Cole Evans {Ichabod Crane} (blackcatsrbad) wrote in bellumlogs, @ 2010-06-29 00:22:00 |
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Entry tags: | ichabod crane |
Who: Cole {narrative}
What: Arriving at the hospital + subsequent agonizing
Where: County General Hospital
When: After this
Warnings: Angst and sad!Cole
The ambulance ride to the hospital was a blur of voices and movements, paramedics constantly pushing him out of the way to hook Ileana up to an IV or apply pressure to the gunshot wound. Cole's panic had slowly faded to a buzzing numbness, and even the feel of her limp hand in his was only faintly acknowledged. Everything had happened too fast, and instead of replaying it over and over his mind decided to just shut down and avoid it entirely. It was a sort of self-defense mechanism, to keep him from acknowledging the possibility that she might die. He couldn't even begin to comprehend trying to think about it, never mind actually allowing himself to consider it as reality.
Somehow he managed to make himself follow the gurney out when they reached the hospital, but he only got as far as the ER before a kind-faced nurse held him back. They were taking her to the ICU, she explained, and he'd have to wait until her condition was stable enough to allow visitors. She suggested he go home and get some sleep before coming back, casting a meaningful glance down at his bloodstained shirt before walking away.
Cole stood blankly for a moment, unsure of where to go before ambling off to find somewhere to sit. He didn't have any money on him, but even if he did he still wouldn't have gone back to the building. Leaving wasn't an option, so he sat down in one of the many chairs lining the walls and waited, simply staring at the doors the gurney carrying Ileana had disappeared into as if he expected her to reappear at any moment. Hours passed before the kind-faced nurse approached him again, seemingly taking pity on him and pressing a five-dollar bill into his hand. "Go and get yourself something to eat, honey. You look like hell. If anything happens while you're gone, I'll be sure to come find you." He looked up at her, momentarily confused before it seemed to click and he nodded. "Thanks." His voice sounded foreign to his own ears, and he was halfway down the hall before he turned back. "I'm Cole." It was almost like an afterthought, and the nurse smiled and nodded. "Alright, Cole. Now go make sure you don't keel over and make me admit you as a patient here too."
Once he'd eaten something - two muffins and at least five cups of coffee - he did feel slightly more alert, but the more aware of himself he became the more reality threatened to crash down on him. Hospitals weren't something he had a lot of experience with, and being here now gave him a whole new perspective. It seemed to him that everywhere he turned there was heartache and despair; too many doctors came out of doors grim-faced and left sobbing relatives or loved ones in their wake. Back from the cafeteria, Cole resumed his vigil of finding an empty chair and waiting. As hard as he tried to stay awake, his eyelids got heavier and heavier until he just couldn't keep them open any longer. He was too tired and too hopeless to bother trying to fight anymore, and finally succumbed to sleep.
Half an hour later he jerked awake with a loud yell, surprising half the other people around him and even eliciting a small scream from a woman who'd been asleep herself. For a wild moment he didn't know where he was, still caught in the hazy aftermath of his dream-- no, his nightmare, glancing around the room with frantic eyes. Once he realized where he was, his breathing began to return to normal and his grip on the chair's arms loosened. "Sorry," he muttered, burying his head in his hands to block out the world.
In the nightmare he'd been back in the hotel ballroom, a dream recreation of what had happened only hours ago... or was it more? He and Ileana were dancing, laughing; and then the gunshots started and chaos erupted like a reawakened volcano. In the dream the fatal gunshot was louder, her cry of pain slowed and dragged out like a particularly bad slow-motion scene in a movie. When she fell it wasn't the ballroom floor she hit, but rather the soft ground of an abandoned graveyard. Cole knew it all too well - it was where he and Sam had buried Jude in the dead of night, and even in sleep he felt a painful twist of nerves in his stomach. Ileana was bleeding out onto the grass, and he tried to pick her up to get her somewhere safe when a decomposed hand shot up from the ground and curled around her ankle with fierce intensity. He tried to pull her free, tried so hard but the dead hand was strong, and then the rest of it emerged from the ground and he saw that it was Jude who was trying to drag his girlfriend into the ground with her. She'd grinned, teeth blackened and bloodstained, and then suddenly Ileana's body was shriveling and decomposing and there was nothing he could do--
Cole opened his eyes, fighting back a sudden swell of nausea. Reliving the nightmare wouldn't do any good, but it refused to leave his mind. It was there, taunting him, telling him that right now Ileana was bleeding to death and the doctors wouldn't be able to save her; in a minute they'd come out, bloodstained and resigned, to tell him just that.
He barely made it to the bathroom in time, and when his half-empty stomach was done purging itself, he collapsed to the floor and curled up against the toilet, staying that way until he managed enough strength to make it back out to the waiting room.