Regulus Black (bookishstar) wrote in belorelogs, @ 2016-05-15 23:20:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | amycus carrow (amycuss), regulus black (bookishstar) |
Who: Amycus Carrow (canon) and Regulus Black (canon)
Where: Amycus' house
When: Backdated, afternoon before the hurricane
Status: Complete
“The entire way home from school, something felt… weirdly different. The weather seemed to change suddenly from his last class to leaving for home with no warning. He supposed it was just yet another weird thing about living in Florida. Along with the way it was warm even when it shouldn’t be and… well. He’d seen enough newspaper headlines about “Florida Man.”
He unlocked the door to the house he shared with Evan and Amycus and stepped inside, locking the door behind him, but… things didn’t seem to look like they did when he left this morning. There were things that were very much out of place, the books he’d left on the table to take back to the library were gone, and it felt… altogether like walking into someone else’s home. He dropped his bag by the door and headed towards his room. “Evan? ...Am? Are either of you home?” Maybe one of them just put the books back in his room in an attempt to declutter the livingroom. They needed to go back Wednesday or he’d have to pay a fine.
***
Amycus had been taking advantage of having the house to himself to do a little training in the boxing room without distractions. He’d been so lost in his exercise that he didn’t even realize anyone had come in until he heard someone calling as they came through the house. It sounded like Regulus...but that couldn’t be. Regulus had been gone for two months now. His brain had to be playing tricks on him. He started to go back to hitting the bag but he couldn’t reclaim the rhythm. Not until he proved to himself that he’d been hearing things.
He walked out of the boxing room, heading towards the other end of the house calling quietly. “Anyone here?”
***
Regulus stopped when he heard Amycus’s voice coming from the other end of the house. He wasn’t sure why he sounded so surprised, he knew what time he normally came home. After all, they did their best to avoid each other. ...which honestly always felt worse than running into each other. “It’s just me. Did you or Evan see my library books? They were on the table by the door when I left this morning. I was going to return them today.” He opened his bedroom door to look there to find… someone else’s things. What the hell was going on, exactly?
“What happened to my room?” Did they get moved around again? And why didn’t anyone warn him? “Am, what’s going on?”
***
His library books? Why would Regulus be asking about the library books from months ago? Unless he didn’t realize that had been months ago. “I returned those for you the day you left...Regulus it’s May now,” he said his voice trailing off as he looked into the bedroom behind Regulus. To where Rabastan’s things were visible.
“Whatever brought us all here sent you and Evan back two months ago. I asked Rabastan and Alecto to move in with me last month. I wasn’t expecting to see you again, and Rab just took your room,” he said, putting his hands into his pocket so that he couldn’t give into the temptation to reach out and touch him. And to try and conceal the Mark because he knew how much Regulus hated seeing that reminder of his broken promise.
***
Regulus looked at Amycus in complete confusion, what did he mean May? “Am, I went to school this morning and the books were right there, I didn’t leave for anywhere besides classes… It can’t… It’s March. It was March this morning so.. It can’t be May now. He looked back into his room, but nothing in it was his. At eight this morning it was, he’d even left his pajamas in the bed when he changed because he’d overslept and didn’t have time to clean up after himself. They weren’t there now.
“I didn’t go back to anywhere, I was in class and I came home. It was March all the way through school…” And that explained why his things weren’t in there, because it wasn’t his room anymore. He couldn’t hide the look of hurt that crossed his face at that. Not only had he somehow skipped through time, but he’d been pretty much kicked out as well. And where was he supposed to stay now? Especially with the weather like it was right now. He ran a hand back through his hair and looked down at the floor. “I ...guess I’m breaking and entering then. Your key is in my backpack.” He hoped his voice didn’t sound as small as he felt.
***
“Baby...that was two months ago. When I found out you were gone...I...you were gone for two months,” Amycus whispered, his voice breaking a little. “This place was lonely without anyone else in it. And I couldn’t spend all my time at the stables although I tried. I didn’t think this place was ever going to bring you back. If I had...Merlin’s sake I wish I’d known,” he said, hunting through his pockets for his cigarettes, needing one and then realizing they were in his bedroom.
That look of hurt on Regulus’ face was like a knife in his heart and he reached out to touch him gently on the shoulder. “Baby I’m sorry. I didn’t know. If I had...it’s your key. Keep it. I don’t need it. And I know you aren’t going to use it to do anything bad. And your cousin’s here so you’ll probably want to come hang out with her sometimes.” Plus taking the key back would be the final nail in the coffin of any hope he still had that maybe someday Regulus would want to be with him again. He and Rabatan had kissed and it had been nice but...it wasn’t Regulus. And at the end of the day that was the only person he could ever really want.
***
“I’m not gone… I wasn’t gone…” There wasn’t any way he could lose two months, was there? It didn’t make any sense. Then again, him being there at all didn’t make any sense. If he’d moved decades ahead in time before, and to a different place, how was moving ahead two months any stranger? “But… that’s my room… You can’t just… you can’t just give it to someone else.” Regulus never really liked sharing things. And it might have been just a room, but it was his and it was a place to retreat to with his books when he needed to escape how much everything didn’t make sense to him. Because the world hadn’t made sense to him since the morning after the first night he was there.
He bit down on his lip as Amycus reached out to touch him and he wrapped his arms around himself. So many conflicted emotions surged around in him and he wasn’t sure what to do with any of them. He snorted, wondering if throwing things out of the window and reclaiming his room counted as anything bad. But it really wasn’t worth the fight if he’d been kicked out while he was gone. “You might need an extra one. In case someone gets locked out or something when no one’s home. Or to start a giant collection of keys or something. I’ve heard that’s a thing. ...Which cousin is here?”
***
Amycus took a sharp breath when Regulus said he couldn’t have just given his room to someone else. He hadn’t thought of it that way. That he’d given it away and he knew better than almost anyone that his Baby didn’t like to share. He never had. “Regulus...I’m sorry. You know...I didn’t do this to hurt you. That’s the last thing I’d ever want to do,” he said, lowering his hand when Regulus wrapped his arms around himself that way. “I was lonely and friends showed up and...I wasn’t thinking.”
“I want you to keep it. I’m not the one who gave it to you so I really can’t take it away from you.” He said, trying to sound like it wasn’t killing him knowing how badly he’d hurt the other boy. “Bella. Bellatrix - 10 year old Bellatrix. She’s kind of a sweet little thing in an odd way.”
***
Regulus’ stomach twisted when Amycus said that hurting him was the last thing he’d ever want to do. Sure, like how he didn’t think of it hurting him when he broke the last promise he ever made to him. He knew he wasn’t being rational, this wasn’t on the same level as that at all. But he was wet, lost two months, and was now apparently homeless. He didn’t feel like doing rational right now. And then Amycus lowered his hand, and he wrapped himself tighter around himself as he took a small step back. “I’m sorry you were. But..” it wasn’t yours to give away. “...Nevermind. It’s not like I have a right to tell you what you can and can’t do.”
He didn’t know why, but in a way, that hurt more than anything. That Amycus just didn’t feel right taking it because he wasn’t the one that gave it. He just nodded and looked away as he took a deep breath. “I wasn’t even born yet for her. You know that right? She won’t have any clue who I am.”
***
Amycus felt like someone punched him in the gut when he saw Regulus take that small step back, holding himself tighter that way and he took a deep breath, forcing himself not to look away even though it hurt. Regulus’ comment about not having a right to tell him what he could and couldn’t do was like a slap in the face and he knew that it showed on his face. “I should have waited a little longer I guess,” he said quietly.
“I hadn’t thought about that. I still want you to keep the key though. Just in case you want to come over sometime,” he said, trying to sound casual. Like he wasn’t trying to come up with an actual reason for Regulus to need a key, for Regulus to want to come over.
***
Regulus wanted to say he shouldn’t have given away his room at all, but it wasn’t as though it would do any good now. It wasn’t anything that he was able to change. Like so many other things, what was done had been done. He shrugged in response and let out a long breath. “I… can’t really answer that for you. As far as you knew… You didn’t know I was sent forward, not back.”
He nodded as Amycus said he wanted him to keep it. “Alright. I’ll keep it, as long as your roommates don’t get too upset with the fact that I have it. Right now I should… probably try and find somewhere else.” The weather was really nasty outside, and it didn’t seem like it was going to let up, not anytime soon. So finding a new place to live as soon as possible was probably the most important thing, rather than feeling sorry for himself. “And I also don’t know when Bella will get home and that will be an awkward conversation.”
***
Amycus wished that he had his cigarettes with him. He could really use one right now but that could wait until after. He didn’t want to waste any of these few minutes going into his room to find a pack. His heart broke a little more when he saw that shrug. He’d messed up. He knew that. He just didn’t know how to fix it. And then he remembered - he didn’t get to fix it anymore when he messed up with Regulus. They were done. He forced himself not to look away. “You don’t need to. I know I should have. I’m sorry. I wish...I wish I had.” He leaned against the wall, hands shoving further into his pocket.
“If they get upset - I’ll handle it don’t worry. They’ll be upset at me anyway, Baby.” He bit down on his lip, wanting to ask him to stay but he knew it wouldn’t do any good. Not in the long run. It would only make it hurt worse when Regulus did leave. “Maybe...maybe one of your friends from before will...I think your cousin Isla’s still here,” he said, stumbling over his words a bit. “I’ll figure out what to tell Bella. Maybe Alecto will have an idea.”
***
“I wish you had, too, but there’s not anything that you can do about it now. ...Not anything I should ask you to do, anyway. It wouldn’t be right for me to ask you to make them leave.” Regulus whispered. It would be hypocritical of him, anyway, wouldn’t it? ...And even though he honestly didn’t want to admit it, hadn’t he been enough of a hypocrite where Amycus was concerned lately? He looked over at where Am leaned against the wall and felt his heart squeeze in his chest. He was still angry with him, yes, but he never wanted to hurt him this way. Or at all.
“I don’t want you to have to handle it, them being upset at you. I mean, I guess Bella won’t care. She’s ten. But… I just don’t want you to have anyone upset with you on my behalf.” He still cared about him, always would care about him. And in this moment, it was hard to remember that Amycus was more than just a few months older than him, but years. And the things that had happened after he died. He bit down hard on his lip and nodded. This really was it, wasn’t it? Maybe… maybe it was a relief for Amycus to not have him here. He knew he’d been staying at the stables when he lived there, trying to avoid running into him. Maybe he was happier now. “I’ll ask on the network. And see if anyone has room. Or at least a couch to crash on during the storm. And… let me know how it goes with Bella?”
***
Amycus would give Regulus anything he asked for just about. That had been the way things worked ever since they were 11 - anything Regulus could possibly ask for, if Amycus could get it for him, could give it to him, do it for him - he would. He could count on one hand the number of times he’d ever refused to even try to make it work for him to give Regulus something he’d asked for but this would be one of those times. If Regulus did ask him to make the others move out - he’d have to tell him no. “Thank you. For not asking me that,” he whispered back to him. He couldn’t throw Alecto, Rabastan and Bella out. It wouldn’t be right for him too. It would hurt him - especially Alecto leaving.
“Baby...I’d rather they be upset with me over my decision than you.” Amycus hated himself when he saw the look on Regulus’ face as he nodded and he wished he could just hold him, make him feel better but, he’d promised to stay away. Because it was what Regulus said he needed from him. “I’ll let you know. I promise,” he said, reaching out with one hand to touch Regulus’ arm gently. “Let me...let me know where you’re staying? I know I don’t have any right to ask that but I still want to know you’re okay,” he said softly.
***
Regulus nodded at that and let out a long slow breath. “I… I couldn’t. I couldn’t do that to you, it just wouldn’t be right.” he whispered. Even though he wished that he could. He couldn’t throw anyone out on the street, though, especially in this. And also… he didn’t want to put Amycus in that sort of spot. He knew if he did, he’d lose. “Even if all I can think is ‘I was here first’.”
Regulus gave a small, sad smile at Amycus’ words. “I think we’re always going to disagree on that, Am. Which one we’d rather everyone be upset with for these things. You’re the one that has to live with them, though. It’s… it’s why I’d rather them rather not be upset with you.” He took a step closer as Amycus put his hand on his arm, wishing he was brave enough to do more, to melt into it. To ask him to hold him. He needed that more than anything right now, no matter what he’d said that morning. “I promise. I’ll let you know where I am and that I’m okay. ...Promise you’ll let me know you are, too, after the storm, okay?”
***
Amycus let out a soft laugh when Regulus told him what kept running through his head. Regulus could be one of the most loving people he’d ever met and one of the most selfish and spoiled ones. He was probably partly to blame for Regulus being spoiled. “You aren’t wrong. You were here first. ...I’ve missed you,” he told him.
That sad smile made his heart hurt and he squeezed his arm gently, running his thumb over it softly. “Have since we were 11. I guess we’ll just always disagree on that,” he said. “I’ll be fine baby. They can’t do anything to me,” not that he hadn’t already been through at some point in his life anyway. Well except for killing him and he really hoped that none of them would try to do that to him.
He smiled when Regulus took a step towards him, squeezing his arm again softly, letting himself just enjoy getting to touch him again. “I promise baby. I’ll let you know. And I won’t do anything stupid until after the storm,” he said trying to joke a bit.
***
Regulus’ face felt hot when he heard that soft laugh. He knew how it sounded, he knew he was being selfish. But… he really couldn’t help being selfish in this case. “You know how I am… And you’re right. I’m not wrong. ...I didn’t mean to disappear this time, Am. I really, really didn’t. I didn’t even know I had.”
He wanted so badly to hug him, but ...it was going to be hard enough leaving and he didn’t really want to make it any harder than it already had to be. For either of them. He still couldn’t help but lean a little bit into the touch as Amycus squeezed his arm. “We probably will. And… if you’re sure. I’ll keep it.”
“You better not.” Regulus whispered. He could only imagine the dumb things that Amycus might try in the storm. “At least I know you won’t go trying to ride the horses or anything. Just. I’ll just need to know that you’re okay.” He took a long shaky breath before taking a very reluctant step back. “I really should get going now. Before the weather gets any worse. Just… keep me updated?”
***
“I’ve never minded you being selfish baby. Because then I’d have to mind it in myself and you know I don’t like thinking about things like that,” Amycus said, a soft teasing smile playing over his face. “I know baby. I know you didn’t mean to disappear.” He said, getting serious as he looked at him. “I wasn’t...I kept hoping you’d come back and then I gave up,” he admitted. That had become a pattern with him - he lost Regulus and just gave up.
“I’m sure. I want you to keep it.” He ran his thumb over Regulus’ arm again as he just looked at him.
“I’m not even going to go visit the stables right now to check on the other horses,” he promised. He lowered his hand to his side slowly, putting it back in his pocket to keep from reaching out to touch Regulus again. “I’ll make sure to check in after the storm passes. Let you know I’m okay. And that Bella’s okay.”