InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "you're my best friend"

christine. (doctorpalmer) wrote in avengers_logs,
@ 2018-02-19 17:26:00

Entry tags:

-complete, christine palmer, stephen strange

Who: Christine Palmer & Stephen Strange
What: A reunion of sorts
When: February 19, early morning
Rating/Warnings: Green

Christine couldn't say that morning started off like any other, because no mornings felt quite the same since that bizarre and frankly quite jarring encounter she had with Stephen Strange in the emergency room. That moment, in which she quite literally saw her ex's spirit project itself in front of her and tell her what to do. What happened after that, honestly, she didn't know. What she did know was that the world around her was no longer what she believed it to be. There were other elements, other things out there that existed that went far beyond the world she knew, and so because of that everything just seemed a bit off for her moving forward.

After a lot of self reflection, YouTube, and reading about things that may or may not be true, Christine had decided the best thing for her would be to try to stick with her daily routine. Knowing that she was secretly surrounded by all sort of things that made no sense, she felt she needed to cling to what did make sense until she could learn what was real and what wasn't. As such, she woke that morning bright and early as always, showered, dried her hair and pulled it back away from her face, then changed into a pair of leggings, tennis shoes, a fitted tank top and zipped a hoodie up around her upper half. She locked her apartment, stuck her keys in her cross body purse along with her phone, and set off to walk to the subway station. It was ungodly early for most, but getting to work before the sun came up was typical for her.

After exiting the subway and walking a block or so, Christine could see the hospital just ahead, but as she stepped off the curb and began to cross the street, she stopped abruptly. Something wasn't right. It was that same, eerie, unsettling feeling from the hospital that day with Stephen; one she'd never forget for as long as she lived. She sucked in a sharp breath and looked around. The crosswalk sign was blinking orange and people were hurrying all around her. She stepped backwards, back up onto the curb and placed a hand on her forehead.

"Stephen," she whispered, "is that you?"

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doctor__strange
2018-02-20 09:32 pm UTC (link)

It was like they were trying to mirror back the same piercing stare between them both, back and forth. His gaze was intently focused and unwavering, the same sort of stare he once had when performing a delicate surgery. He wanted to make her understand without having to show her, and he had already shown her too much. So much for operating in secrecy.

"Still not a cult," he murmured, gently resting one hand against the side of her face. "It happened at the end of twenty-sixteen. Over a year ago. It's going to be this way until, someday, it settles into its own. I don't know when. And there's probably going to be things trying to kill us. Like sharks. In tornadoes. And there's other people, right now, that could be hurt or even killed if they aren't careful. All because of my mistake."

And if he heard Tony Stark mention 'sharknado' one more time, he was going lose his self-contained cool.

He smirked a little bit at that thought, while rubbing a thumb over her cheek. This was a problem. He couldn't stop caring about her either. It was easier when she wasn't right there in front of him. Now that she was, it was a distraction, and he was concerned that he couldn't afford a distraction given everything going on.

It still seemed right. Being there. Being with her.

That was probably the reason he looked into her eyes and said, "I can show you."

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doctorpalmer
2018-02-21 01:05 am UTC (link)

Honestly, Christine felt like she was standing at a crossroad. She could just try her best to keep on existing in this bizarre, multiverse in the same way she'd been living the life she knew up to this point. Stephen could go back to what he was doing, and she would do as she'd been doing. They would both be helping people in their own way. That was how they'd left things before, wasn't it? Or, she could let him 'show' her as he indicated he could. She could go down that path instead, immerse herself in the things she'd never thought possible, that she'd read about and wondered what the hell she was trying to get into.

Could she really take the first path? No, not really. If she tried, she'd still be wondering now that she sort of knew the truth of what was going on. She'd wonder what he was doing, if he was okay, and anytime she heard about any sort of dangerous situation she'd wonder if he was involved. It wasn't really a crossroad at all. All paths led back to Stephen. Hadn't she learned that lesson long ago?

As she continued to look into her eyes, Christine could say that yes, that was true. The way he was touching her face, so tender, as though he truly did cherish her, wasn't lost on Christine. He'd done the same thing the last time they were together. His words weren't lost on her too; his mistake. So he was taking all the weight of what happened onto his shoulders. That didn't surprise her, though she wished he wouldn't.

"I need you to show me," she said, and brought her hand up to touch his opposite cheek. Was she ready to see? Probably not, but how could she be expected to be? Her thumb brushed across his cheek bone, as the resolve settled into her expression.

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doctor__strange
2018-02-21 08:57 am UTC (link)

There were several things he could do to show her. Taking her on the same abrupt journey the Ancient One showed him, traveling through multiple dimensions in an astral form, was out of the question. It was too much to absorb, too soon. But the split between their two very close dimensions? He could show Christine that. Or, at the very least, hear it.

"No matter what, stay calm. If you panic, you'll be back in your body in an instant. And it will hurt all over for a few seconds." Stephen rested his other hand on her shoulder, guiding her back onto the couch until they were both leaning against the back of it, facing one another. The intimacy of this moment wasn't lost on him, and he spared a token moment lost in a memory of long shifts where life and death was always weighing upon their every choice, and with stolen kisses when their colleagues weren't looking. "Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream."

He smiled at her and it was at the precise moment that his hand on her cheek felt like it began humming with gathering energy. With the slightest application of pressure, he suddenly pushed Christine's astral form out of her body. He simultaneously left his own body behind. They floated together until they were standing as two ghosts in front of the shells of their own selves, only two feet away from the couch.

Everything around them looked slightly hazy, the colors a little off as though trying to peek through a technicolor fog. That was not all that was different. In the distance, emanating from every imaginable direction, were sounds that could only be described as crystalline. The noise alternated between a glistening shimmer not unlike innumerable tiny wind-chimes in a soft breeze, to the sound of heavy glacial ice cracking. At irregular intervals, there was a long drawn out cacophony, like several tectonic plates made of glass were slowly scraping against one another.

"That," Stephen said, his voice very faintly echoing, "is the sound of a broken universe."

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doctorpalmer
2018-02-21 04:19 pm UTC (link)

One of the things she'd come to find over the course of their relationship was that whenever they separated, whether it was an amicable parting of ways, an abrupt cut off with one of them storming away from the other, or whatever the case might be, it always still felt like they were still linked somehow, and that was why he could cup the side of her face and she could look at him with tenderness. It was how they could link hands standing beside each other over a sink, and how they could banter about cults and not-cults when they came face to face again. In other words, no matter what happened, they could still find some level of comfort in each other, with each other. That was why she was trusting him right now, letting him guide her and shifting on the couch accordingly.

When he told her to stay calm, of course that meant she wanted to panic. The good thing about being an ER surgeon was that she was conditioned not to panic in any scenario. They'd both seen some pretty dire conditions in patients they'd worked with and maintained their calm. Christine could do that now, too. At least, she hoped she could. She was relying solely on that learned instinct to do as Stephen told her and relax. Her eyelids fluttered closed and she took a deep breath. One of the ridiculous videos she'd watched on YouTube started this same way, but somehow she knew this was going to be different.

And boy, was that true.

The next thing she knew, she was hovering above herself -- which was a very bizarre concept to have to accept as a realization. The Christine and Stephen she could see looked like they'd just fallen asleep on the couch together after back to back long shifts at the hospital. That actually was a comforting sight and it allowed her to look around and take in everything else around them. That was about the time she started to hear the sort of glass like sound. It reminded her of one time they'd gone away together for a weekend in Vermont and it had begun to snow overnight. She'd stepped outside of the cabin they were staying in and just listened. It was so quiet she could actually hear the snowflakes hitting the ground. It sounded a lot like that.

His voice pulled her from that memory, and she looked over at him again. "Is it going to keep breaking? What does that mean if it does?"

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doctor__strange
2018-02-21 07:08 pm UTC (link)

For every one of those reasons - that they had always been linked somehow, either out of friendship or something much more - Stephen knew that there was little use in sparing her all of the further details. Not now. Not when she was bearing witness to what he had been hearing over the past few months. Before he became aware that destiny had other mysterious mechanization for him, and for whoever else had been earmarked of importance. He considered the further possibility that those close to people of greater importance were now being lured into this mess. It hadn't been this bad at first, just a minor tinkling noise amidst the all encompassing hush of the astral plane. As time passed, it began to grow in intensity, ebbing between a state of stability and moments where it seemed like everything might shatter to pieces. Yet it held its own. And the other him, in the other timeline, didn't seem to be affected or notice any inconsistency over there at all. They hadn't spoken, but that was because Stephen was a strong proponent of not interfering, especially where time travel was concerned. This was his problem and his home universe.

"Everything I've studied says it should settle into its own. Eventually. In the meantime, there will be...inconsistencies," was his matter-of-fact reply. These days he sounded like he knew more than anyone else did, only without talking down to someone at the same time. "I'm guessing there will be periodic bleed-over from the primary timeline, and from other timelines. That's why there were sharks in tornadoes. Must have been a busy day in the emergency department. And if I used the time stone when it sounds like this? It could shatter everything."

Thankfully, the din quieted back down again. Stephen's eyes darted back and forth as he listened, before he focused back on Christine with a tight smile.

"Relative stability."

He found himself wishing that they had reached some form of stability, before the accident and the mystic route he set out on. He was a different person then. Arrogant and dismissive of anyone he viewed as inferior. That had extended to Christine's life calling, choosing to save drunk idiots with guns from their own stupidity. How often had he looked down at patients like they were Darwin Award honorees, and now he had the population of an entire planet to safeguard. The irony of this was not lost on him.

Even if Stephen was still resting his hands on Christine's shoulders, he always felt a disconnect from everyone and everything. Once upon a time, it had been his ego and intellect getting in the way. Now, it was the side-effect of knowing more than was ever imagined in humanity's wildest dreams, and from having one foot on Earth while the other was tap-dancing around in limitless dimensions.

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doctorpalmer
2018-02-22 08:21 pm UTC (link)

In other words, he sort of felt like things should go one way, but it was still possible that they could go another. Nothing was guaranteed. That was a hard pill to swallow. So was the fact that she was actually floating outside of her body right now. Amazingly enough, the latter was easier to accept. "Sharks in tornadoes," she repeated, and shook her head. "I can't believe that's not the weirdest thing I've heard today."

She still felt like she had so many questions, yet at the same time didn't have any idea what to actually ask or say to him. The biggest question she had now was why her? The only reason she'd even noticed was because she'd gotten a feeling that something was amiss. But what if she hadn't? Would she have just gone on to the hospital like it was any other day? Stephen likely would've noticed but would he have told her? Would she even have any idea that something had changed?

"I know that it.. probably sounds ridiculous," she said. "But is there.. I mean, is there a way I can help you with this?"

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doctor__strange
2018-02-22 10:40 pm UTC (link)

That was the crux of it all. The people that hadn't felt anything simply went about their daily lives, without a clue. They didn't know they were in another timeline. They didn't know they were a double. Life went on, as life does.

Even if that life included sharks in tornadoes.

When Christine asked him that question, he appeared to be mulling over what to say. He wasn't sure what they were, if they were just friends or something more. If he could put her through such a terrible burden, or if this was the universe's way of saying he didn't have to shoulder it alone. Or if there was an entirely different purpose to why she was chosen. That there was something else entirely that she was meant to do, or that might happen to her. Which was a thought his mind didn't even want to dwell on for very long, if anything happened to her.

"It's not ridiculous," he finally replied, taking hold of her hands in his. "I don't know if there's a way you can help me. Last time you tried, I thought my life was over. I pushed you away, even when you tried to help. Then I came to you when I needed help. Twice."

He tried not to laugh at himself, all of a sudden. He realized it was idiotic to think that the last time they saw one another, that it would be a final goodbye. He knew he couldn't get distracted from tasks at hand, and that Christine was a welcome distraction. Even bantering about cultists provided a moment of rest he often didn't afford himself, from all of the frequent studying and constant observance of everything he was trying to keep track of.

Sadly, it still didn't feel like it was enough.

"This network I'm on. We might need a skilled doctor on call. And as for me," and here he paused, raising a hand to touch a ghostly lock of her hair. "Seeing you has helped. More than you can possibly imagine. Soooo. What if we continue as friends for right now. That are sharing a terrible secret. And you can come to my place for tea and getting creeped out."

If all else failed, fall back on that awkward way of making things seem (not-so-)appealing.

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doctorpalmer
2018-02-23 05:12 pm UTC (link)

His admission was one of the exact reasons that Christine could never just give up on Stephen Strange even when she wanted to. He always knew what he was doing when he did things like pushing her away or said something he didn't mean. He knew he was doing it on purpose and could own up to it later. When he apologized to her in the hospital, that was why she told him to stop because she already knew he felt horrible about what he'd done pretty much the moment the words left his mouth. It was that ego that kept him from stopping her when she threw his key on the counter and stormed out the last time. It was always his ego, and maybe that would be too much for another person to deal with. But for whatever reason, be it fate or her incessant need to see the good in everyone, Christine could see past that. She saw the greatness within his heart and that was how she knew he didn't mean to hurt her, ever.

That said, she was also human and there was only so much she could take in one sitting which was why she'd walked away from him that night and every time he pushed too far. He couldn't just get away with it. There had to be repercussions. But she also thought he'd been put through hell and no matter how egocentric and frustrating he was, losing his hands had been devastating so however awful he was to her it was she knew it was a projection of his loss into anger and not because he meant anything he said to her.

There was still a lot that she didn't understand, probably would never understand, but hearing him say that there was at least something she might be able to help with using the skill set she already possessed, put her a little bit at ease. Though she would hope that the people he was referring to on this network wouldn't necessarily need the help she could provide, it was good to know that maybe there was a purpose for her to be brought into this multiverse anyway.

His conclusion that they should continue as friends for right now made her smile. "So, the Strange Policy remains in place," she said. That was fine. Things were so confusing and she was still trying to wrap her head around all of it while he was trying to keep this version of the world safe. Complicating it with the never ending saga of their love story wasn't something that they necessarily needed right now. Right now.

"Just.. know that I'm here, Stephen."

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doctor__strange
2018-02-23 08:05 pm UTC (link)

"Your thing, not mine," he tried joking, and almost managed a wry smirk. "I think it should be hyphenated, like the Strange-Palmer Technique. Or Palmer-Strange. Only because it's alphabetical."

Of course that's why. Because it's alphabetical.

Christine was right on all counts. Regardless of everything going horribly wrong, Stephen Strange didn't know the meaning of giving up, and would pursue everything with dogged determination when he set his mind to it. That dogged determination meant that sometimes he had trouble letting go. An oddity considering life and death once seemed so clear and simple before, as a surgeon. Before everything changed and the universe unfolded itself before his eyes, and nothing seemed the same anymore. Nothing, except for Christine. And maybe, just maybe, this broken universe was telling him that was better to keep her closer than trying to keep her far away. Their story wasn't over and done with, despite his best intentions to keep her outside of this insanity.

The distant sounds of time trying not to fall apart steadily began to encroach, shattering that brief moment of near silence. He reached out and took hold of her hand.

It would be enough. It had to be.

For right now.

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