[Clearly she enjoys an audience though and launches into her explanation. Even if she doesn't understand half of what she's saying.]
There's this girl named Bella and she moves to a town where vampires pretend to be humans. This guy, vampire - Edward becomes obsessed with her. And they pretend it's love. She falls in love with him and begs him to turn her and stuff. She whines a lot and he refuses because he's some abomination of sparkly pretty.