Deirdre Winters; The Snow Queen (snow_bees) wrote in bellumlogs, @ 2010-05-03 15:15:00 |
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Entry tags: | snow queen |
Who: Deirdre
What: Turning down jobs, angsting about why (Narrative)
Where: P1
When: A few days after the full moon
Warnings: Snowy, snowy angst. Beginning a downward spiral?
Deirdre cradled the phone between her ear and shoulder, typing as she did so, and only partially paying attention to the voice on the other end of the line. It was gruff, annoying, and had called her 'sweetheart' three times in the course of their conversation. She told herself that was her excuse for the next words out of her mouth. She cut him off, firmly and with no room for debate. "I'm sorry, but I'm not taking on any new clients at this time. My schedule is currently filled, though I shall keep you in mind for the future if something opens up."
A few more minutes found her hanging up the phone and returning to what was on her computer screen.
Dear Kyle,
Hey, sweetie. It's been ages since I saw you. I miss you lots now that your dad and I don't see each other anym--
She sighed and deleted the sentence, knowing that she would never send the letter anyway.
Closing the open document on her computer, she tried to think of something else to distract herself with. It didn't work, and all she could think of was how the phone call hadn't been the only prospective client she'd turned down since moving in. Well. Since the fable nonsense started in the building, if she was being honest with herself. She'd kept her previous clients, but had been horrified to find her mind wandering even on the job.
So she was giving herself a bit of a break. She knew that, even with the rent of the penthouse, she had enough money to last for quite a while without working. Doing some work from home kept paychecks coming in without her having to do site visits, but even that work was starting to trail off. It wasn't much of a surprise, considering how distracted she felt.
She pushed back from her desk, leaving her office and crossing her apartment to stand in front of the large windows. There were still puddles of icy water lingering at points on her floor, a pile or two of slush stubbornly sticking around, areas that she hadn't quite finished cleaning up. Treading through them caused the outlines of wet bare feet to be left in her path.
Standing at the windows, she looked out at the city and tried to breathe. She couldn't remember ever feeling so torn inside. So in need of something, or someone, that she was missing. A feeling in her mind called her out toward the streets to find what she was looking for. A push to go out and bring back...
She was halfway to her door before she realized what she was doing. Before she realized that there was a scattering of snowflakes swirling around her. She swallowed hard, nervous and worried, and returned to her office. She closed the door behind herself, wishing that there were more obstacles to keep her from the outside world.
Wishing that the part of her that cared was getting louder instead of softer.