InsaneJournal

Who: Pepperony
What/When: Backdated! Lunch meeting after this convo. Questions are popped asked.
Rating: Yellow, language.

Tony Stark was at Nobu. There were already a few social media posts about it, which Tony was frowning about while staring down at his Stark-phone. If someone took a shot at him, he didn't care. Pepper was an entirely different story, so he was keeping an eye on things to see if any mention of her popped up. They were running a few minutes late. Happy texted to say they were at a stoplight and traffic was bad. Tony texted back that he should stop taking the wrong routes all of the time. All he got back was a middle finger emoji. It might be paranoid. It might be his anxiety and obsessive personality making him check every few seconds. Until Happy dropped Pepper off - and he had Happy watching her like a hawk on long haul trucker grade No-Doze - he wasn't going to be able to concentrate on anything else. When he wasn't checking his phone, he was leaning to one side to try to look at the entrance. Why did the best tables have to be in the back corner of everything? It was great to see Happy. Pepper gave him a hug and a kiss to the cheek when he showed up to take her to her “date”. She knew exactly why Tony had sent Happy, and the fact that he was a friend to Pepper was the least of reasons. Amusingly, she was surprised it wasn’t Thor or Steve doing this duty. As for how long it was taking to get to the restaurant it just gave her more time to catch up with her “driver”. The traffic had been hellish, so Pepper arrived a few minutes late. The maitre d led her through the restaurant to where Tony was waiting. He would only get glimpses of her legs until she was practically at the table. Then he would get an eye full of her little black dress. Pepper knew exactly how she looked and what effect she’d have on Tony so there was a little smirk on her face as she reached the table. He would know those legs anywhere. Tony leaned so far to one side as Pepper approached that it looked like he was in danger of falling out of his chair. He abruptly stood up before that actually happened. There was a smile on his face that was reserved just for her, just short of impish and absolutely bursting with pride. It wasn't because Pepper was a trophy date, or trophy wife, material. She really was everything to him, even if he behaved badly or did a poor job of showing it. The perfect balance of brains and beauty. "Hey, you. You look business sexy today. Like there's business and we should get down to it. I'm on board. With this meeting. That we're having. So. Hi." When she was within arm's reach, Tony wasn't sure if it was dangerous territory to lean in for a kiss or not. Tony being Tony, he started leaning in for one anyway. Those pursed lips are incoming. Even if it's a harmless hello smooch, he's going for it. “Thank you.” Pepper smiled for the compliment. It was actually pretty tame for Tony. It told her that he was actually trying to behave. Point in his favor. As for the incoming kiss, she didn’t stop him, but she did give him the cheek. Anything more would be giving him the wrong impression. “You still clean up pretty well,” she offered as she casually pulled back from the kiss. It was true. Tony always looked good all dressed to the nines. The problem was he usually knew it, but that was the least of his sins, honestly. “So who did you have to bump from the reservation list to get this table so quickly? Can we expect an angry Mark Wahlberg to interrupt dinner?” She reached for the back of what was obviously her chair, but knew Tony would step in. He better. Tony did pull out the chair for her. He always did, just like the times he would offer to get the door for her, even when she gave him a pointed look and got it for herself. Usually because she was in a hurry or disgusted with him. Both were familiar states, and Tony liked it when she gave him that disgusted look, anyway. Most of the time. When they weren't currently on a break. Of the up variety. "I like it when you tell me I look pretty," was the inevitable quip as Tony waited until she was seated and then sat down across from her. It was the best table, of course. So someone further down the popularity ladder inevitably got bumped. Probably someone who didn't have their own ice cream flavor, like he did. "Some actor or whoever. Not Wahlberg, though. We lucked out." He went silent and was intently watching her for well over thirty seconds, which meant that the train was leaving the station and heading nonstop toward Wrecksville. "Ok, let's cut to the chase," Tony said, clasping his hands together on the top of the table, and then gesturing around as he continued (nervously) mouth vomiting. "I don't think the whole being broke up thing is working for us. I mean, is it really that good for you? Because I miss you and I think maybe you miss me. Like, a bit. Maybe it's an annoying bit. But it's still a bit. And I'm kinda hoping that it counts for something, because I saw you walk in here and I can't keep my eyes off you. Same as ever. You're not even like eye candy. You're like an...eye...magnet. I just hone in and it's you and it's only you. I know the suit thing is, granted, obsessive? I admit that. I have a problem. It's a tinker toy problem. But! Wait, not done here. But! They're still to protect you, because you're still the most important thing to me and I still love you. And that..." Tony pointed at her. "...is never negotiable." In case there was any question, Tony Stark's choo choo to Wrecksville is a very short train ride. At a fancy dinner like this Pepper stuck to etiquette. It was when they went to someplace like Starbucks or Panera Bread and he pulled her chair out that made her give him the stink eye of warning. Even this time she was guarded. Pepper had an idea of how the evening would go, but Tony could still surprise her. He might even behave. Then he proved that theory wrong. Tony hadn’t even waited for her to get a glass of wine before he put his cards on the table. Pepper felt the tension settle in her neck. Wonderful. She settled for taking a drink of the water at her place setting. She even recognized the type of blathering he had in mind, and how long it would go. After knowing someone for as long as she did Tony you know their habits and tendencies. So she watched and she listened, and yes, there was a moment when she wanted to speak then was stopped by him. Fine. She could wait. Finally her patience paid out and she set her water glass down. “I’d accuse you of writing that out before you got here, but I know you too well for that.” She leaned back in her chair as she looked at Tony. His eyes were sunken holes in his head, and he didn’t have such a hollow look to his face. He must have gotten some sleep. Pepper felt her heart melt a little bit, and she knew how this would inevitably end. She needed time, however, or she’d kneejerk a very bad reaction. “Okay, yes,” she said quietly. “I’ve missed you. But you still don’t get it.” Pepper hoped that this time he would listen. That this time he would get it. If he didn’t then this wasn’t going to work. “It wasn’t the suits. Well, not just the suits. You’d spend hours, sometimes days working on things to protect me like some kind of china doll instead of being with me. The very thing you wanted to use to protect me came between us like a dog hogging the bed.” It wasn’t a bad analogy, but the mental image of an Iron Man suit between them in bed almost made her crack up. She had her own head of steam going, made obvious by her own hand gestures. “Then there were the Accords...which you know I didn’t like...then the fight between you and Steve, then Rhodey….and I just...couldn’t anymore.” And how much that broke her heart showed on her face, especially her eyes. “I would never ask you to stop because I know it’s important. You are important. But it was getting really difficult to compete and it definitely was a competition for your time.” Of course he was going to faceroll right into things, just like he did with everything else in his life. Blunt confrontation was his forte. Tony looked up at the ceiling, blinking and thinking as he listened at first. By the end of what she said, his eyes were on her and he looked very, very serious. Seeing Pepper with that sad look on her face wasn't helping matters in the guilt department. He loved her more than ever, even if he ended up hurting her simply by virtue of being him. The situation was as serious as a heart attack. He might have one of those at any point in time, after years of hauling around a metric ton of stress and attempts to blow that stress off via hedonistic excess. That was then and this was now. Now there were no more parties on a whim, no supermodels, and he was drinking in moderation. If moderation meant spiking his coffee or smoothie. At least once a day. Or every other day, maybe. Whatever. It was his norm. What was also his norm was to fly off the cuff in a random direction, which is precisely what he did when he pointed out, "First? You know I'm not into pets, so that metaphor doesn't work. And second, that's not what I was aiming for. Like, at all. I know you're not made of glass and I know I can't stop, it's too important not to do it. But after the Accords, which was a mistake by the way? I mean, there's all this stuff going on now, and it's...." He trailed off while trying to find a way around saying 'overwhelming' but couldn't come up with a better way of putting it. His mouth was still open to continue talking when a menu was held out at him by a waitress. Tony held up one hand to fend it off, like he was being confronted by a plague victim. Handing him things was still a no-no, and a little laugh slipped out before he could stop himself. "Just....yeah, drop that right here. And can we get wine? Just, you know...whatever costs the most. Give us that. And water. I'm going to need water to put out so many dumpster fires right now." Most specifically, the dumpster fire that was his life. He patted that hand on the table and muttered a 'thanks' under his breath once it was placed down. The menu was slowly slid over with a fingertip placed down on one corner. Awkward conversation was awkward, meaning he could barely sit still while deciding what to order. He plopped one elbow down on the table top and that hand went to his forehead, where it stayed for approximately twenty seconds, before he was restlessly shifting around again. The interruption by the waitress probably saved Pepper from giving in right then and there as she listened to Tony. Why did she have such a weakness when it came to him? Maybe because he had changed from his womanizing days. He had finally learned responsibility. The problem was that he took that too far. Tony didn’t just dwell in his guilt, he went scuba diving in it. Pepper had always wished she could save him from his worst enemy. Himself. She reached to take the menu instinctually but stopped herself. Let Tony deal with it for once. And he did. Not entirely poorly. Pepper’s lips twitched to one side in amusement before she looked up to the poor waitress who was scared to bring the wrong thing. “A bottle of Pinot Grigio, please.” She looked back to Tony to watch him go through all of that and her heart became a stupid gooey puddle. “Tony, stop,” she said as she reached out to put her hand over his on the table. “Just stop. You can’t sit still. You can’t focus. What the hell happened, because I know it isn’t just about me.” In response, he stopped shifting around. Pepper knew him like the back of her own hand, which she'd playfully smacked him with a few times. After Afghanistan, after Stane, he barely came out of his garage. He buried himself in suit upgrades and builds. He tinkered on his cars. He programmed. It was safe. It was familiar. Pepper did everything. She was his spokesperson, his publicist, his representative, his financial advisor, the one person he trusted more than anyone else. More than he trusted himself. Far more. It got so bad after the Chitauri invasion, that going out started to result in a rise in anxiety that culminated in a full blown anxiety attack while in a restaurant with Rhodey. And several times afterward, although he always tried to hide it behind the sort of bravado that people seemed to expect out of Iron Man, public superhero and filthy rich hot mess. While this moment was nothing near those past anxiety attacks, it was clear there was a lot of restless energy going on, and Pepper was - once again - keeping him anchored in the present. It was what she was good at. It was why he turned his hand over and held on, not letting go. There was that nervous chuckle again, teetering on the edge of sounding a little manic. He glanced up to make sure the waitress was departing, before leaning in against the edge of the table so he could whisper to her. "You don't remember, Pep. That's a problem. Time's broken. Weird shit has been happening. There was...there was Sharknado, and I got blown up and got pried out of my suit at the Raft, and interrogated which sucked. And then Steve and Thor and everyone got me out, but now Steve and Thor are missing their," Tony waved his other hand around next to his head, "parts of their memory or whatever. Then you can't remember anything. Which is freaking me out. Now there's this crooked shit with Secretary of State, Thundercunt Ross. That guy is a major dick ass. And there's just...I can't shake this feeling that I'm not doing enough. It's not gonna be enough. Or I missed something. Or something's going to go wrong. Like it did with the kid. Again. I can't deal with that. I feel like I need more fail safes in place, because time is broken. We are fucked. And I realize that I should've married you years ago." Those last few statements were being uttered in a rising hiss while Tony looked around the room. He was shaking his head, not even sure what more to say or even how to say it. He could explain the physics of what happened, without skipping a beat. But his part in it all was like a tsunami of overworked complexity that was constantly looming overhead, threatening to wash him away and leaving no survivors behind in its wake. No, this wasn’t the worst Pepper has seen Tony, but it was pretty close. Her fingers wrapped around Tony’s in reassurance. He hated touching and being touched...by almost everyone but her. She used that trust he’d shown her since before they had been dating to remind him that he wasn’t an island. Right now she used it to try to center him, calm him down. She didn’t understand what he was talking about, but she did understand that Tony was freaked about a bunch of things. None of the other Avengers had contacted her. Pepper wondered if somehow she’d pissed them off during the time she can’t remember, but that would be addressed later. Right now she wanted to tell Tony that he was only one man, could only do so much and he shouldn’t expect the impossible from himself. Wanted to. All of that went right out of her head when Tony dropped his last bomb on her, and all she could do was stare, eyes widened as her free hand lifted to cover her parted lips with her fingers. If Tony was asked, he would've said that he was responsible for busting the Avengers to pieces. Sure, Rhodey was around but he wasn't aware of the time thing, and Vision was...off learning to be his own person, somewhere. Where the government couldn't find him. It was him, and the kid, basically, and Pepper. And that was it. Since the kid got hurt, dragged into things again and wanting to prove himself, that meant it was him. And Pepper, the only person he didn't cringe inside (and sometimes outwardly) about touching him. Sure, Natasha had gotten away with it, but he considered Nat a friend now. Their team mom. Pepper was not the team mom type. That meant it was him. Only him. Sure, there were contacts. There were associates. There were people that he'd work with if they wanted him to. Above it all, there was him, alone, constantly planning and replanning for every conceivable disaster scenario with upgrade upon upgrade, over and over again. And Pepper, the one person he trusted enough to let her hold his hand out in public, there to tell him when enough was enough. If only it was enough. He still felt like there was more and more to do. When Tony stopped looking around like there were commando mutant terrorist ninja badasses hiding under every table, he glanced back at Pepper and did a double take. "Oh shit. What'd I say now? Which part was it?" He looked like he was trying to hit rewind. "Was it because I called the Secretary of State 'thundercunt'? I know girls don't like that word, but honestly, I told him it was a free upgrade. Didn't even need to charge me the usual consult feeeeeeee.......oh 'kay? It's the marriage thing." Tony shrugged and put his other hand over hers, so he was holding onto it from both sides. "Yeah. Well? I mean it. If things are going to failboat tomorrow, the one thing I'll probably regret is not marrying you. Doesn't even have to be fancy. I know you'd want fancy, but I'm fine with Vegas and donuts. High priced donuts. I mean, if you ever want to. When you're done looking shocked. Is that shocked? Or is it horrified? I can't tell. I kinda hope it's shocked." The waitress came back with the wine and after noticing the tense moment with neither people registering she was there, said she'd be back to take their order. She quickly excused herself and jogged off. Pepper’s brows lifted as he rattled on about things that had nothing to do with this moment. The details didn’t even register in her head. Who cared that the universe was broken? To hell with fixing things! Tony Stark said the M word! And didn’t need a large drink after. Oh, she had known he loved her. There was no denying his depth of emotion. But this level of commitment from him? Pepper had never even entertained the thought, and that was why she was stuck. Which was why the only thing she could get out of her mouth at the moment was, “You want to marry me?” She leaned in a little and watched for the panic attack as she called him out. Was it going to happen? It wasn't going to. Instead of panic, Tony heaved a huge sigh of relief. His shoulders slumped down and he actually looked relaxed. Not about the universe being broken or the million and one other things that went wrong. That was an entirely different train ride to Wrecksville. "Thank god. It's shock. I was worried it was horror, followed by stabbing me with a chopstick." He squeezed onto her hand and looked her in the eyes. "Unless..you don't want to get married?" Tony's eyebrows were raising way, way up as he asked that. A smirk toyed at the corners of Pepper’s lips. She was trying very hard not to burst into a smile. It wasn’t easy, and she knew she was pretty much defeated by way of being hesitant about Tony. “I never said that,” she replied in that tone that said she knew she had the upper hand here and was going to make very good use of it. “Where’s the ring?” Wow, she could really use that wine right now! "Good, because that ring is in my pocket. And if it's not in my pocket, it's in Happy's pocket. Where its been since...no, I remember that face you made when Happy took that thing out and said how long. It's in a pocket, okay? That's what matters." Tony started to smirk back at her, knowingly. It felt the same as it ever did. The way they both went back and forth, the little interplay and upper hands and how patiently - most of the time - she dealt with him. Unless she was screaming at him, which admittedly only happen on a race track in Monaco. But things were happening and he was in the midst of a self-destructive streak, so that didn't count. "Say yes," he blurted out, his expression serious as he intently gazed into her eyes. "Or that you'll think about it. Because I'm ready to pat down my pockets, and then run outside to get it from Hap, where it probably is. I lose things sometimes. You know that. And you can order our celebration sushi." He was calmer. She felt like she was back on solid footing. Maybe the break had done them both some good. Only time would tell, but in her own way Pepper was looking forward to finding out. She looked back at him, her hand squeezing his as she said, “No.” But she followed it up quickly with her own caveats. “I want a real proposal. With a ring at the time you ask me. Not this slapped together moment between meetings.” She pointed at him with a well manicured finger. “And an announcement. The whole, traditional nonsense. You owe me that much.” This was why Pepper was CEO. She knew how to bargain. She bargained with him. When he was CEO, he let Stane handle the boring stuff, Pepper handle everything else, and he waltzed around doing everything he wanted to do. And nothing else. It was a rare day when he backtracked or changed his mind...or refrained from saying whatever shot out his mind and fell off the tip of his tongue. Just like right now. "Damn it, Pepper." He half-laughed, shaking his head at her. "This is a real proposal. I love you. You love me. Let's make a huge announcement. Big wedding. We'll fly everyone out to...wherever you want. We'll do whatever you want. The only thing I care about is not wasting more time without you. Fine. I care about celebration sushi, too. Because nothing says yay more than eating Nemo and Dory." He was silent for a long moment, not wanting to let go of her hand at all. It never seemed right. He always waited until she let go first. If it was up to him, he'd hold onto her forever. It was why he looked cautiously hopeful. “Nope,” she said again with a shake of her head and a chuckle. The more she thought about this the more ideas came to her. Good ideas. Ideas that would be good for Tony and a whole bunch of others. “I want the one knee. The ring. Special occasion. The whole nine yards.” Pepper lifted her chin into her Ultimate Stubborn look, but she still hadn’t released Tony’s hand. “And after I want a party to announce it. And none of this running off to Vegas bullshit. We’re going to plan this.” She arched a brow at him. “Understand?” This was what he needed, and by the sound of it others did too. Yes, things were tearing at the edges, but they needed to take a break. Let loose. Relax and remember what they were fighting for. Pepper wanted to give them all a little hope. This would do it. And she’d get pampered by Tony. Tony was drinking in the sight of her like a man who traversed through a desert without water, finally finding an oasis. His eyebrows shot up when her's arched. "I'm paying for this, aren't I." It was more a statement than a question. He thought about it for approximately 2.5 seconds and the statement was solidified. "Yep. I'm payin' for it." There was a wide grin on his face, because his one thing wasn't in ruins because of something he'd done or said. He took her hand, still held between both of his, and shook it. "Got yourself a deal, madam CEO. Start planning that party, while I plan popping the question." He knew the perfect spot, too. But first, sushi. To seal the deal.