darcy lewis will tazer you. (getstheircoffee) wrote in avengers_logs, @ 2018-01-22 22:43:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | -complete, darcy lewis, loki odinson |
Who: Darcy and Loki
What: Hanging out
Where: Their place
When: Before the party, after the Statue of Liberty stuff.
Rating: G unless you count cursewords from Darcy
Loki was trying to convince himself that he absolutely, positively, unequivocally did not care who was in his two bedroom apartment anymore. It had been invaded by Thor and then Darcy and now everyone and their distant relative seemed to march in unbidden, and all he wanted was to find a suitable maid for the mountain of dishes, and to stop having to glare at advertisements while trying to search for information.
He had several schemes that he wished to pursue and trying to find information was becoming intolerable. He had been sitting on the couch in the living room with the laptop on his knees, growling at it for at least two hours.
"How does anyone get anything done on this insufferable web of information?" he asked no one in particular, wondering how bad it would be if he attempted to use magic on the internet itself.
Despite everything, Darcy had found herself more at Thor’s house than not. She didn’t really know anyone else, that’s what she kept telling herself. And even when he wasn’t around, she was still there. It was better than sleeping alone. Well she was still sleeping alone, but better than being in an apartment that was by herself. So she’d been staying sometimes with Valkyrie. Of course that meant being drunk a lot. She was trying not to be too hungover. Today was okay though, no drinking and no hangovers.
She wandered out to get some coffee when she spied tall dark and skinny on the couch. “The web is not that hard, dude. You’re overthinking things. What’s your problem now?”
She didn’t really want to engage with him, but he was the only one around it seemed like.
Oh. It was her. Loki was making it a point not to look at Darcy much. It was better when he didn't look at her. It meant he didn't get annoyed with himself or want to bicker with her simply to see what she'd do. She also had some of that Midgardian bean water, which smelled so delightful. Damn her and her damnable hot cups of sweetened muddy water she was always drinking.
That was why he was staring at the laptop screen with such intensity, he looked ready to burn holes right through it.
"These advertisements are irritating me. How one gets anything done is beyond me. They are a constant distraction. At the least, they could move in a pleasing manner, as did the illustrations I am more accustomed to."
He could pull out one of his books from thin air to show her, but that would be far too insightful and intimate a thing to do with someone he was trying to ignore. Perhaps if he continued glaring and not moving, she would walk away and not invade his thoughts with her constant presence.
Since the coffee was brewing, and he was obviously having some problems, Darcy looked over to see that he still hadn’t figured out how to get rid of the ads. She hadn’t done that yet? Oops. She’d had her hands full with all of the stuff going on and people showing up. But she’d been kind of neglectful, she supposed.
Leaving the coffee to do as it would, she wandered over and sat down beside him and took a hold of the computer so that she could do her magic and install adblock. “This will get rid of 99 percent of them. On occasion it lets one slip past, but eventually they’ll all be gone.” Once she was done, she handed the computer back over to him.
“Every computer should have it already installed, I’m not sure why it doesn’t.” She shrugged.
Why did she need to sit next to him? Loki couldn't even pay attention to her babbling about whatever it was she was babbling about - which he hoped wasn't important in any way - because she was sitting so close he could practically bump elbows with her if he wanted to. Which, no, he wasn't going to do.
He tried to take the computer from her while looking at it and not her, though he found himself frowning at her hands instead before he took it and set it back on his knees again. He silently clicked through and his irritable visage smoothed out into relief.
"This is much better," he said, tracing a fingertip over the tracking pad as he scrolled through a European news website. "I shall reward you handsomely for your assistance."
How else was she supposed to take the computer and set up adblock on it? With magic? She didn’t have magic, Loki. Jeeze! Though she would have thought he might have just googled and figured it out for himself. She didn’t know what went on in that brain of his. It wasn’t her fault if he was distracted by her sitting there next to him.
“Oh yeah? And how are you going to do that?” she asked, more because she was amused than she thought he was going to give her something that she actually wanted. She finally got up and went over to the coffee machine.
She gestured. “Want coffee?”
Unless they were Thor or a thoroughly intoxicated Valkyrie who would just as soon punch him in the face if he said something offhandedly? People who knew him or anything he did, didn't often plop down anywhere next to him. At any rate, the laptop was fixed now and he had something to focus on that wasn't constantly playing video ads with things like sloppy foodstuffs being eaten by women in bikinis, or barking pups needing to be fed a specific brand of pet food. He had nearly put a dagger through the screen several times that morning.
"I would very much enjoy some of your sweetened dirt water," he said, scrolling down as he read an article. He lightly tapped his finger on the back button and clicked again, engrossed in reading another article. "As for how I would do that? It would depend on what you desire most. I am certain I could find the means to fulfill whatever you wish for."
Maybe she didn’t have as much sense as other people. Whatever it was, Darcy wasn’t actively scared at him. Far from it. He could be tricky and get what he wanted. He could hurt her, sure but that didn’t mean she had to be scared of him. So far they had operated as this ‘you don’t get in my way and I won’t get in yours’ which seemed to suit her just fine.
She got out two cups and poured both of them a cup. “How do you want it?” she asked as she got out some creamer for herself and the sugar.
That was certainly an offer to give her. Anything huh? Suddenly she couldn’t think of anything that she really wanted. Not really. “I’m good. It’s just adblock. No big.”
To the contrary, the furthest thing from his mind was ever hurting Darcy Lewis. She was an infuriatingly enticing creature, blessedly blunt, exceedingly fair of face and grating of voice. He still wondered why she would put water in a bed and ride it with someone, and why wasn't it him? Even after he showed off with his magic for her, helping others? That was very perplexing to him, and he was doing everything he could to not dwell on it as much as possible.
"Very sweet, if you would? With cream." He closed that article and opened another. "It is not only for adblock. You have deemed fit to share your most precious beverage with me, and you took me to the statue. Consider it a token of gratitude. It need not be anything large or opulent. It could be as small and simple as a favor of your choosing, for a later time."
Oh she would tell him all about waterbeds if he ever asked. She poured in a lot of cream and sugar to the drink and gave it a stir. Then she did up her own cup of coffee and brought him over his cup. She sometimes wondered about Asgardians and sex. She didn’t even know if they had it like humans did. Maybe he would have no idea what she meant by sex at all. Maybe they procreated in another way. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know, if that was the case.
“Okay, then I’ll ask for a favor sometime. Of my choosing. Whenever I want to call it in.” That seemed like that might be a good thing to have. She sat down again next to him, but not right to him like last time. Just in that general area.
“Still looking for a maid?”
He nodded his assent that yes, he would honor the offer of a favor and stared at the screen. With the coffee cup now in one hand, he began reading the same line over and over again. It wasn't that he couldn't read what was there. English was such a boring and simplistic language that it was easy to master its nuances. Instead, his mind was on other thoughts. Thoughts such as wondering why she was sitting further away now. Or if he should ask why she would want water on a bed, and if ride meant what he thought it did. If so, why were Midgardians more preoccupied with sex than the Aesir were? It must be because their lifespans were so short. No doubt they would have to attempt to procreate like hares or their entire species would die out. Were there any differences from those rare and fleeting moments of indiscretion he'd had in Asgard and other realms?
Not in Midgard, certainly. In the past, the dirty little villagers had looked upon his tricks with fear and he had done absolutely nothing since then to change their perception. It was better to be afraid of him, than being constantly begged for help every time the village idiot's daughter went missing or one clan started murdering another. Little wonder that the Allfather hadn't interfered with happenings in this realm for hundreds of years, unless a major catastrophe struck.
Most of all, he kept thinking back to the way Darcy shoved the entire stolen cupcake in her mouth and looked like it was a moment of triumph as she marched off. Chipmunk cheek chewing and all. It wasn't that he was that truly offended over the matter. Rather, it was ridiculous and endearing. He had little doubt that her favor would be equally ridiculous, so he wasn't concerned at all about what she might ask for.
He took one sip of perfectly prepared coffee and finally bothered to reply to her question.
"I received a few messages from Craig's list, but none were acceptable. One almost seemed adept, but during the call I caught her lying about her past employment. So I lied back and told her the position was filled by a couple of gnarled old dwarves from Nidavellir. She told me she hadn't heard of that country and that I was a racist for calling little elderly people racist names, whatever that means. I laughed at her until she started to cry and ended the call on her own."
Darcy couldn’t help but snort in laughter. “Yeah sadly most Americans can’t tell the difference between dwarves and a country they’ve never heard about. They just haven’t heard of most countries. We’re all pretty ignorant.” Well most of them were. She was about certain things, she guessed. But at least she could look at a map and know where most things were.
“Maybe try not to make people cry, if you want them to come and work for you. You have to be a decent boss, or they’re going to do things. Like come in and clean.. But piss in the coffee machine. Or take a shit in your bed. Try to be nice.” She shrugged a little.
Loki had been smiling as he listened to Darcy talking. She didn't strike him as someone who was among the ignorant. The more he listened, the more he decided her voice really wasn't that grating at all. Nothing like he thought of it, before. She might even be tolerable, not to mention useful.
Then she started talking about the sort of retribution that a bad servant might wreak upon their belongings and was staring at her, shocked into silence. Decency without mockery was not one of his stronger suits.
"It seems that someone else should find the servant," he finally said, without looking away from Darcy. In fact, he started to squint with suspicion and looked down into his cup before looking over at her. It tasted fine and it looked just like her coffee did, but better safe than sorry. He set it aside on the coffee table and eyed her warily before turning his attention to the article again.
Ah there we go. He wanted her to find him a maid. Man she was not used to being around rich people, that was for fucking sure. If this was anything else, she might have agreed to help him in some way. But he was striking one of those nerves. Not a bad one, but one in which she thought she had to explain herself besides just snapping at him to do it himself.
So finally she turned towards him and put her coffee cup in her lap. “Okay, so here’s the deal. My mom used to clean houses. And I.. was just always raised to believe that you should clean up after yourself. To make your own way. Not to rely on anyone. And I get that you’re from a different place and time. And I’m not against giving someone a job.. I just… I know how those people are treated. And I wouldn’t be the right person to find someone. How about I just clean up.. Because I feel a little awkward about it.”
Now Loki was leaning away while eyeing her warily, which wasn't working well because he was already too close against the arm of the couch to begin with. He wasn't sure what nerve he had hit, but this time it wasn't intentionally done. In fact, he almost looked apologetic for a few seconds there, before he pressed his lips together into a thin pale line and went back to that wary stare.
He was already cooking. He'd be damned if he was cleaning too. And he'd already kicked and punched that infernal washing machine because the green clothes had tinted the white things so everything was mint hued until he read about bleach on the internet. He had obtained what he imagined was a bucket's worth and used it all on the entire load of white things. It was extremely inconvenient and time consuming and no, just no. This was not happening. Thor was going to cause a natural disaster should he ever attempt anything.
He let her finish before cautiously saying, "Lady Darcy, I meant no offense to you nor your mother. I do not want you to act as a servant in any way. Rather, I hoped finding a capable maid would benefit us all, and you for helping us. I was only staring at you in such a manner, because you spoke of disgruntled maids and what they might do to the machine you used to make the coffee. You did not do so, did you?"
He mouthed the words 'You know' and then jabbed a thumb back in the direction of the bathroom, then pointed down at his coffee cup. Hint hint.
“Okay. It just looked like you wanted me to find someone for you. It’s just not my thing. Sorry.” Not to mention that she didn’t actually live here, right? So what was the point in her trying to find a maid. Darcy was going to continue to take care of herself instead. She didn’t want anyone peeing in the coffee pot.
She shook her head. “No.. no, of course not. I’m not that vindictive. And I would be drinking it too and that’s just gross. I’m not into water sports.”
Maybe he wouldn't have minded if she stayed. He hadn't complained about her being there, other than his usual comments to everyone that his home had been invaded, which was already being thought of as more of a joke. It wasn't like it would make a difference in his plans. She was there often enough as Thor's friend, and he didn't want her to be surrounded by filth. Loki had high standards for his living spaces. If he broke a cup while asking for another at a feast, he did so by holding it out and letting it drop down so the shards stayed in one confined area, instead of going everywhere.
He looked very uncertain for a moment, because he thought he wasn't suited to find a servant, or a maid, without offending whoever was hired and incurring the wrath of bodily waste upon their abode. And there was another matter he was uncertain about, too.
"Is that like the beds made of water you mentioned riding?" he asked, because he figured maybe it was an opportunity to approach the subject. That way it wouldn't drive him further into madness, thinking about it. "Is that not a water sport that you are in to? You seemed to profess as much at the statue."
There was still the matter that she thought being under his roof meant abiding by his rules and she didn’t really want to do that. But she spent most of her time here, hanging out and doing whatever. Well when she wasn’t actually working of course. That took up most of her time, but other than that, she was around.
And there it was. Water sports. Darcy had only realized a moment too late that she should have used a different word. Now that he’d asked though, she was trying to figure out how to say it. How much was she supposed to say? Right. Just better rip it off like a bandaid.
“Sort of. They’re both about fucking. Sex. On the water bed. Water sports is a euphemism for people whose kink is peeing on people. Doesn’t really have anything to do with water beds. Water beds are just a place you could have sex if you wanted to. But I don’t know anyone who actually likes getting pissed on in a kinky sort of way.” Or any kind of way to be honest.
There was an incredibly long moment in which Loki sat there, staring at Darcy with owlishly wide blinky eyes. No, he couldn't believe that anyone would do that and actually enjoy it. The other part about sex on water beds might be interesting? He still wasn't so sure what a water bed was all about, but he wasn't really thinking about that very much right now. And he certainly was seeing Midgard in a much different light.
"....why...ahem...why are you not staying here with us?" he asked, since they were both being utterly honest and because he now considered Darcy to be the most pleasingly blunt person in all the nine eight realms.
She waited patiently, searching his face to see whether or not he was completely horrified that that was a thing here. Maybe Asgardians didn’t have kinks. Anything that she might have read about the myths showed a lot of weird, kinky sex things but not quite the whole peeing on them thing. Maybe she shouldn’t mention that people here thought that his sister was actually his daughter and he’d also given birth to a giant wolf.
Instead she just shrugged her shoulders. “I told you why. I’m good. It’s good having a place I can go to when everyone gets tired of each other.”
No, rather, he was searching her face just as intently. His overall expression conveyed that he was somewhere between pleasantly awed by her foul mouth and insatiable curiosity about everything that Darcy knew or had experienced in her short life. Where those myths were concerned, it was a hilarious but bad idea to bring those stories up in conversation. It still happened. He still rolled his eyes upon hearing them like he was contemplating hurling himself once more off the Bifrost into the abyss...if only it still existed. He was almost certain that two out of the three Warriors Three started those stupid rumors as they adventured their way through Midgard way back when. Including being fucked as a horse and giving birth to the mount that the Allfather rode around on. He still resents them for it.
While contemplating her reply, he set the computer aside, putting it down on the coffee table and picking up his cup of coffee, taking a sip while studying her.
"Do you truly think that I grow weary of your presence," he countered, cradling the cup in both hands, "or is it you that is weary of me?"
Figuring it was a sensitive subject, she wasn’t going to bring it up. Especially when she knew that it wasn’t the truth. Despite the fact that people knew that Thor was a real person now, it didn’t really do a whole lot to change history books. They already saw Loki as a bad guy, so keeping his weirder deeds in the books was probably more for spite than anything else.
“No, not yet. I’m sure it’s going to happen. I mean I don’t know. If the situation was reversed, I might do the same thing.” Out of everything that Thor had told her about Loki, the main thing was that he could be nice when he wanted but he was always after his own thing, and could turn on a dime. Friends one moment, and bitter enemies the next. “Trust is a hard thing to come by.”
It would be an approachable topic if they were alone and in no danger of being overheard. The issue being that as much as Loki was an opportunist, he didn't trust others just as much as no one trusted him. If he had motives, then he thought everyone else held the same toward him.
As for Darcy, she didn't mince words and wasn't easily toyed with. He considered it might be the result of her lifespan being so short that she had little time to waste with civility. She knew numerous things about this world and so Thor was wise to invite her in whenever she wished. She had been valuable thus far in assisting them, and had plenty to say about many topics, including those which were not usually uttered in polite company. Having endured a little over a thousand years of stuffy court life meant that polite company was very, very dull. And she wasn't unpleasing to look at.
She spoke of trust. But trusting her? It was best to proceed with caution.
"Trust is a double-edged blade," Loki began, speaking slowly. "Both sides are equally capable of drawing blood. I have not trusted many for hundreds of years, and then I did not trust anyone, except...."
The only exception had been Frigga and his bitterness and hate had gotten her killed. He looked deeply troubled before regaining his composure and smiling apologetically.
"I have not grown tired of you. Not of your foul mouth and over abundant opinions. Not even after you stole my last cake that was baked in a cup, and shoved the entire thing in your mouth merely to spite me. Your face looked as though it was going to burst. It was quite amusing! You trying in vain to maintain a shred of dignity as you departed. I was compelled to follow, to make sure you did not choke and strike your head as you fell over."
As funny as the memory was, he was also trying not to dwell on how unimpressed she had been at the statue. Thor looked impressed, the Valkyrie was kept happy, and Darcy Lewis simply stole his tiny cake and marched away. None were arrested. But much as it was on Asgard, where swords and hammers were always mightier than the dagger or quill, it seemed his skills were still unappreciated even by Midgardian standards.
Regardless, Darcy was still interesting even if he was certain she too would reject him. In the meantime, that interest could be either a good thing or a bad thing where tricksters were concerned. Maybe a little of both.
She felt like maybe avoiding that whole thing was probably for the best. For the both of them. There was no reason to bring that up.
Trust was a two way street, she knew that. There was no way that he could trust her, if she couldn’t trust him. But she wasn’t even sure if they should be trying for that. How long was all of this supposed to last? Maybe he and Thor and the rest would be gone. Maybe she would be gone back to her original timeline as well. This little anomaly could be gone in a split second. That wasn’t an excuse not to try, but for the record - she’d never actually killed people and done a lot of awful things.
“I know that, I’m not asking you to trust me. Maybe not total trust. I think the first step is trust that you wouldn’t just kick me out when you want. Maybe..” she had to think for a moment. “Maybe we could sign a contract. Where I get to stay, and you can’t just kick me out for no reason. And on my end, if there’s things you don’t want me to say or do, you can put in there as well. That way we both feel.. Safe. About me staying here.”
She wasn’t sure what else they could do. It was for the both of them.
“Pretty sure you followed me because I was your ride home, but sure. And thanks for the cupcake. I can buy you more, if you’re worried about it.” She’d done it to be a complete smart ass, that part was true. Mostly she was glad that no one had been arrested. The Statue thing hadn’t been that impressive. She had whistled a bit, and she thought Val was hot but that’s as far as it went. It took a lot to impress her maybe.
He could tell it was going to take more to impress her or gain her trust, or his in return. He would consider further ways to do so later on, but for right now, he was too intrigued by her idea of a contract.
"This is acceptable to me. I will not order you to depart and my first request is that you do not touch my personal belongings, without asking my permission."
He turned on the couch just enough to slouch down slightly, legs stretched out and feet on the coffee table, in what could only be described as an elegant sprawl. Then he paused for a moment and his eyes went shifty, because she wasn't entirely wrong.
"You were my ride home," he joked. "But I assure you, it was also because I was very much amused by you and that cake face you were making."
Oh good, she’d picked the right thing to say. Darcy smiled then, glad that they were coming to a compromise. “Okay, that sounds reasonable to me.” Not that she’d ever do that in the first place, but she understood the way people needed to feel more secure about things. And she was happy to agree to his terms.
She’d grab a piece of paper and work it up. Then they could find a lawyer. She had to know one of those. Or whatever was going to verify it and hold them both accountable for holding up the contract.
“It was a pretty good cupcake. And I just.. Thor made me mad. I asked him to help and he just did not listen at all and went off without me. And I had to walk up all those stairs..” Ugh. She rolled her eyes.
She's in for a rude awakening when she finds out Loki's idea of a contract is where you slice your thumb and pressed it against some parchment to seal their agreement with a blood pact.
"The elder, Edna, from across the hall bakes sweets whenever she is intoxicated. She was once a baker by trade, but is now retired." He took a sip of his coffee before looking vastly amused that someone now knew what he had to endure. "Thor is prone to do that at times. I think that is why Get Help came into being. He does not care if I say that I hate it or that it is humiliating. If I can not come up with a better plan that he will agree to in the alloted time, then I am picked up and thrown at our foes."
Oh man. Maybe she would freak out. But then Darcy was the kind of girl who clearly had a goth phase when she was a teenager but grew out of it (looking at you there, skinny) so maybe it wouldn’t bug her so much. They would figure it out when they got there.
She ooh’d. “Did you steal cupcakes?” That better not be what he was saying. Or she would be Cross. At least just ask nicely for cupcakes. She frowned a bit, “I’m sorry. Growing up with jock brothers sucks. I know.” They were the worst. She liked Thor but good grief. Sometimes she was pretty sure that she was going to tell him off.
Loki is still very much in his space Viking goth phase. If he ever found out that Darcy had a similar sort of phase or saw a picture of it, he would probably cry laughing and then look upon her with much fondness.
In the meantime, they would create their contract. He would likely magic one of his knives out of thin air before she could protest. He could heal a minor cut on her without batting an eyelash.
Loki was shaking his head at her.
"No, I did not steal them. She is somewhat forgetful, and keeps asking for sugar or other such things. In gratitude, she offers me half of what she creates." He looked keenly interested in something else. She mentioned growing up, so surely she knew of troublesome brothers - himself included - from her youth. "I do not know what a jock is. How many brothers do you have?"
Oh as if he had any room to talk. Did he even wash his hair? She didn’t think he did. She appreciated goth as much as the next girl, but damn if he didn’t need to go to a salon. No offense, Loki. She looked relieved that he wasn’t stealing things from old ladies though.
“It’s basically just what your brother is. The macho guy who is muscely and flirty with women and does too many sports.. Except in your brother’s case it’s less sports and more like actual hitting people with a hammer or whatever.” And they got on her nerves in high school. “I have two brothers. One older, one younger. I’m the middle kid. The older one is the jock. My younger brother is more of a nerd like me.”
Yes, it was washed! Incorrectly. But it was getting too much on the ignored-for-too-long side of the growth spectrum. That was why he was randomly flicking it back over his shoulders, or sweeping it back away from his face with his hands throughout the day.
Loki made a little 'ah' sound, as though it occurred to him the assessment about jocks was very fitting indeed. At least Thor was not as arrogant as before his banishment to Midgard, because that was a task to grow up with. And it wasn't as though he had been a pleasant brother himself, since he showed affection with knives. His brows knit together and he frowned slightly, since that was another title he couldn't place.
"A nerd is what, precisely?"
Maybe he just needed to put better shampoo in it. She would have to look around for something that was a little less greasy. There had to be something. As far as nerds went though, she had to take a moment to think of what the definition was.
“Um.. so I guess it’s someone who likes to read, and likes school and television and movies and things that are usually not popular.. Though lately I guess it’s been more popular to be nerdy. A lot of what I like, the whole world likes. It’s a little weird.” But she enjoyed it anyway.
Soon she’d have to introduce him to things like The Golden Girls. He’d probably like that.
It wasn't greasy! Fine, it was at the moment. It was just....he couldn't figure out what either all of those bottles were for - he had simply swept out an arm and knocked everything nearby into a rolling cart - so he used the conditioners instead of the shampoos. And then he didn't brush it out so it dried however the strands landed after he rubbed a towel on his hair. And then went right back to plotting and enjoying himself, because those were much more important things when you can cast illusions.
Woman, it was shinier in Sakaar when he was socializing with The Grandmaster's friends. Then escapes and fighting on Asgard happened. Thor's electricity happened. And Midgardian hair things were so vast and varied, instead of one simple bottle that did everything including drying it. Why did they not have these things? Don't diss the hair, Darcy! Not everyone can have lustrous locks like you do. Besides Thor, but even he looked stringy sometimes.
Loki was still contemplating the concept of nerds, and if introduced, he probably would have liked the Golden Girls because that's hilariously cheesy.
"So you are a nerd. That is good to know. It must be why you are so well versed in a vast variety of topics. I do not think it a bad quality. I quite enjoyed books as well. Mother had many tomes about magic and lore that she gave to me, when I was much younger."
He was surprised he said anything about her so casually, and almost looked like he was caught off guard. He covered it up with a smirk.
"I suppose then," he quickly interjected to change the subject, "that your elder brother made light of the things you liked, as brothers who enjoy sports and hitting things often do. Thor was once the same way. Although we used to jest at one another about it, just as relentlessly."
Sorry! Darcy thought the hair was sexy. Honest. She just thought it could be a little sexier. That was all! She totally understand that he’d been through some shit. The shower was right there though. Not that she was thinking of him in the shower at all. He was skinny, she wasn’t sure if she was that into skinny. Only time would tell.
“Books are good yeah.” She couldn’t imagine Thor being much of a reader. He was more like the person who had other people read to him. And not in a fun way. She was sure Thor was well educated with all things, but he probably didn’t read for entertainment.. That’s more of what she meant. Not saying that he wasn’t able to read or anything. She wasn’t that mean.
Darcy nodded her head. “Yup. Pretty much. Lots of making fun of me. I just ignored him. Or I put laxative in his sports drinks if he was being a giant asshole.” That usually got him pretty good.
Maybe she can give him a Earth makeover sometime. And find out that the skinny is deceptive. There's a whole lot of definition under several layers of black and emerald green clothes. Not that he's volunteering, because he wasn't sure what was going on where Darcy was concerned. And he certainly had not let his eyes dart down to look her over as he listened to what she was saying. Thor learned by trying and doing. Loki learned from practice, books, and after fucking up and underestimating everyone else around him.
Or he'd like to believe that, but he's a very convincing liar. Even to himself.
Pleased she had taken the conversational bait and switch, he laughed with ease at what sounded like a glorious prank. Oh, how he liked this Midardian woman! Laxatives were known throughout every realm and a wonderful joke to play on others. It wasn't possible to poison an Asgardian, but the healers had herbs from throughout the realms to help for various minor ailments that might befall them.
He leaned in close to whisper to her, like it was a great conspiracy, "I once put herbs into Volstagg's late evening meal, which was a veritable mountain of food. The next morn while we broke our fast in the great hall and he went bumbling in and out, I thought I would perish from laughter."
Oh yeah she would take him to one of those salons and they would do his hair and it would be glorious. She’d really like to watch girls cutting his hair, that had to be amusing. She was so glad that he seemed to know what a laxative was and she didn’t have to explain that particular thing to him. She guessed even Asgardians got the shits sometimes.
She snorted in amusement. “Oh yeah I remember. I’m not surprised. God I bet he spent hours in the bathroom.” Yeah she was laughing too. “It’s so mean but sometimes they really deserve it!” And it was mostly harmless. It wouldn’t actually hurt them. They could all do with a good cleaning out anyway.
“Nerds are better at figuring out better pranks anyway,” she said with a nod of her head.
This was a thing that should happen, because Loki loved having his hair brushed or toyed with, and the only thing he liked more than that? Was being fussed over, because he is still a diva.
As for Asgardian constitutions, they were highly durable but still had need of healers like Eir. Most injuries could be addressed through the soul forge and healer's spells. They wouldn't catch the flu or the likes. But when one shoveled vast amounts of food as Volstagg did, as quickly as he did, with only minor chewing if he was feeling stressed? Occasional backups were...inevitable.
"Likely due to reading so many various ways to prank others," he confided, with a wide smile. "Perhaps we might do so to others, someday."
Maybe one day she would get to know that about him. She wasn’t used to someone who was more of a diva than her. “I think that can be arranged,” she said deviously. That sounded like fun to her.
After going it alone for so long, Loki considered having a pranking partner-in(non-violent)-crime like Darcy might not so be bad.