Lotte attempted to cling to her anger - hands balling up as she moved into the kitchen, opening cabinets for supplies. But she wasn’t suited for it and helpless frustration – something Christine emphasized with – was closer to reality. He had done the wrong thing – he had lied to her ever since he met her - he had made her crazy. She shouldn’t feel like she was supposed to do something in return.
“I’m not,” she said, pulling open a cabinet and finding nothing. It slammed shut. “But I didn’t know that – I thought I was really mad, because he was talking to me instead of saying what he had to Christine.” She knew her pronouns weren’t right, but she couldn’t say it as him. It confused her too much and launched too many new thoughts – even more disturbing. “Did you – how much did you know before the first moon?”
His apology startled her – enough that she nearly turned, but stopped herself. The anger was gone by then, as her shoulders sunk. There was a familiar feeling that came and replaced the anger – guilt. She shut her eyes, tears starting again. Why was it that even though she knew she couldn’t trust him, she wanted to? It was idiocy. “I don’t want to sing,” she said, voice shaky. It was an obvious lie, even to herself. Because he had changed that. “I haven’t wanted to, since they came. Between them and my- my father, I just don’t.”