First, I can't believe that this is only your third piece of fiction. Very well written with wonderful imagery and description. Loved the pace of it, there was a really nice softness to the two of them reacting to one another.
I cannot wait to read more. *scurries off to friend your NaNo* If you need someone to beta your Nano, or any of your work, let me know. I'd love to help.
The only thing that stood out was this...
The floor vibrated the slightly - take out the second the.