This was pathetic. He was pathetic. Max's eyes burned as he ran his hands over them, digging his heels into the sockets as if that would reverse everything he was feeling. His breaths were fast and ragged as he finally looked at Vlad, expression pained. It was like his entire existence had been crushed into dust. Knowing that he was a creation of a man's mind was one thing, but telling somebody else? Confiding in another that he only existed because somebody else willed him to? That was the worst feeling in the world.
It was like confronting his own very real mortality, and it was beyond the fact that he could die some day. Looking at Vlad, he truly came to grasp the possibility that Brian could learn of him and then simply will him to cease existing. If his mind truly no longer needed Max, Max would disappear. It was death with no promise of an afterlife. Contrary to what most people thought of a peerless psychopath, Max believed in God. He believed that his victims went to the afterlife, and that eventually, the rest of the world would, too.
But what of him? He had accepted that some people were without redemption. He was one of them. But what if he tried? What if he hoped and prayed and fought for his own existence? If he just had a little help, if he got one person on his side, maybe he could continue to exist.
The question of Dr. Jekyll made him cringe, straightening up as best he could. "Brian Jenkins," he said. "Brian Jenkins in 302. You talked to him once, I saw on the forum." His voice was dull and defeated, laden with despair. "When he was ten, he...saw something." Max had killed eight people and yet thinking of that rape made his guts turn into hot coals. "It...it was bad. He couldn't handle it. He tried to forget. His brain wanted him to forget. But as he grew up, he started having nightmares. Panic attacks. Finally, when he graduated college...I showed up." He looked from his shoes to Vlad, eyes threatening red. "I took on the memory. I took on all his angst and his fear and his hate. I'm his landfill." His voice was full of disgust, not for Brian, but for himself. Biting on his fist, he paused, looking away before his gaze returned to Vlad. "He doesn't know. But he heard Jekyll in France and...he doesn't know he's Jekyll, but he knows that he's hiding something. It's only a matter of time before he figures it out..."
His voice trailed into a pathetic whine as he hunched forward, cupping his face in his hands as his shoulders sagged. He stayed that way for a few moments before looking up at Vlad. "I guess what I'm trying to say is...I don't exist...but I'm afraid that I might disappear."