He kisses Iago's shoulder, molds arms and hands against his shape. "Would you laugh if I told you that I used to think I was a lone wolf, just because I usually worked alone on missions? But actually I was never like Iago-san; even if I usually did all right working by myself, I never had to learn not to depend on anyone. When I thought I could be dead or alone I decided to be dead, and became neither. There's always been one person who mattered, to me, just one aside from god, and... and... Iago-san, I..." he turns his eyes into Iago's collar. "I feel so selfish, leaving you to take care of the day things, but I..."
His hands tighten, fist in Iago's shirt, his voice going small. "He set me back so far. Before that time, before you had to find me, I could be a human and a priest and a mazoku all at the same time. Now, I... I can be a killer when I think about him, even if Val-kun is so disgusted that I want to take the safe way for everyone's sake, and I can understand him, and I can be a priest to Cesare-kun, because he needs faith so badly, but I can't..." he's shaking. "I can't be a person anymore when I can't feel you, Iago-san, I'm not the right shape anymore, not to talk to people as a person, I just want to... to claw and bite and run back to you. And, and I haven't even gone to bleed at all, I said I wouldn't, but I keep thinking..."
One of his eyes is grinding into Iago's collarbone hard, now. "I keep thinking about Rezo, ne, that he survived losing everything once, but when he lost everything a second time, and had to face that bleakness again, he just..." his wrists move as though he's opening his hands, but they stay clinging. "Cracked."
He digs the bridge of his nose into Iago's skin, and tries a smile on. "And I just, all the time, I want to feel you pin me, all the time, so I know you're there and you won't let me go." His hands fist tight again, one moving fitfully across Iago's chest, grasping over his heart. "Because this person... I just wouldn't be taken from this person, not by anyone. Any other hands, I can't stand to think about it. It would be so cold. So boring. So ugly. I couldn't do it." He bites, and repeats indistinctly, "I really couldn't do it. It would be so bad."