callisto24 (callisto24) wrote in backupcopythat, @ 2008-03-22 12:51:00 |
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Entry tags: | 24, english, fanfiction, past and future |
Past and Future, Chapter 2
title: past and future
author: callisto24
fandom: 24
charakters: Jack, Chase, Tony, Chloe, Kim
category: drama, m/m slash
theme: post season 3, not much happens, Jack between Tony and Chase, will be continued
Rating: NC-17
warnings: drugs, graphic slash, violence, season 5 spoilers, no beta, not my native language, so volunteers, corrections, tips... always very welcome...
disclaimer: everything belongs to 24, no money made ....
past day 3
The pain was bearable, probably the medication made him numb. He still can ‘ t believe, that they had managed to to fix his hand, at least he has been told, that they had been as successful as could be expected, whatever that meant.
Thoughts whirled in his mind like a tornado, wild and impossible to stop, to calm, or to organize. The more he tried, the more confused he became, winding and writhing as far as he was able to, tossing his head from one side to another, or maybe he only imagined to do so, cause through the fog in his mind he couldn ‘ t tell for sure, what exactly was reality and what his imagination.
He felt tied to the bed, had difficulties to move and wished he could get the drugs out of his blood. He ‘ d prefer to endure the pain, if only he would be able to clear his head.
Too much had happened, too much to cope with, and certainly too much to understand for someone who wasn ‘ t under the influence of probably a whole bunch of narcotics.
He remembered Kim ‘ s appearance, she was shaken by the events, though she must have been through more during the past years.
But learning her father being addicted to heroin, seeing all these people die and... .
He closed his eyes and shivered. Jack! She had told Jack about him, about them.
Of course, she had every right to do so, but a part of him winced in pain with the idea. It wasn ‘ t right, it wasn ‘ t as it should be, and it certainly wasn ‘ t what he had intended, if he had intended something.
He sighed in desperation, felt incredible tired and dizzy, the visions flew through his mind, collided, made his head hurt, when they knocked on his forehead from inside.
Why hadn ‘ t he told her about Angela earlier, he had managed to create a complete mess again. Thank God, there was Chloe. He relied on her to take care for his little girl.
But Kim had been here, beside his bed, when he ‘ d woken up, touching carefully his healthy hand, assuring him, that she was with him.
And all he had been able to do, was to ask her about Jack. More than once, he feared, because he seemed to loose consciousness repeatedly, and each time, he had opened his eyes, there had been Jack. Lying in his own blood, shot by the Salazars, dying a painful death caused by the virus or spread in a dirty corner, staring at the ceiling, a bloody, empty syringe next to him, and he had wanted to cry out in agony.
And each time, she had soothed him, showing amazing patience, calming him down, explaining him again and again, that Jack had been okay, that he had been busy fixing reports, managing CTU stuff, as long as necessary. He hadn ‘ t been able to tell her, about the reasons for his panic and she obviously wasn ‘ t wondering.
And then she had been gone, and the nurse had told him, that she had been convinced to take a rest, and somehow, strangely, he had been glad. Her features had melt in his thoughts, changed slowly into another face, into the face of Jack.
Bright blue eyes stared at him, frightened, scared, told how much it must have cost him to do what had been inevitable.
His temples throbbed and the pain in his arm became agonizing, but he somehow couldn ‘ t prevent to imagine, that he deserved it.
He had lied, and he would lie again, he saw no way for him to get out of this. He had fallen in love with Kim, no doubt, and he felt guilty, because he knew why this had happened. And there was nothing he could do about it.
Jack barely could hold himself upright. His body seemed to be smashed into pieces, though it miraculously still did, what he ordered it to do. Must be the time soon for his next shot, but maybe he was too exhausted to sense the symptoms. The last time he had used, taken the chance, while Chase had been driving the car. He remembered him looking straight forward, without showing any kind of emotion, and he had felt embarrassed, exposed, but they had both known, that he had had no choice. It had been stubborn and stupid, that he had tried to solve the problem on his own, but he knew, he would do the same again, if the situation would be repeated. He hated the thought, that every detail of his abuse would find a place now in his files, that everyone at CTU already knew, that everyone will know in future. And the fact, that Kim knew.
Kim, who had an affair with Chase. He smirked bitterly, though he wouldn ‘ t admit, that the image hurt, hurt deeper than it should, deeper than it made sense to him, although it made perfect sense to him. No problem with people keeping secrets, everone does, at least everybody he had ever known, this wasn ‘ t causing the pain. And Kim had made it clear, that she wanted him to let loose, that he had no word in her decisions. And Chase? He hadn ‘ t told him about the heroin, in fact, he hadn ‘ t told him much at all, but somehow the kid seemed to sense everything, to feel, what he felt.
Jack dropped his head, laid it on the surface of his desk in front of the flickering computer monitor. He knew, that he would never be able to forgive himself, what he had done to him, what he had been forced to do. On the other hand, he could add this to the countless other horrible things, he had done this day, he had done during the last years.
And yet, what disturbed him additionally, and maybe above all, was the image of Chase and his daughter. He refused to think about, he clearly had been surprised, but after all, that had happened this day, he should be glad, that no other pictures haunted him. He raised his head and felt the first signs of beginning withdrawal. This time, there existed no need for hesitation, for torturing himself by denying, things hardly could turn out worse.
He stood up and gripped his desk for support, because his knees threatened to give in. He closed his eyes and paused. He had to stay strong now, had to be there for Tony. There was too much to do to waste time with selfreflection.
* * * * *
“How are you?”
“You don ‘ t want to know.”
He looked at Jack and decided to ease things up a little for his friend. Jack looked awful, he wondered if he took his medication or if he had decided to suffer voluntarily, to punish himself again.
Of course Tony had seen the marks, he had known about his plan to infiltrate the cartel by using drugs as a cover. But he hadn ‘ t known how bad it really had been. He ‘ d tried to talk about it, but Jack had resisted consequently, and then - above all - this was Jack, - unthinkable, that he ‘ d loose control, impossible. But otherwise... he remembered the time after Teris death, only then, it had been the alcohol, which had worried him.
But after his heart problems, the stay in the hospital, he ‘ d seemed to be okay until..., until things had become serious between Michelle and him. Tony hadn ‘ t yet connected the events in his mind. At least, Jack had been together with Kate, though he had known, that they had struggled with various difficulties. And then he had thought, that Kim would be there for him, that she would be his support, but maybe he ‘ expected too much from the young woman.
To learn that she had a secret relationship with Chase also had astonished him, they somehow appeared weird together.
But he certainly had no intention to think about Chase, another selfless hero, ready to give his life, while he spent his time in prison, paying for his fault, for his inability to sacrifice his wife for the sake of his country.
And he would act exactly in the same way, if he had to do it again. As seriously as he took his duties, his work, the rules - as sure he was, that there had been no other choice for him.
He had done enough to her, he couldn ‘ t sin more than he had already done.
Life with her had it been, what he had wanted, what he had decided, and to fight the temptation every single day to keep the secret, had been the prize, which had to be paid.
Though it had turned out to be too high, though he had stumbled on his way to the perfect life, everyone expected him to lead, though he couldn ‘ t ban the thoughts from his mind, he hadn ‘ t been able to admit to Jack, to Michelle or to himself, what he was feeling.
He looked at Jack, who watched him silently through the glass, phone next to his right ear, eyes big, dark and concerned. Despite everything he had to endure, Jack was worrying about him, coming in every day, except the two days, when he had sent Chloe, because the effort to get rid of the poison streaming through his body, had taken all his strength.
Chloe had told him, as he would have instructed her, that he simply had needed a little rest, but it wasn ‘t difficult for him to read between the lines. If Jack wasn ‘ t able to show up, it had to be really bad, and the way he looked now, it couldn ‘ t be much better.
Though he already was accustomed to his paleness, to the fact, that his body constantly seemed to lose weight, he couldn ‘ t help being scared with the sight.
And he knew Jacks pain, knew it, because he felt the same. Wanting him, needing him, longing for him without hope, without any hope for a future.
He saw it in his eyes, had seen it from the moment he had looked at him after their first kiss, consuming in its passion, leaving them vibrating, shivering in spite of the flames, that had been burning inside their bodies, had known it then, that Jack would come with him, whenever he would want it, whenever he would decide to take him with, he wouldn ‘ t hesitate a second.
He could see it in perfect clarity, every sight of him told of the determination, which characterized his personality, the determination, which would make him follow Tony, no matter when or where or why.
But he couldn ‘ t. He couldn ‘ t say it, couldn ‘ t tell him what he might need to hear, what Tony desperately needed to articulate.
There was no way, that he would do this to Jack, that he would do this to himself.
The job had taken enough from both of them, he wouldn ‘ t condemn them to a life full of prejudices and contempt. He had seen it, seen it here in CTU, coming out of the closet meant sudden transfer to a department far away in the wilderness, standstill and finally the end of a career. Somehow gay agents didn ‘ t fit into the american way of life, and therefore they didn ‘ t exist.
“It ‘ s okay,” he added at last. “Prison sucks, you know!”
“Yeah.” Jack smiled a little. “So, you know, if there is something I could do, intervene somehow, any problem... .”
“Sure,” Tony stopped him. “You ‘ re telling me the same each day. I know, you are doing all you can for me.” His voice became softer with the words. “But you should care for yourself!”
Jack looked down.
“I talked to Palmer today. He ‘ s sure he could help, but it will take time.”
“Yeah,” Tony sighed. “The man is in trouble himself. You shouldn ‘ t bother him too much.”
“He has connections and possibilities, we can ‘ t even dream of, and besides, he wants to help.”
Tony nodded slowly.
“Michelle is working on it, too.”
“Yes.” Jacks face suddenly clouded. “She ‘ s doing great.”
“Yes,” Tony stared at the wall, not knowing what else to say.
“How is Chase?”
“Doctors seem to be positive about the healing process, but he ‘ s obviously in pain.”
“You have seen him?”
“Yeah, the hospital he ‘ s in, belongs to the same complex, as... where I ... you know?”
“That ‘ s good.” Tony watched him testing. He had flushed slightly, when he had mentioned the name. Somehow his reactions, concerning Chase seemed to be odd. Understandable regarding to what they had gone through together, but he could tell, that he had wondered about them for a while. Being forced to do what Jack had done, wouldn ‘ t make things easier between these two. On the other hand, Chase probably wouldn ‘ t be able to work in the field again, so his life could take a complete new direction anyway.
“Jack!” Tony woke the man from his thoughts. “Jack, you look tired. You should take a rest now. Don ‘ t worry about me. I ‘ m fine. The guards are doing a good job, there is no need for you to be here every day.”
Jack raised his left hand, laid it on the table, so that his fingertips touched the glass.
He shook his head.
“I ‘ m so sorry, Tony. I ‘ d never imagined... .”
“Yes, I know.” Tonys free hand wandered too, moved slowly, until it rested between them, their fingers only parted by the thin glass.
“I miss you, Tony, wish I could do more.” His voice broke. Their eyes met and Tony hoped, that his were able to express his feelings for him, as much as he could read in this big, blue ones.
He felt tears arise, silent tears, invisible tears, tears, that would never reach his eyes, tears, he wished, he could cry for both of them and for what they had lost.
The guards started to make sounds, demonstrating, that visitors had to leave.
Jack laid his phone down, and so did Tony.
They shared a last, long look and Jack formed with his lips a word. ‘Tomorrow’. Then he watched him being guided to the door, taken away from him.
He waited until the last visitor had left and approached the guard standing still beside the exit door. He turned his back to the camera and gave the man a prepared envelope, which he pocketed quickly.
“I rely on your attentiveness.”
“You can calm down, Mr. Bauer. We all appreciate your care and everyone here is keeping an eye on Mr. Almeida. I promise, nothing will happen to him, as long as he is with us.”
Jack nodded and left, his heart heavy from a weight, which made his movements hard and difficult, threatened to slow down his steps, until he finally pulled himself together and moved on.
* * * * *
Days went by and life became easier, at least a little, or they simply got used to their situations. Jack started to feel better, physically, withdrawal symptoms seemed to vanish and he was able to face different investigations and inquiries, which turned out to change into a neverending story.
In CTU confusion reigned, people came and went away soon enough to create a bigger mess, so that it remained up to Jack to solve most of the problems, although Division definitely wasn ‘ t happy about the situation.
Jack threw himself into work, tried to distract himself from the constant yearning for a fix. A temptation, which tormented him despite the methadon.
Tonys trial threatened to last an eternity, turned Michelle into a nervous wreck, left Tony helpless and frustrated.
Kim decided from one day to another, that she would quit, started to look for a place, where Chase and her could raise little Angela. And Jack, on the one hand was proud of her, that she took the responsibility, on the other hand, he couldn ‘ t prevent feeling awkwardly sad and sometimes overwhelmed by loneliness, when he thought about them.
He had visited Chase, but both of them hadn ‘ t talked very much, it had remained silent between them for the most time.
Apologies had been made, more than once. Jack knew that they would never be sufficient. So he simply sat there, next to his bed, looked at the blank wall and waited. Waited for a sign from Chase, for a single word and at last for the nurse telling him in an unfriendly way that he had to go. Sometimes Chase was sleeping, sometimes he pretended to be asleep, though he couldn ‘ t fool Jack. Sometimes they looked at each other, a mouth opened slightly, trying to speak, but closing soon, startled, incapable of bringing a sound out.
Jack feared these visits, but he couldn ‘ t stay away. Something pulled him into his former partners direction, nearly as strong as he was pulled permanently to his lover.
Chase watched the clock, hanging above the door. It was about time. Kim has showed up midday, nervous, full of excitement talking about the apartment building, she had discovered earlier. She had kissed him goodbye, before she had went in order to get Angela from the day nursery. Chase admired her for what she was doing, for her generosity, her ability to forgive him and to accept his daughter without restraints. He couldn ‘ t be luckier, their future turned out to become better, than he could have imagined, perfect, just how he had wished, how he had decided to create it a very long time ago.
The clock ticked and Chase watched the hand move slowly. He felt Jacks presence in the building, knew the room, where he was now for his examination, each day the same procedure, until he was provided with his daily dosis of medicine.
And then he would come to him, stay with him, transmitting mixed emotions, dominated by guilt and grief.
And Chase wouldn ‘ t know what to do with his feelings, hell, he couldn ‘ t figure out his own. The man had been ready to kill him without hesitation and he would have done it if necessary. But as much as Chase wanted to be angry at him, as much he understood him perfectly.
So he kept silent or even feigned sleep, but no matter what he tried, it wouldn ‘ t prevent Jack from coming.
Chase closed his eyes in devotion, when he heared the familiar steps, pausing at the stairs, moving forward with a sudden determination, then stopping and waiting a moment in front of his rooms door, as if he would need time to put his strength together. And then he entranced, an encouraging smile on his lips. But his face couldn ‘ t hide the truth, not to him, who knew him too well. The smile was a false one, his mask, showing only what Jack wanted to be visible. And Chase was tired of being lied to.
So he turned and stared into nothingness, aware that he would worry him, that Jack would try to adress him, to wake him from his apathetic state.
But Chase wouldn ‘ t react, he would simply lie here and wait until it would be over and Jack would be gone.
And then he would turn back and wait, listen for his steps during the endless night, during the following day, until he would start to stare at the clock again and again, hoping and fearing, caught in his self - made trap.
* * * * *
Jack lit a cigarette, a custom he had adopted a few weeks ago. He blew the smoke into the cooler air, referring to the upcoming winter months.
The small house looked nice, clean and white in the pretty, well - looked - after garden. Should be a wonderful home for children, and Jack sighed, thinking about the countless apartments and lofts, they had moved in and out, when Kim had been in Angelas age.
The day was beautiful, clear and bright, perfect to celebrate thanksgiving, but he felt sad, unsecure and couldn ‘ t bring himself to approach the building.
It was the first time, they had invited him, though they had lived here already for a little while, and Jack believed to know about the reasons. Though Kim seemed to have handled his addiction well, he knew, that she felt uncomfortable seeing him with the little girl. To take care of the child had probably and subconsciously released some buried memories from her early childhood, feelings of being abandoned and left alone, and he wouldn ‘ t reproach her for trying to keep Angela from a similar fate.
But above all she still couldn ‘ t trust him yet. She had seen him drinking after Teris death, had caught him again and again in an obviously drunken state over the past years. He had promised her to stop, to stay away from the bottle, had sweared by God, but deep inside he had known the truth. That he would never be strong enough to resist. That he needed the possibility to escape his own thoughts at least for a while.
She had been disappointed and hurt, when she had found out, but had never said a word, just withdrawn, each day a little more. And somehow he had been glad about the space she ‘ d given him, relieved, that he had been on his own, that nobody had been able to prevent him from what he had intended to do.
“Dad, what are you waiting for?” The familiar voice sounded shrill in the peaceful neighbourhood, and he threw the cigarette away, forced himself to smile in obvious delight and went to spent an evening with his family.
* * * * *
“Come in, Dad. I ‘m glad, you could make it.”
“No chance that I would miss this.” He hugged her tightly. “I ‘ m so happy to see you, it ‘ s been too long.”
She nodded uncomfortably. “We had so much to do with the house, the kid, Chases recovery... .”
“How is it going?”
“Ask him, he wanted to buy some Ginger Ale, I told him, I haven ‘ t known, what you would like to drink, and he felt that simply water wouldn ‘ t do it.”
“You know I ‘ m fine with it.” He couldn ‘ t prevent grinning at her until she smiled back.
“Sure. I guess he is a little nervous about your visit, you know?”
Jack sighed. “And where is the little Angel?”
“Still asleep. We won ‘ t miss it, when she awakes.”
A car was heard and Jack turned immediately.
“Should help him.” He waited until Chase had stopped and left the vehicle.
“Hi!”
“Hi!” He refused to shake hands regarding the bandage, which covered a large part of his left arm. Instead he headed for the trunk, ready to help if help was necessary.
“Thanks Jack,” Chase pointed on some bottles. “How do you feel?”
“I should ask you that.”
Silence grew, when they went inside.
Kim came out of the kitchen. “Angela woke up.” They could hear her crying through the babyphone. “Maybe Dad could assist you? I ‘ m just busy here.”
She sent them upstairs, where Jack took over.
“Let me do this. It ‘ s been a while, but there are things you won ‘ t forget.”
Chase watched him, touched by the sight of his features softening.
“Funny to imagine, that you had done this with Kim.”
“Yes.” Jack blushed slightly. “It ‘ s been different then... and somehow the same.”
He lifted the baby into his arms, smiled when it giggled.
“She likes you!” Chase observed.
‘Who wouldn ‘ t’ he added in his mind, suddenly embarrassed by the thought.
“Can you manage it... I mean... without your left hand?”
“No!” Chase shook his head. “I still need help, at least with Angela. But I ‘m already doing physiotherapy. Hopefully soon the bandage will be replaced by a smaller one, which will allow me to do more.”
Jack remained silent, stroke Angelas head, lost in thoughts, until the younger man decided to go on.
“Look Jack, I know you ‘ re sorry about this, but you don ‘ t have to. You did right, everything you did had been right. I.... I want us to be friends for... for Angelas and Kims sake.”
Jack looked on the floor, covered with a soft, blue carpet, and felt his mouth become desert dry, when he tried to speak. “Sure,” he managed to answer in a hoarse voice. He cleared his throat and added, while he turned to the door.
“I would like that.”
Chase grabbed at him with his good arm.
“I know, you can ‘ t believe me... now, but I hope that soon... one day... we maybe can leave behind us what had happened... maybe... .“ He started to stutter, cursed himself for his inability to express himself in the cool, adult manner he had intended to show.
Jack stood still, frozen in place, with his back to him, while Angela mumbled in her own language, examining Jacks tie with her little hands.
“It ‘ s okay, Chase, let ‘ s go now!”
But Chase overtook him with two long steps so that he could see his face and what he saw in it was exactly what he had expected.
“Jack, please!”
He closed the distance between them, reached for him, tried to force the sad blue eyes to meet his, again wished to be able to carry part of the sorrow, reflected in their bottomless oceans.
Jack sensed the unmistakable pull of the other man ‘ s soul and for a moment he thought, they would move against each other, drawn by an invisible, irresistable power, but a sudden commotion downstairs broke the spell.
“Chase! Dad! Are you ready? Jasmin and Sharon are here. They want to say hello to their godchild.”
Two young women had managed to fill the living room with life and laughter, when they entered. Ignoring the two men almost completely they rushed immediately at the object of their interest.
“Oh, she ‘ s growing so fast,” Jasmin cheered. “Let me take her.” And Jack felt the baby removed from his arms.
If you visited more often, you wouldn ‘ t notice,” Chase accused playfully.
“Ah, you know I wouldn ‘ t leave her, if you gave us the permission, my heartless cousin,” Sharon teased him. “A cruel agent like you deserves no miracle like this.”
“Some things will remain inexplicable for human minds,” Chase replied smiling, though the smile couldn ‘ t reach his eyes.
“And, how about your plans?” Kim changed the subject.
“We ‘ re thinking about adoption now. It ‘ s what most people advise us to try, less complicated for a partnership, “ Jasmin said and darted a glance at Jack, who had wthdrawn as far as possible.
“It ‘ s not easy, referring to my past,” Sharon added, kissing Angelas cheek. “But we are patient, and with a little luck... . Besides... hello Chase!”
“Hi Sharon!” He greeted at first her, and then Jasmin with a one - sided hug. “Forgive me, I ‘ ve never been the polite one.”
“As if we wouldn ‘ t know.” Jasmin grinned. “But now tell us, who is your pretty boy - friend? Can ‘ t say, that I ‘ m surprised.”
Chases face colour turned into a shining red. “That ‘ s Kims father, Jack, my former partner at CTU. Jack, that ‘s my cousin Sharon and her friend and partner Jasmin.”
“You ‘ re kidding, Chase, he can ‘ t be that old? ... Nice to meet you, Jack.”
“Hey!” Kim interrupted. “Hope I got this in the wrong way!”
Sharon couldn ‘ t help laughing. “Sorry Kim. We ‘ re only trying to make Chase angry, it ‘ s our revenge, because he left Washington and missed to tell us about this little darling here, until he needed us.”
“I told you as soon as I knew,” Chase defended himself and laid his healthy arm around Kim. “So, can we pass all the awkward introductions and start with the party?”
He looked at Jack, who had just shook hands with Jasmin, a polite smile on his lips, and groaned inside imagining a very long and tiring evening.
Jack looked up, met green sparkling eyes, shining next to his daughter, and his smile faded, until he returned his attention to the woman in front of him.
* * * * *
Tony felt him, before he could turn around.
“What do you want?”
“You know what I want, sweetheart. So, what will you do with your knowledge?”
“Stay away, Carmine. I ‘ m not looking for trouble.”
“You ‘ ll find it soon, if you won ‘ t change your mind. The boss is about to lose his patience and you won ‘ t like it, if he does.”
The guard glanced at them.
“Almeida!”
“Yes Sir.”
“Enough chatting. Get over here and stay where I can see you.”
And Tony did as he was told.
* * * * *
A relieved sigh escaped his lips, when he shut the door from inside. Thank God this was over. He would make sure, that he ‘ d have to work during christmas. No chance for a repetition!
Certainly, it had been a consolation to see his daughter happy in her new environment, surrounded by these special people close to her. He had never been able to read her feelings properly, she was too good in hiding them, when she wanted to, one of the few things they had in common, but she seemed to be content with her life, with her new family and with Chase.
He decided, it would be the time for a drink. Of course he had stayed sober during the evening, it had been difficult enough to keep his composure, to remain nice and friendly, listen and talk, as if he would really be interested in the conversation.
He took a big gulp directly from the bottle, before he started to look for a clean glass, let himself drop onto the couch and emptied the just filled mug in one long swallow. The golden liquid burnt down his throat, warmed him up, awakened the hope, that maybe he would be able to sleep tonight.
It had been the right decision to leave, though Kim had looked a little astonished begging him to stay. And Chase nearly hadn ‘ t reacted, in fact he hadn ‘ t talked much at all. The guy had become more and more silent during the evening, often leaving the room, looking for Angela or providing some drinks.
Jack had succeeded easily in avoiding further contact, he had been tired of these strange looks into his direction, confusing signals, their meaning remained a mystery to him.
Jack filled his cup again and leant back comfortably, while holding it tight.
Chases penetrating eyes still stared at him, glinting in the darkness. Even when he closed his own, the intense stare still disturbed him, reminded him of some predacious animal.
He drank again, started to sense the effects of his whiskey consuming finally reach his brain, calming him down.
Forget this evening, he told himself, more important issues had to be handled. Palmer would come to L.A. soon and he had promised to create some pressure in order to speed up Tonys release. Unbelievable, that he still spent his days in jail in spite of all their efforts.
Michelle stayed during the holidays with her parents, a vacation she really needed. She had made him promise before, that he would look after her husband.
He smiled sadly. As if there would be a chance, that he wouldn ‘ t. This damned prison stay had lasted long enough. Jack felt anger arise, glad to be capable of the emotion. He raised his mug, regarded its content, admired the gleaming surface, catching the light of the single lamp in the corner, when he hold it up, before he emptied it again.
He didn ‘ t know how long he sat there, waiting for something, that wouldn ‘ t happen, drifting away in memories without clear shapes, comforting him in a familiar embrace. ‘ Soon ‘ he thought, shut his eyes ready to fall asleep, when a sudden sound made him jump.
The doorbell rang. He tried to rise, stumbled, staggered and fell back again. This might be kind of a silly holiday joke by some bored kids. Whoever would like to reach him would call first, especially, if there was something important on the line. And besides, he wasn ‘ t ready to do or say anything useful.
So he let his head sink back against the cushions and prepared to drift away again.
A knocking on the door made him flinch.
“Jack! Let me in! I know you ‘ re here.”
‘ Damnit Chase, what do you want, ‘ he started to growl, when a thought struck him and he halfway ran, halfway tripped to open the door.
“Kim? What happened to her or is it Angela?” he asked frightened, when Chase shook his head at once.
“So, what ‘ s the matter?” His voice sounded husky to him, when his heart started to pound violently in his chest.
“Just wanted to talk. You left early and... and I thought I should check on you.”
“Jesus!” Jack rolled his eyes. “You did, and now you can go.”
But Chase put a foot inside and looked at him examining.
“You ‘ re drunk.”
“So?”
“I ‘ m coming in.”
“Chase, I may be drunk, but I can deal with you, throw you out of here whenever I want to.”
“Right,” Chase smirked loop- sided and squeezed himself through the opening, easily pushing the lurching Jack aside, who in spite of his harsh words offered no resistance.
“What the fuck do you want?” Jack asked impatiently, when he returned to his place on the couch, reached out for his drink.
“There should be some people waiting for you.”
Chase watched him carefully, noted the flicker in his eyes, the futile attempt to ignore his presence. He took his free hand and pulled him on his feet, pulled him closer until their bodies almost touched, and stood still, waiting for Jacks reaction.
There was none except the heavy breathing. No turning away, no looking up to him, only stiffness in his limbs.
Chase lowered his head, nuzzled against the sensitive skin beneath, caressed the tempting throat with his lips. And when no resistance was shown, he moved on, petted the place with his tongue, sucked lightly, while his right arm stroke in lazy circles over Jacks back, increasing his force, pressing them together, until he became aware of their boths growing erections, rubbing against each other, only parted by the rough material of their jeans.
“What are you doing?” Jack whispered, sensing his blood throbbing in his lower regions.
“Nothing you are not ready too.”
Lips found lips in tender, then demanding kisses, lightening the fire between the two men. Clothes were removed hastily, Chase struggling desperately to tear them open.
Jack felt his fingers develop a willpower of their own, helping Chase eagerly to get rid of any impediments to closer contact, drawing him into the next room, shoving him onto his anticipating bed.
Chase fell backwards and Jack landed on him, let his hands drift over his chest until he found a small nub, he immediately directed his attention on, swirling his tongue across and around it before sucking on it with unexpected need.
Chase gasped, moved his hips searching further stimulation.
Lost in the sensations Jack wasn ‘ t aware of the hand, softly petting his filling organ, until he felt it surround him, slide firmly along his length.
He met the strokes moaning, panting, suddenly feeling Chase releasing him, turning him in one forceful motion until the younger man settled on top, sealing his mouth with a kiss, starting a gentle rocking. Chase leant on his good arm, while he picked up speed, rubbed their groins together faster and faster, higher and higher, pumped against him before he threw back his head and called Jacks name, who wrapped his legs around Chases as they shot off together in great waves of release, their hot, creamy essences mixing between them, and he finally collapsed on the smaller man.
Slowly coming down from his heights of orgasm, he noticed the soft and regular heaving of Jacks upper body, showing the unmistakable signs of deep, exhausted sleep.