanting to protect her and help her! But I thought we’d gotten past all that,” he said his voice coming out strained thanks to the hand on his throat, squeezing it.
Jace hadn’t been expecting that throw and he rolled as best he could when he hit the floor, lashing out to kick Alec’s legs out from under him as hard as he could. “That’s not what I want to hear and you know it. I never wanted to hear that anything I did would break your heart,” he said, anger outweighing the hurt those words made him feel. He’d landed badly and he could feel it in his shoulder as he laid there, glaring at his brother before pushing himself up, wincing when he felt the pull in his shoulder, the fire burning in it. It felt like he’d broken it but he’d be damned if he was going to admit that.
***
There was an actual moment where Alec regretted throwing his brother, but that vanished the second Jace spoke again. The anger was quite clear and he couldn’t help turning towards his parabatai with a look of anger on his own face.
“Me? The way I treated her?” Okay, yes, they had gotten past that without really talking about the issue. That was probably the reason it was coming up now. During moments of anger the two of them tended to not really think before speaking. Before he could open his mouth to say anything else he was crashing to the ground, rather hard. He managed to avoid landing on the table, but he did whack his elbow against the edge. Pain erupted up his arm and he hissed slightly.
He lay there for a moment, just trying to calm himself down. Where had he gone wrong? “I know-” Alec pushed himself up off the ground and flipped up onto his feet. He winced as the heavily bruised elbow complained and he paused in his next motion. A lost look appeared on his face and he turned away from Jace. “I’m sorry. I can’t- I need to…” He bolted into the bedroom and snatched up his bag. Alec barely paused to zip up the bag before he was heading towards the door. “I can’t talk to you right now, Jace.” He didn’t even look at his brother as he pretty much ran from the situation.