InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Kingdom Hearts!"

That night, he tossed and turned in his sleep. Not from fearing another attack from without, as it was more the images from within. A dreamscape he never, ever expected to even exist.

If he thought running into a presidential version of himself (plus multiple Loki cronies) was a nightmare? Finding out what happened in the citadel at the end of time was even worse.

He had a friend. And how badly he wanted to rub Thor's nose in that. He had someone he loved. A sort of sweeping, nearly swooning, surprisingly sweet romance that he didn't think himself capable of.

And then, inevitably, he knew the heartbreak of everything fouling up once again. Not only a situation - what had been a mistake to pursue it all - but having to stand against Sylvie. Facing off against someone he wanted nothing more than to hold and let her know it was going to be ok. That despite the unexpected journey, they didn't have to do this. It wouldn't fix what was broken in her.

---

That's the one thing she's never had to worry about: waking up with new memories or nightmares. She's never been through it, and she didn't know what was driving Loki nuts. Waking up to him feeling upset made her twitchy.

---

He was there with this beautiful, fierce blond variant who wasn't him, surprisingly enough. He thought he knew where she was coming from, what she went through. He wanted to stop a mistake from happening; he wanted her to be all right. Even if she didn't trust him.

But then she surged forward and their noses bumped as she kissed him, and his heart leaped in his chest in the best way possible. He was lost in it, and as it ended, tears drying on his face, she had said "But I'm not you." And as he moved in for another kiss, she blasted him back through a timedoor.

Her face was burned into his memory. The last image of someone before yet another goodbye.

It seemed his life, whether he had gone on in the timeline or as is, was doomed to be marked by a series of goodbyes.

He landed in another nightmare entirely. Banished into a different TVA, where another He Who Remains was ruling over. Where the Mobius and Hunter B-15 apparently didn't know him. Mobius, his friend, knew him like no one else. It was a slap in the face when he was already heartbroken.

He was hopelessly lost. The timelines splintered. And Sif's words came back to haunt him, that he was alone and always would be.


Loki bolted upright with a gasp. His eyes were wide as he stared straight at the walls of the bedchamber in the palace, trying to orient himself.

Surely that was another place, another him. But when he looked down at his right arm, there was a cut there and an ache on one side of his neck where a blade had surely rested against his throat. He quickly got out of bed, tossing the covers aside, heading to the bath's looking glass.

---

Valkyrie was fully woken up by his movements, bleary-eyed she got to her feet. The panic caught her before she realized it wasn't entirely hers.

"Loki?" she called out as she got up to follow him, her lips pursed a bit as she watched him. "What's wrong?"

---

He was touching the small spot under his neck, eyes flicking back and forth frantically as he looked himself over. He was rattled and trying to recover, the smile a little too tight as he plastered it on. Everything was fine. He was here. Whatever happened was over there, in another universe that ripped out his heart and stomped on it repeatedly. Now he was feeling it. Everything's grand.

"Nothing. A bad dream. I think I scratched myself."

---

Dark eyes searched his. He was lying. She could tell, but she didn't know why he was doing it yet. He was usually cagey about things, but she had patience. She could wait for him to come clean. He usually slipped up and came clean, later on.

She sighed as she grabbed the jar of healing salve the Valkyries once used on the battlefields.

"That's not a nail cut, love."

---

"Oh, it must be." Of course it wasn't. He remembered the feel of Sylvie's blade as it stopped at the last second.

He was changed. He could feel it in his bones. This place was familiar, but that other place in his dream was all too terribly real. A fact he wasn't ready to admit to himself, much less anyone else.

"Is it one of the daggers under our pillows?"

---

There was a soft hum as she carefully smoothed the salve over the cut. She was still watching him warily, trying to figure out what had happened.

"That's possible, there's at least two under there."

---

That was all he was ready to admit to. He held his chin up so she could apply the salve, looking up and off to one side as if he was thinking it over. The daggers being there after the attack was a perfect excuse to cover up wounded feelings. Now he needed to exit and go process them.

"Mmm. Oh well. I have work to see to." He mustered up a grin for her and leaned in for a kiss to show his appreciation. He didn't stop having feelings for the Valkyrie, even if he felt his heart being pull into another direction. It just felt...different now. Like a powerful compulsion that he couldn't control.

Sylvie was possibly trillions of timelines and universes away. Reality dictated that he wouldn't see her ever again. That wound was still freshly bleeding, with no signs of healing soon.

"What are your duties for the day, my King?"

---

She kissed him tenderly, breathing him in afterward as she pulled away. She still couldn't figure out what was wrong.

"Just some trade agreements to read over. What's wrong?"

---

Leaning back, he put on his best innocent face. It was convincing. To people that didn't know him, that is.

"Nothing. It's disturbing waking up, finding you've cut yourself on pillow daggers. We really need to hide them in a better place."

---

"Please don't lie to me," she said, tiredly.

---

"I'm not!" He was. Luckily he sounded so convincing, he believed it himself. "That's a serious concern. If you roll over on one, I'd be blamed for it as some ploy to take over the throne."

And that made his chest ache because that last conversation about him doing it all for a throne was still fresh in his mind.

---

She stared at him, brows furrowed.

"This isn't about daggers and you know it."

---

What? How dare! He pulled a face like he was shocked and confused. Only now, there were a few extra worry lines etched on his face that hadn't been there before. His hair was much more unruly than the norm, sprung up in sleep tussled curls.

Overall, he looked like he had been through the wringer overnight. Sleep hadn't replenished him at all. It only made him look worse.

"I don't know what you mean." He patted her shoulder. "Perhaps I can help you with those new treaties later?"

---

She eyed his hand, her lips pursed.

"That would be lovely. Maybe after you sleep. You look like you got no sleep."

Her frown grew deeper as she shook her head in disbelief.

---

"I'm fine. Truly. I only need to go to the libraries and oversee some scribes who are penning magic tomes. Nothing taxing. I promise."

---

She let out a sigh. When he got like this, it was an uphill battle.

"Alright."

---

"Yes, it is all right." Only it wasn't.

He kissed her forehead before backing away. A ripple of magic moved over him so he cleaned up, decked out in his usual black and green and ready to leave in an instant.

---

Dark eyes watched him, her lips still pursed tight. She didn't believe him, but she felt like if she pushed she be locked out even more.

"I'll see you later then, my heart."

---

"Yes, you shall."

He needed time and distance to think. He had no intention of hovering over the scribes. His notes and outlines would be transcribed well enough. He needed to find any of the books they were working on rewriting about multiple timelines. He wasn't about to ask Strange for help. If Strange was the last person in existence, he still wouldn't seek him out for company, much less aid.

He looked back at her with a smile. It almost looked like his everyday self, even if he didn't feel like it on the inside.

"I love you and will find you later."

---

She smiled back at him, still unsettled, before nodding. It was a strange feeling, not being able to find a way in right now. It sometimes happened though, but still a weird sensation.

"I love you too."

---

He winked before walking out of the door, his happy expression falling away as soon as he closed the door after him, stalking down the corridors to the royal library. He would hold to his word to Brunnhilde and find her later, to help with forging Asgard's new treaties. The Bifrost was up and working, and there was work to be done.

He only needed a little time to sort himself out. A little time to get his bearings back again.