InsaneJournal

Backdated Log
Who: Gamora and Peter
What: Coming clean about his failure with Thanos
When: Backdated to July 5
Rating: Green




It was so effing hot.

One thing Peter had completely forgotten was how the weather affected so much on Earth: your clothes, your day, your mood... blah.

How were you supposed to be all broody when the sun was up and you were wearing flip flops? It was damn near impossible, which is why when Gamora left work, he was smiling even though all he wanted was to look hurt and put upon.

"Hey babe," he said, equal parts peppy and gloomy. "How was work?"

Gamora's mood suffered no change with the weather. She felt weighed down, gloomy and doomed and no amount of sunlight was going to change that. What had changed was her hair; she was wearing it up in a bun for the first time in a long while, but needs must and all of that. She had been wandering about work absently ever since her conversation with Nebula, and how apparently Peter had cost them their chance to defeat Thanos. Judging by how defensive Peter was, this was definitely true. Gamora only wanted to understand exactly how and why, but it was going to be a battle. Disagreeing with Peter usually was. When she found him waiting for her outside the building, Gamora sighed as if preparing herself for a fight, and attempted to smile. She failed. "Hello. It was fine." She replied, waiting for him to fall in step beside her. "How was your day?"

Peter shrugged as he walked with her. He felt oddly awkward, but he didn't know why. Maybe because everyone had gotten mad at him once those memories had come in.

Well. Tony in particular. But still. Wasn't fun.

"Just sat around. Cleaned some more. Did laundry. I'm becoming an amazing house husband." Peter gave a grin. He was actually proud of this. "I even scrubbed the toilet. Aren't I amazing?"

A soft smile came over Gamora's sullen expression and she sighed tiredly, as usual. "What is a house husband? I hope you didn't marry the house." She didn't think this to be the place where such a thing was real, but you never knew. "Yes, it's good to know you don't need to be screamed at to clean up, as opposed to some other guardians I know..." Gamora didn't know what else to say. She knew Peter knew damn well what they needed to talk about, and that he was trying to either distract her or soften her image of him for what was coming next. She sighed again. "Do you want to explain what Nebula meant, now?"

Peter was going to explain the house husband thing but he knew that was just him trying to prolong the conversation.

So he sighed loudly and heavily, and shoved his hands in his pocket. "I let Thanos get into my head," he muttered. "He said all the right things, and I just....forgot the plan."
Stopping suddenly, he stretched out his arms. "That's right -- I'm the reason your horrible excuse for a dad got free and everyone's been on my case for it. I have no excuses, okay?? None! I fucked up. Bigtime. But fuck, he was just so fucking...smug and..." Peter trailed of, feeling suddenly defeated at the memory.

Of all the ways Gamora imagined he could have aided in the plan failing, this was the most ridiculous and somehow the most predictable. She continued walking, silently, jaw set and eyes forward, but when he stopped and continued being flippantly defensive about it Gamora turned around to face Peter and she wasn't happy. "Smug?!" She accused. "I was willing to die to keep him from destroying the universe as we know it but you couldn't deal with him being smug? You know, I thought we were past this. You were childish and easily manipulated when we met, but I thought you were more secure of yourself, confident enough that it isn't just any quip that sets you off. Clearly, I was wrong."

"It wasn't a quip!" He rubbed his face furiously. This was not going out the way he wanted it to, but he found himself vomiting words before he could think. "Jee-sus CHRIST, Gamora!" Lowering his voice, he whispered loudly, "I was willing to KILL you! I have emotions! I'm not a fricking robot! Do you know what I went through, knowing he'd taken you, but thinking the whole time, "this is his favourite daughter, he won't hurt her, he won't do anything to her, I'll have her back soon enough' and then to find out he'd sacrificed you??" Tears were starting to stream down his face, but he barely noticed. "I know I fucked up. I know I did. I basically handed him the universe because of me, and I have to live with that! And everyone knows! EVERYONE." His voice had started to go up again and he was aware that people were giving him a strange look. Even in New York, he was behaving weird. "I have to live with this. And I am so so sorry."

The fault wasn't hers that she had misunderstood, Gamora thought. The way Peter had explained it felt like he had been baiting her on purpose. "Did you hear yourself when you explained it to me? Nowhere in your reasoning was there anything other than the fact that Thanos was being smug and you didn't like it. I am not a mind reader and you better check your attitude." She was angry; not as much at Peter as at Thanos, or really angry in general. She also didn't know how to deal with having someone mourn her while she was standing right there. Peter's tears made her flex her hands, and she took a step forward. "Peter. I understand, now. He was bragging about killing me, expecting exactly the reaction you had because it's what he does. He exploits people, physically and mentally." She wrapped her arms around him. "Come here. We have to remember that no one is more important than the universe. We have this chance, and what is done cannot be undone. Apologize and move on, if they can't understand your reaction then they've never loved anyone."

It wasn't often that she touched him in public. The simple gesture was enough to bring him back to the present and realize he was having a slight breakdown in the middle of the city.

Shakily, he wiped his eyes and took a deep breath in. "Holy crap, I must look like a crazy person. And like rationally? I absolutely get what you're saying. Without the universe, no one can live...but I don't want to live in a universe without you either.". He gave her a sad grin. "And Thanos knows that. It's why if that future comes here? I'm prepared this time. I won't cave. I'll make you proud of me, babe."

Laying the side of her head on Peter's shoulder, Gamora shrugged as if she didn't care what they looked like. She'd once been a green woman walking around the city, this was the least of her problems. "It's bigger than us, though. Everyone else doesn't deserve the collateral damage of our grief."

She smiled, nuzzling into Peter's shoulder. "I know. You usually do. And if I die here, I won't die alone and scared. That's okay by me."

He really didn't want to talk about death, but if that's what it took to get some love in public, hey, awesome. He wasn't going to argue that. Instead, he pulled her closer and gave her a kiss on the top of her head. "Hey, in a totally lame attempt to change the topic, I'm going to start working for Stark. Won't that be fun? I'm going to be his bitch apparently, so random hours, but cool right?"

The forehead kiss made Gamora snicker, and she let Peter pull her in, wrapping her arms around him tighter. Until he revealed he was going to be Tony Stark's bitch that was. She pulled away to look at him with knitted brow. "His... bitch? A female dog? Or the complicated yet demeaning definition when it applies to humans? That's unsettling. I suppose if you're getting well compensated at least it's not slavery. So yeah, it's cool."
She smiled uneasily.

Peter opened his mouth to argue, but to be fair, her definition seemed spot on. "Well yeah. I mean, I guess I could have used the term 'gofer'. You know ...go for this, go for that ... anyways, I guess whatever that Stark guy wants, I help him out with but," his eyes brightened up, "in exchange for money which is amazing because I'm tired of being broke, he's also going to help us with the ship." He grinned. "Isn't that amazing?? We are this close to taking off again, baby! So to celebrate – let’s have dinner without the crew, hey?” They hadn’t been able to have that alone time in a while, and he’d gotten a little bit of an advance from Tony.
Hey – he wasn’t ashamed to ask. Now he could take his girl out for dinner, and what better feeling was there?