Q showed his new t-shirt to John, who seemed to approve. Q gave him a bit of lettuce, then curled up in his favourite chair with the latest Stephen King that he'd gotten from the library. Just After Sunset it was called, and the way the title was printed made him dizzy. He quickly opened the book and started to read the first story, A Very Tight Place. "Eurgh!" he grimaced as he read. Only SK could think of something like this. He resolved firmly to never, ever use a portable toilet again. Q settled deeper into the chair and was preparing himself to go on. He had to do that with King sometimes. Just as he was turning the page, he realised something. His chair was vibrating?! He glanced around, checking to see that he was alone. He looked at the chair and ran a tentative hand over the arm. Oh yes! Definitely vibrating. Almost purring. He wasn't imagining things. Q could feel the shaking in his spine. The book fell to the floor and Q jumped to his feet, drawing his wand in a shaking hand. The chair looked the same as it always did. "Er, hello," he called. "Is anyone there? This isn't funny you know. I've been reading Stephen King and I'd really like this to stop. Please?" Q poked at the chair with his wand, running the same sort of tests he'd done on his shirt. There didn't seem to be any spells on the thing. He put his hand on the seat. It was still vibrating. "Finite Incantatem!" he said in a shaky voice. He touched the chair again. Still vibrating, if anything, faster than it had been before. He tried a stinging hex, just a small one, to see if the chair reacted. It didn't. "Of course it wouldn't," Q muttered to himself. "It's a chair! It isn't alive." He gazed at it. "Are you?" he asked. The chair just sat their, quivering slightly.
Real book, real story. Read it and see if you don't agree with Q about the porta-johns. Just don't say I didn't warn you!