InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I'm immanentizing the eschaton"

Boyd Ainslie | Red Riding Hood (ex_sanguine300) wrote in bellumlogs,
@ 2010-05-04 16:26:00

Entry tags:

cinderella, peter pan, red riding hood

Who: Boyd and Hannah (and then Nicky)
What: Visits
Where: Hotel/Hospital
When: After Nicky gets returned to the hospital
Warnings: Pills and... IDK. Ask me later.

Boyd's room at the Four Seasons reminded her of her childhood. She'd sold the chandelier, and she'd pocketed a quarter of the money ($250,000), while sending the rest to the Family as a sign of good faith. The room cost $2,000 a night, and she'd paid for two weeks in cash.

She'd considered getting in touch with Trenton, getting something to take, but in the end it was Hannah's impending visit that kept her from it. She knew her friend had been through hard times, knew she was fragile still, and Boyd didn't want to offer her any temptation (even though she didn't yet know the particulars). And then there was Nick, who they would have to be straight and sober to see. In the end, it meant that she'd taken a long, hot bath, slipped on a comfortable smocked jumpsuit, and she'd sat at the window to wait for Hannah to arrive.

Her mind wandered to her fight with Daniel, to the full moon, to Shane, to Rose, and she looked over at the pill bottle on the nightstand, trying to see how long she could resist taking one.

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noglass_slipper
2010-05-04 09:09 pm UTC (link)

Although she'd never admit it, being Cinderella for a night had been a welcome change. She was good-natured and happy, even despite her stepmother, and Hannah knew that her story ended with a happily ever after. She had nothing to worry about, and even facing a gigantic cyclops was preferably over the usual things she had to deal with in real life. Nick was still in the hospital, Boyd probably wasn't doing any better, and the one person she'd actually been able to talk to about anything was long gone. It seemed like such a long struggle towards making things better, and part of her was afraid that she'd just end up giving up like before.

But for now, Hannah decided to take things one step at a time. She took a taxi to the hotel Boyd was staying at, the address clutched tightly in her hand. The ride was a blur, and she'd nearly started to doze off when the cab screeched to a halt and she stumbled out, shoving a wad of bills at the driver. She was wearing a gray sweater paired with dark jeans and sneakers, somewhere between her usual casual attire and something a little nicer for Nick's sake.

She found Boyd's room easily and knocked, absently pulling her hair back into a quick knot while she waited.

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ex_sanguine300
2010-05-04 09:21 pm UTC (link)

Boyd slid off the windowsill gratefully when she heard the knock. She hadn't given in, hadn't taken any pills. And so when she opened the door, she tucked a strand of long red hair behind her ear with fingers that were a little shaky from the jitters of not medicating. She took both of Hannah's hands, and she tugged her inside. "I'm so glad to see a friendly face," she told her honestly. She'd missed her friend, and she very much wanted someone to talk to right now, someone who wouldn't go and get themselves killed if Boyd was open with them.

"You have any trouble finding the place?" she asked, letting go of Hannah's hands and locking the door locks - every last one. She'd picked an expensive hotel (and the concierge floor) intentionally for all the surveillance, but she was still being as careful as she could possibly manage.

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noglass_slipper
2010-05-04 11:09 pm UTC (link)

She was just surprised enough to let herself be pulled into the room, searching Boyd's face carefully for some sign of how she was doing, and whether or not she'd had any more problems with drugs and the like. "I'm glad to see you too," she said, her concerned expression faltering and becoming a smile. "Are you okay? Why are you staying in a hotel?" She was fairly sure she had an idea as to why, but she wanted to see what Boyd would say.

Hannah shook her head, watching the locks slide into place. "Not much, no." The room was nice, she had to admit - a lot nicer than the kind of hotel rooms she remembered.

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ex_sanguine300
2010-05-05 01:51 am UTC (link)

Boyd was tired of lying, and she was tired of fighting, and she desperately wanted someone to confide in. She touched her fingers to Hannah's cheek gently, fingertips brushing over soft skin, and she moved to the bed and she crawled onto it. It was soft and plush, and she sat in the center and crossed her legs.

She held out both her arms, so Hannah could see that there weren't any fresh needle marks, and then she hugged a pillow to her chest. "It's so complicated that I don't even know where to begin," she admitted.

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noglass_slipper
2010-05-05 03:34 am UTC (link)

The lack of an answer only confirmed her fear that things were worse than she thought, and she hated the feeling of helplessness that only seemed to increase with time. Hannah watched Boyd with a tinge of sadness, moving to sit at the edge of the bed once the redhead held out her arms. She was glad that there weren't any fresh marks, but how long would that last?

She bit her lip, trying to think of a way to make it easier. "You said that you agreed to something that you couldn't go back on. Maybe you could... start with that."

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ex_sanguine300
2010-05-05 03:40 am UTC (link)

Boyd nodded, her fingers tugging on the ends of the pillowcase. "Vaughn. See, I got this money - or my family did - but it was hidden, and it belongs to the Mafia. Vaughn found it, and she told me she'd frame Rose for having it if I didn't cut off all contact with Shane and Daniel and Rose for six months. I tried that; I did. Six months, it doesn't seem long in theory, but in practice..." she sighed, and she looked up at her friend, reaching forward and tucking a strand of blonde hair behind Hannah's ear thoughtlessly. "But the problem is the Mafia thinks I'm hiding the money from them, so they're after me."

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noglass_slipper
2010-05-05 04:23 am UTC (link)

She sucked in her breath sharply at the mention of Vaughn, and she cursed herself for not doing something - even though there really wasn't anything she could have done without breaking her promise to keep quiet. Granted, her knowledge of the Mafia was very limited and came almost entirely from The Godfather, and she had no idea how realistic or unrealistic it was. She did know that they were extremely dangerous, though, and Boyd being caught up on their bad side was not good.

"Oh Boyd... I'm sorry. I had no idea." Hannah had no idea what kind of advice to give, and the only solution she could see was to somehow get the money back. "Is... Is there any way you could get it back? Or you could tell them, the Mafia, that she has it." She glanced briefly to the side at the feel of her hair being tucked behind her ear, blinking before shifting her weight forward. "There has to be something that can be done."

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ex_sanguine300
2010-05-05 04:29 am UTC (link)

Boyd smiled at that naivete, and she looked at Hannah when she shifted her weight forward. Really looked at her for the first time. She tucked another blonde strand behind the girl's ear, and she shook her head. "Vaughn looked like me when she pulled the money out, honey. There ain't no way the Family's gonna believe Vaughn can turn herself into someone else. That only happens in Bellum and institutions." She took a deep breath, and she looked out the window. "And then I went on up to the Penthouse floor cause Trenton invited me. You ever met him?" she asked, looking back at Hannah almost protectively.

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noglass_slipper
2010-05-05 04:53 am UTC (link)

"She can look like us?" Hannah had known that Vaughn could change her appearance, but to be able to actually pretend to be someone else, someone who lived in the building - it wasn't a very comforting thought. Just the thought of what kind of trouble the woman could cause made her shake her head in disbelief. "But-- why would they think that you would take it? I mean, you'd know that it would make them angry. It wouldn't make sense for you to put yourself at risk like that." She understood that the Mafia would want their money, but if they went after her, how did they even expect to get it back?

She shook her head, the name sounding familiar from various forum posts. "No. I haven't heard very good things about him on the forum though. Why would you go see him, Boyd? He didn't - doesn't - care about you."

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ex_sanguine300
2010-05-05 05:01 am UTC (link)

"It's almost 2 billion dollars, and it belonged to my parents. People would do a lot of things for that kinda money," she explained and then she nodded reluctantly. "Vaughn can look like anyone she pleases; like me, like you, like Nick. She doesn't normally, though, which is real odd. I would have thought she'd have looked like Jane ages ago and moved into R1 and got what she wanted," she said thoughtfully.

"Trenton and me, we go a ways back. Not a good ways, but I been with him once, and he gave he drugs. He invited me up, and I asked him for somethin,' and he gave me somethin' different, somethin' messed up." She hesitated, and she pulled harder at the corner of the pillowcase. "I told him no, but he didn't listen," she said quietly, hair falling into her face.

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noglass_slipper
2010-05-05 05:17 am UTC (link)

"2 billion dollars... oh." She couldn't even imagine that much money, but she could reluctantly believe that some people would do really stupid things to get their hands on it. Vaughn having it meant that it would take something big to convince her to hand it back over. "Who's Jane? And why... is Vaughn in love with the man in R1 or something?"

Hannah didn't like Trenton from the forums, and she liked him even less at the moment. "You should have reported him to the police, Boyd; if he has drugs in his apartment, then--" She stopped, the entirety of what Boyd had said finally sinking in. "You mean he... he..." She couldn't even make herself say it, her vision blurred by rising tears. "That bastard, he should be locked up for what he did." Instinctively she reached forward and hugged her, torn between empathy and anger.

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ex_sanguine300
2010-05-05 05:22 am UTC (link)

"Jane was the old Beauty, and Daniel loved her and she loved him. She's gone now, though. She moved when Daniel was in the hospital, if I remember right. Sometime 'round Christmas. And Vaughn's more obsessed than in love," she said.

The hug was unexpected. Shane wasn't naturally affectionate, and Daniel equated affection with sex, and Rosalie and Boyd didn't have a relationship that allowed for that sort of comfort. As a result, she went stiff for a moment when Hannah hugged her, and when the stiffness melted, she hugged the other girl back with a sob, fingers fisting into the back of the gray shirt Hannah was wearing when she hugged her back.

It was nothing like when Vaughn had hugged her, but it was soft and safe in a completely different way. "I went over there, Hannah, and I let him put the needle in," she said through her tears.

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noglass_slipper
2010-05-05 05:35 am UTC (link)

Hannah didn't know there had been another Beauty, and it vaguely struck her as sad that there could be another one to replace her in this Daniel man's life, but she didn't know them and it didn't seem to matter at the moment. Vaughn's obsession with the man could be used to get the money back, maybe, but wouldn't he have thought of that already?

This was the only way she knew how to help - to be there for Boyd like she'd wished someone could have been there for her, because the loneliness went hand-in-hand with hopelessness, and Hannah knew all too well how that could end. "It's not your fault," she said fiercely, her own tears long past the point of being held back. "He knew that you needed help but he chose to take advantage of you instead." She pulled back slightly, not breaking the hug, but just enough to be able to look at her. "Don't you dare blame yourself. You didn't ask for any of this to happen, okay? We'll find some way to fix it. You can't give up."

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ex_sanguine300
2010-05-05 05:40 am UTC (link)

She sniffled, and she pushed hair back from Hannah's face with gentle-soft fingers, and her voice was soft and tear-hoarse. "I'm tired, Hannah, and I don't see anyway out anymore. The light at the end of the tunnel, I just can't see it," she admitted. "I got so many people need watchin' over, and I just- I keep failin,'" she said, then she cupped her friend's cheeks softly. "You gotta tell me what happened to you, ya know, one of these days."

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noglass_slipper
2010-05-05 06:20 am UTC (link)

"I know what it feels like. I really do, but you can't... you have to keep trying. The alternative isn't better, even though you might think it feels that way." It was hard to convince Boyd of the very thing the doctors had tried to convince her years ago, mainly because it had taken her a long time to actually believe it.

She tensed at the thought of talking about what had happened with someone who wasn't her psychiatrist, but if there was anyone who would understand, it would be Boyd. Besides, she had told her everything - which meant there was trust. "I guess I just... haven't talked about it in so long." Hannah hesitated for a moment, but if she didn't do it now, it would just get harder. "When I was growing up, it was just my dad and I. We were... happy. We were really happy, and I guess I was a little naive about things, especially people. He got married when I was seventeen, to this woman named Sarah - and she seemed really nice at first. I thought... I thought she would be a great stepmom, but I was wrong. God, was I wrong."

She paused to swipe at her eyes and take a breath before continuing. "My father had a heart attack a few months after the wedding. I just... I didn't know what to do. Death was something I'd never experienced before, and I couldn't... I couldn't handle it. Sarah wasn't any help, and after that she became someone completely different. Like a monster. She kept me like a slave in my own house, and at first she would only h-hit me if I did something she didn't like, but then it... it just happened all the time. There was a belt, and knives, and sometimes she'd even use cigarettes. I--" She broke off, shaking her head. "No one listened. It just got worse and worse and I couldn't... I couldn't do it anymore." Hannah tugged at her sleeves, rolling them up past her elbows. The scars from her stepmother's abuse were still there, faded yet visible, but the scars on her wrists stood out most of all. "I wanted to die," she whispered. "And I almost did."

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ex_sanguine300
2010-05-05 04:00 pm UTC (link)

Boyd petted Hannah's hair as she spoke, but despite the soothing, affectionate gesture her anger was building with each word the other woman spoke. If she wasn't on the outs with the Family, she would have picked up the phone and ordered the woman hit. If she was alive, that was. "She still alive?" she asked Hannah then, fingers sliding through blonde silk. Boyd was fiercely loyal, despite a sweet naivete that got her in a world of trouble, and hurting someone who had hurt Hannah like that wouldn't be beyond her. "How'd you get out, sugar?" she asked, though she knew the answer; in her heart, she knew.

Her worry for her friend was enough, in that moment, to eclipse everything else entirely.

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noglass_slipper
2010-05-05 06:28 pm UTC (link)

Hannah nodded, staring at her scarred arms before wrapping them around herself almost protectively. The feel of comforting fingers sliding through her hair reminded her of her father, of a time when she was safe and loved and protected from the cruelties of the world. Life had been a warm, happy bubble back then, and nothing she did could ever bring that back. "She's in jail somewhere. Sometimes the detective assigned to my case calls and updates me, but so far she's been denied parole and isn't getting out any time soon."

She closed her eyes briefly, remembering the day as clearly as if it had just happened yesterday. "I brought a kitchen knife to school and hid in the bathroom. I knew if I tried it at home she would stop me, and I wanted... I wanted to be somewhere else. I didn't want to die in that house." Her hands curled into fists as she remembered the pain, but there was also relief. She remembered that. "The knife was jagged so I had to cut deep, and it was slow. I remember... it hurt so bad I almost couldn't finish, but at the same time it was a good kind of pain, because I knew after that there was nothing. It wouldn't hurt anymore. But someone saw the blood and the teachers called 911. They got there before I could bleed out, and I was angry. I kept begging them to just let me die, let me die because I didn't want it anymore." She swiped absently at the tears, not even realizing she'd started to cry again. "Then the police were involved, and I got sent to the institution on suicide watch and Sarah was arrested."

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ex_sanguine300
2010-05-05 06:52 pm UTC (link)

"You give me her name. I'm gonna make sure I'm at every hearing," she vowed, cupping Hannah's cheeks and looking at her friend's face. "Listen to me, Hanny," she said, her own cheeks wet with tears cried while Hannah told her story. "She was supposed to take care of you, and she hurt you instead. But she's gone now, and you're here, and you're amazin' and strong, and you've grown into the kind of woman she'll never ever be," she said, meaning thick in every word. "Your daddy, he would be so proud of what you've managed." She paused. "I'm proud of you too. Proud to be your friend," she finished softly, thumbs brushing tears off Hannah's cheeks. "You got a heart of gold, Hannah. Not many people can lay claim to that in this life."

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noglass_slipper
2010-05-05 08:06 pm UTC (link)

She started to shake her head, not wanting Boyd to be anywhere near her even if she was in prison, but relented when she saw the look in her friend's eyes. "Sarah Adams. I... guess she might have kept my dad's last name, so maybe she'd still be Sarah Silver. I don't know." She knew she should probably care more than she did, but wondering about Sarah would only keep her back.

Hannah tried to listen, tried to believe what Boyd was telling her, but it seemed like all she could ever manage was to pretend. "I'm not strong. I only pretend to be, because I can't be any other way or else I'll just end up back in the institution." The mention of her father made fresh tears well up, and she hated herself for crying. "Don't you see? I'm not half the person you are, Boyd. You're willing to put everything on your own shoulders to protect the people you care about. I don't know anyone else who would be willing to do that." She managed a watery smile. "So if you're proud to be my friend, I'm just as proud to be yours."

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ex_sanguine300
2010-05-05 08:47 pm UTC (link)

Boyd shook her head as soon as Hannah began denying her own strength. "Oh, baby. I'm terrified near all the time, and I'm only strong when people I care 'bout need me to be," she said, scooting forward and pressing her forehead to Hannah's. "You're the same way. If I needed something, if Nicky needed something, you'd be there for us. Bein' brave, it ain't about not being scared; it's about doing the right thing, even when you are scared." She smiled, despite her sniffling and her red nose and eyes. "You're gonna give me your e-mail and cellphone and all that in my cell, and I'm gonna do you the same, and whenever we're scared, we're gonna talk. You hear me?" she insisted.

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noglass_slipper
2010-05-05 11:49 pm UTC (link)

Hannah kept her gaze downward, pulling her sleeves back over her arms. Someday she might stop hiding them, but for now she wasn't ready for that kind of step. "You're right. Not being scared... it's impossible." Everyone had to be afraid at some point or another, and the ones who said otherwise were liars, probably afraid of looking weak. "You've been brave for everyone else... it's about time someone started being brave for you." Hannah looked up, resolute despite her tears. "I'll help. I don't know how yet, but I will. And we'll both have to be brave for Nick now." The thought of what he'd been through made her story seem like a walk in the park.

"I hear you," she said, laughing weakly. "Thanks... for everything."

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ex_sanguine300
2010-05-05 11:55 pm UTC (link)

Boyd did one thing before reaching back for her iPhone. She pushed Hannah's sleeves back up, and she ran gentle fingers over the marks on both arms, her fingertips trailing gently over Hannah's pale skin. The touch lingered, and she looked up at Hannah's face just once. And then she tugged the sleeves down again without saying another word.

A moment later, and her phone was in Hannah's hand, and Boyd was crawling off the bed to put on a white hoodie that was thrown over the back of the chair. "Put your stuff in there," she said, and she tied her hair in a knot at the nape of her neck, trying to make it less noticeable, and stepped into a pair of white sneakers.

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noglass_slipper
2010-05-06 01:42 am UTC (link)

She began to ask what Boyd what she was doing, but something made her stop and fall silent. She was the first person in years to see her scars, and no one - not even any of the psychiatrists - had ever touched them. Hannah didn't know what to do so she kept still, lifting her gaze to meet the other girl's with a mixture of confusion and something else.

Then the phone was in her hand and she blinked, giving her head a slight shake and adding her cell number and email. "How hard do you think it'll be to sneak in to see Nick?"

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ex_sanguine300
2010-05-06 01:51 am UTC (link)

"I think it'll be hard," Boyd said honestly, but then she smiled all mischief and trouble. "But nothin' I can't handle," she said. She walked over and took the cellphone and put it in the hoodie pocket, and then she tugged the hoodie over her head before tugging Hannah to her feet, fingers lingering in Hannah's for just a moment before she let them slip free of her grip.

She moved ahead to the door, and she opened it. "Come on, sugar. What ya waitin' on?" she asked with a playful look. She was glad Hannah had come over, she realized.

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noglass_slipper
2010-05-06 02:09 am UTC (link)

She had no idea how they would even go about sneaking into a hospital, except maybe causing some kind of distraction and slipping in while everyone was preoccupied - but didn't that kind of thing only work in movies. Boyd sounded fairly sure of herself, so she figured it couldn't hurt to trust that she knew what she was going. "If you say so." Hannah let herself be tugged to her feet, tugging absently at her sweater once her hands were free.

Tilting her head to the side, she half-smiled and followed her to the door. "Oh, I'm not waiting on anything. I'm just following your lead, since you seem to know what you're doing more than I do."