Cole closed his eyes, utter loathing at what he was about to do filling his chest and throat. He counted to five before re-opening them and gazing upon what was once a woman named Jude. Jude, who'd been a complete mystery, who'd listened as he read and given him coffee in a shack. Had she ever really liked him, or had she seen Charles every time she looked at him?
That didn't matter, he decided. Not now. She was looking more and more like a corpse by the minute, but she was still alive. Her eyes were still open and her mouth was still moving, which meant she might be aware of what was going on. And, if she was, Cole was going to make damn sure that he made the last few moments of her existence as painless as he could.
"Hey," he whispered, offering her a shaky smile as he moved the hair out of her face. It came out in clumps, but it didn't bother him. "It's Cole. I told you I'd be right back, remember? And I promised you'd be okay, and you will. Sam's going to help you, and you'll be as good as new, and--" He broke off, feeling the tears he'd fought so hard to keep back begin to slip through. "And you'll be beautiful for our wedding. I know it's bad luck to see the bride before, but we can pretend this never happened, okay?" Swallowing repeatedly, he took her in his arms and staggered to his feet. "He's going to help you," he continued, making his way to the back room. His feet felt like they weighed a ton, and each step was a huge effort. "You'll feel much better, I promise. We'll even move back in together, if you want - we just won't tell my mother." He was beginning to ramble, the words becoming choked and broken until he was hardly forming sentences any longer. Somehow he didn't even feel the tears sliding down his cheeks.
Cole hesitated outside the room, every muscle in his body repulsed by what was going to happen. He knew Sam wouldn't understand, couldn't understand that she might still be able to hear him and he didn't want her to die thinking he didn't care about her, even if it wasn't actually him she was seeing.
Very, very gently, he brought his lips to hers. The sensation that normally would have caused him to double over gagging was nothing but numbness now. His last words to her were soft, barely even spoken, but he liked to think she heard them.
"I love you, Jude."
It was then that he bit his tongue, then that he looked away and brought her inside. He refused to meet Sam's eyes, and when he spoke his voice was cold.