• Bert is an alien. • Bert is a run • Bert is an orphan. • Bert is a thief. • Bert has a secret burlesque club in the basement of the apartment she shares with Nailea and Carter. You can only get in if you know the password. • Bert is a former beauty queen who ran away from home in Texas. [Partially verified - one of her classmates found a picture that looked very much like her about when she showed up in town, it was a posting for a missing/lost child. It was never verified by Bert and the name was different, it was for an "Elizabeth Mallard" but many people still wonder if it's her.] • Bert has stolen from the locker rooms. Watch your purses bitches. • Bert will fuck just about anything. • Bert is fucking both of her roommates. • Bert is fucking Konstantin Starikov.