InsaneJournal

Who: Sam, Natasha
What: Checking in after the dreams
When: after the SHIELD missions to retrieve Thomas Green
Rating/Warning: green


When shit hit the fan, Natasha’s natural instinct was to go to ground, hole up, and wait it out. It wasn’t the best thing to do in all situations, but it’d saved her ass countless times before now. She wasn’t going to go against that instinct now. It wasn’t like everyone on the network wouldn’t be able to find her.

She’d meant to check in on people and she’d managed that with some and had secondhand info on others. She’d also been checked in on by others herself, which was weird in and of itself. She didn’t need that. She was the one providing that to others. Clint was taking it hard as anything related to his family would do to him right now. She was worried. Lots of people were worried, but she didn’t have a clue on how to get through to him any better than anyone else.

She sighed as she gazed up into the night sky and savored a sip of the vodka, rum, and liquor mix she’d made herself. There was also a bottle of vodka, her usual standby, nearby along with more ice and some Coke. She’d wanted to indulge herself tonight. Everyone else’s crises were either handed, in the process of being handled, or needing to be handled by someone other than her.

It was a nice night and the perfect excuse for her to sneak onto the rooftop. She hadn’t been bothered yet despite all the recent new additions to the building. At some point she should look into getting her own place where she could doctor it up to her specifications.

The stairway door was discreetly propped open by a barely there rock. It wouldn’t take long if Natasha needed to pick her way back in no matter her state of mind, but she wanted an easy night for once. She tensed imperceptibly at the slight sound she now heard. It could be nothing. It should be nothing.

***

The mission to Canada and dealing with the whole Steve passing the shield along to him thing had distracted Sam for longer than it should have and he realized that there was one person he should have checked on by now and hadn’t. Knowing that he wouldn’t have been restored if it wasn’t for Natasha’s sacrifice was difficult to process. He certainly appreciated what she did, but he would have never asked her to make that trade.

He was only a little concerned when she didn’t answer her door and tried to put himself in her frame of mind to figure out where she might have gone. After checking a few of the common areas, he decided that the last place he’d look would be the roof. If she wasn’t there, then he’d give up for the evening and try again tomorrow.

When he realized the door was propped open, he smiled to himself. After their exploration when he’d first arrived, this really should have been the first place he looked for her.

Quietly, he pushed open the door, making sure not to dislodge the rock, and made his way over to where she was sitting. “Hey,” he said softly. “Hope you don’t mind some company.”

***

Natasha patted the ground next to her as she looked up at him then offered up a glass half filled with ice. “Help yourself. I think I’ve brought more than enough to share,” she smiled teasingly.

It was good to see Sam and it was a good thing it was him and not someone else. Her and Clint’s trip to Japan had been uneventful, but it had only further underscored how far they were from the Team Delta days of old. No familiar bow in his hands or the quiet, wry observations in her ear. She missed that Clint.

She turned her gaze back to the night sky. “What brings you by?”

***

“Haven’t talked to you since before everything,” Sam said, accepting the glass with a smirk. “Wanted to see how you’re doing. I mean, I know that’s probably a stupid question all things considered, but…”

He shrugged and then took a sip from the glass, wincing a little at how strong the drink was. “Damn, girl. I guess that actually answers that question.” Not that he blamed her one bit. She and Tony both got the raw end of the deal with the Thanos thing. He was just glad they both had a chance here for something else.

***

Natasha arched an eyebrow at him. “C’mon, it’s not that strong. I’m afraid of what you’d think of me if I actually made something that was strong.” She shrugged and took a sip of her own drink. There was a lot running through her mind nowadays but it wasn’t too different than it had been before. Just with a bittersweet tinge to things.

“I’m doing as well as I can be. Keeping busy is helping.” She paused. “What all do you know about the other timeline?”

***

Sam made a mental note not to let Natasha pour him drinks. “I know what happened to you,” he said. “I mean, the generals. Clint didn’t exactly get into details. At least not with those of us who were dusted at the time. Then again, it’s not like there was much time. I haven’t talked to him at all here.” He could make an educated guess about how that played out though, knowing her as well as he did. And he was definitely not planning to ask the Clint here about it.

“You know that it worked, right? Someone told you that, I hope. They got us back.” It might not be much, but he hoped it was at least a little bit of comfort for her knowing that her sacrifice wasn’t for nothing.

***

It was weird that they all had memories beyond Natasha’s and that revolved around her absence. It gave her a feeling she couldn’t put into words. It was like being a ghost at the funeral of her long lost twin and also knowing all the people in attendance. And even that still didn’t capture the whole sensation. It’d settle into her bones eventually.

She nodded. “Yes, someone did.” And she was glad for that. It meant something in the end. The blankness of not knowing what came after and how everyone else in that timeline was doing made her heart hurt. She was getting snippets from everyone as she talked with them but it was filtered in a way that they couldn’t help. She wanted her own firsthand knowledge and she was never going to get it.

“How are you after everything? How was being dusted?”

***

At least she knew that she made a difference.

Sam shrugged at her question. “I don’t really remember much of anything. I was there one minute, then gone, then back and that Strange dude was directing us through his portals so we could join the fight.”

There was so much chaos between radioing Cap, fighting Thanos’s army again, find out that Natasha hadn’t made it, losing Tony, and then getting the shield that Sam hadn’t had the chance to process things in the other universe. It was a little weird working through the emotions about things he hadn’t personally experienced.

“Steve passed the shield to me,” he said, curious about what her reaction would be to that.

***

Natasha pondered that for a moment. It was a better fate than knowing you’d been wiped from the active universe, but it must’ve been disconcerting. She still wasn’t sure how the universe was supposed to deal with everyone missing suddenly coming back or how the timeline distortions hadn’t made a million other alternate timeline branches. She’d probably have to sit down and talk it over with Tony to get that settled.

The implications of Sam’s sentence sunk in almost immediately and she whistled. “Wow. I never thought I’d see the day. I’m guessing he got his version of a happy ending then.” She bumped his shoulder with her own. “Congrats. He couldn’t have chosen a better successor.” She grinned at him. “Now the one we know is going to be even more determined to hook you up with someone.”

***

“Don’t encourage him,” Sam said with a groan. “You realize his first suggestion was you, right?” He suspected that she’d probably gotten the same conversation from Steve. The man was far from subtle.

He ducked his head at her compliment though. It was still surreal and he wasn’t entirely convinced that he was the best man for the job, but having the support of others, especially Bucky, helped boost his confidence level. “I don’t have to deal with it here though,” he said. Something he was grateful for. Now that he knew what he was facing at home, he could take advantage of being here and learn as much as possible from Steve.

***

Natasha groaned in response. “Of course he did. That man is going to end up strangled by one of us because he doesn’t know when to quit!” She shook her head and laughed. “He shouldn’t forget that he was the one that needed to get a life, not us. We know how to have lives.”

At least she had at one point. She hadn’t in that universe. She’d been more focused on keeping things together and making sure things kept ticking like they would’ve if Thanos hadn’t happened.

“No, you don’t. That’s a lot to live up to, though I think you’d have handled it just fine. You and Steve are cut from the same kind of cloth.”

***

Sam gave her a skeptical look. “Woman, you know damn well I have not had a life since you two showed up at my door looking for sanctuary,” he said. Not that he would change a moment of it. He’d be nice and not point out that he didn’t remember her having much of one either.

“He is definitely not getting anything out of me though,” he added. There wasn’t really much to get, other than his hanging out with Carol on occasion, which he was certainly not telling Steve about. He wasn’t about to admit he had a crush and he did not want his best friend trying to interfere.

***
Natasha laughed. “Hey, hey, like you weren’t itching to get back into some action after all that time away. We just gave you a convenient excuse with the added bonus of helping save the world along the way. You have to admit breaking into Fort Knox was an adrenaline junkie’s wet dream.”

She tilted her head and looked more closely at Sam. “Oh, is there something that he can get out of you? Now you’ve got me curious. What plans does Steve not need to know about?”

***

Well, shit. That had definitely been a tactical error. Sam knew that Natasha could be just as relentless as Steve. “No, there is nothing to know about,” he said. He didn’t think she’d believe him, even though it was mostly true, but maybe he could distract her.

“It was fun breaking into Fort Knox. Ending up in jail was not quite as fun though,” he said. Nor would he call their years on the run after being broken out of jail fun, though he was glad that he’d been with Nat and Steve. He couldn’t have chosen better people to be on the lam with.

***

Natasha grinned with a glint in her eye. Ooh, this was going to be fun. Steve was all happy and set, but Sam wasn’t and Natasha was going to make sure he received the same treatment she’d given Steve way back when. “Mmhm. We’ll see about that. I have a hunch there’s more than you’re telling me.”

“If we ever wanted a second line of work, becoming security contractors would probably net us a fortune,” she mused. If whoever hired her didn’t realize who she was exactly. She hadn’t strayed far from the superhero community and wasn’t sure what her reception would be in the private sector, honestly. It’s not like she was even considering walking away anytime soon, but contingency plans were always good to have.

***

“I will definitely keep that in mind,” Sam said, though he was clearly joking. Making money off of protecting rich people’s property was not the least bit appealing to him. He’d much rather help the regular people who couldn’t afford to pay exorbitant amounts of money. He wouldn’t blame Natasha if she decided to walk away though. After giving her life, she damn well deserved to have a happy life here, away from the chaos and danger of SHIELD.

He stood at that point. “I’m going to head back in. If you need anything, let me know.”

***

“Hey, Sam,” she said softly as she turned her head to look up at him. “Thanks for checking in on me.”

It was a nice feeling knowing that people cared enough to wonder how she was doing. The her in the other universe had lost her family and her life, but maybe in this one she still had the time to enjoy both.