Peter Quill (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} bamshangalang) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} avengers_logs,@ 2020-09-20 13:47:00 |
 |
|||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Entry tags: | -complete, gamora, in progress, nebula, peter quill |
Placeholder
Who: Quill, Nebula and Gamora
What: Actually have a productive conversation
When:Following morning after their epic shitposting
Notes/Warnings: This may be a first for Quill. There are none. Zero. Nada.
Peter rolled his neck and rotated his shoulders, checked that his ankle holster was secure and took a deep breath. He had thought about coming to Nebula’s apartment unarmed, decided that he didn’t have a complete death wish and had settled for his smallest blaster and a stun grenade. C’mon, Quill, you can do this. She’s Gamora’s sister and she’s been through hell, he told himself.
Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door and called out, “Nebula. It’s me, Peter. Can we talk?”
She recognized his voice.
Nebula had been dealing with Peter Quill in one incarnation or another for a while now. Had it been years? She could have lost track, but given her augmentations, it wasn’t really possible to forget anything. Unless her system overloaded, the way it had when she first became aware she was in a fractured universe. She had lost consciousness then, been completely vulnerable, and had awoken to find herself on the Benatar’s table, with Drax and the fox attending to her. One of her hands had grabbed Drax’s wrist and the other, the fox’s throat.
The encounter had, fortunately, not escalated.
Why had what Stark called an ‘info dump’ caused her to black out? Something she still didn’t know. Was there any residual damage? Again, something that had yet to be investigated. What had happened over the Network between herself and Quill? She didn’t know the answer to that, either, despite her ability to replay the event over and over again.
And now, he was at her door. She wasn’t armed, unless you called a remote control for the television a weapon - and some did - but she was a weapon, so she wasn’t concerned about that. Also, it was Quill and he wasn’t here to harm her.
Nebula sighed, stood, muted the television - McCoy had just said ‘Compassion: that's the one thing no machine ever had. Maybe it's the one thing that keeps men ahead of them.’ - and crossed to the door. Through it, she asked, “What do you wish to talk about?” Though she could easily determine the topic.
Leaning against the wall next to the door, Peter folded his arms across his chest and answered, “Well, we had a giant bitch fit on the net. I think we should talk about that.” He sighed, “Nebula, we both love your sister. Maybe we should at least figure out how to make it so she doesn't have to play umpire again.”
Bitch fit? Well, it was as good a description as any for their rather embarrassing outbursts. “I didn’t ask for her to be umpire,” she replied, then allowed, “But yes, we should talk.” She opened her door and regarded him. This Terran was her sister’s choice, as Nebula had realised some time ago, even though the current incarnation of Gamora had kneed him in the balls on the battlefield.
“Come in.” She stepped back from the door and gestured entry with the hand holding the remote. Nebula was wearing shorts, a tank top and nothing on her feet. Both items of clothing were black.
Stepping through the door cautiously, Peter noted the absence of any high powered firearms, thought about the well over five hundred different ways she and Gamora could kill someone using their bare hands and decided he would continue to tread carefully. He motioned toward the couch, “Thanks for letting me in,” he paused, “Mind if I sit down?”
Depending on how this conversation went, he might not be thanking her later for being granted access. She closed the door, made a point of not locking him in, and said, “Yes” to his question about sitting. Nebula could think of well over five hundred different ways she could kill him using her bare hands, but knew she wouldn’t try any of them. Today. Sitting on a chair that also faced the television, she waited for him to start.
An awkward silence filled the room while Peter tried to figure out where to start. He stared at the television for a few minutes, wondered why none of the Captains of the Enterprise had ever had to deal with the stuff he did, then thought Well, they don’t regularly make jackasses out of themselves with their crew, so there is that. He thought about making a comment about the show, decided that this would likely be perceived as stalling…. because that’s exactly what it would be, Quill.
“Look, I know you liked the other Peter way more than you like me. Most people probably do,” he shrugged, “But can we agree that before we get pissy with each other we’ll at least ask if what we think we heard is what the other person meant to say?”
The silence stretched long enough that Nebula considered hitting the mute button to release the volume once more. Before she could act on that, Quill spoke. Unfortunately, what he said was a little convoluted and confusing.
“I am not understanding the sentence,” she said slowly, as if wanting to be certain what she said now wouldn’t be misconstrued. “Are you asking that we reiterate what we said on the Network to confirm if we really… meant what we said and if what we said was… what we really mean by it?”
Headaches. One might be developing with her name on it.
“Nebula, do you think that I expect to be the center of Gamora’s attention 24/7? Because it sounded to me like that’s what you think.” He exhaled, “Do you think I’m trying to control her?”
Well, that was easy enough to answer. “No.” Then again, “No.” She paused to consider. “I’ve been thinking about our exchange, and when I said ‘She does have a life outside of your sphere, Quill.’, I… I think I might have been teasing you.” There. She’d said it. “And when you asked if I needed a nap, that felt… condescending to me. And then we just…”
Nebula pressed her hands together at the fingertips and made a ‘Pissssssssssssh!’ sound as her hands separated in a mimicked explosion. She stared at Quill, wondering what his reaction would be.
Peter looked gobsmacked, “Um… you were teasing me? Uh…..” He thought, I didn’t think her cybernetic enhancements allowed for that. Whoa. Gamora’s words seemed to flash across his visual field, You don't? It seems like this is the one trait where the two of you are exactly the same.
He laughed, “Nebula, uh…. Yeah. Not gonna lie, it didn’t occur to me that you did that… like ever.” He grinned, “I was just trying to have fun with you, but wow…. I guess it didn’t occur to me that you were teasing too.” He mimicked the motion of her hands, “Ker-flarka-boom”.
“Nebula, I might be sarcastic with you, or yell at you if you scare the shit out of me or act like an ass because my mouth is running faster than my brain.” Peter relaxed incrementally, “It has never occurred to me to be condescending with you.”
She nodded once, relaxed a little - a change in posture that might not even be noticeable unless you knew what to look for - and said, “Agreed. Ker-flarka-boom, as you say.” Her eyes briefly slid to the screen. Doubtless, Kirk was saying something profound about man versus machine, an apt episode considering what Quill and herself had just recently put themselves through, along with Gamora, and anyone else who might have read the exchange up to the point of the privacy setting being invoked.
“I’m glad that I still… scare the shit out of you. That is a healthy reminder of what I am. Sometimes…” Just say it. “Sometimes, I scare the shit out of myself. Especially when I pretend I am Human when I can pass as such, thanks to the illusion spell. I never forget who I am, but it is… who I might have been if Thanos hadn’t killed my family when I was an infant and altered the course of my life.”
Nebula sighed, gave a small, wry smile. “This is not meant to be like… Dr. Phil. Also, I think I’m rambling.” She stood abruptly. “I need some juice. I have pear and mango. Would you like some?”
“Either, whatever you’re drinking.” Peter looked at Nebula, “Scaring the shit out of me doesn’t mean I don’t like you.” He cracked his knuckles and looked at her quizzically, “Nebula, your sister scares the shit out of me. It’s not like that’s a dealbreaker.”
He thought for a moment, “You mind if I ask you a question?”
She crossed to the small kitchen while she contemplated what he’d said. Quill was right to be afraid of her sister, too. A dose of common sense to go along with that would be prudent, and sometimes Nebula wondered if he had enough common sense and self-preservation to be in a relationship with Gamora.
It was either him or a tree.
“Yes,” she replied and poured them both a glass of mango juice while she waited for him to ask, hoping it wouldn’t be something that set them off into another argument due to miscommunication.
Peter noticed her hesitation, “Do you really think I don’t know your sister is too good for a guy like me?” He thought about taking a drink of the juice and decided it would be smarter to wait until he’d seen Nebula take some.
He shrugged and wished that he could load the Guardians onto the Benetar and go somewhere…. Anywhere.
She returned with the juice, gave one glass to Quill and sat in the chair she’d only recently vacated. She noticed the hesitation, but didn’t automatically attribute it to any suspicion he might have about the contents of the glass. She had a sip and thought about how to answer. The last thing she wanted was another fight.
“That depends,” she said in her husky voice, watching him with her slightly eerie black eyes. “How would you describe yourself? What makes a guy like you undesirable for someone like my sister?”
Peter laughed, “C’mon Nebula…” He took a drink and then said, “Your sister is smarter than hell. She’s brutally honest. She’s tougher than anyone I know. She’s gorgeous.” Shrugging he said, “I don’t know what she sees in me, but she makes me want to be a better person.”
He took another drink, “She could have anyone, I’m just a guy who got lucky.” Peter eyed Nebula warily, “You ever feel that way about anyone? Like you were lucky just to be in the same room as them?”
“Which doesn’t explain why you feel undesirable as a partner,” Nebula observed. “But you have summarized some of her attributes well. Does this mean you feel lucky to be in the same room with her?”
She wasn’t going to ignore his question, though. “Yes. I have felt that way.”
Peter rolled his eyes, “Nebula, I didn’t say I was undesirable as a partner in general. I stopped counting how many partners I’ve had about five years ago. I’ve worked my way through the Xanderian Pop-Up Kama Sutra twice and have slept with, “ He paused and thought for a moment, “....probably twelve different species. Contrary to popular belief, only a small minority tried to kill me afterwards. “ He took another drink of juice.
“I know that she could do better than me, especially now that it’s not between a tree, a barely housebroken rodent and me. If that ever happens, then it will hurt like hell, but I’ll let her go because I want her to have the best of everything. But until then I’m going to fight like hell to be who she deserves.” Peter’s jaw tightened, this conversation felt a lot like showing an adversary exactly where to stick the knife.
“Who did you feel like that about?”
Nebula blinked. “The Xanderian Pop-Up Kama Sutra? Twice? And a dozen different species? You are either brave, foolish or both. Did you know people who are not Xanderian have died performing some of the more challenging moves? Are you aware of how many diseases and rashes and who knows what other ailments you can catch from certain species?”
She shook her head. “Of course you do. And I don’t think Gamora would really have gone for the fox.” Which left the tree, but she didn’t dwell on that. Instead, she had another sip of juice before speaking again.
“His name is James Barnes, but people call him ‘Bucky’.” Her voice grew softer. “A winter soldier, come in from the cold…”
“Twice and the answer is both. Honestly, some of the positions were….” Peter grimaced, “Pretty awkward.” He shrugged, “But there are definitely a couple five star, would recommend ones.”
Yondu had sent Peter to the ship’s medic the moment the boy had shown the slightest interest in the opposite sex. Given that well over half the man’s practice involved interspecies STDs and various sexually related injuries, Peter had been given a broad overview of the risk to benefit ratio of interspecies relations. While the old man had not been big on in-depth scientific explanations, his “see that, yeah ….that? You tap it, you’re gonna get…..that, and that ain't no fun a’tall” had given Quill a more comprehensive sex education than most.
“I think you're right. The real competition was Groot, betcha he was one smooth mofo with his appendages.” Peter grinned, “See, I told you. I got lucky.”
He took another drink, “Was he a good listener?”
She nodded. “Some of the positions are awkward, yes, but I am very flexible.” And for now, that was all she was going to say about that.
To his question about Bucky, Nebula said, “Yes, he was, and he was a good dancer and a wonderful lover.” She smiled a little. “He made me laugh.” Quill probably didn’t really want to know too much about her personal relations, but he might be surprised that she actually had relationships.
“He got you to dance?” Peter smiled, “And he made you laugh?” He was not going to touch the specifics of Nebula’s sex life with a twenty five foot robotic boom, “Do you miss him?”
Her smile widened a little. “ Yes, we went swing dancing. It is the music of his youth. He had a dry sense of humour and was able to enjoy life a little more after…” Her smile faltered a little, so she had another sip of juice to cover it. “I think we were good for one another and… and yes, I do miss him.”
The credits were rolling silently on the screen. There was a Star Trek Marathon running, so she knew another episode would follow after a few words from various sponsors.
“He sounds like a good guy, so let me ask you something? Why didn’t you tell us that you’d lost someone really important?” Peter leaned forward, “Nebula, the Guardians, we’re supposed to be a family. A screwed up, noisy, sometimes pain in the ass family, but a family.” He looked at the television and wondered if he could convince Gamora that miniskirts that barely covered the butt would be a great addition to her combat gear.
“I understand that Ronan sucked at being a big brother, and I’m not the greatest either, but we’re supposed to be here for each other.” He ran the fingers of one hand through his hair,
“We should know each other well enough to know when the other one is joking, don’t you think?”
“He was trained as an assassin by an organization long opposed to a free world,” she replied, as this was her understanding of HYDRA and that ilk. “We had some things in common.” She shrugged and looked into her juice glass. “He is gone. He could reappear tomorrow and not even know who I am.” Nebula frowned and returned her dark gaze to Quill. “Ronan was cruel and weak. You would take his place? You are better than that. Gamora has shown you. She has shown us all of what you are truly capable of and who you are now. And… it would seem we don’t know one another as well as we thought we might.”
“Nebula, I know exactly what it feels like to have someone you lost show up and not recognize you. It sucks,” he shook his head. “It’s worse than getting kicked in the nuts….which for the record is the worst.” He finished his juice and put it down on the table, “See, first you tell me that this Bucky guy is like an awesome listener, and a dancer and he made you laugh and,” Peter drew in a breath, “then you describe him as someone you had some things in common with…. “
He glanced at the screen and noticed that the characters were dressed like gangsters and decided Space Mobsters was too trippy to comment on and continued, “I have shit in common with Kenny, the uber guy. If he disappears tomorrow, I might wonder for a couple of minutes, but then I’d just call another Uber. So was this Bucky guy like the uber guy or like me when your dad admitted he’d killed Gamora?”
“I don’t want to be Ronan.” He looked at her, “Who’s us? I don’t need Gamora to show people who I am. They can figure that out on their own. I just don’t want her getting torn apart because the people that she cares about are at each other’s throats.”
That was a lot to wade through. She was concerned that their wires were getting crossed again. “Bucky Barnes was all those things. We were able to relax when we were together and be ourselves. How is that Terran saying? ‘Warts and all’? Bucky will never be like an Uber driver. I’m just not very good at sharing my grief at his loss because it hurts far more than I ever thought it could.”
Nebula stood and tried to keep her voice calm and refrain from shaking. She was only partially successful. “It hurt almost as much as when I was able to confirm Thanos had killed my sister, only there is no target to fight, no entity to blame. Just this rift, which gives and takes and gives and takes!” Was one of her eyes damp? It was the only one that could produce tears. “You don’t need Gamora to show anyone anything, but it happened, regardless. I can see you better because of how Gamora sees you, reacts to you, loves you. You present as a far more likable being because of how you respond to her and others. You were nothing to me before her and… and Bucky was everything to -”
She stopped. There was a flash of memory where Bucky swung her over his head and caught her as they danced and she trusted him. Another flash of Gamora telling her she would always be her sister and then being hugged by her. The intense rage at Thanos during their battle on that distant moon for killing her sister and knowing he would kill half the life in the universe if he wasn’t stopped. The utter terror and defeat when all vanished but herself and Stark. And then Bucky was there and made her feel more whole and then he just disappeared…
Nebula lost control. She screamed in anguish while one eye cried, then she grabbed her chair and threw it against a wall. Quill wasn’t anywhere near the chair or the path it took, but the wall was less perfect now. She collapsed on the floor, shaking and quietly, angrily sobbing, because she hadn’t grieved for Bucky yet and here she was, finally letting it show in front of the least likely person. It made her angry and weak and wishing for so much more.
Peter Quill had been out of his league and up the proverbial shit creek enough times to know when he was treading water and when he was so far over his head his only hope was for emergency reinforcements. Nebula had done what he'd asked. She'd shared her feelings. At first, he'd been arrogant enough to think he'd be able to listen and she'd get it out and feel better. He'd been ready to go over and sit with her right up until her anguished scream rent the room.
As the chair went flying past him he texted one word to Gamora, “hurry”. Then he crouched on the floor a few feet from Nebula and said, “I'm sorry it hurts. I'm sorry.”
Between Peter’s text and the muffled sound of tears coming from the other side of the door, Gamora decided that knocking was not required. She pushed open the door to find them both on the floor, Nebula crying and Peter trying hard to be a good friend.
“What did you do?” She whispered, trying to figure out what exactly had happened, then decided it probably didn’t matter. She dropped down to the floor next to her sister, and put an arm around her, gently pushing her sister’s head to lay on her shoulder. “Hey Neb…. it’s okay, we’ve got you.”
Her eyes met Peter’s over Nebula’s head. She had about a million questions but it didn’t seem like the right time to ask.
Peter looked at Gamora helplessly, he had thought things were going okay, until they weren't. He looked at Nebula and wanted to tell her it would be okay, but he didn't know if that was true, he said quietly, “I should probably go…”
She could hear Quill, trying to be reassuring, then she heard the door open and Gamora was kneeling beside her. Nebula couldn’t stop crying. She’d held her grief tightly to her ever since five people, four of whom she had come to know as good friends and one of those becoming her lover, had disappeared, apparently returned to the Prime Universe. They wouldn’t remember anything about a rift or a fractured universe or the people they’d left behind.
James Barnes wouldn’t remember her at all.
She let her sister hold her and when Quill said that he should probably go, Nebula managed to disentangle her right arm, the flesh and bone one, and hold out her hand. She couldn’t look at him any more than she could look at Gamora right now. She didn’t want to see any pity in their eyes. It would be natural if it was there, but she was just so glad to be held by her sister right now, and Quill -
“No,” she said firmly, or as firmly as she could given her voice was raw with previously bottled anguish. “Don’t leave. We are family. You said. Please…”
Gamora had been about to take over and let Peter leave gracefully. Even though he was better at feelings in general than she was, it was still her sister, and unless she was completely misreading the situation, about the rift and her loss. I’ve been trying to get her to talk about this since it happened she thought, wondering what magic Peter had worked.
“I know…” she murmured, rubbing Nebula’s back like she was comforting a child.
“I’m sorry,” she mouthed at Peter when Nebula asked him to stay. Nebula’s sobs were tearing at her heart and she couldn’t help feeling guilty that he was here with her, something she couldn’t give her sister.
“I don’t mind staying, Nebula. Not at all,” Peter sat down and took Nebula’s outstretched hand in both of his. He glanced at Gamora, his expression conveying that he didn’t mind staying, now that reinforcements had arrived.
Peter squeezed Nebula’s hand, “I’m sorry that it hurts so much, but you don’t have to be alone. We got you.” Seeing Gamora and Nebula huddled together on the floor, Peter could easily imagine the tiny little girls they had once been and realized just how good Yondu and the Ravagers had been to him. Yondu might have threatened to eat him, he also kept batteries in the walkman and made sure Peter was warm at night. Yondu Udonta hadn’t been a conventional father, but he’d never intentionally made him suffer, either.
Gamora was here, her big sister, and Quill was going to stay, had willingly taken her hand when she’d asked. She’d said ‘please’, but that wouldn’t be the only surprise she had in store, for herself and for those with her on the floor.
Nebula felt small and vulnerable, achingly sad and weak. She should hate this, because any or all of those feelings would mean punishment, which might mean losing another piece of herself. Thanos wasn’t here. He wasn’t a part of her life anymore. There were some good moments with him she would try to remember, but for the rest, his opinion and her need for his love didn’t matter anymore.
Her sister was here. Quill was here. They would keep her safe. She should trust that they would - and she did. And that is when the other surprise happened. Through her tears and pain, a husky voice said to her family, “Thank you… thank you...” Then she couldn’t speak anymore and the grief washed over her once more.
The sound of her sister’s tears was something Gamora hadn’t heard in half a lifetime. It had taken them both some time to learn that showing emotion only made the punishments worse, but they both learned eventually, Gamora a little faster than Nebula, which she knew was the unfair reason her body was still mostly intact while Nebula was punished over and over.
Gamora remembered the first time Thanos made them fight, two tiny girls barely big enough to hold the adult sized weapons he gave them. Gamora had been a scrappy fighter even then, and had already decided that she was going to live, especially if she might be the last of her people. But when she bested the girl Thanos had shown up with a few days earlier and said she was her new sister, she had tried to help Nebula to her feet and comfort the other little girl. This act got them both punished. Then they cried. They both cried that first time. More modifications. Gamora was actually surprised Thanos hadn’t ripped out their tear ducts. Eventually, they learned not to cry. And not to help each other. Gamora had honestly never really learned the latter, Nebula had just started rejecting her on her own. Which was enough for Thanos to not continue to cut up his prized possession.
They had only had each other and Thanos had done his best to poison that. But here they were, still together trying to figure out how to be a family.
She looked over Nebula’s head at Peter, her eyes shining with tears she refused to shed. For that little girl, and for the woman her sister had become. “You wanna talk about it?” she asked softly.
Watching the women in front of him, Peter wanted there to be something he could say that would comfort them both. He wanted to reach through the rift, pull Bucky Barnes through it and then slam the thing shut forever. He gently disentangled one of his hands from Nebula’s, reached out and brushed his thumb over Gamora’s cheek, before resting his hand on hers.
“Nebula, we’ll listen if you want to talk, but you don’t need to thank your family for showing up for you. It’s just what we do.” He thought about how the Ravagers had shown up for Yondu, not because they had forgotten he’d broken their codes, but because they were a clan. A clan that held one another accountable, but one that also forgave when their members tried to make things right. A clan that showed up for one another.
She kept her head on Gamora’s shoulder and shook it slightly from side to side, her expression one of defeat and deep sorrow.
“I… I don’t know what to say… It would make me want to… scream again, I think…” Her voice still sounded raspy from her last scream and just about everything that could physically hurt, did. It was as if her body was joining her mind in the pain. Perhaps later she’d be able to talk about ‘it’, though defining what ‘it’ was beyond losing people she cared for - no, had given herself permission to care for - especially Bucky… “They are not dead,” she managed to whisper. “I know that, but…” Then she had to stop again, because she didn’t trust her voice to continue. Instead she closed her eyes and let her sister and ‘brother’ comfort her.
Nebula had given herself permission to grieve and in front of others, no less. For better or worse, she had exposed a weakness she didn’t know she had, and the floor was as good a place as any to finally express herself.
“But losing an important person still hurts like hell,” Gamora said, her arm tightening around Nebula’s shoulder. “Losing your most important person….”
Gamora caught Peter’s eye over her sister’s head. She was struck all over again with how lucky they both were to be together right now. Loving someone this much, having an actual partner, didn’t even feel like a possible outcome when she had been secretly working out a way to get away from Thanos. But now nothing made sense without him. She could only imagine how she would feel if this happened. But Peter…. he had already lived through losing her once, so somehow that possibility scared her even more. And here he was, uncomfortable as hell, but showing up for Nebula, not because she was Gamora’s sister, but because she was his family. “I love you,” she mouthed silently.
Smiling at Gamora, Peter mouthed “Ditto” and replied, “Nebula, you get to scream if you want. You can even throw another chair,” he squeezed Nebula’s hand.
“Gone is gone and you get to be sad or pissed off or any other thing you feel,” He looked at Gamora and then down at Nebula, it hit him all at once that every single bit of cybernetics, every augmentation represented not only physical pain, but the emotional agony of knowing that they weren’t enough. He didn’t know if he would be able to protect them from any more hurt, but he knew he would do everything in his power to try.