past and future, chapter VI
Title: past and future, part VI author: callisto24 fandom: 24 charakters: Jack, Tony, Chase, Kim category: drama, m/m slash theme: past Season 3 Rating: NC-17 warnings: sad stuff! Sorry for mistakes, please correct me, if you ‘ d like to! disclaimer: nothing belongs to me, no money made... free to be archivated!
*** “Chase! You ‘ ve listened to the mailbox recently?” “No, not yet!” Kim appeared in the door, a strange look in her eyes. “Tony had left a weird message yesterday. Obviously he was looking for Dad, sounded somehow worried. But when I called him back to learn what has happened between them, he seemed really angry. Broke up at once.” She shook her head. “Do you know what ‘ s going on?” “No.” Chase felt himself becoming white. “Could be anything,” he answered. “Jack hadn ‘ t called?” “No,” Kim scrutinized him attentively. “You ’ ll tell me, if you hear something?” Chase nodded, unable to explain the restlessness gripping at him. “I ‘ m sure they will work things out,” he mumbled absent mindly while fixing his tie. Kim came over to help him. “You look good,” she stated. “I ‘ m sure this will be the right job for you. Might leave you enough time and energy for Angela and me.” She smiled seducing and he smiled back, unsure about what to think. Jack has made himself pretty clear, and probably he and Tony would be able to talk. Anyway, things might change. He had no choice but moving on, at least for the moment.
* * * * *
The dark eyes bored into his, revealing nothing but pure anger. “What are you doing here?” Chase couldn ‘ t prevent the words tumbling from his startled lips. “Could ask you the same,” Tony replied, studied his suit with a disparaging glance. “I... I had an appointment... in there... security service... ,” he stuttered, sensing deep contempt emanating from the dark-haired man, staring at him confused. Tony gave no answer, only looked back at him. Chase blinked. “And what about you... ?” he asked, unsure about how to react. “I mean, how ‘ s your case?” he added, cursing himself for his incertain behaviour. He couldn ‘ t understand the mixed thoughts of guilt and rage, suddenly pulling him down. “Looks good so far, I ‘ m yet not allowed to leave town, but I have no intention to do so.” “Fine,” Chase answered low, not knowing what else to say, gaining another furious look by the older man. His confusion increased as he decided to leave and offered Tony a polite smile. But before he could say anything the dark-haired took a step forward, gripped his left wrist and turned it slightly around. Just a little bit, just enough that he knew it would hurt. “What the fuck... ,” Chase hissed, when the pain shot through his nerves, he instinctively went with the movement sinking down on his left knee, before his body tensed in preparation to defend himself against the unexpected attack. But Tony had already reacted, given the bandaged arm a last twist before he let go, staring angrily at the younger man, who winced again. “What was this about?” Chase breathed heavily, noted in astonishment the hard expression ruling Tonys features. “Just a warning, Chase, to stay where you belong!” “I don ‘ t understand.” Chase remained startled. “Tony?” The other man bent over, threw an icy glance over the younger mans body. “You don ‘ t want to get involved into things you finally can ‘ t handle. And believe me, you can ‘ t handle this!” Chase received nothing but hatred in the tone of his voice and suddenly realization hit in. He must know! Jack must have told him. Chase stared paralyzed at the slim figure, who had turned without another word and started to walk away and he couldn ‘ t help but register the well-shaped body, understanding perfectly why Jack felt bound to him. Cursing he stood up, before he would find an audience on the street, carefully rubbing his throbbing arm. Damn, it hadn ‘ t hurt for days. But more than from the physical pain, he suffered from what Jack obviously had done. Instead of anything else, he ‘ d met Tony and told him, might have complained, ranted... . Chase shook his head, tried to get rid of the thoughts devouring him. Whatever, he had no idea, what might have happened between them and there lay no sense in speculating. He kicked away a stone in an useless attempt to get rid of at least a part of his still rising anger and wondered what was left for him to do.
* * * * *
Tony still fumed, when he reached his car. This little bastard tried to pretend, he had no clue about anything. He had felt it from the first moment. The kid meant trouble. He was as stubborn as Jack and certainly he lied. There was no way, he could get away with it, creating this complete insane situation for Jack and Kim. For a second Michelle came into Tonys mind, but he managed to shove her aside quickly. Their relationships couldn ‘ t be compared, never! His connection with Jack went deeper, lasted longer, than Chase would dream of. The guy had no idea what it meant to be with Jack. Tough... he stopped in the movement. Sure, he had covered him during the addiction, maybe had covered more... .Tony pushed his fist against the vehicle and lashed out against the metal again in order to concentrate his thoughts on the physical pain instead of the emotional alone. He definitely had to clear things before they would drive him crazy. He remembered the moment Jack had called him the day before, how desperately he had sound, how he had pleaded to see him and how scared he had been. Scared, because he knew what would happen, if they would meet, somehow relieved by the thought, that Jack might leave, that he wouldn ‘ t be forced anymore to live with the permanent temptation. And then, miserable, sad, feeling more punished than before, more alone than he had been, when Jack had left for Mexico, when he had known he wouldn ‘ t see him for a very long time, when he hadn ‘ t been sure, if he ever saw him again. Stupid as it seems, this time it seemed to be final, no secret exit left, no single chance for them, he had made it clear. But hadn ‘ t he tried the same thing before? More than once he had told Jack, that it was Michelle he wanted, he ‘ d longed for, he ‘ d planned a future with. And nevertheless, none of his words had prevented him, had prevented them sooner or later to share what only Jack and him could share.
Though he couldn ‘ t deal with the thought of being together with him again, of being together with anyone again, he ‘ d avoided to imagine being replaced in Jacks arms, it hurt too much. He remembered Michelle approaching him, carefully, tenderly, but he hadn ‘ t been able to bear her attempts of approximation. And she had understood, had given him time and space and though none of them knew how long it would last, until he would be able to touch her again, both relied on the unspoken promise, that one day he would conquer these demons still possessing him. But it had always been different with Jack. He had never been the only one for him, he had known this clearly, but the knowledge had never caused him pain, had never succeeded in making him jealous. Perhaps, because Jack had never hidden, what he had felt, that their relationship meant something special to him, that he took them more seriously than any other encounter during the last years. Whatever had happened, their connection had remained steady as a rock, while everything around them had broken into pieces. And he had clinged to it as an anchor, something solid and permanent, which would never fade away. For the first time an intruder had showed up, someone who really would be able to threaten their friendship, their emotional closeness, like no other one, not even Michelle had been able to threaten it before. And Tony trembled, trying to refuse the fear of sudden loss entering his heart, trying to change it, to give it another shape, to replace it by the anger, he ‘ d felt before, because it was easier to handle. He climbed into the car, pushing against the steering wheel again and again, imagining it would be Chase, kicking against the inside of his car, unable to fight the fury he deep inside recognized as desperation.
* * * * *
Jack climbed the stairs to his apartment, fishing for the keys, while he tried to make up his mind. He still had to talk to Kim, Chase wouldn ‘ t say a word, and he still had to decide where to go. He didn ‘ t want to stay and he didn ‘ t want to go. To leave the country remained an option, news were spreading fast in CTU and he already had dozens of offers on his desk, probable suicide missions, mostly, but nevertheless or because of that fact, pretty tempting. Military had approached him, too, though he wasn ‘ t sure, what they might have in mind for him. He ‘ d never been the type to take orders without questioning them and they certainly had heard about the heroin. He sighed opening his door, when he suddenly stopped, reached for his weapon. “Who is it?” he called, staying outside of the room, and ducking slightly. “You can ‘ t tell? Damn, Jack, you ‘ ve lost your skills after one day out of the job? Or is there another reason?” “Tony.” Jack stepped in, closed the door behind him and laid the gun down. He looked at the other man carefully, who sat on the floor, head supported by one knee, staring on the bottle between his legs. “What ‘ s the matter? I ... I thought you wanted to... , you didn ‘ t want to come here again.” “No, I didn ‘ t. And you must have been really glad to hear.” “What? What do you mean?” Jack took off his jacket and came nearer but Tony raised one hand to hold him back. “Don ‘ t pretend to be stupid Jack, I ‘ ve seen you, you and Chase.” “What... what are you talking about?” Jacks face became white. “I don ‘ t know what you want.” Tony laughed. “Chase and you, that ‘ s really funny, isn ‘ t it? The guy, who ‘ s with your daughter. I wonder what Freud would have said to this.” He laughed again, a hard and angry laughter, containing all the bitterness he had gathered through the last day. “Tony,... you... .” The dark-haired shuddered. “Remember yesterday? You called me... I remember each single word... wasn ‘ t that serious as you tried to make it sound, am I right?” He burped quietly. “Tony, you ‘ re drunk.” The other mans head shot up. “Damn right! And I ‘ m allowed to. At least, I ‘ m not using this illegal stuff, like other people do!” “What ‘ s the matter?” Jack tried to seem calm, while inside his confusion grew permanently. Tony stared at him grinning again. “Can ‘ t believe, that I really started to worry, that I thought for a moment, you needed someone to talk to, while you only needed someone to fuck.” Jack glanced back, eyes widening, thoughts tumbling through his mind. “Maybe I would understand, but... Chase? What the hell had driven you to act like this. Seems like your life isn ‘ t difficult enough.” “I... how do you... ?” Jack let his sight drop to the floor, sensed his face flush. “Mr. Innocent himself! I was looking for you, might have been the thunderstorm that made me doubt if you could handle the situation.” He laughed again. “Should have known better. Jack Bauer would never lose a battle, even the most private ones. Just one thing: Tell me how long you ‘ re playing this sick game?” “Tony, I won ‘ t talk to you, when you ’ re like this, you ‘ re not in the shape... .” “Right, I ‘ m not in the shape to understand, and I probably will never be. Have you ever thought about what you ‘ re doing to Kim.” Tony tried to get up, his rage urging him on, the weakness in his legs making him stumble twice before he succeeded. “You should rest, Tony. We ‘ ll talk later.” “The hell I ‘ ll do. I was worried, thought you were telling Kim, thought you ‘ d need my help in case she ‘ d give you the shit, but instead... . Instead I saw you, making out with Chase... .” The power of his rage overwhelmed Tony and with a growl he rushed forward, raising his fists to lash out at the smaller man. Shame and guilt prevented Jack from moving away, when the blows hit him. He stood still, face down, while Tony screamed in fury, struck him violently into his face, punched into his stomach until he bent forward, protecting his belly, sliding down the wall until he came to sit. Tony staggered, breathed heavily, before he slid next to him, resting on his knees. “Jack,” he whispered. “It ‘ s not, I never wanted... .” His anger was blown away and the only feeling left was unbearable sorrow, a sadness, filling his heart, making him choke, pressing his body down, until he was sure, he would never be able to move again. “Please Jack, forgive me,” he managed to croak, while tears burnt behind his eyes, the tears he ‘ d refused to spend for weeks. And they broke through, flew over the barriers, he had built in prison, ran down his cheeks until he sobbed uncontrolled, hiding them behind the sleeves of his shirt, which sucked the wetness greedily. And then these arms came up, enclosing him, pulling him into a loving embrace. Cold hands reached for him, leaning his head against the beloved chest, stroking the dark hair, like they had done countless times before. And Tony knew, that nothing had changed, that nothing would ever change, that they would belong together forever.
* * * * *
“I ‘ m leaving tomorrow.” “Kim knows?” “I ‘ ve told her. She ‘ d invited me for Christmas.” “Will you come?” Silence spread between them. “No, I won ‘ t.” Chase nodded, though the movement remained invisible for Jack. “I ‘ ll come to Washington.” Jack shook his head. “Not a good idea.” “You won ‘ t get rid of me.” “I know.” “Any chance to see you before you ‘ ll... depart?” “No, I ‘ m sorry.” “Jack?” “Yes?” Chase paused. “Nothing.” He sighed audibly. “See you!” “See you, Chase.”
* * * * *
Jack stayed on his place, still holding the phone in his hand. At least he put it down and brushed his hair out of the face. It had been the right decision. And it was exactly the right time to leave. No looking back, no regrets. A moment, when Chase finally had stepped back and Tony apparently had found a little peace. They hadn ‘ t talked any more, no need to do so. When he had returned to Michelle, Jack had accepted the first offer for a job, he had found appropriate. No doubt, that he would be there for Tony, whenever he wanted him to, but right now his presence only made things worse for the man, and unbearable for himself. The solution had laid in his hands, he would leave, but would remain reachable. He would build a frontier between Chase and him to allow the guy to come to his senses, and he would put a distance between Tony and him in order to give his love the chance to heal, the chance to live his life the way he had always intended it to live. Jack looked at the bright walls, the scant furniture, the dusty curtains, the blue californian sky laughing at him through the unwiped window and knew, that he wouldn ‘ t miss a thing. He stood up, ready to leave this part of his life behind. At least for now the time was right for a change, and for a start it would feel good to move to a city, where autumn meant cold days and grey clouds, where the permanent heat could be replaced by a temperature, which might fit better to the way he lived his life.
* * * * *
“Mr. Bauer, I need to talk to you!” “Mr. Secretary?” “Shut the door, please.” Jack did as he was asked for, then remained standing in front of the desk, his hands folded behind his back. Heller watched him attentively. “Jack, I ‘ m glad to have you here, but you ‘ re not working in a special unit anymore. We have different rules here, which had to be followed.” “Yes, Mr. Secretary.” “Coming to the point.” Heller sighed. “I ‘ ve heard, that you again had done research on your own, and that ‘ s inacceptable. It ‘ s not what you are here for, and my impression is, that your department might be still overloaded. No need or time for anything besides the job.” “What I ‘ m doing won ‘ t interfere with my work.” “I know, you ‘ re still after this Corone guy. As I ‘ ve already told you, that ‘ s not our business here.” Jack glanced at him. “He will become a serious threat soon, I found connections to international terroristic organizations. He has influence and is inpredictable. When he will be released from prison... .” “Forget him Jack. He ‘ s not your responsibility, so stay away. Inform FBI, maybe CIA, anything and let them do their job. I need you here, 100 percent.” Jack hesitated, finally nodded, a movement, which pleased Heller obviously. “Fine, that ‘ s all for now. Thought you would be glad to get rid of this stuff?” Jack smirked slightly. “Old habits, you know.” He left the office, well knowing, that he wouldn ‘ t be able to stop watching former enemies, and certainly not this special one, who already seemed to wear more names than the other ones altogether.
* * * * *
“Jack, it ‘ s me. Can I come up?” “Tony? What ‘ s the... . Sure, come in!” Jack awaited him, leaning against the door frame, an astonished expression in his eyes. “Why hadn ‘ t you called?” Tony avoided his gaze, pulling his jacket closer around him, trying to prevent the coldness streaming through the hallway. “Shit, it ‘ s really winter here!” Jack smiled and let him in. “Really makes a difference, right.” Tony nodded and blew into his frozen hands to warm them up. “You hadn ‘ t answered my question, I would have taken you from the airport.” Tony shook his head. “No, I couldn ‘ t. Jack, have to tell you something.” “Some coffee?” Thankfully Tony accepted the hot cup before he looked around. “And you ‘ re okay here?” “It ‘ s... another life.” “You hadn ‘ t said goodbye,” Tony finally broke the spreading silence. “I felt, it would be easier for both of us this way.” “It was.”Tony let out a deep breath. “Though Michelle had been a little angry at first. She and Kim were meeting from time to time.” Jack looked at him, sending unspoken questions to his friend. “No.” Tony shook his head. “They are both fine. Michelle is amazing and Kim seems to be happy with her life.” “Glad to hear.” Jack scrutinized absent mindly his own steaming cup of coffee without taking a gulp. “I won ‘ t tell you about Chase, I ‘ m sure you know.” Jack winced imperceptibly, yet noticed clearly by the other man. “Thought we were ready to leave this behind.” Tony shrugged. “I am.” He ruffled his dark hair, stared out of the window, where single snowflakes made their way to earth, tumbling from the grey sky. Jack drove away the images building up in his mind, watching Tony fitting perfectly into this couch, into this building, into his life. He bit his tongue, holding his thoughts inside. No doubt, that Tony hadn ‘ t changed his mind, that he wouldn ‘ t change his mind in future. “I missed you,” Jack confessed at last. Black eyes turned to him, and for a moment Jack thought he might discover tears glistening in his opposites face. “You look exhausted. Tell me, what it is, that bothers you.” “I will, just can ‘ t do it now.” Tony searched Jack eyes, giving away no hint. Silence grew, settled down between them turning the air into a burden, forcing them to suck it in, though they both couldn ‘ t fight the thought, that it would kill them soon. “So, you ‘ re here to buy a Christmas present for Michelle?” Tony smiled for the first time, since he ‘ d arrived. “I ‘ m sure, you can recommend something.” “Michelle knows you ‘ re here?” “Yeah,” Tony stared to the ceiling. “Well,” Jack stood up. “Let ‘ s go, have a sunday evening dinner somewhere. Do you have some luggage?” “Thought about a hotel!” “Don ‘ t be stupid, Tony. We ‘ re both adults. Only if you won ‘ t feel comfortable... .” Jack blushed, letting his eyes drop on the floor. “I ‘ m sorry, do, what you had intended to do.” “It ‘ s not like... .” Tony stopped, his voice breaking. “I don ‘ t want to go out. It ‘ s... .” “Tony!” Jack sat down beside him putting their cups on the table, recognizing that Tonys still was filled. He took the cold hands of the other man into his own, waiting patiently for him to go on. Tony stiffened, then freed himself from the touch and got on his feet, pacing the room restlessly.
Jacks astonished gaze followed his lover continuously, while the other man seemed to look for words. “I don ‘ t want to shock you, but... .” Tony turned his white face towards the other man. “It was... after you had left the town, few weeks ago, when I ‘ ve been tested positive.” Jacks eyes widened. “Tony! You mean... .” “It ‘ s... it could have happened in prison, might have been the interrogation of Nina... .” “Wha... what has Nina to do with it?” Jack stuttered uncomprehending. Tony shrugged. “The injury, my wounds might haven ‘ t been closed, when her blood spread on me... or it reached my eyes... or... . I don ‘ t know... .” He studied the wooden floor with concentration. “It doesn ‘ t matter now. There is nothing anyone can do about it. But... ,” he took a shaking breath. “You know, we hadn ‘ t... since..., but just to be sure you should... soon... .” “God!” Jack got up and pulled Tony in a close embrace. “I ‘ m so sorry,” he whispered into his ear. “Don ‘ t know what to say... .” Tony shook his head, while his arms came up slowly, circling around the younger mans waist. He buried his face on his shoulder and they remained standing there frozen in place. “It ‘ s okay,” Jack whispered stroking the dark hair. “I ‘ m here for you, you know this, do you?” Tony nodded without lifting his face from the familiar place, leaning his temple against Jacks throat, desperately trying to suppress his sobs. “Shhhh Tony, it ‘ s alright. We ‘ re together and we ‘ ll fight this battle like the other ones.” “I wasn ‘ t sure, if you would... .” “Bullshit, Tony. Nothing could drive me away from you, nothing like that.” Tony nodded quietly, at least raised his head, searching for Jacks eyes, which glowed, expressing clearly the amount of love and trust filling the mans heart. Warmth radiated from soft blue seas, spread across the room, consoling Tony, embracing him affectionately, like Jacks arms still did. Tony began trembling from deep within, the self-restraint he had shown the past weeks in Los Angeles slowly fading away, when he finally let the tears flow. Jack held him tight, caressed the slim body with hands and lips, when they seemed to melt in the arms of each other, Tony kissing carefully Jacks neck, tasting his own salty wetness dropping down, releasing him, freeing him from the pressure he had felt for days. Jack made a slight move, turned his face to search the taller mans mouth, leaning forward to gently kiss his lips. His mouth clung to Tonys for a moment, then went on to bestow kisses all over his face, kissing away the tears that remained on his cheeks. It felt like a foreign ritual, an unknown ceremony, removing all traces of Tonys pain and sorrow, replacing it with new hope. Jacks kisses were setting him free, opening his heart to unrestricted love. Jacks fingers ran up at Tonys back, down the sweat-sheened throat, dropping to the buttons of his shirt. Startled Tony leant back, stiffened in Jacks arms, who moved his hands down to the other mans waist, not losing hold. “What is it?” He asked low, regarding the other man with concern. “I can ‘ t,” Tony whispered hoarsely. He took a small step backwards, the obsidian eyes glistening in strange confusion, when thoughts and emotions mixed up in complete disorder in his mind. He swallowed hard. “I ‘ m not ready to be touched... by you.” He turned round, staring at the single picture on the wall, the common landscape covered in snow, probably left by the former owner of the apartment, and felt the former coldness return into his soul. Tonys gaze dropped down again, when he tried, if not to control, than at least to make sense of his feelings. But more than of anything else he remained aware of Jacks presence in this room, without seeing him, without hearing his steps, he sensed the blond approaching him again, sensed the mans arms softly sliding around him again, drawing him closer, while Jack leant his face against the bowed shoulders, standing motionless, the only sounds consisting in their quiet breathing. The gesture was at once worshipful and erotic. Tony didn ‘ t move, after a while touched shyly the hands lying on his chest, covered them with his own, lifted one to his mouth in order to place a sweet kiss on its inside. It felt good to be accepted by Jack, to be cherished by him. He couldn ‘ t do anything to reciprocate, could only stand limply in his embrace, hoping that he wouldn ‘ t freak out again, hoping that he would be able to bear the innocent contact to another man. Tony shivered, when he tried to chase away the dark memories, which had burnt deep traces into his soul, left wounds he sometimes thought, that they would never heal. “I ‘ m here for you,” Jack whispered, barely audible. “Whatever you want, whatever you need.” Tony turned again, took hold of Jacks chin, tilting his face up towards his own. Jacks arms came up around his neck and the two of them clung together. Jack felt like he wasn ‘ t able to let him go, never more, when Tony lovingly kissed the moist lips again and then pulled out of his grip. “I ‘ ll be careful,” Jack promised. “You ‘ ll have nothing to worry about.” “I missed you so much,” he added huskily, trying to hide his embarrassement about the suddenly slipped out confession. Tonys eyes bored into his. “I know, we‘ ve been safe for long times... after your... some of your missions... until we could be sure. Only this time, it ‘ s the other way round. And... .” He looked down, met smoky eyes seeming to shine nearly grey in the growing shadows created by the upcoming darkness, shook his head and brushed his fingers through the dark locks. “I don ‘ t know, how you could bear it, Jack. How could you deal with the humiliation, the fear, the guilt for more than once and then start your life again?” He breathed deeply. “I mean, how could you let me touch you again, after what had happened to you?” Jack rubbed his neck, staring on his shoes, before he pushed the images aside, which started to overtake control, a procedure he was used to for longer than Tony ever would anticipate. A small smile twitched around his mouth, when he reached out for the taller man to lead him tenderly to the couch, where they sat down, regarding the already cold coffee examining. Jack sighed, considering, but unsure about the right words. “Some things need time,” he finally mumbled, feeling awkward about the platitude, but unable to move much closer to the question. “I always did what I had to do, controlling my emotions as far as possible and necessary.” He paused for a moment. “I ‘ m used to it, we ‘ re different in this... . I...you ‘ ll maybe need only more time to heal.” He leant back facing the wall. “Take your time. Don ‘ t push it.” He raised his sight, glancing at the other man. “And you don ‘ t have to do or say anything you won ‘ t feel comfortable with. It ‘ s just, that I want to be there for you, want to go through this with you, because... .” He stopped, refusing to open up more. “You know, that I love you, will never change.” Tony bent forward, hiding his face behind his hands. “God Jack, it ‘ s not, that I... you know what I feel for you... I just can ‘ t... .” The blond slowly closed his eyes. “You want to tell me about Michelle?” Tony remained in his position, tried to calm his tumbling thoughts, before he scratched his cheek. “She ‘ s adorable. I don ‘ t deserve her.” He sighed. “She is standing behind me, one hundred percent, dealt with everything, persuaded me to start the medication and she ‘ s more than patient, when... .” He became quiet. “I ‘ m sorry, Jack. You don ‘ t want to hear.” “No, it ‘ s okay.” Jack opened his eyes again, staring back on to the wall, ignoring the lump in his throat, the familiar ache in his heart, demanding his attention. “She is a great woman, I ‘ m glad you have her on your side.” Tony nodded, rubbing his forehead. “I love her, but I don ‘ t know what to do. I ‘ m feeling thrown around, torn between the longing for her and the need to protect her.” Jacks voice sounded unbelievably cool. “She is strong, probably stronger than we are, she is able to protect herself, Tony. Trust her in this. Don ‘ t deny what you two possess.” Tony winced, when the phone shrilled unexpectedly. Jack shook his head. “Don ‘ t mind, the mail box will take care.” He blinked at the dark haired. “No CTU business anymore, can ‘ t be that urgent.” Tony responded to the look, tiny wrinkles developped around his eyes while his features lit up. They smiled at each other, at ease, suddenly freed somehow, when a voice was heard. “Jack! It ‘ s Chase. I ‘ m practically on my way to Washington, will arrive tomorrow. I would love to see you. Please call me back... otherwise I will... I ‘ ll find you, okay... .” It lasted a while, before it klicked in the line, only Chases breathing audible. Tony and Jack looked each other into their eyes, before Tony sank back against with a sigh. “That ‘ s it. I ‘ m going.” “Tony... wait!” “No!” Tony stood up determined. “You want some time with your lover? I won ‘ t disturb your pleasure!”
“Don ‘ t be stupid!” Jack jumped up, almost shouting, his voice shivering, when he tried to control his flaming anger. “You ‘ ll stay and stop playing games.” “Don ‘ t dare to command me!” Jack frantically rubbed his forehead, taking a few steps forward, before standing still. “I ‘ ve been together with Chase, I ‘ ve made a mistake, but in the end I ‘ m only human. And you - especially you - above everyone else - you have no right to condemn one of us.” “That ‘ s what you ‘ re really thinking. Damn you, Jack!” Tonys voice contained nothing but bitterness. “No.” Jack turned back to the couch, slowly sat down again, staring into the ground, seeing nothing, feeling the abyss open up under his feet. “I ‘ m tired of this.” He finally mentioned. “I ‘ m so tired of it, you ‘ ll never know.” He leant forward and propped his chin up against his hands. “I won ‘ t tell you again what I ‘ m feeling, no repetitions anymore.” He let his hands fall down, before he raised his left arm to cover his eyes, while he sank back until his head rested on the side of the couch. “What do you think, why I left?” he added low. “Can ‘ t do this any longer. I ‘ m through with it. If you don ‘ t know what you mean to me, if you... .” He grew speechless, wanted to throw his frustration at the other man, wanted to let him know everything he had held back, he had refused to load on him, he had preferred to keep inside. Jack watched with suddenly awakened interest how the darkness, which he knew only existed in his mind, became bigger gradually, how, behind his protecting arm, behind his closed eyes soft blackness reached out for him, promising tranquillity and forgetting, soothing his ache with sweet nothingness. He sensed his fatigue, felt the temptation to give in, felt he not even would possess the strength to long for the drug. That ‘ s what it would be, complete emptiness. He tried to think about the meaning, but his weariness seemed too devouring to allow a single thought. Nothing but numbness, the urge to sink into whatever invited him, to sink deeper and deeper until he would be gone thoroughly.
A slow and careful touch awakened him and the weight of another person settled on his couch. Tony tenderly removed the arm still lying on Jacks face, watched the beloved features, expressing pain and sorrow, marked with the signs of a life, which had demanded everything. He bent forward slowly kissing the closed eyelids, before he leant back himself, remaining silent. They stayed like this and the hours passed by, when the moon rised sending its silver light down the strangely clear sky, where isolated stars sparkled in the distance. Tony watched them, for the first time in years he did nothing but regarding the cotton wool clouds vanishing behind the window frames, offering space to the wonder of a winter night, which allowed a short glance into the universe. He knew Jacks pain as he knew his own, and he felt guilty about his inability to protect him, to regularly make things worse for him. Seems like though he never intended, though Jack had never complained, he always caused him to suffer. And though he knew, he couldn ‘ t stay away, neither could Jack. Tony stared into the white shining moon, enlightening the roofs of the city, different but yet the same, each of it covering various fates, maybe more similar to theirs, than they would ever imagine. And if Tony discovered one thing this night, it was his deep conviction, that Jacks and his destinies were combined, no matter what the future, what the next day might bring. He pulled up his knees and carefully laid his head against Jacks shoulder, feeling him react with a soft sigh, before they both fell into sleep.
* * * * *
“Bauer?” “Dad, it ‘ s me! I wondered if you ‘ ve heard from Chase. He wanted to call from Sharons place, but she hadn ‘ t seen him yet, and I ‘ m starting to become concerned. Thought he ‘ d maybe visited you first?” “No darling, I ‘ m sorry, he isn ‘ t here.” Jack looked at Tony, the colour vanished from his face. “I ‘ m sure, he ‘ s alright, maybe the flight was delayed or he remembered something else to do.” “Yeah.” Kim suppressed her worry. “It ‘ s only... he behaves strange from time to time and I don ‘ t know.” “He ‘ s a big boy, sweetheart. I ‘ ll tell him to call you back, if he shows up.” “Thanks, Dad! And I ‘ m still angry at you for your staying away at Christmas. I expect you honestly on my birthday.” “Sure, Kim. I ‘ ll be there.” “And,” she sighed. “Maybe you could tell him, when he shows up, that he should take his job more seriously. I know, it isn ‘ t that interesting, but... .” “Don ‘ t know, if I ‘ m the right person for this... .” “Yes.” She silenced. “Call me then! Bye!” Jack laid the phone down. “Kim?” Tony asked. “Yes, she... she... .” Jack hesitated. “She ‘ s looking for Chase.” Tony completed. “What are you thinking?” “I don ‘ t know.” Jack frowned. “I ‘ m sure, she ‘ checked the airports before she ‘ d decided to call me. You ‘ ve heard anything while I ‘ ve been at work?” Tony shook his head. “No, but I hadn ‘ t been here that much. Returned just before you arrived.” Jack placed his briefcase on the table, opened the lock and pulled a notebook outside. “Are you allowed to take this with you?” “Under certain circumstances.” “For example?” “I received some strange emails today. Thought about checking them properly tonight.” “Should I have a look. It ‘ s more my area of expertise than yours.” Jack smiled half-hearted. “I hoped you would offer.” He shoved the notebook into Tonys direction, who sat down and started to work on it. “You ‘ re worried about Chase?” Jack shrugged. “I don ‘ t know. Can ‘ t tell you what he might have in his mind.” “You don ‘ t... ?” “No!” Jacks voice became sharp. “I told you, I hadn ‘ t seen him since... . He called, and that was it.” He ruffled his hair, while walking nervously around, watching Tony dealing his task concentrated. He got rid of his jacket and the tie, before he took two glasses and a bottle out of the cupboard. “Chase had stepped back. He probably feels guilty.” Jack glanced at Tony, ready to judge his reaction, which didn ‘ t happen. When it became clear, that he wouldn ‘ t answer, Jack filled their glasses with liquor, before he decided to speak again. “It isn ‘ t easy for him, he really wants the best for Angela and Kim, he does what he can.” Jack swallowed the content of his glass in one gulp and nodded in the direction of the other one. Tony shook his head, eyes bound to the monitor. Finally he answered. “So you think, he ‘ s doing what you did for Teri?” “No!” Jack repulsed. “I never did it for Teri or Kim, neither Chase does it for anyone else but himself. Sometimes you simply have no choice.” “Doing the right thing. I see.” Tony replied. “But imagine Teri hadn ‘ t been pregnant, are you sure, you would have married her?” He stopped typing, watching the other man observantly. Jack filled his glass again, staring into the clear fluid, before his eyes locked with the dark ones of the other man. “You know very well, I wouldn ‘ t. I knew in those days as I know it know, that I ‘ m not the man for a marriage, I can ‘ t even handle a relationship. Teri would have deserved better.” “You tried, Jack. You did best you could and Teri had made her decision as well. She had known... ?” “She had known from the start. We ‘ ve been all alike in this. She ‘ d always known, that I ‘ m gay or bi, it had never played a role, as long as I remained faithful to her. We have both known, that there are other things in life far more important. Unfortunately... .” He sighed. “I failed, dealing with these other things, too.” “And you fear, that Chase has similar problems.” Jack shook his head. “How should I know? I have no idea what is happening inside of him.” He took another gulp. “I ‘ ve never known what Teri was thinking or... .” He paused. “You know, you still remain a mystery to me, I ‘ ll never be sure about other peoples feelings.” “But you are an open book,” Tony added, then startled. “Wait! Is that what you were talking about?” Jack looked at where he had pointed. “Yes, I wonder how they got it through without using the password.” Tony tried to open the file. “It ‘ s coded, and I can ‘ t figure out to whom it ‘ s adressed.” “Regularly everything is destined to reach Secretary Heller, respectively his bureau. And whoever succeeds in coming so far, might know, that every mail would pass me first.” “That ‘ s what I mean. Could be a message, directed to you.” “Why should someone act so complicated, I ‘ m not that difficult to reach.” Tony shrugged. “To demonstrate, what he ‘ s capable of.... . So, it ‘ s decoded.” Tony shook his head. “Military code, new! Developed just before I... before I left CTU. And it ‘ s italian! Do you have any idea what that could be about?” “No.” Jack wondered and stared on the message. “It ‘ s a warning.” Tony nodded, then looked at Jack. “You have an idea, where this comes from.” Jack squirmed uncomfortably. “If it ‘ s directed to me... maybe!” “Stop or you might regret it!” Tony leant back. “That could mean anything and would make sense concerning a lot of things Heller does each day.” “Yep,” Jack agreed. “Anything else you could find out?” “No traces left. Maybe someone like Chloe,... but I wouldn ‘ t be sure.” “Ok,” Jack looked up when the phone rang. “Might be Kim or Chase.” A husky voice was heard through the wire. “I see, you got our message!” Jack stiffened. “What are you talking about?” “I ‘ m talking about you staying away from our business. You know, what business I ‘ m talking about, and you ‘ ll see soon, that it isn ‘ t worth it.” “Hey!” Jack barked into the phone, but the connection had been already broken. “What was it?” Tony seemed concerned. “It ‘ s serious, isn ‘ t it?” “Don ‘ t know.” Jack met his eyes. “I ‘ m doing some researches these days... and obviously that ‘ s the reason... .” He grabbed the phone as soon as it started ringing again. “Who is it?” Silence, then a voice from far away. “Jack, is it you?” “Chase? Damnit, where are you?” “I ‘ m... .” “That ‘ s enough!” The husky voice interrupted. “What are you doing?” Jack shouted. “If you ‘ ll do something to him, I ‘ ll kill you!” “Sure, Jack! Don ‘ t worry! This time, you ‘ ll get your boy back well and healthy. Next time, we ‘ ll go for your daughter, and she won ‘ t be that lucky.” “You son of a ... .” Jack let out a shivering breath, when silence hit him again. “Damnit... I can ‘ t believe this mess. I... .” He stopped ranting, rupping his temple. “There must be something I can do.” Tony gripped his arm. “Tell me! I don ‘ t understand!” “It ‘ s Chase,” they are threatening him... me!” “But why? Who is it?” “It ‘ s this... I couldn ‘ t... .” “No Jack!” Tony shook him. “You aren ‘ t still after Corone, don ‘ t tell me you ‘ re... .” “I can ‘ t see how you ‘ re ready to leave it, especially after... .” “Damnit Jack! What if they are going for Michelle... I would never forgive you... or me.” “Stop it Tony! It ‘ s a warning, they won ‘ t go for Michelle or Kim, I won ‘ t let them.” A sound like a desperate laughter escaped Tonys mouth. “You won ‘ t... . I swear to you... if anything... .” The phone rang again. “Better you bring your boy to a hospital now. The stupid guy tried to fight back.” “Where, where is he?” “Hope, you ‘ ll stay away now!” “I promise. Where is he?” “Take a good look!” “Where is he?” But the voice was already gone. “Damnit, Tony. We have to look for him. Maybe he isn ‘ t far away.” “Jack, listen!” Suddenly an engine roared and the sound of a leaving van filled the air. “You call the ambulance, Tony! Do it quick,” Jack shouted before he stormed outside. A minute later Tony followed him, went downstairs and circled the building until he saw the blond bending over a motionless figure lying on the street. Jack held the man in his arms, whispered reassuring words, while he checked the signs of life. “Chase?” Tony shouted, while he came nearer. “He ‘ s okay,” Jack breathed. “Beaten up, but probably nothing serious.” “His arm?” “Alright, still the bandage, thank God,” Jack stroke the consciousless mans hair, when the ambulance turned around the corner. “Here!” Tony waved them to stop and managed to convince Jack to stand up in order to let the medical service take over.
* * * * *
“He is fine, don ‘ t worry, Mr. Bauer. Still a few tests and questions, but that ‘ s routine. Seems, that hasn ‘ t been the first fight he ‘ d gone through.” “Certainly not, so , when will you release him?” “Probably in one hour, not longer. Maybe one or two ribs are broken, but we ‘ ll know more when we ‘ ll have been taken an X-Ray. And Mr. Edmunds already had made clear, that he wanted to leave anyway.” The doctor looked into his files. “So there ‘ s nothing you can do now, besides a blood donation, if you want too.” “Thanks, doc,”Jack answered. “We ‘ ll stay here.” “Jack!” Tony said, when the doctor had left. “Maybe, when we ‘ re already here, you want to make a test?” Jack smirked and shook his head. “No need to, Tony. I ‘ ve done a complete check-up last week, and you know, that I wouldn ‘ t leave it out.” “Yes! Thank God!” Tony sighed relieved. “I only wanted to be sure.” “I know,” Jack smiled. “You always want to be sure. I suppose Michelle is alright, too?” “She is. I ‘ m so glad about it.” “Yes!” Jack became silent. “We still have to talk about... .” Tony raised his head determined. “I want you to stay away from this Corone-guy, and this time it ‘ s my decision. He isn ‘ t worth the risk.” Jack considered the statement. “I understand, but probably you should know, where he has his fingers in. His name isn ‘ t Corone, he pretends to be italian, but originally he ‘ s from Texas, named Roger Connors, a real american, though he changes his nationality, whenever necessary.” “I don ‘ t care, Jack. I made my point clear and in this case I expect you to listen to me. You ‘ ll leave it behind, for once in your life, you ‘ ll turn away completely!” Their eyes met, and Jack studied the dark pools, looking for a single sign of doubt or insecurity. “Mr. Bauer! Your collegue wants to talk to you!” Jack untied the glance and followed the nurse. Chase already stood, leaning against the examination lounger, watching his right arm. He looked up and his sight fell upon Tony, who came behind Jack. “You... you ‘ re here, too?” He stuttered, changing a quick glance with Jack, before he let his eyes drop on the inside of his healthy arm again. His face weared some bruises, one eye was swollen, and his upper lip teared open. A plaster covered his right temple, but the gazes of the two men concentrated first on the place he scrutinized. The skin looked red and angry and when they came nearer, the discovered clearly the fresh tattoo burnt into the the former white surface. “What does it say?” Tony asked breathlessly. “It says ‘ Remember! ‘ “ Chase answered confused. “The bastards said you would know!” Green eyes met blue and the lost connection built up again in an instant. Tony held his breath, when the vibes exchanged, unspoken understanding felt the room.