|Natalia Romanova (redledgerkiller) wrote in avengers_logs,|
@ 2018-09-11 18:23:00
|Entry tags:||-backdated, -complete, -gamewide plot, natasha romanoff, peggy carter|
Who: Nat, Peggy
When: Sunday (backdated 9/9/18)
Where: Stark Industries
Ratings: Sad green
Nat was thrilled to have everyone coming back. But her heart was heavy from her talk with James. So, when she’d seen Peggy step through, Nat already knew her night was just getting worse and worse. A heavy sigh escaped her as she moved towards the woman who started it all. A faint smile on her face.” Welcome back.” She said softly as she offered Peggy help only if she needed it. Taking a step back to let her get some air. “Tony had water and food downstairs for everyone and anyone who wants it. Let’s get you something to drink at least.” Distracting. It’s what Nat was doing. Offering food and water to drag the inevitable out.
For a moment, Peggy couldn’t tell which way was up. It was like her physical body was planted again but her soul and mind were still spinning for a few more seconds. She reached out and gripped Nat’s arm for a beat before blinking back into herself. Her mouth opened to respond but she wasn’t interested in food or drink. “Steve.” Of course, it was all she could say. “Where is he?” She couldn’t feel him, she could always feel him when he was around her, whether she could see him or not. She looked around finally, her gaze finding Bucky first and then tracing around the room analyzing to make sure she was correct and as usual, she was.
Why would he not be here? Surely he would be the first to arrive? For Bucky and herself? Nothing short of death could have- Oh no. The same feeling she had felt wash over her sitting in that chair, listening to his voice crackle in her ear came over her again. A cold sinking, like her body, was being dipped into the Atlantic in the middle of December. Peggy. No, not again. We’ll have the band play something slow. Not this time. I love you too.
It was like she retreated back into herself, trying to wall off the emotion fighting it’s way out through the tears in her eyes. This was not the place to fall apart. She looked at Nat now, finally, her breathing that had settled as she righted herself was beginning to pick up again, panic in her heart. “Where is he, Natasha?”
Nat watched her closely. Watched as her body languages had changed entirely in a matter of seconds. Hearing her call for him was heartbreaking, when she asked where he was, Nat uncrossed her arms for the moment. “Maybe we should talk in private.” is all she replied with.
She'd already told James what had happened in a more private area away from others. “Please,” she said gently and morning towards the elevator. Since this was a discussion that no one else needed to hear.
I love you too. It played in her head over and over as she felt her body acting without thought. Her eyes closed and her jaw tensed as she readied herself before taking a deep steady breath and moving in the direction Nat indicated. This was no place for her, with happy reunions and smiles. This wasn’t her moment anymore.
Slipping through the elevator doors, she leaned forward once she reached the back, hands gripping the rail tightly as her forehead pressed itself into the cold metal. She didn’t speak again until she heard the doors close and by now, her voice was cracking with each word. “Was he in pain? Were you there?” Please don’t tell me he was alone again. Please.
Much like with James, she'd stop the elevator between floors as she listened to Peggys questions. “He didn't harm himself, Peggy.. we suspect he was returned to his reality,” she said softly. “I was with him a few days before he just vanished.” She informed him. Much like she informed James.
“I'm sorry.” it shouldn't have happened. But it did, he was gone and the fight had to continue. But right now she would be here for the two people that mattered most to Steve. She wasn't going to leave them. She just hoped no one else would vanish.
Harm himself? Had that been a thought? Her brunette waves whipped as her gaze snapped painfully to Nat, face unable to hide the devastation stirring inside her. “He was-...” To know he was in that much pain, it made her knees weak. Her hands gripped the rail tighter but her body wasn’t letting her get away with it this time. As if on cue, her breathing quickened, hyperventilating as she pressed a hand to her chest while using the hand still on the rail to help lower herself to her knees. It was a shameful sight, and one she normally would never permit another to see. But she knew Nat would never speak of it, she was smart enough to know better.
Plus with everything that had happened, who could blame her a mild breakdown?
Maybe I’ll hold her tight just because I can. And a spectacular breakdown it was, her hyperventilation turning into body-wracking sobs as she leaned her body against the cold wall over the elevator, both legs folded under her as she curled in on herself. Not again.
Nat came to take a step forward when Peggy finally broke. A hand coming to her shoulder as she kneeled down beside the woman, her other hand coming to grasp her the side of Peggy's other shoulder as held her tight for the moment.
Outside of Clint, only others who would see any softer side of the Russian assassin were now Peggy and James.
It was an emotional reunion. In front of others, she held that cold exterior. But in the privacy between the two women, Nat allowed herself to show emotions as her voice was low and broken a bit. “I'm so sorry, Peggy”
No, Nat and Steve were nothing but friends. But she cared for him. Next, to Clint, there weren't many people who Nat kept close with. Yet, Steve was one of those people she considered her friend.
“If you need anything, just ask. I'm here for you. Both of you.”