[private]
Ok, I'll let you know if I get any news. I think Rumlow's on it right now. And I don't want to dumptruck on you, Pepper, but what did you want me to do? I said I was sorry. You said I don't mean it when I say I'm sorry. I told you I loved you. Which I do. Did. I did. I still do. Whatever, you know what I mean. But that wasn't good enough either. And then Sharknado happened, and I got arrested for helping people and also a little bit because it was Sharknado, and you know I think it's the best worst thing ever.
And then jail and asshats like Rumlow and Loki helping and you and I and now the lawyers have to pitch a bitch and sue the Accords out of the government and the bitchy private eye I hired to watch zombie commando Rumlow (that I was about to call off since obviously he's not a complete asshat if he took a bullet for Clint) is missing because of her psycho murderous ex that I kinda breeze-through read about and I kinda liked her shitty attitude because I have one of those things too, so why couldn't she just watch him instead of being drinking buddies and I DON'T KNOW what to do, ok? I DON'T. I have NO clue, Pep. I'm not a mystical bad ass. I can't wave a hand and fix this.
Oh! By the way? I don't stop to consult people because I am too busy trying to FACEROLL this kinda stuff whenever it happens. Given that 50% track record of getting things right? Not awesome.
I hate this so much. But the only thing I DO know, that might be the most right thing I've ever done, is that I don't want to make you unhappy anymore. And if I'm not making you happy? You made a great decision with that cold shoulder of yours.
Only thing I ask? Please don't date my former not-really-a-team mates? It's weird. You and Thor? I am so weirded out by that. Find someone who's gonna be nice to you that's like...Steve...but NOT Steve. Ok?
Now I have to brain a way to find the private eye that was swindling me because I can't even imagine what the fuck fucked up fucking things she must be going through. Even though Strange said she doesn't want help. That guy's weird too. I don't trust him.