PLACEHOLDER Who: Jessica and Rumlow What: He's checking up on her. Where: His place When: After these text messages Rating: Language and references to Kilgrave things
Rumlow had been worried about Jessica for some time. He knew she was very hard to kill and that was some comfort, but Kilgrave was involved. There was no telling what Jess was going through and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do to help her. That was almost the worst part.
When she’d finally texted he’d been more relieved than he had thought he would be. That had surprised him a bit. He’d also assumed she was busy with Kilgrave. When she’d asked to see him he was more than happy about it. When had he started to feel that way?
He straightened up the place while he waited and made sure there was plenty of vodka in the freezer.
All she had been doing was trying to keep Kilgrave just away from other people. Anyone that she cared about was in danger because of him. She was already drinking even more than she thought possible. The nightmares were back. If she could have nightmares during the day, she would have them too. It was kind of a wonder that she hadn’t had another actual break down yet. She was too busy trying to make sure he didn’t kill anyone.
Still he promised not to come and find her, so Jessica snuck away for some time. She had seen Trish and promised her that she was okay. Now it was time to see Rumlow. She hadn’t meant to keep him in the dark for so long, but he would absolutely be the first one that Kilgrave would come after, if he found out they had been sleeping together. And unlike Luke Cage, if Rumlow shot himself.. That would probably just be it. She knocked on the door, looking like utter shit.
At least she was somewhere safe.
“Hey,” she greeted.
Rumlow’s eyes widened when he saw Jess. She usually looked a little rough around the edges (which he had to admit he liked) but this was something else.
“Hey yourself. Come on in.” He stepped back to let her in. He resisted the urge to check the hallway behind her, but just barely. If the psycho had followed they were both fucked anyway. He closed the door behind her and locked it. “Drink?” He asked as he walked toward the kitchen.
It wasn’t like she was going to make herself look nice just to see him. If he couldn’t deal with how messed up she looked, that was totally on him. He could totally check behind her, but Kilgrave wasn’t there. She’d ditched anyone trying to tail her a long time ago. He might be a complete monster, but the people that he hired to do his dirty work were pretty dumb.
“God yes,” she muttered, following behind him towards the kitchen. “Have you been getting into trouble since I stopped following you?” It was teasing. Mostly.
Rumlow already had two glasses out, and he opened the freezer to pull out a two liter bottle of the cheapest vodka he could find. It all tasted the same to him anyway. He opened it and filled the glasses.
“I tried, but it was no fun without you,” he said, pushing a glass over to her. He studied her. “So you gonna tell me what’s going on?” He didn’t like being worried about someone other than himself. It made him feel useless.
For now Jessica wasn’t so impolite that she would just try to take the bottle. She could wait. Use a glass like a normal person for a couple of minutes. She hoped he was filling it up all the way though. She wasn’t really much of a sipper or anything.
“Yeah thought as much.” She wasn’t sure what to tell him. Trying to explain was really hard. Hard to say. “He still thinks that he can get me to love him. That I’m just gonna fucking roll over and be in love with him all of a sudden. Without him making me be in love with him. He thinks that if he can play nice, it’ll win me over. Which is fucking horseshit, but right now it’s the only thing that’s keeping him from making a bunch of people shoot themselves just because he’s angry at me.”
Rumlow threw back a big gulp because he felt he was going to need it. “That sounds batshit.” It occurred to him that if the psycho knew he and Jess were fucking he would be a big target. Hopefully he wouldn’t find out. “So do you have a plan? Or are you just going to keep stringing him along forever? You don’t really think you can make him a good guy, do you? Not with that kind of power over people.”
Was he nervous? Jess looked over at him. “I’m not going to let him hurt you.” She wished she could be more confident in her statement, but fuck if she was going to let this be an echo of the thing she had with Luke. She didn’t know what she’d do if Kilgrave told him to kill her. Because she definitely couldn’t stop him without major consequences. She was going to have to hope that this didn’t come out, and if it did then she would just have to deal with Kilgrave head on. She wasn’t second guessing herself any more. “No, I can’t. He’s going to slip up. Power is too good. I’m just..” she swallowed some of her drink. “You don’t know how much blood is on my hands and how people look at me because they think I’m a monster. I am a monster. I just.. Am trying everything so i don’t have to be.”
Rumlow snorted. “Listen, Jess. You don’t know how much blood is on my hands too. I did HYDRA’s dirty work for way too long. You do what you gotta do to survive. End of story.” He refilled both their glasses. “I don’t wanna die, yeah. I did that once and it sucks. But if there’s anything I can do to help with this asshole, you tell me, okay?” He’d spent his life, with a few exceptions, doing bad shit and he was tired of it. “Hardly anyone knows i’m even alive, and most of them would call me a monster too. So fuck ‘em.”
Jess could believe that. There wasn’t anyone she knew that didn’t at least have some guilt about something. That’s why she was a PI. People had secrets and it was easy to find them. “I won’t let him kill you. If it comes down to it, I’ll snap his neck again.” Which was what she really wanted to do. Except it was so easy to do it. To feel that pop of his neck and let him fall to the floor. She liked that feeling. It made her sick to her stomach. She held out her glass again. “Fuck em. But.. I mean.. If you don’t want to see me after this, I get it.” She kind of pushed everyone away and no one wanted to be around her.
Rumlow filled the glass automatically, topping his up for good measure. “I ain’t that important. If him killing me means you can kill him, then just fucking do it.” He considered her words. “You’re one of only about two people in this world who can stand the sight of me, so fuck it. Of course I want to see you. Even if I have to buy the booze myself. He grinned at her over the glass before downing it. “Fuck ‘em all.”
Immediately Jessica frowned and put her drink down. “No. No .. fuck that. Fuck you for saying that. I’m not going to kill you to kill him. Don’t even fucking say that.” Clearly she had been through a lot of that. And it didn’t help. She couldn’t kill him. The only reason she’d shot Luke in the head was because she thought that was the only way to stop him. And it turned out he was fine. Mostly. “I can’t.. Don’t ask me to do that.” And eventually he’d get sick of her, or not be able to put up with it and up and leave. They all did. Even Trish thought about it, she knew that.
“I wasn’t askin you to kill me. I ain’t that stupid,” Rumlow explained. “I’m just sayin. If it’s a choice between saving me and killing him, you gotta kill him. Because he’s gonna kill a lot more people if he goes bad again. And I ain’t gonna save anyone.” He had to be realistic about his own worth. The only non-shitty thing he’d done his entire life was try to protect Barnes, and he hadn’t even done much good at that.
She ran a hand through her hair and didn’t say anything at first. Damn it. She didn’t want this. She didn’t want to have to make this stupid fucking decision. This was such bullshit. Shutting her eyes, she counted to ten. There was no use in being angry about shit, or breaking anything in the room. “He’s gonna kill everyone the moment he realizes that I ain’t gonna be fucking in love with him, or if he realizes that I’ve fucking murdered him. Which could happen at any time because it’s all over the news and he just hasn’t looked.” She wished she knew what the fuck she did to deserve this. “I… I’m fucking sorry I brought you into this,” she muttered, wiping away a random tear.
There was no good answer, Rumlow knew that. But he was used to choosing from two shitty options, if he ever even had a choice. His eyes widened when he realized Jessica was crying. He hadn’t known she knew how. He stepped around the counter closer to her. He wasn’t any good at comforting people but he had to try. “Shit. It ain’t your fault, Jess. Not your fault the universe spit him back out, or me neither. I’m sorry you have to deal with this shit all over again.”
If he brought up the crying, she likely would have given him a death stare. Maybe a punch. It was just that she was so frustrated with the whole thing. She’d killed that asshole, and even though things hadn’t gotten immediately better, it was still better than this. When she realized that she was crying around him, she turned around to not face him. She was just so fucking tired. “Yeah it is. It’s always my fault. I live with my choices. They’re shit choices. Never the good ones.”
Rumlow stepped closer, even though she was facing away. She clearly didn’t want him to see her crying so he would pretend he didn’t notice. “Fuck that. It’s not your fault some psychic psycho fell in love with you. You didn’t make him do that. It was bad luck. That’s all. Stop fucking blaming yourself.” He knew he was doing a shit job of this but he had to try. He wondered if he should hug her or if she’d hit him for it. He decided to take the chance, and wrapped an arm around her from behind.
There was an arm around her and Jessica kind of froze for a second. Not even Trish tried to hug her. She was trying to think of the last time that someone actually hugged her. Maybe it had been before her parents died. That seemed about right. It wasn’t that she wasn’t grateful, but she had no idea how to deal with it. “I think it’s more than bad luck,” she managed. Finally she turned around to face him. “All I’ve ever done is blame myself. It’s kind of my thing. And drinking…. Thanks. No one’s hugged me before.”
Rumlow had felt Jessica freeze and was bracing himself to be knocked flying, but he didn’t let go. Until she turned around and they were too close to talk unless he stepped back. Not far, though. “No one’s hugged you?” He thought back. He actually hadn’t been hugged in as long as he could remember either. “Drinking and blaming. Throw in a lot of stuff blowing up and you got my life.”
She wasn’t sure if he wanted to get away from her, so she let him step back. Jess shook her head. “No. I wouldn’t let them. And then no one bothered trying when it looks like I’ll probably kill you for it.” And that wasn’t entirely untrue. It was just that she had her moments. “I haven’t had a lot of explosions yet, but you know.. There’s always time.” Were they going to hug? She had no idea now.
“Explosions are great,” Rumlow smirked. “As long as you’re not in the middle of ‘em.” He cleared his throat. “So I’m not good at this either but I am gonna hug you. Just in case you’re plannin’ on decking me for it.” He wrapped his arms around Jessica again, pulling her close and bracing himself to be punched, just in case. They’d fucked, but hugging was something new.
While she might have given half-hugs to Trish, Jessica hadn’t hugged anyone else.. Anyone that she had been sleeping with since… well it had been a long time. Barely she nodded her head and let him put his arms around her. Carefully she put her arms around him too. A real hug. It was familiar and it was bringing back some memories but not bad ones. Just sad ones. It was nice though. Begrudgingly, it was nice. “You’re not going to tell anyone about this right?”
Rumlow chuckled, enjoying the feeling of her slender body in his arms. “Who would I tell? I’m on speaking terms with exactly one other person and he’s got more important things to do than chat. No one would believe it anyway.” With a brief squeeze, he stepped back. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?” He reached for his drink.
It was a good thing he laughed, because it looked like Jessica was about two seconds away from really crying. In front of this guy that she was sleeping with. Great. She missed hugging. She missed anyone giving a shit about her more than just trying to sleep with her or tell her what to do. “No, it wasn’t so bad. Sorry, I didn’t mean to come here and melt down on you.”
Rumlow frowned. “Don’t apologize. It’s that asshole’s fault, not yours. Fuck him.” He was no good at this but he felt like he had to try. He had certainly never heard Jessica apologize and mean it. “Come on. Let’s go sit down and get wasted.” He grabbed the bottle. It was all he could offer and it wasn’t much, but at least he was trying.
Yeah. Fuck him. Following him over to the couch, she sat down next to him. It was at least nice to be with someone who drank as much as she did. She took the bottle out of his hand and downed quite a bit of it before handing it back over. “So you up.. Been up to anything?”
Rumlow decided to give up on the glass and swig from the bottle too. It wasn’t like they hadn’t already shared bodily fluids. “Just fighting for money,” he shrugged. “It won’t last much longer though. It’s getting harder and harder to find someone to fight me.” He knew he should lose a couple of fights for business purposes but he hated to lose.
“Oh cause you’re so strong and tough, everyone’s scared and no one can beat you? You should get into the ring with me, I’d win in two seconds,” she said with a smirk. She passed over the bottle and rested her arm on the back of the couch to look at him. “I mean at least you’re nice to look at with your shirt off, you’ve got that going for you. You could model.”
Rumlow snorted. “I ain’t fought anybody who was enhanced. I ain’t stupid. I know you’d kick my ass.” He took the bottle back and took a gulp. “It’s not that I’m so strong. HYDRA taught me to fight dirty, and win quick. Most of the guys I fight are weekend warriors who spend all day in the gym. Gym muscles ain’t no match for real ones.” He raised an eyebrow. “Was that a compliment, Jones? You ain’t gotta flatter me to get me into bed, ya know,” he teased.
Though Jess wasn’t often a laughter, she thought about laughing then. At least he knew it. “I’d go easy on you, don’t worry.” Heh. She understood that. When she fought people her own strength, it was still a little easy to get carried away. She reached for a pillow and smacked him with it. Gently. “Shut the fuck up, you know you’re hot.”
Rumlow laughed and put his hands up to block the pillow. “Ow!” He protested, though it really didn’t hurt that much. “Yeah I’m so hot I got people lined up outside to have sex with me. Didn’t you see them?” He was glad to at least distract Jess for a few minutes.
She rolled her eyes practically into the next room. “Oh my god. Stop. It’s because you’re hiding out here like a mutant and having sex with me instead of going out and finding some twenty something blonde with big tits.” Not because of something else. She didn’t mind being distracted though, it was better than focusing on Kilgrave.
“I’m not hiding out. I got no life. I was dead and I can’t get a real job even if I knew what that was,” protested Rumlow. “And it’s been a while since I even had sex with you. You bring me any blondes? I don’t even really like blondes anyway…” he teased.
“Shit I don’t have a life either but at least I’m getting out of the house. Even if it’s with a psychopath who thinks he’s in love with him.” She really had no idea what she did to deserve all of this. “I’m not a pimp,” she grumbled, rolling her eyes. “I do have a blonde best friend though, if you feel like sharing.”
“Fuck that. I said I don’t like blondes. I like you.” Rumlow knew this was all casual. Jessica wasn’t the type to get involved with anyone and neither was he. They had way too much going on anyway. They didn’t know if the timeline was going to return them to where they belonged at any point.
She hit him with the pillow again. This time in the face. Still gently though. No she wasn’t the type to get involved. For a great many reasons, but not because she didn’t want to. She always wanted to. But her life, who she was as a monster meant it couldn’t happen. And now that Kilgrave would kill him where he stood, she couldn’t put his life in danger, even if she actually had feelings for him. Everyone she’d ever loved had died a really horrible death, except for Trish. “You’re such a sweet talker. Do you want to have sex or what?”
“Best offer I had all day,” Rumlow smirked. Well, of course he wanted to have sex. He was a guy, and Jessica was hot. “But you know. That’s not why I wanted to see you. It’s a plus, of course…” He ducked in case she was going to hit him again. “But I ain’t gonna say no.” Maybe he could at least take her mind off all the shit that was going on.
“It’s not?” she was asking because she wasn’t sure that she believed him. Yeah, of course he was worried or whatever but he didn’t actually like her, did he? She didn’t hit him, she just was having weird emotions about it all. Which meant that she picked up the bottle, took another drink and then got up from the couch. “Of course you’re not. Come on.”