Past and Future, chapter 13 author: callisto24 Rating: NC-17 warnings: very dark, violence disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, no money made.
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They had shared a bedroom this night. It had been easy to lead Jack there, no need to persuade him to lie down. Without a word Jack had turned on his side and curled up immediately. Chase slipped under the covers and took the other man tenderly in his arms, embracing the slim form from behind, content with the delicate feeling of skin against skin, of his hands resting on Jacks flat stomach, of his legs twining around the smaller man ‘ s ones. He breathed in the smell of his hair, relaxed in the comforting presence, in the warmth of another body. His heart filled with hope and confidence, when he drifted away into the land of dreams, providing him with images of joy and happiness, of a future life together. He didn ‘ t notice Jack carefully losing the touch and getting up, when he was sound asleep, didn ‘ t notice him locking up the bathroom from inside, leaning against the sink and staring into the mirror for minutes, while silent tears ran down his cheeks, until he pulled himself together and started to clean his skin with rough movements. Jack felt the aching need to shoot up, but instead he stepped into the shower, trying to wash away the memory and the gnawing suspicion of committing another unforgivable fault. He slid down along the wall in the cabin, when his knees gave in, sensed the water hammering against his body without being able to purge him from the thoughts which tormented him continually. The water became cold and he shivered, but still couldn ‘ t put up the energy to get up, somehow relieved the more the outsides seemed to approach the arctic temperatures holding his soul in a frozen state. He knew that his lips had turned blue, that he couldn ‘ t endure staying in here any longer, but nevertheless he wasn ‘ t able to move. At last the image of Chase finding him under the running water stream and the tumbling pictures of the efforts the boy would make to do, what he might consider as his duty, made Jack fight his paralyzation and he managed to crawl out. Trembling violently he stared on his watch and decided, that enough time had passed. Rubbing himself dry he calculated how much he could use without taking a risk. He only had to care for one thing, for keeping the drug away from Chase. When he wouldn ‘ t notice, when Jack would be able to control it, there would be no need for the young man to deal with the abuse, no temptation to talk about anything related. If Jack could keep it secret as much as possible, he would come through with it, at least for the remaining time, until... until things would change finally.
He had no idea how much time had passed, when he slipped into the inviting warmth of the bed again. Chase still slept quietly, his lips opened slightly, the sound of his breathing calm and comforting. Jack wanted to turn away from him, but he wasn ‘ t able to stop watching the soft heaving of the chest, the muscular curves of the body covered only partially by the blankets. A tender smile twitched around his mouth, when he admired the smooth skin, the delicate lines of masculine features, of the spread limbs, of the inviting neck. He closed his eyes, sensed the miraculous effect of the poison running through his veins, relaxing him, providing him with its peace, at least for a limited period of time.
Chase didn ‘ t wake up, when Jack placed a hand on the uncovered chest, just to assure himself, that the other man was alive. It rested their, when the blond sank into oblivion, found shelter in a dreamless, exhausted state.
* * * * * Morning sun hadn ‘ t yet found their way through the still deep hanging clouds, when Chase stirred. He needed a moment to remind himself, to figure out, why another hot body snuggled against his, why a strong arm laid across his chest in a demanding embrace. He waited a moment, closed his eyes again, relished the intimacy between them, listened to the short breaths escaping the delicate mouth. Jack ‘ s breathing became quicker, more intense and he started to move uncoordinately. He was mumbling something Chase couldn ‘ t understand, but the distress he was in, remained obvious. Chase found his cock tighten in empathy, as he sensed the other man ‘ s heavy masculinity pressing against his groin. Without trying to analyze Chase responded to the nearness, encircled the naked shoulders and set a rocking rhythm, turning closer with each movement. The other man ‘ s body was glowing, heat emanated from the skin and Chase suddenly realized, that its temperature was higher, than even in this situation usual. He stopped in wonder, touching carefully Jack ‘ s forehead and temple. “Jack?” He asked concerned. Blue eyes opened, lids flickered, allowed Chase to meet the clouded gaze. “Jack!” He repeated, still stroking the other man ‘ s face. “Looks like you ‘ d caught a fever.” “No, I ‘ m okay,” Jack croaked, trying to sit up at once. Chase held him down, shaking his head, slightly amused. “Don ‘ t be stupid. I ‘ ll take care of you.” “Forget it, Chase!” Jack struggled again, until he managed to get up half-way, supporting his weight with trembling arms. “No, you ‘ ll stay in here. I ‘ ll get you what you need.” Chase demanded, becoming slightly annoyed with the stubbornness of the blond. Jack stared at him without blinking and Chase swallowed uncomfortably, when the feverish sight clung on him, almost reproachfully, clearly rejecting his offers. “I ‘ m fine,” Jack mentioned again and placed his feet carefully on the ground. “I ‘ ve everything here I need... and besides... ,” he threw a look at the wall, where the clock was ticking relentlessly. “I ‘ ve an appointment this morning. No way to miss it.” “Excellent,” Chase answered harshly. “I ‘ ll give you company. CTU is, where I want to go, too.” Jack scrutinized him awkwardly. “Who talked about the office?” He asked, slowly rising from the bed, gripping the wall for support. “I ‘ m no baby, Jack. There is nothing you can hide from me... haven ‘ t recognized this yet?” Jack rolled eyes, carefully taking one step after another. He shivered from coldness, his hands and feet feeling like ice, while his face seemed to stand in flames. ‘Great’, he cursed inwardly, while waves of nausea rolled over him, when he tried to remain standing. But the dizziness increased and he lost control over the trembling of his legs and his knees finally became weak. In this moment he felt caught, held upright, supported by familiar arms. “Damnit, Chase,” he panted. “I... I don ‘ t need... .” But he couldn ‘t finish the sentence. Smokey-green eyes met his and the words died in his throat, when the sadness shining from the bottom of their dark pools, touched his frozen heart. He broke the gaze, squirming uncomfortably, when Chase refused to loosen the grip in which he held him steadily. “Kitchen... cupboard,” he pointed at last into the intended direction. “That ‘ s where I have my meds... .” “Sure.” Chase helped him on his way, finally releasing him, when Jack found support at the small counter. One hand served him to remain standing, with the other one he went through the different packages and chose the ones he needed. Chase kept his mouth shut, when he watched the amount of pills, Jack obviously intended to take. He turned his back to the older man, searching for his jeans, which he found crumpled on the floor. Entering the bathroom he held back a sigh, noticing the traces of a nightly shower. Attentively he studied the room, but besides the damp towels and cold wetness in the corners he couldn ‘ t make out anything unusual. Suddenly tired, he sat down, burying his head in his hands, waited for the sounds of the water running into the kitchen sink to vanish. * * * * *
Jack looked better, when Chase finally left the place. He had dressed in washed-out Jeans and sweatshirt, surprising Chase, who had supposed him to choose clothes appropriate for office work. Jack ‘ s eyes were still red and puffy, giving clear signs of his physical and mental exhaustion, but the feverish glance had become less evident. “Take this.” He threw a shirt into Chase ‘ s direction, who caught it easily, wondering about the similarity of their appearances. He shook off the thought, slipping into the warmth of the fabric thankfully. Jack stared out of the window, where the darkness still ruled, Obviously disappointed about the slow advance of the morning he went to the couch, sank down on it and covered his eyes with one arm. Chase hesitated a moment before he joined him. Maybe this would be the time for them to talk.
“Shall I prepare some tea?” Chase asked after a while. Jack slowly shook his head, letting his breath out with a low groan. “Let ‘ s just sit here and wait for the sun to come up. “ Chase rubbed his knees nervously and decided to jump into the cold water. “So, what ‘ s this appointment about?” Jack sighed and ignored the question, but Chase wasn ‘ t ready yet to back off. “I ‘ ve learned a lot of things during the past years. Some... there are some I’ ve been thinking about quite a lot.” Jack remained silent and motionless, clearly not in the mood for a conversation.” “I don ‘ t know what you ‘ ve heard since your return, but... but I had a hard time thinking,... presuming you ‘ re dead.... It... it... kind of freaked me out... I mean... and the circumstances... . And then, when I recognized that Tony knew... about... .” “Leave him out of this,” Jack breathed sharply. “I can ‘ t. I... he came... I mean... I called him and... .” “Yeah!” Jack finally took away the protecting arm, leaving his eyes closed. “I ‘ ve heard about it.” “I ‘ ll never forget what he has done for me.” “Can you just stop it, Chase.” Jack ‘ s voice sounded small, near breaking. “I don ‘ t want to... just don ‘ t talk about him.” Chase crossed his arms in front of his chest and paused, moving on his place, feeling unsure about his next words, though he knew, that he wouldn ‘ t be able to hold them back. Jack waited a moment, before he sighed audibly and opened his eyes, resigned to the facts of their reality. “What, Chase... what?” He sat up and bent forward, staring out of the window, where the first hints on sunrise appeared. “To make this short: Yes, we ‘ve been together... yes, we ‘ ve betrayed Michelle during this time... like before. No... we weren ‘ t proud of it... . Instead, it turned out to be one of many reasons more, why we hated our guts... . And at last... no, I’m not infected, the Chinese checked on it... repeatedly.” “I didn ‘ t meant to... .” Chase blushed. “You ‘ ve each right to ask, Chase. But that ‘ s all concerning you. Whatever else you might have in your mind... about him... keep it inside. I... I don ‘ t want to remember.” Chase fumbled on his jeans, feeling guilty for bringing up the topic. He looked at the smaller man, who still stared concentrated through the glass, although he clearly wasn ‘ t seeing anything, and noticed his already strained eyes filling with wetness quickly. Jack muffled a sob, hiding his pain-distorted features behind upcoming hands, while he leant back again. “Jack... I ‘ m sorry.” “Damnit... leave it, Chase.” “It ‘ s... there... .” Chase struggled for words. “I ‘ ve met Henderson there, too.” No response at first. “I don ‘ t care.” Jack answered finally. “You ‘ ve killed him... . I understand that.” A short sound, close to a laughter escaped the smaller man ‘ s shape. “Glad I have your approval, Chase.” “He... Henderson... talked about you... and... .” “I don ‘ t care what the bastard said.” Chase scratched his unshaved chin, feeling awkwardly relieved, that he had been able to distract Jack from his sorrow, but still doubting, that he approached an easier topic. But now, when he had started it, there would be no way back. “Said he knew you from earlier... from the past... .” “We worked together.” “Yes..., “ Chase hesitated again. “Stated, that he knew you, when you were young, nearly a kid.” Jack sighed annoyed. “My goodness, Chase! Nobody cares about these old stories.” Chase gulped audibly. “I do, for I care about you.” ‘As you know very well’ he wanted to add, but could bring himself to stop just in time, sensing how thin the ice was. After, what seemed like an unbearable long period of silence to Chase, Jack finally spoke again. “The files were closed long ago. Just... only Tony knew, and the only reason was, that he found out himself. Curiosity and thoroughness made him an enemy, who shouldn ‘ t be underestimated.” He rested in his own thoughts for a moment. “ I... I never told anyone else.” “Then tell me!” Jack lowered his hands, crossed his fingers in his lap, an expression, nearly a grim smile moved across his face. “You really are a pain in the ass, Edmunds. Can ‘ t believe you really want to make me talk about this bullshit. Nevertheless... it doesn ‘ t matter anymore.” He shook his head. “So what do you wanna know?” Chase moved his fingers, flexed his muscles. The words refused to come. “If you feel uncomfortable with... ,” he finally whispered. “Yes, I do.” Jack turned to throw a glance to the clock. “And I will go soon. Maybe you ‘ re lucky and a handsome guy is showing up again, providing you with breakfast,... for I won ‘ t.” Chase glanced at him trying to convince himself, that the older man might show just a fraction of possible jealousy, but the face had closed up again, revealed nothing, when Jack searched his pockets and finally found cigarettes and a lighter, pulling one out of the package with his lips before he offered it to Chase. The younger man shook his head and cleared his throat, feeling drained, licked his dry lips in order to become able to respond. He watched Jack releasing the smoke in large blue circles, clearly aware, that the other man was avoiding his gaze. He waited, still asked himself what he should do. Chase was tempted to end the conversation here, part of him refused to hear more, wanted to retreat immediately, to respect Jack ‘ s obvious wish to be left alone, and to leave the whole mess behind, once and forever.
“You have to know, that you can tell me everything.” “Bullshit, Chase. Don ‘ t lie to me. There are questions and you want the answers, nothing to feel ashamed of.” Jack lit another cigarette. When Chase still wasn ‘ t responding, he rised up, obviously a little bit too quick, because he staggered slightly. Before Chase could react, he found his balance again. “It ‘ s okay,” he coughed weakly, turning away and heading for the kitchen, where he let the cigarette drop into the sink. Taking the uncleaned cup from the former night, he didn ‘ t try to hide what he intended to fill it with. Chase flinched with the sight. “You shouldn ‘ t mix this with your medicines!” He bit his lips, but the words already had slipped out. Nevertheless Jack ignored them. Instead an answer he took a big gulp, facing the naked wall, before he returned to his place on the couch, carrying the cup with him. The sharp smell of alcohol reached Chase ‘ s nose and he felt close throwing up. Jack sat down again, drank silently in long swallows, without any interruption. Chase simply stared at him, couldn ‘ t refuse to watch his actions, at the same time filled with revulsion and fascination. “Well,” he mentioned dryly. “If you decide to blow away your brain willingly, then at least you can tell me why.” “Why?” Jack almost chuckled, quite to Chase’s astonishment. “Why not?” He regarded the other man scrutinizing, with strange amusement spreading over his features. “Honestly, I ‘ m impressed, that you don ‘ t feel the need to.” He shook his head in disbelief. “But you ‘ ve always been stronger.” “Bullshit,” Chase stated. “I ‘ m not... .” But the words died in his throat with the gaze he received from the blond. Jack sighed, an unintentionally contemptuous sound escaped him, when he adressed the wall again, before he spoke unexpectedly. “I know, that Connors raped you... and what else he had done to you.” He rotated the cup in his hands, before he went on huskily. “You should know, that I ‘ ll make him pay for it. I ‘ll find him and he will suffer.” Still fumbling with his drink, he turned back to the younger man. “Believe me, this will happen soon.” Chase swallowed, embarrassed and confused, unable to respond to the prophecy, which shocked him as well as it created a kind of comfort, soothing the sudden pain the few words had caused by awakening memories, assumed dead and forgotten. “Wanna know why, Chase?” Jack expected no answer to his question. “Because I know how it feels, because it happened to me, because I never had been able to get free of fear, free of them as long as I knew these bastards alive.” “But... .” “I killed them, no matter how long I had to wait, but in the end I killed them all.” “Did it help?” “What do you think?” Jack ‘s gaze flickered. “Instead of the fear, the ghosts of murdered men are haunting me now.” “Like Ramon.” Jack ‘ s eyes closed for an instant. “And what is about Henderson?” Silence spread, while Chase tried to concentrate on the topic, though he wished he could run from it. “Different.” Jack answered hoarsely, before he took another gulp, got up to fill his cup again. “I... I adored him. He showed me how it could be, that there can exist something besides violence and humiliation between two men.” His voice lowered. “He taught me... .” “You were a kid.” Jack snorted. “Not in this time. I was ‘ t even young anymore. Maybe in years but certainly not in experiences.” He emptied his cup quickly. “Probably Christopher had saved me from worse, when he took me with him... . He had watched me, had seen what I did for a living, the things I ‘ d been capable of... and when... later... he changed my background, deleted the truth and made me a soldier for his cause.” “But he... I don ‘ t understand.” Chase hesitated. “Then you loved him?” Jack shrugged. “I thought I did. He had saved me from the choice to return to common abuse or to sell my body in order to get something to eat or a place to sleep. I ‘ ve been young and obviously willing enough to keep his interest for a while. He payed the bills and demanded nothing else than giving him what he wanted... or deserved.” Jack stared coldly at Chase, his gaze made the younger man shiver. “And I was happy to give, to fulfil his needs.” Jack stood up again, considering. “He had never raped me, others did. But this time I would have done everything for him. Even though I killed him and I would do it again. I had done things before, things I felt guilty about, but it has been him, who had made me a murderer. And no matter how many good reasons you may find, there will never exist an excuse for intentional killing.” He put his cup on the table. “That ‘ s why I ‘ ll kill Connors. That ‘s why you will stay away!” Jack reached for his jacket, searching his pockets for the keys. “I ‘ ll deal with him as far as possible. Maybe you ‘ ll be free of this one day, maybe not. But I won ‘ t accept you heading for damnation like I do.” The door closed behind him, and Chase remained in his place, frozen. He felt the urge to curse him, to scream at Jack. Instead he forced himself to stand up, to reach for the single cup and fill it again with the copper fluid. There were many ways leading into purgatory and Jack wouldn ‘ t be able to prevent him from finding his own. * * * * *
“Damnit!” Jack cursed, before the coughing shook him. His head throbbed and while falling to the ground by passing out he had injured his knee and his side. Groaning he rolled on his back and blinked against the light. It wasn ‘ t much brighter, than he remembered, so he couldn ‘ t have been unconscious for longer than a few minutes. Fortunately there weren ‘ t many people on the streets this early and he had managed to stumble into a darker corner, though he wasn ‘ t sure, if his movements had been intentional. White pain flashed through his brain in the moment he stood up and he suppressed another groan, when dizziness swept over him. He bent forward and tried to breathe calmly, while he wiped the dirt from his jeans, in order to create a more decent impression to accidental watchers. Blood oozed through the hole, where the fabric had been ripped open, left a dark stain, the sight and smell of it enough to make him sick again. He twisted his head, but immediately regretted the action, for sudden nausea was added to the former dizziness. “Son of a bitch,” he hissed, directing his anger on Chase in lack of another subject, he could make responsible for his state. The combination of different poisons running through his blood took its toll. Instead of flying high Jacks body started to revolt, refused to follow his orders or in the best case annoyed him with permanent pain. He pressed his lips together and staggered forward, careful to stay in reach of the housewalls next to him. No time for self-pity. Maybe this day would bring a change. * * * * *
Morris stared at him in shock, when Jack slowly approached his desk. “You look awful, man”, he stated. “And...”, he breathed in audibly. “You smell like a barrel of whiskey, buddy!” Jack responded coldly to the gaze. “Part of my cover”, he mumbled, while he headed for the changing rooms. “What cover?” Morris wondered, but decided to drop the thought. Who cares? Secrets remain secrets and probably Bill would tell him sooner, than he would like to know. He could wait until the whole shit would make sense finally. * * * * *
Connors smiled and pushed some buttons to receive a sharper picture on his screen. It might be crazy to take the risk, but he hated it to leave things unfinished. And to finish this issue would be worth each effort. * * * * *
Jack made sure, that his drugs still were on the same place, he had fixed them. He still hadn ‘ t thought about bringing some clothes here, certainly hadn ‘ t intended to make this job a longtime commitment again, though the kit, hidden behind the dusty files named ‘Almeida’ proved the opposite. He felt the need to wash his face, used cold water to numb his skin. Trembling he cleaned his wound and swallowed a remedy meant to soothe the turmoil in his stomach. As a result he broke down, reached the toilet just in time to vomit violently. He knelt on the floor, feeling the spasms shaking his body. At least he felt better, when his insides calmed down. Still early in the morning, he seemed to be all alone in this part of the building, and so he decided to stay, where he was, leaning against the cold porcelain, finding mysterious comfort in the conviction, that he couldn ‘ t sink much lower. And though he knew, that he was the only living, breathing being in between this walls, he sensed the sardonic eyes resting on him, heard the mocking laughter approaching, coming closer each second. * * * * *
“Secretary Heller is on his way?” Bill asked astonished. “That ‘ s not what I said”, Chloe snapped. “His privat jet will arrive here soon, but he won ‘ t be in it. His assistant will deliver some informations, but the whole thing is supposed to remain secret. I only noticed, because the pilot checked the flight plan with L.A. Tower.” “Can ‘ t believe that”, Bill ranted. “Like it would demand too much to share some simple informations. Morris! You ‘ ve heard about this?” “Still checking up the files for Jack. Thought this should be my priority.” “Right.” Bill calmed down. “Where is he?” Morris shrugged. “I ‘ m sure he ‘ ll show up each minute” , he answered vaguely. “He better does.” Bill turned. “You contact Secretary Heller. I want to know what ‘ s going on.” “Sure. No problem, boss.” Morris grinned at Chloe who ignored him, returning to her work. * * * * *
“Jack! You ‘ re okay?” Bill regarded the agent entering the office half an hour later sceptically, who answered with a determined nod. “Alright. Morris already had found some facts, that might be useful. I need you to take a look. Above all, you remember Theo Stoller?” “Sure?” Jack asked in response. “He ‘ s working for us now, in fact he represents the connection between Washington and BND under the command of former Secretary of Defense Heller. I ‘ m telling you, because you should be prepared in case you’ ll have to search the contact. Looks like the BND would be our best shot on finding our man.” Jack changed a look with Morris, who rolled his eyes. “I ‘ m already informed, Bill. Stoller is a professional, there won ‘ t be a problem.” * * * * *
“Anything new?” Jack asked Morris, after Bill had left them for a meeting. “I ‘ m not sure. There are some weird messages arriving.I ‘ ve just decoded this one. It states, what we already had assumed. Give me time for more!” “Great!” Jack mocked and turned to his place, sat down and ran his fingers through his hair. Physical exhaustion matched with upcoming anger. He was done wasting his time in here. Annoyed he threw a glance on his watch, standing up again. “I ‘ m going,” he told Morris, while he passed by. “Reach me on cell phone, if there is a change.” “Jack,” Morris mentioned. “We can only guess yet, if the informations from Washington are useful for us. The only thing we know for sure is, that we aren ‘ t supposed to know about them.” “That ‘ s enough for me in this situation. We have limited options. Right now our most promising trace will land soon, and I ‘ m kind of convinced, that the turning point will show up with the plane. We can ‘ t afford to lose this possibility.” “What if Stoller can ‘ t help?” Jack shrugged. “Then you ‘ ll have to find another way to localize Connors. We know, that he has contacts and it should be a question of time to discover the holes, they are hiding in.” “Bill had been pretty clear, he won ‘ t be happy, when you ‘ re leaving. “My problem! If he asks, tell him, I follow a hint. That ‘ s no lie and maybe tonight we ‘ve got some answers.” “Ok.” Morris watched him, unspoken questions lying in his eyes. “I ‘ ll send you what I ‘ ll get into your car.” Jack nodded and went for his equipment, when Chloe called him back. Without further delay she came to the point. “When Chase drops by, what shall I tell him?” Jack flinched, avoided to look at her, who studied his appearance with raised eyebrows. “He already knows, that I ‘ m not spending the day in here. So he won ‘ t ask for me. Anything else?” “Would there be something?” Chloe stepped closer, staring into his face until he answered her gaze. “Right,” she said finally, accepting silence as an answer, recognizing her inability to change what she had discovered in his features. “Then leave, Jack, and do what you want to do.” “I will”, Jack whispered, wondering how much she would be able to presume. He turned away abruptly, glad to escape the office and noticed how sudden relief captured him and how it increased the further he moved away from the building. * * * * *
“And nobody knows where he is gone,. Whom he will meet?” “Calm down, Chase! It ‘ s Jack. He knows what he ‘ s doing.” “You have no idea”, the younger man barked hoarsely, receiving an angry gaze from the head of CTU. “I can tell you, that I ‘ m not accepting Jack ‘ s behaviour as well, but his instructions are clear and probably he ‘ ll come up with an explanation sooner than we are expecting.”
“Chase... I wasn ‘ t sure, if you would come in today.” In response Chase looked down on his feet, leaning on a nearby desk for support, when Chloe rushed nearer. “You ‘ ll handle this?” Bill ‘ s words demanded sudden obedience, his shoulders were pulled up in undoubted tension, when he left the pair. “What ‘ s the matter, Chase? What are you doing?” “Thought I was supposed to come here.” “Not when you ‘ re like that...”, Chloe snapped. “What the hell are you thinking?” “Nothing!” Chase touched her arm assuringly. “Just worried... looking for... I know it ‘ s stupid.” “You can tell!” Chloe shook her head. “Shall I call someone for you? I can ‘ t let you go out alone like that.” “Like what? I ‘ m fine, even more, if you don ‘ t need me here.” With that he turned to leave. “Chase!” Chloe came behind him. “You can ‘ t drive... I ‘ ll call Andrew.” “What the fuck?” Chase startled. “Keep your nose out of my business. I can ‘ t believe... what do you think... .” He stopped suddenly, when his words, spoken loud and angrily, gained attention. “Forget it,” he added, regaining control. “I ‘ ve enough of this shit!” “Oh dear! What ‘ s the matter with these guys today?” Morris approached them quickly, trying to offer some protection. “Leave it. I ‘ ll handle this.” “Are you sure, Chloe? Seems like you could use some help.” The woman considered his words for a moment. “Maybe you could arrange a cab for Chase, while I ‘ ll search for Jack.” “Very well. But about Jack we should talk in private, sweetheart.” “Shut up!”
Morris grinned and pushed Chase to the exit. “You know something”, the younger man stated, shaking the arm, directing him, off. “Lots of things. I ‘ ll tell you, in case you will be able to understand. But at first you ‘ ll return into your nice, comfortable apartment and wait for Jack, who will arrive soon with amounts of good news.” “Where is he?” “He ‘ s fine, kid, and so will you be, when you are listening to me.” Morris handed Chase to one of the guards, cursing his fate, which forces him to explain things he couldn ‘ t understand himself, to the woman he loved.
Chase couldn ‘ t remember how he had come back at last. He stood in the middle of the room with nothing to focus on but the empty bottle. With a furious cry he grabbed it and threw it against the wall, strangely content with the sight of breakening glass tumbling down, emanating an ugly crashing sound, still ringing in his ears, when he tiredly gave in and sank into unconsciousness. * * * * *
Jack had been fallen asleep, when a sudden noise waked him. “Bauer,” he answered the phone. “Goddamn, Jack - where have you been?” “What is it, Morris?” he croaked annoyed. “The plane is coming down. Are you prepared?” “Sure. I ‘ ll call you back.” Jack rubbed his face, trying to become clear again. He pushed the rubber and the used needle with his foot out of sight. If necessary, he would deal with the trash later, but just now more important things might happen. He froze and the fever made itself noticeable again. Giddiness caused his head to swim and he cursed Chase once more, though he was aware of it making no sense at all. Chase hadn ‘ t forced him to take cold showers and to freeze until his temperature had reached dangerous lownesses, just because he couldn ‘ t resist to make himself feel worse. With a sigh he closed his eyes and listened to the sounds of engines approaching. The private airport left not many possibilities to land, and soon he had figured out, where the plane would settle down. Jack started the car and drove as close as he dared to, before he stopped and got out of the vehicle. Leaning against it, he waited patiently, trying to ignore his nausea. He knew how close he was to overdose, the temptation grew bigger each day. Instead he used as little as possible, endeavouring desperately to function as long as he would be able to. But he could tell, that he wouldn ‘ t be able to pull himself together much longer, not if he can ‘ t discover a proper reason soon. The need constantly pierced him, hurt him, increased his anger and frustration, and what he allowed himself to take, wasn ‘ t enough to save him from the pain, though there might be no doubt, that it was mostly the pain his mind caused, which tortured him.
The plane landed elegantly and Jack took a deep breath and moved closer. Two slim figures stepped out and went down the stairway. One of them raised his hand to protect his sight from the light of the late afternoon sun. He said something to his companion and went directly to Jack. “Agent Bauer. Can ‘ t believe, that you are here for a welcome.” “I ‘ m not, Agent Stoller. I ‘ m here for informations.” “And who says, that I can or want to provide you with them.” “No games, Theo. You don ‘ t trust me and you certainly have no reason to. But you are informed about what I want, CTU needs to know what you can offer. We won ‘ t move behind your back, we only want to destroy the organization.” “I have nothing to offer you.” “Bullshit. I know how Heller is working. Besides our people followed the email traces. There are connections, you can ‘ t deny.” “You see this guy?” Stoller pointed to the man who arrived with him. “Heller ‘ s assistant. He ‘s here to clear some business stuff, the public shouldn ‘ t learn about. That ‘ s all I have to say.” Stoller made a move in order to turn away, but Jack grabbed his arm. “I came out here, because I respect Heller ‘ s intention to keep his intervention secret, but I need you to help me. There are existing more hints than one, and you are behaving definitely suspicious, if you refuse to cooperate.” “You won ‘ t dare to arrest me. Besides... I won ‘ t allow it.” He nodded sideways, where Jack noticed two cars coming nearer. Stoller glanced on his watch. “Take the limousine”, he shouted to the other man, who wasn ‘ t hesitating. “And hurry up. You know our time is limited.” The second car stopped and two heavy armed men left it. “What the...” “We just want no complications here.” From the corners of his eyes Jack noticed a shadow stepping in front of the entrance above, followed by two others positioning themselves. “You have guards with you? Holy shit!” He stared back at Stoller, who pulled a blinking Walkie Talkie from his belt. “There still is someone in this plane.” Jack stared at the engine, suppressed a visible trembling. “Enough.” The metal voice snarked. “Bring him in.” “You heard it Jack. You ‘ re needed inside.” “What about Heller?” “He has friends and he shares.” Jack shook Stoller ‘s guiding hands off, climbing the stairs without further hesitation. He stopped in front of the guards, who denied entrance, but weren ‘ t threatening him. “It ‘ s okay. The boss wants to see Bauer.” Jack gave him a short glimpse and felt his insides freeze. The tension faded away, what remained left, was the familiar numbness, the ability to part his feelings from the duties he has to fulfil. He passed the guards without looking at them, ducked down to enter the interiour. His gaze wandered through the plane until it finally rested on the man sitting comfortably in the background flanked by two body guards. Connors grinned brightly. “Glad to see you again, Jack. It has been about time.” “You know what I ‘ m here for.” “Oh Jack!” Connors made a clicking noise with his tongue, shaking his head contemptuously. “You won ‘ t kill me today.” “I probably will never be able to come closer to you than now.” The dark haired man smiled devilishly. “And I expect no letter of thanks from you.” “So... you wanted me to come?” Jack struggled to maintain his inner distance. “I wanted and I expected you to look for me. Besides, you hadn ‘ t kept your search for my person as a secret. But maybe it comforts you, that I hadn ‘ t let you out of my sight as well.” Contently Connors leant back. “It ‘ s nice to see our wishes come true.” “Yes it is!” Jack breathed and quickly pulled his gun out of the folder, taking two steps into the other mans direction, aiming at him. “I want to see you die,” he hissed, feeling the blood rushing through his veins, increasing his heartbeat, driving each rational thought out of his mind. “And you know as well as I do, that you have no chance.” “Who tells you that I care,” Jack whispered, allowing the hate to overtake control. Connors smirked again, clearly enjoying the adventure. His guards stood ready to take action, but he gave them no sign. He just regarded Jack ‘ s thin shape, shaking from barely controlled fury, the disgust in his face and the hollow desperation in his eyes, proving to him, that he was safe. The terrorist crossed his arms in front of his chest. “You care, my friend. Maybe not for you, but a small part of you, which isn ‘ t yet destroyed by the drugs you ‘ re consuming in order to escape your sad existence. Maybe you are not ready to admit it, but you do care for your cute little loverboy who can ‘ t break away from you.” He emitted a short laughter. “That ‘ s why you won ‘ t dare to shoot me. You know very well, that I have placed men around your apartment, who are watching each step Chase makes. What instructions do you think they have in case of a violent attack against their leader.” His grin grew even wider. “Pardon me, but I suppose you don ‘ t want to know.” Jack lowered his gun. “You ‘ re right”, he whispered. “I won ‘ t do it.” “Like I said, you do care and I appreciate this very much. Makes sure, that I will enjoy to watch your struggle.”
“What do you want,” Jack hissed, his fingers still closed around the weapon, knuckles turning white by the pressure he put on it. “That ‘ s quite easy. I have a deal for you.” “What are you talking about?” Connors shook his head impatiently. “Don ‘ t pretend to be stupid, Jack. We are not concentrating on less than fundamental questions.” He grinned scornfully. “Nothing else than the old issues of life and death.” “So you want me dead.” “I won ‘ t deny it.” “Then, why don ‘ t you kill me and bring it to an end?” “And do you a favor?” Connors snorted. “I ‘ m better than that. And I won ‘ t take the risk to have some obsessed feds on my feet, ...one had been enough.” He laughed. “No, Jack, it ‘ s time for me to be left alone, to be allowed to run my business in peace.” His smirk became mocking. “I said, I would offer you a deal. It ‘ s a good one. You won ‘ t be able to complain. And as far as I see it, it ‘ s pretty fair, too.” “I ‘ m waiting.” Jack gripped his gun even tighter, pushing his emotions back with effort. “I ‘ ll offer you a life for a life.” “Don ‘ t understand.” The dark-haired rolled his eyes annoyed. “Oh Jack. Maybe you might understand that I have each reason to want you and your little boyfriend buried at least six feet under. Usually I ‘ m not tolerating people, who are bothering me repeatedly. But as the nice person I am, I decided to let one of you live. Count it as a fair exchange. We ‘ ll be finished dealing with each other, two people will remain alive, going their ways into separate directions from then on.” Jack stared at him in confusion. “I still don ‘ t get it. You expect me to take part in one of your sick games?” Connors giggled. “I ‘ m pretty sure, you will take part. In fact you have no choice.” “Enough with this nonsense!” Jack shivered in anger. His gun moved up again, and he came close to give up control, longing for the sight of Connors blood spreading on the clean inside of this jet, wishing to hear his last breath, when he would beg for his life. The terrorist felt the increasing lack of self-control in the agent, and his eyes shone in pure amusement, while he enjoyed the rushing of adrenalin through his body. “Oh Jack” , he uttered in playful compassion. “Can ‘ t you imagine, that I ‘ ve secured your cooperation. It ‘ s not only about you and Edmunds. I guess, I did a good job to involve everyone you ‘ d ever cared about, even if only a little bit.” Connors watched the smaller man contently. “Let me explain this easily. I will leave this country without paying further attention to it, if you provide me with a nice goodbye show, resulting in the death of your pretty partner. In return, I ‘ ll pull back a few of my orders, I would have to put into reality, if you are not willing to take part.” Jack nearly laughed, his anger shoved aside by wonder. “You ‘ re completely nuts,” he muttered. “What makes you think, I would agree.” Connors bent forward. “What will happen if you don ‘ t... that ‘ s what makes me sure. So put your weapon down, or do you prefer to learn how my people will take care of your nice daughter.” “You... !” “They are standing in line, I can assure you this. Nothing ‘ s better than a young blond chick.” “You bastard!” Connors smiled again. “If you won ‘ t take part, my people will have lots of fun. Digging in your past made them found a victim for each possible taste, and as well as I don ‘ t care about nationalities or convictions, I have certainly no problem with sexual preferences. So some interested co-workers of mine are already around a happy little lesbian household in Washington. And believe me, they are not watching the women... at least, they are not their primary interest. So tell me, if you still think, you had a choice.” “You won ‘ t get away with this.” “We ‘ ll see.” Connors features turned serious. “To show you my good will, I ‘ ll give you time to think about it. Your answer is expected tonight.” “I won ‘ t kill Chase.” “Then he has to kill you.” Connors answered. “And thinking about the immense crush the boy has on you, I won ‘ t rely on him having the guts.” “You want one of us dead!” “Yes... but don ‘ t start to be too happy. I won ‘ t accept suicide. This is not an option!” “Why? You would have, what you demanded.” Connors leant back again, a devilish expression returning into his face. “You still don ‘ t get it. It ‘ s the entertainment I crave for. I want to see what you make out of this. Besides... it wouldn ‘ t be difficult for you to kill yourself and probably I still would have to handle with your boy. No, you are dead and he is guilty, or he is dead and you step back.” “Never... you must be crazy to think... .” “Don ‘ t rush it, Jack. I ‘ ll help you to get the picture. Agree to the deal and there will be three people involved: you, me and your lover, two of us coming out alive. If you don ‘ t, the problem will concern you boy, your families, as well as what remained of your collegues.” “What is that supposed to mean?” “That means, that my CTU moles will blow up the whole thing and make sure, that nobody will survive. And that ‘ s only concerning this town...” “You don ‘ t expect me to believe this.” “Take your time, Jack. But don ‘ t forget... I ‘ m watching you. One slight sign, that you try to run or make an attempt to give away something and I ‘ ll use the advantages inner security are providing us with and blow away CTU, kill your cute daughter and make your boyfriend wish he was dead. Just for a start.” “I won ‘ t play your cards.” Jack trembled, unable to accept the madness of the situation. He started to consider the whole mess as an evil nightmare from which he would awake each moment. Cold sweat ran down his back and his insides turned violently, as if a big fist would squeeze his guts. “You think you can run, Jack?... You can ‘ t.” Connors studied the pale face losing what has been remained of its colour. He nodded to his men. “Bring him outside. I don ‘ t want to watch this junkie throwing up in here.” He ran his hand through the silken hair. “You think about it, Jack. You will be called tonight. Make sure you ‘ re at home. Otherwise... you know... otherwise the game will begin.” The last thing Jack saw were these merciless eyes, glistening in pure joyfulness, boring into his own, before the blow hit him from behind. He didn ‘ t noticed being carried away, being dropped beside the car, didn ‘ t notice the cars returning and leaving again. He wasn ‘ t even stirring, when the plane started, filled the air with unbearable noise, vanished, leaving nothing than a gust of wind, which faded away quickly. * * * * *
The sound wasn ‘ t leaving him. Even when he had come on his feet, fought his way through the mist surrounding him though he knew that it only existed in his mind, the deep roaring stayed. He had touched his forehead, found the wound caused by his fall to the stoney ground, ignored it and entered the car, he immediately forced to took up speed. Connors eyes still bored painfully into his brain and he suppressed the gag reflex the memory of his words was causing. He could remember their contents in amazing brightness, seeming more real than the environment around him, which appeared ready to be devoured by the growing darkness sent in expectation by the sinking night. He had to think straight, had to think clear, to find a solution... fast. But there was no one... no help... no way out... no rescue for him. He only could try to minimize the damage. Heller, Stoller... who else? He wouldn ‘ t try to fool himself... nearly everyone at CTU could be a traitor. Jack had been away for too long, it would be ridiculous to trust any of them. Coughing shook him, extended his feelings of sickness. He never had suspected Nina, he had no idea of Bill ‘ s or Chloe ‘ s private life... and he hadn ‘ t seen Chase for years. What did he really know in spite of the fact, that he ‘ d become the playtoy for a major criminal. He wasn ‘ t aware of the tears running down his face while he drove along the highway. Would make no sense to try anything, to fight anymore... he wouldn ‘ t be able to bring up the strength, couldn ‘ t find a reason. * * * * *
Chase woke up feeling like shit. For a moment he wondered if he had caught the fever from Jack, but decided quickly to make his drinking responsible. With a curse on his dried lips he staggered to the sink and used the faucet to quench his thirst. Wiping his mouth he took a good look at his surroundings, angry about himself and the mess he had created, angry about Jack and his everlasting stubbornness. He refused to ask himself what might have caused his anger, satisfied with the way it made him feel better. More drinking should be a possibility and he was tempted to open another bottle. He stopped within the movement, realizing, that this wouldn ‘ t be the way he intended to walk. In addition he started to add an unclear worry to his confusing emotions. The feeling was weird, but he couldn ‘ t get rid of it. Chase remembered the past day, waiting in this room for hours, growing fear taking possession of him. He had to find Jack, had to tell him... . Discouraged he shook his head. There was nothing he could tell him, nothing he could expect to receive. And the strange sense of upcoming horror made him shudder, made him search inside desperately for the upcoming wrath, providing him with the ability to face whatever he would have to learn this night. * * * * *
Jack closed the door behind him and took a moment to adjust himself to the change of situation. The prospect to stay enclosed for hours in this variant of a prison cell scared him to the bones, though he couldn ‘ t figure out why. Chase was here, he had sensed his presence before he ‘ d entered the building. Part of him was relieved, at least he wouldn ‘ t have to search for him. But another part couldn ‘ t stand the thought of being confronted with the man again, left out the fear that Chase would be able to find out what kind of decision he would have to make. He waited, leant against the locked door, wondering if Chase would make himself noticeable though he irrationally hoped he wouldn ‘ t, only to gain a few more moments of silence. At first it seemed like his wish would come true, no sign of life reached his senses. But the lack of any sound wasn ‘ t fooling him. Jack knew that Chase had heard him coming, that the young man rested hidden in the darkness, ready to confront him again with terrors of past and future he longed to avoid as long as possible. Squirming restlessly, when he sensed the inevitable confrontation approaching, he finally decided to turn around and lock the door properly. Not that it would make much sense, but just in order to stick to the usual behaviour. He left the key in place and stood motionless, feeling the air vibrating, transferring waves of sensual as well as of irritating impatient and furious moods. Jack saw the younger man coming nearer, though he had turned his back to the interiour of the apartment, still staring at the key in his hands, saw the lean shape closing their distance quietly, not causing a single sound, no breath audible, no step noticeable. The picture was clear in his mind and he didn ‘ t wince in surprise, when cold hands touched his shoulders, began slowly to massage the tense muscles. “Where have you been?” Chases voice held a seducing subtone, though the accusation in his words took the lead. “I ‘ ve been worried.” “Don ‘ t be!” Jack became aware of his position, of the caresses he allowed again in opposition to his conscious will. Resolutely he pulled away, taking some steps forward, switching the light on with determination. It was already dark outside and he blinked against the brightness, before he turned back to Chase. “What happened?” The younger man stared at him and he remembered the impression he must give. “Nothing. I stumbled.” Jack tried to concentrate on the question if and where he could have placed a first aid kit, but soon gave up the idea, heading for the bathroom, where he started to clean the injury in his face. He looked down his jeans and opened his belt in order to change clothes, when his gaze fell into the mirror, reflecting the sight of Chase watching him.” “What is it?” He asked with a sigh, getting confused by the vibes surrounding him again. “You stumbled.” Chase stated. “You stumbled and fell.” He rubbed his forehead. “I guess it makes sense. You ‘ re not in the condition to keep yourself out of trouble.” Their eyes met again in the mirror. “So...?”, Jack asked, feeling annoyance grow. He didn ‘ t need another sermon. Not him. Not now. “I think it ‘ s understandable that I ‘ m worried about you.” Jack sensed the anger in the younger man, but was far away from regarding it as reasonable. “What do you expect me to do about this,” he asked, rolling his eyes inwardly. Chase shrugged. “There are many possibilities”, he emitted at last. “I want to help... I want to be your partner. I want to be involved in what you are doing.” “You will be involved,” Jack sighed surrendering. “It ‘ s... there... .” He stopped considering, hesitating to offer more. “That ‘ s what I mean”, Chase replied eagerly. “Nothing but hints, nothing but faint remarks leading nowhere. You left me this morning with nothing, expecting me to cope with your story, to be satisfied with the few pieces you had thrown at me.” He ran his fingers through his dark, curly hair. “But I want more. I want to know... .” “I ‘ m sorry, Chase.” Jack finally turned to him, looking him up and down scrutinizing, before he emanated another sigh. “Give me one day and you ‘ ll know it all.” “No.” Chase shook his head. “I won ‘ t endure another day like this.” He stepped closer, until only inches parted them. “I want you... and I mean all of you. No secrets, no dealing with your mess on your own. You deserve better and I deserve better. Accept my help, accept me in your life, and when it won ‘ t work, I ‘ ll step back. But right now I feel that you need me.” “Whatever.” Jack folded his arms across his chest and stared down to the floor. “Let ‘ s just get over the night. I... I ‘ m expecting a call, and... and it might be important.” Chase froze. “Don ‘ t treat me like that,” he mentioned. “No one has a clue about what you ‘ re doing the whole day. Is it CTU business, are you acting alone or are you figuring out which dealer can be relied on, who will provide you with the possibility to fly high without having to return.” “It ‘ s nothing like that.” Jack stayed calm, though he felt his self-control slowly slipping away. “It ‘ s ...it ‘ s only not the night for conversation. You will have to trust me.” “Trust you?” Chase breathed heavily. “You demand me to trust you?” The blood started to boil in his veins and anger hit him like a silver flash. Before he could stop himself Chase shoved the other man backwards, catching him by surprise. He pushed against the shoulders he had caressed earlier, causing Jack to stagger, almost to lose balance. The smaller man fell against the wall, just managed to keep himself upwards. “I ‘ ve never wanted anything from you,” he hissed. “Accuse yourself for your disappointments.” “You ‘ re talking to me like that... .” Chase trembled in fury. “After all I ‘ ve done for you, after all I ‘ ve gone through... I ‘ ve sacrificed for you...?” “I ‘ ve never asked for anything.” Jack whispered calming down, but the control he regained over his senses obviously heightened the rage shaking the younger man. What he had held back for too long, the buried frustration grown during the past years without him suspecting its size broke free in a violent rush.