Who: Sif and Jane Foster What: Midgardians and Asgardians want the same things but confuse the heck out of each other When: Mid-May, about the 15th Where: Frigga's garden in the NY Asgard warehouse Warnings: Green, no spoilers
One of the things Jane learned about sick was the way it shrank your world. Not in the way Hope experienced shrinking, entire galaxies on the head of a pin, but rather a steady claustrophobic contraction. Many days Jane’s whole world was her bed. It was an island she was marooned on, impossible to escape or to imagine life outside its four corners. On some of her better days, Jane’s world might expand to include all of Thor’s rooms. She could get up, maybe do some work at the lab table he’d had brought in for her. Place like her doctor’s office or the hospital might exist as safe pockets of exploration on her map but that was all. Jane was no longer free to wander or to drop by somewhere on a whim. Too many days she was too tired to care. But sometimes. Sometimes staring at the same four walls of Thor’s bedroom felt like going mad.
Jane fled up to the roof. If you could call it fleeing. Her pace was more of a slow trudge but her heart felt like fleeing. She needed some air and space to breathe. And the thing about terminal cancer was it gave you rather a lot of free time. Jane didn’t have much else to do. Thor was working on the New Asgard settlement so Jane fled upwards. The Asgardians she passed on the way mostly gave her a wide berth, though they did greet her with a polite “Lady Doctor.” One day Jane would have to ask Thor if it was worth correcting the amalgam of titles.
The seemed quiet at least. Frigga’s rose garden was blooming. Jane had fresh air and a new view. Now she just had to sit and rest for a minute while she - “Sif?” Was that rude for Asgardian? Jane was meant to do better than that. She tried to catch her breath. “Lady Sif. Hi. Hello.”
"Lady Jane. Or is it properly Doctor Foster?" Sif was standing in the doorway, where she hd come to observe the roses. "Greetings, and do not trouble yourself. Is there aught I can do for you? I thought to visit today and lift your spirits if I could."
“Properly,” Jane agreed. “Thor tried to introduce me that way but it’s not an Asgard thing. Loki suggested at least Lady is polite. That kind of morphed to Lady Doctor here.” Jane smiled sheepishly. “But Jane is fine. You’re Thor’s friend.”
She paused. “Can we sit for a minute? I still have to to rest for a bit if I do any walking.”
Sif smiled, an expression Jane hadn't seen on her face very often. "Do not trouble yourself, La--Jane. I have heard of your illness, and I can wait until you are ready to move on. You can lean on me if you need to."
“Yeah, it’s big news. But if you can walk with me to that bench, that’d be great. Thor’s working and I needed some air.” Jane fell quiet as they walked the short distance until they could sit among the rose bushes. This was probably the longest she’d ever had with Sif. “Um, seen anything good in the universe?”
Sif huffed out something that might actually be a laugh. "Of late, other than coming here, not so much. I was sent into the far reaches of the Nine Realms on a quest to find certain enemies of the Allfather. It was a long and arduous quest, and I knew there was something amiss in Asgard. Which--now I understand, and it matters not.
"I have never had a settled place in Asgard; as a woman and a warrior I have always trod on unsteady ground. I expect it to be no different here, though I gather that none of the survivors of Asgard feel the dirt of Midgard firm under their feet. Even if they are loath to admit such. But you did not ask me of such heavy matters, Lady. I am not a witch to offer wonders, nor a bard to offer tales. There must be some way I can amuse you, or help you to pass the time."
“It’s tough to be a woman all over,” Jane said honestly. “But everything’s harder when you don’t have a home. As for me,” she continued, “company helps. I’m tired of talking of how well I’m doing or not doing. I’ll be happy when I get back to my work regularly again.”
"Tell me of your work, then. In the science of spacetime, as I recall." It had not been her forte but Sif was more than willing to listen. "There will be facilities in New Asgard for you, I know. Thor will arrange it."
“He’s promised me a lab, with my own telescope.” Jane smiled fondly. She didn’t expect a telescope anytime soon but it was the thought that mattered. Not the actual need for an elaborate present but that Thor wanted to make sure she she could feel at home. “I study bridges. Ways to travel through space without the Bifrost.”
Sif nodded. "Loki mentioned that in due time we Asgardians might search for a new planet, and make practical use of your work," she said. "But I do not think that will be soon." It occurred to her that she ought to ask Jane, who had had a chance to observe Loki, whether he was trustworthy. But whatever Jane had to say had almost certainly already been said to Thor. Sif would not interfere, and in any case what was left unsaid now could always be asked later.
"Will your intern Darcy be working with you? And what of Erik Solvieg? Or have you other colleagues who will collaborate with you?"
“What? They’re leaving?” In Asgardian time, that could be in a hundred years or more. But a worry Jane thought she had forgotten came back. He’s going to leave again.
"Eventually," Sif said, "for we should find a place of our own. But we will be here long, as the years are counted on Midgard." Jane's expression troubled her. "I know we mean to dwell in Tonsberg, in your Norway, and both Thor and Loki speak as if that is meant to be our home for years upon years. And even if I go to scout, Thor needs must remain here to lead our people until a place is found. But we have no ship in which to travel, nor any idea of where to search. So fear not, Lady, I speak of times yet to come."
Jane took that in with a nod. “I think in human years. Still working on Asgard time. But ideally I’d be able to build you a device that would let you travel without a ship. Just a slight problem of quantum relativity to solve and then you’re there.”
Sif nodded gravely. "I must admit, I prefer travelling by the Bifrost to a ship when I know where I'm going. When I do not--sometimes the ship can be useful." There was a twinkle in her eye that suggested this just might be a very dry joke about her recent travels.
Jane looked at Sif. “Did something happen?” Sif could be hard to read and Jane had only met her a couple times. Reading her was hard, even through the Asgardian stoicism.
"When I was called to this place, or sent here, I was travelling in the far reaches of space on a quest from the Allfather. Who, as it turns out, was Loki in disguise. He had ordered me to find certain Asgardian fugitives who had escaped the realm during the recent troubles. Travel was difficult and the accommodations were rough. And the weather conditions were unpleasant, even for me," Sif told her succinctly.
“Ugh, of course he did.” Jane’s response was reflexive but she did at least wince a little after she said it. “Probably because you’d see right through him. He has gotten better though. He worked things out with Thor. Hasn’t tried to kill him a couple years now. He’s been working hard for your people and honestly, I don’t think Thor would have managed to handle everything that’s been happening with me without his help.”
"Then it's good that I told him that I wasn't going to serve him as I promised him the last time I was worried about what he was going to do to Thor." Sif tried not to let her relief show in her voice or on her face, instead changing the subject a little. "I understand Thor found a Valkyrie in his travels and that Loki and the Valkyrie are now betrothed."
“They are,” Jane said slowly. “They… seem happy. He was previously dating my friend Darcy and it was not a good situation for anybody. I don’t know, I think maybe after all this time being the villain he just doesn’t want to be alone.”
"He is a trickster, so he cannot be entirely trusted. But he is also a creature of chaos, so that he has changed again should not be a surprise." Sif was feeling relatively hopeful, so she added, "Perhaps it will be long until he changes again, and perhaps the influence of his bride will steady him for a time." Because she was trying to be hopeful, she smiled again.
“Asgardian time,” Jane said again with a shrug and a smile. Maybe it was all the time in space but Sif’s perspective was Asgardian in a way Jane that left Jane feeling a bit on her back foot.
"Asgardian time," Sif agreed. "Things happen so quickly on Midgard," she confessed, "I find it hard to remember how quickly things can change. We were perfectly stable for the last millennium, and then suddenly--" she shrugged.
“You’ve been through a lot. More than anyone should have to and more than most people realize,” Jane agreed. “But I don’t think either of us want to talk about bad news. Too bad I can’t give you something you fight and fix.”
Sif sighed, because Jane was right. "I suspect I will end up as Asgard's representative on the Avengers. Thor doesn't have the time--not if he's to tend to his duties to Asgard--and I know that the Valkyrie is associated with SHIELD. That should give me something to punch if I run out of other things." That Loki wouldn't a good fit for either of the Midgardian battle groups went without saying. And there was no point in talking about Thor's worries about Jane. Even when she was well, she would draw enough of Thor's attention that he would probably need someone to stand in the Avengers for him.
"You will be joining us full-time in Tonsberg, I gather?"
Jane’s eyebrows knit and the corners of her mouth turned down. “I don’t see why Thor couldn’t be an Avenger. He’s always considered the Earth under his protection but uh. Yes. I’ll be coming to Norway but not until I’m cleared by my doctors.”
"That is good news; may it be soon." If she'd had a mug in hand, Sif would have broken it to seal that wish. "And I do not discount Thor's ability to do what is needed should Midgard be in peril. But he will have to tend to royal duties, administration, decisionmaking. And there will also be such for the Avengers. Do not wish him to do all of that, please. He has to sleep sometime." That the parts of being king that he most needed to perform were those he had been least good at in his younger days, before everything had changed, was a point that Sif didn't feel appropriate to make to Jane. But he had become a better man, and a better king, and he was going to prove himself by doing his duty until and unless Midgard fell under attack again.
“I think you’re underestimating him. Besides, the Avengers are his friends and do you really think he’ll be happy if he doesn’t have a chance to swing his axe once in a while?” Jane was aware that she was suggesting she knew what was better when she was both knew to Asgardian culture and Sif had know Thor about a thousand years longer than she had. But Thor had lightning in his veins and Jane couldn’t see how he’d be happy walking away from the call of the storm for a life of administrative paperwork.
"If he wishes it, I will go elsewhere, wherever duty sends me," Sif answered with absolute serenity. "I have worked with the SHIELD before, and I would be glad to again. But I am not--it would be best for us all if I were not to be one of those Asgard looked to most closely for royal decisions. Leave that to Thor and Loki and Loki's bride. I will do whatever is asked of me, of course, but I am not royal and for all that I served in court--" Sif knew no way to finish that sentence that wouldn't either upset Jane or, more likely Thor, who would understand what she meant "--in New Asgard the customs and times will be different in some ways." Perhaps they could work things out so that she would be like a sister to Thor and then it wouldn't make so much difference. "Let us say that I have no intention of stepping on the hem of anyone's robes by settling into a place that might belong to another.
"Also," she added drily, "I do not wish Thor to, what is the Midgardian phrase? 'burn up'?"
“Burn out,” Jane corrected. “I think it’s up to him to decide. If things are going to be different, maybe that does mean things look different than the way they did on Asgard. But,” Jane shrugged and ducked her head a little,” giving a Sif a view of the pattern on her headscarf, “I’m not royal or Asgardian. I just want Thor to be happy. We’ll see what happens.”
Sif was normally not even slightly delicate but she knew better than to be blunt in the way she had been with Thor with Jane. Instead, she said, "I would like him to be happy, too, and the burdens of kingship to sit lightly on him. He has said I can go where I will, but I think it might be wise if you were in Tonsberg, with Thor, and I were seen to be based in New York. So the people of Asgard can see that you stand high in Thor's favor, and when I come to sit with you at the high table there is no ill-feeling between us. Do you understand?"
“Is there? Ill will? I mean, I thought we were doing okay. Jane looked confused and tried not to appear concerned that she was sitting with someone who could crush her. “He hasn’t exactly been shy about the whole favor thing.”
"No," Sif shook her head. "All is well between us. You and me, and him and me, and based on everything either of you has said to me since I arrived, you and him as well. But I do not want people to think I wait in the wings for him to tire of you, for you to age and wither, or any such thing. I would be my own person, for myself. And also to have you and Thor happy. Also I do not wish--Thor is a fertility god, Jane, and though he and I are not lying together--if you are here and bear an heir to Thor, I want to show my support for that, for you as his lady. It is your robe that I will not stand on the hem of."
“You’d better not be!” The reaction was immediate and so incredibly human that it couldn’t be stopped. “And did you just imply that people are going to see you as the solution for royal Asgard babies because my boyfriend is cosmically horny?” Not that, with the cancer, Jane and Thor were...
Jane reached up and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Oh my god, what even is my life?”
"You love a god and a king," Sif said, as if that were the explanation for everything. "Of course it is complicated.
"I was raised with all the expectations of court and I know the old traditions. Frigga groomed me so that I would be ready when the time came, if it ever did, for Thor to marry and become king. Now the time is here and he does not want me, which is well enough because I don't want to marry him either. All my life I have had to live with what other people wanted for me: what my family wanted, what the court wanted, what Odin wanted, even what Thor wanted. Thor was the only person who ever asked me what I wanted for myself instead of just assuming I would do as I was bidden, or as someone else expected without them even telling me. Of course I love him.
"But now I have a chance to find out who I am without all that. Thor has done as much, and Loki is doing as much. And I will not be robbed of my chance to live for myself because the people of Asgard are frightened and I am an easy solution to their fears. They would have stolen my chance to be a warrior. I did not let them then and I will not let them now." Sif was, she realized, a little angry. Quite a bit angry, but not at Jane. At Odin, at Frigga, at everyone who had put her in the awkward position she was now in. "I am loyal to Thor and I will watch his back against the blades unlooked for. But I will not be used. And I will not be pressed on a god whose interest lies elsewhere."
“Everyone should get the chance to decide for themselves who they are and how they’re going to live. And call me biased but I’m also in favor of you finding a life plan that doesn’t include marrying Thor.” The confession of love was hard enough. Jane didn’t want to be petty or jealous or any of the other ways the world described women. She’d have felt better about it if she wasn’t in a headscarf with sunken in eyes and hollows under her cheekbone next to a warrior raised to be Thor’s wife. Or if Jane didn’t know two women who had marriages fall apart while they were undergoing treatment. Jane didn’t believe that Thor had gone searching for comfort. Still, Jane was only human and she and Thor had been rather...separate...lately.
Confusion was writ large in Sif's eyes. "Then why do you fight me when I try to arrange it so?"
“What?” Jane said, mirroring Sif's expression with one of her own. “Did not.”
"But if I go to New York from Tonsberg, or stay here while you and he go, and serve as Asgard's face in the Avengers and relieve him of the daily duties one of us must undertake there, he will have more time to spend with you," Sif explained. "And anyone who wants to push him to marry--you if you are not ready, or anyone else--will find no support in my conduct toward Thor, nor his toward me. And yet you oppose the idea. I do not understand."
Jane spent her daily life surrounded by Asgardians and even she sometimes forgot how frustrating they could be. “Why is getting yourself as far away from Thor and I the only solution? If he wants to fight on the Avengers he can regardless of where you are. Anyone who doesn't like it can take a long walk off the edge of the rainbow bridge.”
Sif shook her head. "Jane, I do not say he does not wish to spend time with his Midgardian friends, and I am sure he will be called upon, but it is work, also, and work I am well suited for. I do not think he wants the extra duty because he wants to spend the time with you, and worries when he is apart from you. He cannot do all the things people want from him or for him," Sif reminded Jane, adding, more softly, "And if you fear that his face turns from you, I tell you it does not."
So her insecurity was that transparent. Awesome. “It’s up to him.” Any other discussion was just an argument. It wasn’t either of their places to decide. “I’m sure it’ll all work out.” Jane sighed and offered a smile as a white flag. This conversation was exhausting.
"Of course it will," Sif agreed, more brightly. "Thor will do as he wishes, and his royal duties permit. And those of us who can relieve him of some of his burdens will come to his aid," which was what Sif thought she had been saying all along. Midgardians made no sense sometimes. Or had a very different concept of how the world worked. Maybe they had fewer duties, not being gods or kings.
Sif had no idea how the Avengers worked, thought Jane. Thor had gone back and forth between the team and her place in London without issue for months. Asgardians were confusing. “Speaking of, thank you for your company Lady Sif. It was...interesting. Do you think you could help me back to my room?”
"Of course," Sif said, and fell into place as if she were Jane's bodyguard as much as an arm for support.